Please Get Better So I Can Vote for You in 4 Years!

I have trouble with faith--though I did have Hope as my lab partner in 7th grade science. I never went to church except with my grandparents. Maybe I dabbled in Christianity (briefly), Buddhism, morethandabbledin Wicca, and, yes, read the Scientology textbook. I would love to pray, but to whom? When I consulted my mentor (aka the fabulous woman who married me and TG) about this recently, she said I should consider praying to the "Great Mystery." I like this, though I've changed this to General Motors General Manager. So, GM, please, please heal Hillary Clinton of her deep vein thrombosis so that she can be President in 4 years!!! That's my New Year's Wish.

I just scandalized Dishmama in calling John Bolton a f*ckhole for what he said about Clinton faking her illness. He must have been on his period to say such a stupid thing.

Today's News: So I Guess KK and Kanye Might Have Done It.

Dish might be too cynical. I thought the Kardashian machine concocted this relationship with Kanye not that I think he's you know not attracted to her in that way in an effort to boost their respective profiles. But it seems that his atonal seed found the environs of her child-bearing hips which could have been done through IVF and now she is carrying one of the most sought-after bebes ever. It's insane. Just when I think I can't be shocked. But still, Dish doesn't feel this will last more than a couple years. Underneath her sisterly love and well wishes, Khloe must be pisssssssed. The Kardashians keep finding more reasons to stay relevantish. Cannot wait to see this televised.

Happy New Year to you all!

NYE and Shahs of Sunset

I'm trying to go as low as I can before the year ends. Not only was I desperate enough to record The Real Housewives of Miami Reunion show (they are so vile) but I also found a special documentary on Hitler. Then...as if needed more juiciness, I'm now officially hooked on Shahs of Sunset. Just seeing Reza, the Big Gay Al of Persia, sniffing a boy's armpits in a club, well, it made me weep with revulsion understanding. Poor TG is hiding in the kitchen with the See's chocolate. But I get a credit because we watched The Watch (his choice), which is one of the worst movies I've seen ever, like if Gigli and Magic Mike had sex, this would be the product--TG giggled all the way through.

New Year's Eve is posing a problem for me. It's my favorite holiday but I don't want to go out. I have to work. Am I lame because I just want to watch Anderson and Kathy? TG is more social so we will probably go to the nearest bar. No subway or bus or taxi for me with all the crazies out on the street.

Star Sighting--Rebel Wilson!!!

At today's matinee of Glengarry Glen Ross, Dishspy Emma Brown--an accomplished circus acrobat, college student, and celebrity-in-training--went to today's performance and snagged this photo of herself with Goddess Rebel of Bridesmaids and Pitch Perfect. I need to stand and do the slow-clap for 3 reasons: 1. That Emma would enjoy a David Mamet play because he tests my adult-ADD. 2. I love Emma's red-orange sweater. 3. That she would be so bold as to get this awesome picture. It's like these two are born to be besties. Thanks, Emma!

Now this is a cool celebrity. No wonder all my colleagues are raving about her.

I'm Seeing Fleetwood Mac in April at MSG!!!

Jealous? If they play this song, I will swoooooooon. Along with their other regulars.


Cannot wait!

A Television Dilemma for the New Year

I already know the answer, but, Dishreaders, I have a problem I'll put out to you, The Universe. Should I watch The Bachelor again premiering on January 7th? I shouldn't but I will for these reasons:

1. Bachelor Sean Lowe looks as if he could be my cousin (on the paternal side), which has an ew factor. BUT I HAVE TO ROOT FOR FAMILY.
2. If I remember correctly, Sean's into Jesus, so I imagine some of the girls will be faking religion, which is a MUST-SEE. Will there be any covert boinking?
3. The cast is more diverse, which makes it politically correct even though the show is basically prostitution, misogynistic and a forum for public humiliation, i.e. read Foucault's Discipline and Punish.
4. I'm going to count how many times someone a. bursts into tears. b. says, "I'm in love with this man." c. says, "This is amazing." and d. says, "It couldn't have gone better."
YES! I WILL WATCH!

Some sad news for two of my faves: Britney Spears might be fired from X Factor for allegedly being too boring. Don't you wonder what happened to her? She seems okay now after a rough time in her 20s but Dish still feels she had psychotic break from post-partum, this based on no knowledge of her life or medical background. Katie Holmes's run in Dead Accounts is ending early, at the beginning of January. Despite this, I have so much hope for her future.

The most manly stars--and Rudy Giuliani--always wind up in drag.

Celebrity Crush

TG keeps saying I have celebrity crushes. It's true. Jane Lynch, Daniel Craig, Duran Duran, Julia--to name just a few. My big one these days is Sean Penn who is fabulous in Fair Game with Naomi Watts (another crush). But truth be told, I only love Sean because he is so TG-esque in his looks and manner, especially in this movie (and Fast Times at Ridgemont High).

And now I'm going to watch Fair Game again and pretend that I'm a covert op CIA agent like Naomi. We are so similar.

My Holidays Are All About TV and Cat Puzzles

It's been implied that I'm a monster during the holidays. Hmmm. Well, then. I'll delve more deeply into my escapist entertainment. Here goes:

Episodes: I'm obsessed. Who knew Matt LeBlanc could be so funny? Love the two Brits. You must watch, if only to see how a Hollywood show gets made.

Lincoln: Okay, Daniel Day, you win. You are awesome. You only overact in one scene. I love you again. But I love Tommy Lee Jones even more!!! Dish doesn't think this'll win because it's too literate, i.e. thinky. Steven did not go for the waterworks so much until the end (cue same sh*tty music), which makes me like him again. I predict Lez Miz will win Best Picture because it's sentimental and easy to follow. Sally Field threw a marvelous hissy, so Nora Walker I squealed.

Jack Reacher: Sucks hard. Really hard. I usually enjoy Tom but he is completely miscast as the hulking law enforcer. The freaky villain made me laugh with his wonky eye and creepy villain voice. Luckily, Robert Duvall came in with a blower to get rid of some of the stink. My butt would've written a better script, too. Skip!

Beloved Old Men Leave Us

Forgive me but it's a known fact that when three old men die in such rapid succession, the world is about to end.

It's hard to imagine that Jack Klugman is no longer on the physical plane (i.e. he kicked it). I loved him in The Odd Couple, thinking I was so much like Oscar, when in fact, I am so Felix. Rest in peace, dear Quincy MD!

Charles Durning also died, which seems unconscionable. Remember him from Tootsie? In addition to an illustrious career, he almost got to make out with Dustin Hoffmann.

Just read too that General Norman Schwartzkopf, the big military icon of my early 20s, passed away.

All a big blah.