Star Sighting--John Larroquette!!!

4:32pm on the Uptown 1 train, wearing a white t-shirt and sunglasses, spotted by Dishbrother. "He looked like a schlump yet somehow put together." We categorized Larroquette as one of those guys, like Bill Maher: kinda gross yet perversely sexy, as in we can't tear our eyes from them. Night Court rules!

Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong is in rehab after losing his marbles at a concert. Dish wonders...which substance did him in? Was he acting like an American Idiot?

Look both ways before crossing: Amanda Bynes is now in NYC--as is Lindsay Lohan. I don't feel safe. Will carry my treasured copies of  What a Girl Wants and The Parent Trap to indicate my fandom. Would never ever film either girl running over my foot.

Because I'm me: Yes, I'm taking a vacation to go to John Taylor's NYC book signing for: In the Pleasure Groove: Life, Death and Duran Duran. Here's a question: What time do I arrive at the event? Ideally, an hour before it starts, but have feeling it will be mobbed. Even so, I can't be bothered with camping out. I've read that some are going to do this. I love John Taylor. I love myself more. What would you do, dear reader?

Making Light of Atrocity

Dish loves un-PC and off-color jokes but it takes skill to make 9/11 or the latest Batman tragedy funny. Comedians push the "funny atrocity" envelope, I think, to get into tabloids and they almost always fail. Most recently, Dane Cook did it and Jeff Ross followed suit in the Roast of Roseanne. Maybe South Park is successful at this. The Book of Mormon is the only instance where I laughed hysterically at child sexual abuse and AIDS. Otherwise, why go there?

Monday's news was light or maybe I am too focused on my cold. TG over-surfed and fell ill in California. I woke up this morning with that raw, scratchy throat. My week is busy with a viewing of Jersey Boys and then...TG and I are filming yet again on Friday. We are soooooooo famous. A cold might be a good thing. If my voice--probably my least attractive trait--is affected, I'll sound like a sexy Kathleen Turner instead of my usual Marge Simpson rasp. We can only hope. Dish will breathe in some mold and drink from TG-tainted glasses.

Please say a loud f*($k for me since my DVR erased the last three episodes of Breaking Bad. Where the hell can I find them? And please get Amanda Bynes a driver since she might have been involved in another hit and run. I have Skyline on speed-dial with their floaty Lincoln Town Cars and mysteriously quiet drivers who always get me to the church on time. Amanda, please listen.

Couples in hell: Rumor has it that J. Lo is about to dump Casper Smart. And, the kinky pair who never seemed to share a distressing moment Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen might be on Couples Therapy to repair their marriage. Smells like a desperate way to get back on TV. I don't blame them. They were fun in the spotlight.

NBC is sucking eggs right now. They fired Jack Osbourne after he announced he had MS and Sharon just quit her show. Matt Lauer swung his mighty hammer at Ann Curry's career with less than happy results. And today, Matt Lauer used the term "Indian Giver" on The Today Show. Oh so glib, Matt. Talk about making light....

4 and 1/2 Hours Until...

Duran Duran Mash-Up on Glee tonight. Bomer and Criss do Le Bon. For the love of Simon, John, Nick, Roger and Dom, let it be awesome!

Can you feel the rage of Alec Baldwin's stalker? I'm fascinated by stalker language (I must see you, let's have a baby, I need your baby). This one's slightly intelligent, only because she got herself on the front page of The Post (Dish's dream), tarnishing Baldwin's engagement glow. The problem is that stalker's fifteen minutes should last about two since her repertoire is kinda skimpy. Stalker needs to spread her seed, seek out other stars and then gossip about it with friends, build her entourage and rep, minimizing her lame stalking. No man wants a woman who's chasing after him, calling him constantly. The Rules go double with a celebrity. Like I know...

Half Pint hurt herself on DWTS--and no Ma and Pa to tend to her wounds!

Amanda Bynes, stop drinking and get back to work. We want What a Girl Wants II. She is so darling. I hate to imagine her loaded on whiskey sours.

Bikini shot of Julia and I noticed...a tattoo in the bitch spot. You know what this means, don't you? Dish needs one.

Santorum dropping out of race. Hmmmmm. VP candidate?

And who is this new group One Direction? Do I need to know about them? Am still pondering the cultural relevance of Justin Bieber (the haircut is getting olddddd).

Ps. Today Steven Seagal turns really old.