Under the Weather

Dish can't get out of bed today. Sick. Stars will return tomorrow.

Poking the Bear

Someone famous has rage issues...and journalists are way smarter than he is because he falls for the taunts every time. When you vent like this in public, you make yourself look like a crazy ass. Journalists don't tend to shy away from inciting outbursts like this. They keep taunting since idiots like me LOVE to read this garbage (I read other, more learned stuff too). Now, will Alec Baldwin lose jobs over this anti-gay rant the way Paula Deen is?

By the way, Deen's book, which is due out in October, has been canceled by its publisher. Serious business.

Prediction: Chris Christie is losing the weight, no doubt to run for President for health reasons. But if he comes out against gay marriage, he will lose. I hope he keeps talking!

Cher says that Tom Cruise is in the top five of her lovers. Not sure what to believe.

Julia Is In New York!!!

I sort of knew our Julia was Dish-proximate but today there was photographic evidence of her in the Post (love the shorts, love the flats, love the shades, love to) on her way to see The Lion King. From the ratty flannel in her purse, I'll guess her children were nearby. Otherwise, she would have joined me for my 12th viewing of Jersey Boys, aka the best show on earth.

In my pre-sleep haze, I noticed Kat Von D ended her engagement to Deadmau5 and alleged that he cheated on her. The tweets were vicious! While I will never get a tattoo, I am rooting for Kat Von D. She chooses crappy guys, but who hasn't? She makes a fine lipstick.

Shadiness: James Woods (66) parades his new 20-year-old girlfriend. The Deen endorsements continue to disappear. I wore a wifebeater in public and renewed my library card.

TG is watching a nature show on bears. He's into bears, especially the Snuggle and Charmin bears. We might get one as a pet. 

Today's Celebrity: The Supreme Court

I'm throwing a pound of glitter to celebrate those fab five who killed the Defense of Marriage Act. Let's hope that floods of people will benefit and heal. Let the federally-approved marriages begin and please invite me to them.

It's hard to believe the Weiner rises again. In a new poll, Anthony W. is leading the pack of dems running for mayor of NYC. I told ya--we always forgive male sexual misconduct in this country (Hugh Grant, Mike Tyson, Bill Clinton, that South Carolina congressman whose name I can't remember, etc...). I'm so disgusted I may not vote. Convince me otherwise.

Putin and Obama may need to get out the rulers as they trade grrrrrs over Russia's keeping Snowden. Someone pointed out to me that we would have no problem housing a Russian Snowden and saying screw you to Putin. How will this end? Let's just have vodka and a Big Mac!

Did you see Paula Deen on the Today show? Matt is known for his probing questions and I don't think Deen should have done the interview. I'm sure it was genuine, but when you're fragile, don't be on TV. There is so much drama on television already and we've seen it all. Any real fragility comes off as fake or odd. It was difficult to watch. Not sure it will stop the bleeding either--though news reports that her businesses are booming.

But yay, DOMA dies!

Let's Speculate on a Big Nothing...

The tabloids go through withdrawal symptoms if they can't fathom why Jennifer Aniston isn't married yet. First, she and Justin put their wedding on hold because they didn't want to brush against the Jolie-Pitt nuptials (I don't think that's happening either). Second, Jen couldn't tie the knot because she's incubating special fertility pins in her seat chakra. Now, she's not binding herself for eternity because her finance hates LA (he is so Woody Allen). That must be true because they certainly aren't RICH enough to be bi-coastal. Celebrity engagements and weddings are boooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggggg. I say they should have fun and Hawn/Russell it. Are those two geezers still together? They are hot.

The Paula Deen racism fallout is falling out even more. She's allegedly appearing on Today tomorrow--and because we celebrate depravity, we must DVR (I'm watching live. I need help).

It seems John Mayer and Katy Perry are back together again. That happened to me before. There's really no one else in the entire world, so you go back to the last person who would have you back. Again, Katy, I saw John in the Swiss Army store and I could totally kick his ass. That was 15 years ago.

Put North West on a Diet!

Kim Kardashian's daughter's weight has been revealed! I haven't checked what it is, but I'm assuming the baby needs to slim down instantly. Get her into Soul Cycle and on some low-fat power shakes. Just kidding. I'm probably one of the few who likes that KK is not a stick.

Paul Giamatti is joining Downton Abbey cast. Of course! Love interest for Edith? That woman needs a good night in the sack (sorry, Dishmama. She really does).

TG Is So Addicted to Six Feet Under

I am officially Mrs. Fisher. The similarities are eerie (up to her love of Snickers). TG is hooked on Six Feet Under and we giggle every time Frances Conroy delivers a Dish-ism.

Discovery has this new show Naked and Afraid--two contestants dropped off naked to live in the wild for 21 days. I sort of want to watch but can't add another show to my schedule. I'm already behind on The Killing and Maxwell & King.

QVC may be giving Paula Deen the ax.

Fallen Heroes Making Way for Others

After using racist language, Paula Deen was dropped by the Food network. I don't know much about her but sort of empathized with her having battled depression, plus she makes the kind of food that I love--i.e. fattening and comforting. How sad when the ones we admire are flawed. I am perfect, of course.

Speaking of flawed, my doctor recommended I do the dreaded yoga to lengthen my spine. I'm now UNDER 5'5, which is embarrassing. I chose a regime by Maya Fiennes, who makes yoga look sexy. Plus, hmmm. Fiennes. Sounds familiar. I vaguely remember Ralph Fiennes accused of doing naked yoga to seduce a flight attendant (everyone has his own seduction toolbox). Yoga, Ralph, Maya = Family. I went to Google and found my answers--she is married to one of the Fiennes brothers so I'm in good hands, cinematically. We won't talk about my lack of grace or that the breath of fire is much like one of my panic attacks.

I've created a monster. I introduced TG to Six Feet Under and now it's a marathon. Four episodes in a row. But TG has been extra nice to me this week.

Dish Has Remembered John Taylor's Birthday 30 Times!

January 1983: New semester at my boarding school. I was still wearing velour, but had started using my allowance to puff away on Merit Ultra Lights. My BFF brought me presents from Germany and news of a phenomenon sweeping Europe and soon the U.S. She showed me a picture of the band, and I pointed: Who's THAT fox? "That's John." Dish was hooked. Spent many years filling journals full of John Taylor (though stopping upon news of his first marriage--okay, maybe sooner than that). Even though I've moved on from my celebrity crushes except for Jane Lynch, the entire cast of Arrested Development I still remember JT's birthday and wonder if he identifies himself as a Gemini or a Cancer. He seems like a Cancer to me Geminis are insane.

Aside from this, Dish had a fruitful day, a long discussion about the Kardashians with Dishmama, who always makes me feel intelligent even while I'm talking about stupid things. That's what a good mother does. Of course, I'm following the mourning over James Gandolfini. Never got too into The Sopranos but appreciate actors who stand out.

Kim and Kanye have named their baby North West. I'm not kidding.

Rest in Peace, Tony Soprano

I confess, my first thought upon hearing the news was: Julia Roberts must be devastated. She and James Gandolfini starred in The Mexican together and had more chemistry than she had with Brad Pitt. During the promotion of the movie, Julia and James seemed very cozy, though it could have been residual pheromones from bonding with her now husband Danny Moder. Long story long, it's shocking to me that Gandolfini is now gone. 

Today has been a strange day altogether. I reviewed my Real Housewives of Orange County and can see that Gretchen and Tamra are becoming distant again. This explains why Gretchen wasn't a bridesmaid at Tamra's recent wedding. Can't we all get along? So for real female friendship, I turn again to Army Wives where in Season 7, they bring in a flock of new wives, all of whom I like more than the old ones (except Kim Delaney, my treasure, even if she guzzles several liters of V, is belligerent and slurs--I love her). I'm just waiting for Brooke Shields to appear. The clouds will part and excellence will reign over mediocrity.

Now in the evening, my mood has taken a different turn. I've gone through several pictures of stars with cellulite, not for the schadenfreude but to feel as if I'm not alone. (though it's easy to give a star cottage cheese legs if she's running)


Now here's Cher singing live on The Voice last night.

Poor Bachelorette, Poor Unemployed Selma, Poor Nigella!

Really, the batch of suitors for Dez is seriously sad. I mean, not a drop of testosterone except for the army guy. They're all so emotional with "I've got a kid" or "I have diabetes" or "I've been abandoned and it hurts." Yeah? Me too, I've got mild IBS problems! They don't ask much about what she's thinking or feeling. It's incredibly blah and I don't want her with any of these guys. Maybe one will show his true colors.

That Charlie Sheen is a career killer! Romantic comedy vixen Selma Blair allegedly complained about Sheen's work ethic and CS had her fired. Wowzers. I think this is how fascism starts. Selma will go to a better place because Anger Management sucks. Sheen was fun to watch twenty-five years ago...Selma is fun NOW.

More misogyny--luscious Nigella Lawson was the unfortunate victim of her husband's alleged playful choking her and making her cry. Now I know what I want for my birthday! (leave him, N'ella)

Where Did the Time Go?

I am under the influence of a lovely evening with family and now Ambien, so please forgive my ramblings. Did not watch Bachelorette or The Killing, but did catch Army Wives, Season Seven, Episode 1, 2, 3, which blow without Kim Delaney. You can almost feel the secret laughing over mourning Kim's character's death, like Catherine Bell would really like to say, "I'm so glad that drunk b*tch is gone so I can be queen!" That was unkind, Dish.

And now to do The NYT Crossword puzzle under the influence.

The Stars Are Quiet

Now that the Kardashian baby is born, we can all go home and resume our lives. After a busy day yesterday, Dish drank 1/2 a beer and then had a hangover all day today. Isn't that sad? Seriously, I was downing aspirin, squinting at all light above dim, and telling TG to stop screaming. What does Sam Adams put in its magical brew? Oh, alcohol.

Happy Father's Day--not my favorite day but a special hats off to my rockin' uncles and amazing dad cousins. My father this year is George Jetson.

Now for dirt, RHoOC spitfire Tamra married Eddie (I thought he was gay). Vicki and Heather were bridesmaids, but what about Gretchen? I thought they were besties. The truth will reveal itself this season. Gretch and Tamra didn't click so much in Mexico.

Kim Khad a Kbaby Kgirl!

Kim allegedly delivered 5 weeks early, but Dish is wise to the stars' pregnancy tactics. I think she had her baby only a week early because the stars always say a month later so as to avoid the paps storming the hospital on the real due date. Kudos to the Kappy Kouple! Wouldn't it be cool if they named her Lucy? Using Dish's formula, Duchess Kate will deliver any second now.

Now, I have an overdue sighting from May 29th from Dishbrothersidekick. He writes:

"Dean Winters, who played Ryan O'Reily in OZ. I saw him today, walking his bike through the crowd at the Union Sq Farmer's Market, around 5:30pm. He looks a bit more rugged since his days in OZ and has a few lines around the eyes, but still looks very handsome and flashed a beautiful sexy smile." He's the guy we now know from the Geico commercials (which TG enjoys over and over).

Who's seen the new Superman? I'm hearing that it blows.

Rumor that Amanda Bynes is faking her craziness. I knew it!!! So now, let's stop giving her attention.