I am 43. (%&$*%&!!!!)

Whatcha gonna do?

Sleep through it. Or...
Show your butt cheeks.

Happy Birthday, France and Jane Lynch!

Emmy awards were announced and here's the list: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/14/2011-emmy-nominations-63r_n_898094.html Who are you rooting for? To be honest, Dish has been so busy, there's no time to scrutinize the nominees. All I cared about was The Killing.

Apparently, Chris Colfer, Corey Montheim and Lea Michele won't return after next season for Glee. Room for other stars? What about Dish and TG? We just discovered new singing software on our iPads and had a song-fest last night. I'm told I can't sing...

Daniel Baldwin seems to have married a drunken, violence wackadoo. Divorce filed and I hope he gets out before an episode of Snapped airs. That family has the worst luck with their relationships. Just discovered Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? Love it!

Update on Brooke Mueller's photograph with what looked like smoking paraphernalia. She alleges she wasn't smoking crack, just pot which was prescribed for anxiety. Hey, I have anxiety too.

It's official: Kim Kardashian is getting married August 20th. Another ass off the market.

Most of all, Happy Birthday to the great Jane Lynch, who keeps Dish in stitches every time she's on a screen. Though she did some wonderful dramatic work on Criminal Minds, as well.

I Love/Hate Netflix

Netflix prices are going up significantly. Those f*ckers. Hitting Dish where she lives. They know they've got a good product. I love hate them!

Today was a day for grim news. Say a prayer for the family of Leibby Kletzky, a nine-year-old Brooklyn boy who went missing yesterday and whose body was found today, victim of a grizzly murder. This is one of the few times when I wish New York had the death penalty.

RIP to Sherwood Schwartz--genius creator of The Brady Bunch.

We need a little cheering up, don't we? Ted Danson has been cast to take over the lead in CSI. I'm a huge Marg Helgenberger fan but I need more than one awesome star to get me to watch a show. This might do it. I heart Ted, especially since he's been playing these creepy roles (Damages).

Rodney King was busted again. He is still one handsome son of a gun. Even though he's a screwup, he will always have one good sentence (Can't we all just get along?). Isn't that what Hemingway tried to achieve?

Rumor has it Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron are dating exclusively. Huh? I can see it sort of. Her star power has faded in the last few years so it's a strategic choice on her part. Though, Green Lantern. Hmmmm.

Oh, Michele Bachmann has blown any chance she might have had to be President. You just don't go against the gays. They are too powerful and awesome.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGIkAglJMjQ

TG's quote of the day: "Men are from gin, women are from Diet Sprite."

Today in Non Sequiturs

Such intrigue over the Beckhams' choice of name for their little girl: Harper Seven. This is one of the few names that I get. Harper, nothing wrong with that. And Seven had a lot of significance for the family. TG and I will name our future child Preston Altoid. In more baby news: Jewel gave birth to a boy entitled Kase. Hmmmm.

Weird news: Brooke Mueller seems to have been photographed carrying a crack pipe. It was a strange, strange potentially damning photo. Particularly distressing were the sweatpants combined with high heels. I feel bad for those kids.

Random: Where will you be on Dish's birthday this Friday? Waiting in line for the new Harry Potter? I've totally avoided this phenomenon. In case you read today's Post, go to Page Six to see some weird cryptic typos. Someone needs a good editor! I saw the back of Ken Pave's head today. Preview for the new Dallas is awesome. I got chills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1mJAwoV22Q.

I don't know if you're aware of the b*tchy piece against Zooey Deschanel by "journalist" Patt Morrison where he (she) called ZD a "snobby cow." http://opinion.latimes.com/opinionla/2011/07/downtown-la-good-enough-for-the-royals-but-not-for-zooey-deschanel.html. It's pretty awful and someone was definitely on his period. Zooey responded most excellently: http://hellogiggles.com/an-open-letter-to-los-angeles-times-writer-patt-morrisson.

Only 50% Less Sugar

So, Dishdoctor says I don't need to go cold turkey on the sugar. I should only inhale chocolate ever OTHER day. It's a good habit to break since sugar addiction is a slippery slope. I'll be like Brenda on The Closer and look longingly at a Mr. Goodbar. And Snickers and Reeses.

I am an easy target. I read in People about Russell Crowe Tweeting about his weight loss. Now I'm following Russell so that I can keep up to date with his progress. Like Dish, he gets fat easily so compassion is there. This is a Before picture, BTW. Though, like all celebs who get bloated, he still shimmers with beer sweat like Gerard Butler the celebrity aura.

She was wonderful in Black Swan and Milan Kunis shows a sense of fun by saying yes to a Sgt. Scott Moore's request that she be his date at a ball in November. Adorable! How excellent of her.

Did you see the pictures of Will and Kate in Hollywood? Breathtaking. They belong there!
TG is counting the seconds until Rizzoli & Isles premieres tonight.

Star Sighting--Joan from Say Yes to the Dress!!!

9:01 am, a deli right near Kleinfeld's. Yes, Dish's star-sighting senses are set to 11 even this early!!! And yes, I recognize stars from reality shows I don't really watch. By "really" I mean I don't watch them all the time--just most of the time. This morning I spotted a bright-eyed Joan from Say Yes to the Dress, clad in black, getting her coffee. A portly husband recognized her and said something like, "Oh my wife watches your show..." I think. I might have imagined that but Joan clearly had the look of "I'm getting attention." The man asked if she had a busy day ahead and she said yes. I did all I could not to spill my coffee from the shock and joy of seeing her. I loves my celebs!!!

A big shout out to Gale Harold, who is Dish's age (for the next 5 days) today. Happy birthday, GH! Both Kate Hudson and Posh Spice gave birth today, which means their wee bairns also share Gale's birthday. How can you beat that?

Wish I'd Loved Larry Crowne

But even Julia couldn't save the flick, especially since there wasn't *enough* Julia. It was a me-me-me-fest for Tom Hanks (I do love him, tho) who co-wrote and directed this stinker. The performances were good--the script, super-bad and no burning chemistry between Tom and Julia. With cutesy cameos as filler and characters just farting around, the plot didn't go anywhere. Hero-transformation (but not much changes really--he's cool from start to finish), heavy drinking heroine pitches husband, cleans up her act and falls for hero, going over to his place to sample his "French toast." Two embarrassing make-out sessions between T & J, super-ewwww. I wanted to love it, but I wouldn't even save this for an alone-party full of facials, cake, and pedicures. If you have to see it, I suggest getting very intoxicated on whatever you can find. Sober, you'll enjoy Lt. Ahura (sp.) from Star Trek (he's awesome) and how beautifully Julia walks down halls in heels and cute dresses.

Tears of joy for Dish: It's a boy--Julian Roger Taylor--for Duran Duran drummer Roger Taylor and his wife Gisella Taylor. Congratulations to the family!

Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes confirmed for Bond #23. I am already standing in the ticket line. Officially Dish's favorite Bond, Daniel Craig has breathed new life into this franchise. Having Javier in the film just makes me want to cry with happiness. Remember how amazing he was in No Country for Old Men...and EVERYTHING ELSE?

In sad news, Betty Ford has passed away. What a legend. Blessings on her coming and going.

We Duranies Will Still Be Here When Duran Duran Is Ready To Tour!

I'm a little blue with TG out of town and me not supposed to gorge on those chocolate covered graham crackers from Starbucks. At the supermarket, I wandered past the cupcakes and thought, I'll grab a quick one. Not this time, Dish. More somber thoughts ensued...until the supermarket radio announcer said, "Duran Duran has canceled their summer tour because of lead singer Simon Le Bon's ongoing vocal problems..." Dammit, it was the Universe telling me other people--Simon--are suffering way more. Their album just came out. International dates were set. How frustrating for them and FOR THE WORLD that they can't tour. Dish can refuse the brownie with ice cream, hot fudge and almond slivers. I'll eat heinous celery in solidarity. Or maybe fried chicken.

Something else important happened today. Atlantis went up in space. I don't understand why it's The Final Journey. Is there new space technology that doesn't require a rocket?

I treadmilled a little longer to witness the landing of Will and Kate in California. The plane approached, stopped, blocks put under wheels, steps came down...and then that Damn John King interrupted with a real news show.

Last item: Rebecca Gayheart--PREGS! Last I saw her, she was on Vanished with Gale Harold (whose birthday is Sunday). Today, eat some heinous celery to honor Anjelica Huston's day of birth!