Star Unsighting...and YOUR boyfriend

17th and 7th Avenue, 6:13: Dish did not see Lorenzo Lamas eating waffles and scratching a large scab on his inner thigh (he was wearing shorts).

But here's a trivia question: What do Jane Wyman and Olivia Newton John have in common?

More Female Excretions

Just when I thought I was safe: I viewed Dating Games People Play. Instead of crap, I got hurl, which is what one of the female characters did on her date during the act of love. Such a way to impress and Dish loves those gratuitous gross scenes. Leslie Mann loses it on Steve Carrell in The Forty-Year-Old Virgin, Hillary Swank tosses tequila cookies on Harry Connick, Jr. in P.S. I love you, and my favorite: Aitana Sánchez-Gijón blows dainty pregnancy chunks on Keanu Reeves...and they fall in love in A Walk in the Clouds.

Key Takeaway: I will find some way to ooze pus or project liquids--or maybe I'll just pee--on my next date. It's another way to give of myself and will incite his protective instincts.

Deepak Invades My Chakhras or Cameron Needs to Change Her Freaking Hairstyle

Just when Dish could close off from the world, especially as CNN and MSNBC sling mud at Hillary (maybe giving a historic speech on gender would have helped her!) and invest in another copy of He's Just Not That Into You, I am choosing The Path of Love by Deepak Chopra who is the Deepakest of Chakhras when it comes to insight. I don't love everything he writes, but I am so ready to present my warm, quivering vulnerable soul to cosmic slaughter.

Before I turn my powers to good, I'll get one last bitch on. Could Cameron Diaz change her freaking hairstyle? Truly, I love her (though a reliable source says she figuratively kicks puppies) and support her repertoire of actronization. But I want new hair. Something short and sassy, except no brunnette!

Okay, one more rant: I can't help but notice that two women have pooped their pants in movies this past year. Charlotte in Sex and the City and Jennifer Jason Leigh in Margot at the Wedding. Both deal with weddings. Is this a sign? Yes: Love is Laxative. Well, Deepak, I got my one-ply Scott tissue and reading glasses ready!

Pics from Duran Duran Concert 5/31

Thanks to Nici for supplying these pics! I was busy freaking out and my camera would've shook even more than hers. First is of Dish having a quiet soul-bonding session with the band pre-rain. Second is that amazing Warm Leatherette sesh. Third is evidence of Nici's sudden lust for John (she was always more into Nick). There are more pics, but I have to affix myself to CNN for the evening.

Brilliant!

Tatum O'Neal is the smartest person ever!

Celebrity craziness = revival of career!

Girlfriend is on the cover of The Post two days in a row and I see that smirk on her face. It worked! I'm sorry but if I were really buying crack, I would send my personal assistant to get it for me. As Whitney says, crack is for poor people and my PA would be sucking down Ramen noodles to get by. And buying my crack!

In the next life when I'm famous, I'll do the following to build the buzz:

Suffer endless waxing and flash my chocho everywhere

Make a sex tape with Collin Farrell and leak it right before my movie/book is out. Or maybe I'll *be* Collin Farrell next time around. Even better!

Enter rehab (that's a no-brainer, though it's kind of cliche now)

Generally hang out with young people

Drive drunk, especially with kids in the car

Do something cute yet disgusting (poop my pants like Charlotte, barf Cheetos and red wine at black tie event) so that stars can lovingly refer to it in Oscar Night show banter

Sleep with a high-profile politician--well, that might be too oily even for Dish.

SATC was...

...pretty fun and the movie's longness didn't bother me. I could watch that damn show for hours. Oh wait, that's what I did. Enjoyed most of the fashions except for that awful bird and the huge flower on Carrie's chest. Samantha didn't do enough crazy stuff, though the sushi is a nice idea for when I encounter romance again. Samantha is always my fave, along with Big. Some of the major turning points didn't make any sense and I wanted more Jennifer Hudson. I want more period! Love having a babe-centric movie can pull in gazillions of dollars. Let's get more women to take over the movie industry!

In other news, a friend of Dish met Alec Baldwin and he looked at her boobs. I'm so jealous. And another friend saw Clive Owen in a wine store mid-May. Friend said Clive didn't look as good in person, but I know straight guys never appreciate another straight guy's hotness. Well, except Ex-BF-11 once admitted to wanting to spend jail-time with Johnny Depp. No wonder it didn't work...

Ps:

Programming note: After Saturday night's concert, it's official that Dish is far more at ease observing stars from the comfort of her computer or as a quick hit on the streets. So please, all stars, don't make eye contact or engage me in conversation--I may just hurl. That goes double for Duran Duran, Julia Roberts, Gale Harold, Liev Schreiber, Kathy Griffin, Jennifer Connelly, Meryl Streep, Russell Crowe, the cast of "The Office" and "Work Out," well, actually celebrities age 35 on up. The younger ones can mostly eat my shorts.

(And many thanks to the acupuncturists at The Swedish Institute for helping with this overall retardedness)

Duran Duran Triumphs Over Stormy Weather

First: a testament to fortitude during adversity--keyboardist Nick Rhodes found out his father died three hours before the previous night's performance and he STILL did the shows! I send out healing comfort vibes to him and his family.

I was so dreading the General Seating thing, but there was no line and the audience area was pretty empty. Somehow, my spidey sense took us to a certain part of the Rumsfield Park half an hour before the concert started. Within minutes, squealing erupted and there was the super-blond Simon Le Bon, about 40 feet from me. He smiled and waved to us--I waved back thinking he would see me. Then the ever-stooping John. Later, Roger and Nick went into the trailer that was RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Honestly, I almost barfed I was so thrilled. We were sickeningly close to the stage, closer than I'd been in 20 years. It was almost too good to be true. Because it was sticky out, my left ear got blown out from the speaker and I'm horribly claustrophobic at celebrity centric events (am a wreck during star-studded plays), I went for some fresh air and passed Yasmin Le Bon, whose beauty twenty years after her modeling peak is still heart-stopping. Also, the girl was grooving like a groupie, which was fun. Who says marriage goes stale?

The band sounds even better twenty years later. Lots of energy, funk, and popness. The crush of people in front was overwhelming but then the rain came down. Several idiots whipped out umbrellas but my friends and I refused all barriers. I was thankful for my armorlike padded bra.
I'm not sure I'm up for noisy crowded concerts anymore but it was exciting to be that close, after waiting 25 years. Pictures to come when my friend, who illegally recorded parts of the concert by accident, sends some good ones.

Style points: All wardrobe was fantastic, though I imagine the boys were sweating like stuffed pigs in July. We were right up near John Taylor (who used to be my favorite but now not so much, though he is my friend on MySpace). He's succumbed to the I'm-going-to-dye-my-hair-a-really-dark-color-so-you-don't-notice-I'm-old phase but is still the cute one. He and Nick keep brushing their hair forward to mask the receding hairline, as if we won't notice. And if my eyesight is correct, Nick has a gut, which is interesting considering he's a vegetarian. Vegetarians are usually pale, thin, and always have colds, though maybe he overcompensates by eating dessert, which is what I do even after a cheeseburger. Keep eating, Nick! It's all fuel for your artistic excellence! Simon has the eternal short blond spikes and is sleek, sassy and rubberlike on stage. I hope I am in as good shape when I'm 500. Roger is quiet, powerful, and efficient--the only drummer for me. Yasmin Le Bon has blond highlights and is just the picture of gorgeousness and health. Nick Rhodes's girlfriend (Meredith?) is tall, blond, and lovely and was holding up some kind of technology and jumping up and down. My friend told me a Le Bon daughter walked right behind us. Also, as we were leaving, Waitress, Serenity and Desperate Housewives gynocologist actor Nathan Fallion was spotted.

Panic and overexcitement aside, it was a brilliant night. Duran Duran FOREVER!

ps: To those who stood, danced, and pushed up against me for two hours: Thanks. I'm totally pregnant now.