Beatle Marries

Paul McCartney got hitched to Nancy Shevell. She's hot with that awesome long, straight hair. Quick poll: How long do you take to get ready in the morning? Is under 20 minutes acceptable? Happy marriage to these two. What is Heather Mills doing to cope?

TG and high-powered lawyer brother taunted me with the following absurd lie that even more absurdly I believed for 30 seconds: that b-i-l was helping John Taylor invest in some lucrative project, that JT was the "finance brain" of Duran Duran. A-holes!

Does Simon look a little like William Shakespeare in the following well captured concert song by audience member: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WDFhlPOM0k&list=FLgKF76xPBOTIX6LFpyz2cwA&index=2. This song makes me weep. You know, if I had a beard, it would hide my donuts and fraps. I've gained a pound for every year I've been in NYC (14)--though I came to the city a stick. Frightened for my health, DM stuck burgers in my face. I started eating them.

Mikey Welsh of Weezer from 1998-2001 was found dead--another OD. :(

Let's end with something happy: Shirley MacLaine to receive AFI Lifetime Achievement Award. Way to go, Shirl! Love her madly.

Reflexive Duran Duran Nightmares

The stars I love most plagued my psyche. I dreamed that a blond Meg Ryan type was hired to sing lead (where was Simon?) for Duran Duran during their current tour. I was nice to her, helped her out with NYC info. She had a suspect older man/husband lying on the crappy hotel bed, managing her career. When she had to rehearse, I tried hard not to push my agenda. Dish has a longstanding policy of being polite to celebs in person*, listening but not asking for anything, this due in part to effort in maintaining upright stance. Sadly, as Meg was leaving, I couldn't help saying, "Please tell the band that meeting them is the only thing on my Bucket List." True, yet an embarrassing slip. These awful dreams were interspersed with real Dish waking to read The Help, which is amazing. I'm somehow feeling related to the maids not daring to ask for more and doing covert things to inch closer to success and vindication. The mind is so complicated. I'm not a black maid from the 1960s but a privileged white woman who's had everything and is lucky/happy in personal life without needing three jobs to support the family (I only have 2). Despite this, I still have mild psychological and, occasionally, circumstantial turmoil. Dish is spending the day with some nonfiction.

Inside Job: Very compelling--even if you flunked Economics 101 at Oberlin College--with excellent narration by Matt Damon. Dish learned all about derivatives and deregulation and what f*ckers the banks are. Might be switching to less corrupt institutions. Know of any?

Rumor has it the McCartney marriage is happening this weekend. And in dirt: If online rags are to be believed, Liev Schreiber was caught cheating but maybe it's all BS to promote a movie coming out. It's been a while since we've seen his brilliance. More pictures of LeAnn Rimes being superskinny surface. Dish has examined the photos, the musculature and *knows* you have to work really hard to be that thin and toned, especially when you've had some chubbage in the past. As long as she *feels* good. The body is a temple.

On that note, I'm going to take these nightmares for a walk.

*ex: I hid from Anderson Cooper, figured he was busy and didn't care, but TG chatted him up like a pro and got pictures. Then there was the time Wil Arnett walked by us in front of Whole Foods. I hid behind a nearby bush as TG screamed at him, "Hey Wil! I love your work!"

How Long Can We Debate Whether or Not Nancy Grace Farted on DWTS?

Things like this can ruin careers. Dish feels the air around Nancy Grace was sabotaged. It's hard to take her seriously anymore, especially after the Casey Anthony case, but if girls ever did fart, they would be ruthless about sphincter control in public. Someone planted the whoopee cushion while she waited for the scores. How often does someone break wind so loudly during a crucial moment on TV? Hardly ever. I'll light a match for you, Nance!

If you wanted to believe in Bachelorette/Bachelor bliss, think again. The tabs report that Ali Fedotowski and Roberto Martinez are not happy. Dish feels that the pursuit of happiness is overrated. The founding fathers were skipping too wildly through a meadow of posies when they included this in the Declaration of Independence. Ali and Roberto must stay together if they want to remain legitimate stars. Dish saw the signs with the wedding delay. Happiness can't be sustained, Ali and Rob, unless with pharmaceuticals. Make it work!

Sharon Osbourne took our her fake tatas when one leaked into her belly. I could never get implants. What happens when you go for a five-mile run? How could you sleep on your stomach without popping one?

The Yankees lost--again. They need to ditch some expensive, ineffective players and Moneyball it.

Congratulations to Kristin Davis who adopted a little girl. Wahoo for Charlotte.

Star Sighting--Justine Bateman!!!

11:34 am, Barclay and Broadway: Headed to the gym, Dish spotted a normal looking woman in her forties who'd been through some sh*t. Why it's Family Ties actress Justine Bateman! She wore sunglasses and dark jeans, walking with someone else and saying, "...wild animal..." The mind could go places but I thought of only the miles I had to run.

And not to be repetitive, blessings on the life and work of Steve Jobs who, if you've been living under a rock, passed away. He was definitely one of those Howard Roarks--a creator beyond our wildest dreams. Jobs helped me see a giant red flag in one of my exes who chose iPhone over Dish, Jobs made music more accessible and, lastly, he has allowed me to travel without hauling a gigantic, heavy laptop. I have thirteen more years to change the world. At least Jesus did this in only 33 years.

Speaking of blessings: Sarah Palin is not running for president. The women have been blasted out of the presidential race. Thank goodness, right?

10 days until: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8xxmNHYdsU.

Star Sighting--Anna Deavere Smith!!!

2:35pm, 18th and 7th: In that second, I resolved to make an effort to look better when I go out in public. Since moving to NYC, I've dressed like an Olsen twin--hair everywhere, no makeup and tent-like clothing. I just haven't given a f*ck. As I resolved to up my game, I spotted a disheveled-looking woman talking loudly into her cell while carrying her bags. Could it be? Why, yes! Anna Deavere Smith of The American President and, holy hell, Nurse Jackie (so close to the divinity that is Edie Falco!!!)! As I got closer I realized her dress was a rather gorgeous black, her bags not so tattered, her hair joyfully unkempt. And that voice, so distinctive to this goddess of film, stage and muse to movies set in the White House! An inspirational sighting.

Johnny Depp apologized to RAINN for his insensitive comments about photo shoots being like rape. Dish accepts and will move on. There is freedom of speech and thank goodness we don't jail people for their words, but no need for hurtful hyperbole.

TG complained that I hadn't written much about him. I try to protect his privacy because he is that awesome. Just wait until you see how he steals the show on Anderson. We still don't know when our show will air--let's hope next week.

Rumor has it (not the film) Eddie Murphy will cameo on SNL. I'm rooting for you, Eddie.

Why, John Taylor, Why?

Oh, Johns:

It has come to my attention through the press and my posse that John Taylor's autobiography will be published in 2012 by a company other than Dish-Mania, Incorporated, Limited. I want to know, which lucky bitch gets to edit the thing and why wasn't I called first??? I can be a professional and an obsessed fan of 30 years! I would have helped spice up the boring parts--the Metamucil moments--with sordid party tales and outright lies! Because All You Need Is Now.

This made me spit my coffee: Johnny Depp compares photo shoots to being raped. REALLY, Johnny? Do you know what the hell you're talking about? DO YOU??? I respect most of his movie choices but there's a wall now.

Harmony and Disarray: Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel married her boyfriend in Vegas--yay. Leonardo DiCaprio and his gossip girl, Blake Lively, split. They looked fetching together but I didn't see them fitting personality-wise. Because Dish knows them, right? I wonder which beautiful blonde he'll date next.

Hank Williams Jr. football intro pulled after he compares Obama to Hitler. Really, Hank Williams Jr.? Hitler, who killed 6 million Jews, really??? Such idiocy today.

Finally some good news: Chris Christie allegedly not running for president.

Amanda Knox Conviction Overturned!

This was an awful case, with strange evidence, freaky reactions, and bizarre people involved every which way. Dish watched several Dateline/20/20 type shows about this case and I'm not sure what to believe. Have this icky feeling there will be lots of press about her return home, if not a made for TV movie.

Now here's real justice: An order of protection was granted for uber fame-whore Kate Major and her doubly fame-whoring ex-fiance Michael Lohan who allegedly slugged her while blasted out his mind--allegedly. Landfill, anyone?

Arrested Development is coming back for one season. Boycotting quirky family shows, Dish never watched it but sends a blanket support clause for all projects featuring Jason Bateman and Portia.

Happy news: Seth Rogen weds Lauren Miller and Pam from The Office gave birth to a boy. The greatest of Mazels. Madonna to perform at Superbowl halftime? I'm a little intrigued. The Black Eyed Peas sucked. We know Dish's ultimate choice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzxPpXfQ8qU&feature=fvsr.

Tupac lives. A sex tape has allegedly surfaced. I heard Marilyn Monroe also has a film coming out where she pleasures Carmen Electra.

Pigs are flying!

Gene Simmons married Shannon Tweed after twenty-eight years. If this can happen, what are the chances George Clooney will also get married again, after being so adamantly against it. Though Dish feels there are those who are perfectly happy not getting married (hello, Goldie and Kurt/Brangelina!). Nothing wrong with that! Mazel to Mr. and Mrs. KISS.

Tonight is the premiere of Dexter. Dish wonders what the big deal will be. How will they top their game? Edward James Olmos joined the cast. He can be really good or really acty so we'll see. Also, I'm eager to see if the divorce has any impact on the relationship between Dex and his "sister." Must be awkward. And The Good Wife. I still think the sexual chemistry between Noth and Margulies is more powerful but will suspend disbelief that she and Josh Charles are hot and heavy. Christine Baranski rules.

Today's Duran Duran video, I think made by a fan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpoyLxWyOqQ. This one makes Dish cry.