I'm Sorry, Michael Chiklis...

...for thinking you were lame. I only saw trailers for The Shield and avoided it like the plague of shaved-headed men I dated around the time the show aired (2002-2006), the era of Vin Diesel's Ugly Sexy. Yes, there were four in a row, all toxic bachelors. How many hours did I cry over a bottle of Mr. Clean? You can't blame me for projecting all these years. Add to this, Chiklis was filmed reacting to an Emmy nod. This sent me into an abyss of irrational hatred. But now, as my husband encourages nightly Shield marathons, I see the genius in Chiklis. There is no show without him. He's just awesome and the camera eats him up. We're on Season 5. I can't bear to think what we'll do when we get to the end. I was wrong. All wrong...Chiklis FOREVER!

More word-eating. Maybe Les Miz won't be so bad...Check out this trailer and let me know your thoughts. I wonder if Anne and Hugh singing at the Oscars started this whole thing in one of those back door meetings. I could make jokes but I won't. Russell is in the room.

Last night, Dishbrother and I had an in-depth conversation about Ashton as Steve Jobs. DB has high hopes that if Ashton can access his "dark side", he will be brilliant. DB is a tough customer when it comes to acting. He's the first to make me realize that Daniel Day Lewis is an over-actor. DB and I would be masterful casting agents.

I lost interest in Fifty Shades of Grey the second after Anastasia Beaverhausen Steele's first big O. I see the appeal but, as an editor, there are too many glaring items I'd want to fix. Am going back to reading great literature (and a celebrity memoir or two--Patti Lupone, you're next!).

Are the Lambs Still Screaming?

The idea of a trip to Costa Rica with four girlfriends I don't really like sounds like torture, but I'd power through and maybe start drinking (okay, this won't happen). Last night's Real Housewives of Orange County showed me that a TV sensation can be based on minutia--though I love the idea of women hanging out together. Tamra can't help but wiggle her tush and call people out. Slade won't get his act together. Alexis will never take criticism from loved ones. Last night, the girls had an intervention to tell A, "you're so annoying" but she didn't take the hint. I might not have either. Interventions aren't so fair, unless life/death. Can you tell I've never been intervened? Yeah, because I don't do anything scandalous. That will change in a few minutes, she says eyeing a big bag of Doritos.

Pictures of Anne Hathaway doing Les Miz make me laugh. I intend to howl through the entire thing. Official trailer for the movie appeared and disappeared from the web.

I escaped from life by reading RoseMarie Terenzio's Fairytale Interrupted. Who is she? JFK jr.'s faithful assistant and she hasn't spilled her story until now. She is one feisty, tough-as-nails broad. I'd let her can run my life anytime. Exquisitely page-turning, this one.

Showing us why she's in the fourth hour of Today, Kathie Lee Gifford made a horrific gaffe with Martin Short, asking after his wife, who died two years ago. There is video footage but I can't bear to watch it. Hosts need to prepare before they interview ANYONE.

Lost co-stars at war: Dominic Monaghan forced me to follow him on Twitter when he openly accused Matthew Fox of beating women (repeatedly). Drunken Tweet? It wasn't recanted or removed. If true, bravo to DM for his steely Lord of the Ring cojones.

Tuesday's Lies

NYC today--effing disgusting gorgeous with just a touch of whimsy. I threw on my brightest dress and set off for a fabulous day. I hustled, I bustled. Everything fell into place. I came home to an airy and spotless apartment. Now I'm indulging in quinoa, edamame with some salmon and fresh veggies. The cat is not pissing on the floor.

Did you watch last night's The Bachelorette: That Emily, I just want to carry her around in my shirt pocket. She sparkles and twangs and y'alls me into good humor I am not a lesbian except for that one time. On last night's episode she went to Dollywood, where the Dolly herself came out to perform. I could feel Dishbrothersidekick's bliss from 75 blocks away. Dolly blessed the young woman's romantic search, citing her own long marriage (Hershey, you need to Hulu this). My choices for Emily are Chris or Arie. She had chemistry with Chris and his bashfulness was adorable. Arie just seems like a pleasant and cool guy though might need Crest White Strips.

Mad Men: The Political Correctness police is scandalized over Joan's actions, as if trading sexual favors is a new thing or that she had much of a choice. What I found more upsetting was staying with her husband after he raped her. Sex for power/survival has existed since the dawn of man. Is it so surprising that she'd take one for the team? During that time period, I might have done the same thing--were I not married. She will win in the end.

Dish is ruthless.

I'm So Confused--Are Ashton and Demi Back Together?

There's talk of secret meetings. New vows of love. I was just getting used to Demi Moore forging ahead, finding her womanity after the demise of her third marriage. I fantasized about her going on The Conversation and Wendy Williams a few times, being all strong yet vulnerable with her glasses, eyes filling because some love never dies. She would go on to make millions producing films and do the occasional Margin Call. She and Courtney Cox would morph into one person.

As for Ashton, he's starting to look like a man. Before the split he resembled the college student I always yearned to date in my teens but didn't until my mid thirties. He has all these great projects in his future. Does he want to go back?

More importantly, I was just getting over this breakup, so the alleged reunion takes me by surprise. I would rather they get back together but there isn't enough Ativan in the world to ease the stress I'll feel day by day (are they okay, having fun, is he hanging with skanky blondes in bars? did they go to their Kaballah meeting). After 7 years, they do seem to have a special kind of love. Fret not. I will buckle down, get out the scotch, and pray that they rediscover the joy in their marriage.

One must always look to Danny Moder and Julia Roberts for marriage spice. They leave "angel cards" for each other around the house. Must get on the stick and do likewise. What is an angel card and how do I find one? Does it fly?

Rumors are a-swirl about Britney reviving crazy behavior on The X Factor. Doing this show might have been a mistake, though the whispers of old Brit might be Simon-hype to bring in viewers. Britney seems to excel in 10-minute increments and judging takes hours and hours. Poor girl.

Congratulations to Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni on their marriage. I love these two gingies.

Oh, It's On...

Dish STILL wore it first...

ZZ Top Was Amazing!

I tried to ignore the bartender when she said there would be 2 opening bands for ZZ Top. I just wanted to get the concert over with. Their beards have always seemed unhygienic so I never "got" them. I steeled myself for the night.

Sporting a glitzy belt, form fitting jeans and black tank Gretchen Wilson opened with "I got your c*ntry right here" or at least that's what I think it was. She was cute, delivering no mixed signals. After her bit, I looked to my left and noticed a person with *that* glow. I whispered to TG, "that's a celebrity." I didn't know which one until the next band took the stage--the guitarist for Three Doors Down.

Their act made my sternum vibrate violently. Thank Hesus for the earplugs because each song was an assault. Since we couldn't talk, I texted TG, "These guys are big p*ssies." He felt the same way and we rode the wave of pain for 45 minutes. I might have liked them on disc but the loudness, some missed notes, and the thrashing made me hate them. I thought I was going to die, even telling TG I might have to dash back to our dive hotel to cry it out. I had my exit strategy. I was so ready to bail, flight not fight, even with the tranquilizer when they just kept playing.

Then ZZ Top saved our sh*tty night. As the yellow light caught those beards, Billy Gibbons's twig legs, and all three bodies moving in tandem, I knew it would be okay. They were a miracle and real pros. They played, danced a little, raked their beards in a performance whose every molecule screeched with awesomeness. These old dudes were even...shall I say...SEXY!!! Yes, they were. I am a rabid fan now. Am now looking through their videos and revising my history of indifference. I have always loved them. How could you not?

The lesson is: Even if you're not into ZZ Top, go see them. They are brilliant and guaranteed to lift your spirits.

Atlantic City is still gross.

***
Update: After research, saw that Three Doors Down's original guitarist, Matt Roberts, recently left due to health problems. Now I feel bad(ly).

Do You Think This Is a Coincidence?

Dish wore it first...

we hate atl city. at concert now. ears violated by three doors down. we want to die. ZZ PLEASE SAVE US.