Paris is now a DJ?

I'm all for Paris Hilton trying to find herself. This past week, she debuted as a DJ somewhere south of Dish. I saw the clip and, first of all, I don't get the DJ as rock star. Aren't they supposed to be off to the side, up in the booth? Where's the mystique if they stand on stage and push buttons? Not interesting at all! I say, Paris needs to go to college.

TV Land aired American Film Institute's honoring of Shirley Maclaine. I confess my eyes filled at the start-up music. A room filled with Julia, Meryl, Jack, Don Rickles (It's not always about you, Morgan Freeman!). How could I not cry a little? I love my Shirl but what the hell animal died on her head? She wore a weird wig but those sparkling blue eyes are mesmerizing. Julia did well, looks great with her tanner but...I hate to admit this...I'm turning a little. The wind tells me she might not be my imaginary best friend after all. Must consult an acquaintance in the know. Jack Nicholson should never speak in public again. It's okay because Jack Black blew everyone away, facing her reincarnation stuff head-on.

The skinny: Koda is frontrunner to take over for Ann Curry. I like that but hate that Ann Curry is being skewered. I think she's been treated like crap from Day #1. Let the tide turn and make her beloved. Octomom has a boyfriend but Dish smells a beard to get on TV.

So Dish has written her scandalous and bitchy fictitious memoirs and needs a good first name pseudonym, something modern and peppy. Any ideas?

Deep Thoughts on the Emmys

Why are award shows so lame? The writers just aren't funny, the stars are acting same-old and the speeches are repetitive. How many times can you hear, "I didn't prepare anything to say. I didn't think I would win." Dish likes scandal and crazy at her awards-- like Meryl Streep saying she needs to do yoga or Jack Nicholson's talking through his butt or, yes, Ricky Gervais who makes the stars/audience tense. I love Jane Lynch. I thought she did a good job as hostess--especially the "why I'm a lesbian" and introducing the cast of Entourage, but the show dragged. Cut Emmytones, SNL dance/song number--make it a 2-hour show.

Highlights: Charlie Sheen was gracious indeed. Some lovely dresses, though Christina Hendricks's boobies are two giant air bags squashed into a dress. I couldn't look at anything else. Rainn Wilson tweeted his rage that Steve Carrell didn't get an Emmy and I'm right with him there. Kathy Griffin--looking great in red--kissed Ryan Seacrest, an abomination.

Dish was on vacation today and, aside from speculating about Jennifer Aniston being preggo or not (wearing big coat does NOT help!), watched Limitless. I still believe--for no reason--that Bradley Cooper tortures small animals (his French is better than mine so must hate him!) but keep giving him a chance. He is competent in this sh*t-fest that is an obvious reference to our current drug culture. It might have been more interesting if Billy Crudup had been cast. Robert De Niro does his usual mentoring and you have to wonder why he's in so many crappy movies. The biggest philosophical question Dish must raise: If we can take a pill to realize our fullest potential, doesn't that mean no contact with others? When you bring the hell that is other people into the mix, that renders us vulnerable and imperfect. OMG, whole point of movie. Brilliance.

That took so much effort. Time for Dancing with the Stars!!!

Blessings on Dolores Hope who passed away at 102.

Yesterday's Studs Making News

Sugar t*ts Mel Gibson wants to make a movie about Jewish hero Judah ­Maccabee. Dish doesn't worry about his intolerant comments about Jews, gays, women, stem cell research. Dish wants this movie to be made because of how gay it could be. Ever since Braveheart, Mel has been swimming in undulating homoerotic waters, all while making adorable gay slurs. His recent movies contain loinclothes, glistening muscles, torture scenes where men wear these orgasmic expressions, and who could forget when Mel wears hose and waxes himself in What Women Want? At the beginning of Apocalypto, the men discuss eating testicles, maybe because they would rather eat balls than visit the hut where their wives are waiting for baby-making boinkage. I'm sorry, but I can't wait for what Mel does next. His last movie The Beaver, well, hahahaha there, especially given the connection to Jodie Foster, who vehemently supported him during his domestic violence/custody snafus. Mel's splendor has taken quite a dive since Braveheart and I doubt he'll rise again. In the meantime, can't we twisted viewers have a little fun and not take him so seriously? If groups want to express their outrage, fine. The real tragedy in the comedy of Mel is that...he used to be an amazing actor. Now he just seems bananas.

Another amazing actor who's made some great movies and real crap (Anger Management), Jack Nicholson had a house burn up in the Hollywood Hills. I almost burnt tonight's meatloaf, my wandering attention due to the pain of Federer losing. Dish was dreaming of a Federer/Nadal rematch but will settle for Nadal/Djokovic.

Toronto International Film Festival is happening. Angelina wore another black dress. I will catch Moneyball, the first Brad movie I really want to see since...since...Se7en. Who am I kidding? I see all of his movies even though I don't think he's cute at all. It's my job.

Congratulations to Amy Smart and Carter Oosterhouse who got hitched!