And God Said, Let There Be Gale and Natasha

As you may know, Gale Harold was my imaginary boyfriend from 2005-2009. We broke up when TG arrived on the scene, which made Gale cry. Now that some time has gone by and we've both healed, I view his work with joy detachment. Gale-aholics, you must already know he stars with goddess Natasha Henstridge in The Secret Circle (9/15) where they both are Hot As Beans, Witch-Style! Their combined gorgeousness might cancel each other out on screen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWK0vfwYhqA. I don't have high hopes for witch shows after my beloved Eastwick got axed, but this one has Gale and where there's Gale, there's a hit show (except for Vanished, Hellcats). Anderson Cooper's Anderson talk show (9/12) also starts, which should be tons of fun. Oooh, and Sarah Michelle Gellar's Ringer. Gotta watch!

Blake and Holly from Bachelor Pad are ENGAGED! I love this pair because they seem equally bubble-headed and nice, plus Michael was being a controlling tool and their relaysh had too much baggage. Dish feels one should never go back to an ex.

Candace Bushnell's novels are Dish's guilty pleasure and now I read that One Fifth Avenue is being made into TV series. It's no Jeffrey Eugenides, but I would never turn down an NYC-based Melrose Place! Hand me a cocktail and a bikini and I'm there. Oh wait, New York City. Hand me an Ambien and a pleather jacket and I'm there!

What's the big deal with SkinnyGirl Margarita pulled from shelves of Whole Foods? TG is crying buckets over this news. Is everything at Whole Foods really ALL natural? I'm not sure I believe this.

FYI--Halloween and Little House on the Prairie do not mix! Avoid at all costs. I don't like to see Half Pint all freaked out over Nells possibly beheading Mrs. Oleson-not even believable. Nells is such a p________.

Star Sighting--Tim Gunn!!!

11:20 AM: Dishbrotherhusband writes, "I just saw Tim Gunn walking on 90th street off Broadway ... He looked just like he does on TV, very stylish very composed, walking very straight and carrying a few bags. He stopped to say something to the doorman and other two gents in the building ... and then kept walking. Looked like he was saying hi to them." Dish thinks he was saying something more like, "Thank you for being your excellent selves, people."

Aside from the joyful and magical hairstylings of J.J., Dish has had a trying day and has learned once again that mean people suck--and probably lead very sad lives. To fortify myself, I will follow the advice of JJ and not continue with Biutiful because Javier is too sweaty in the role. Who wants to see him pissing blood? In addition, I'll forego Most Elligible Dallas as it depresses me. I see young people sounding as if they never read a book and I wonder what the future holds for the U.S. It is packed with idiots. Please let the brainiacs take over.

Frozen Faces and Real Grief on RHoBH

I expected far worse on last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, like really in-your-face moments parading Russell Armstrong in front of the cameras. Critics wanted the network to pull the show, but who are we kidding? Lose money when the ratings could be huge? The wives address the suicide at the beginning in a short get-together. The grief seemed genuine, though Dish giggled over the inability to express emotion due to buckets of Botox. You could see the wives tried hard and the sadness was conveyed through the eyes and the odd grimace. Gotta love these wives. I find them the most likable of all the wives as a group, though they've FOR SURE had the most face work (and wear expensive clothes that look very cheap). Loved the bickering at the dinner table. I can relate!!!

Two great items: Eddie Murphy will be hosting the Oscars! He has made some loathsome movies but he is FUNNY. Donkey is a genius character and I am rooting for him to bring joy back to the deadly dull Oscars. Also, this just in: Duran Duran was named GQ's Lifetime Men of the Year. Could life get any better?

Yes, it can. Here is Donald Sutherland talking about farting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zOprG-K48I.

Happy Labor Day!

Lauren Bush married David Lauren, so now she can be Lauren Lauren. If I changed my first name to Duran and TG his last name to Duran, I could officially be Duran Duran. Let's make it happen!

I was starting to get the shakes over the lack of reports on whom Gerard Butler might be nailing. Hardly a day goes by when his beer-sweat washes up on female shores. But thank goodness, he might be banging 300-style canoodling with Eddie Cybrian-ex Brandi Glanville. Good for her! Gerard is always there to pick up the pieces of broken hearts everywhere.

Adele admits to puking a lot before a performance. Dish is waiting for a performer to admit to having it come out the other end. The closest was Sean Hayes saying that he had to poop before shooting episodes of Will & Grace. I guess nervous diarrhea is not as sexy/romantic/dramatic/Jersey Shore-kewl as nervous vomiting.

This might arouse TG's paternal ire but Snooki is hinting at getting married.

The City Is Empty

Except for the US Open. Dish caught a bit of the Nadal match today but interest in tennis has waned after 4 years of being obsessed. TG has diagnosed me with Aspergers and my in-laws have diagnosed me with agoraphobia (this is sort of correct). Any other diagnoses? TG is now backpedaling on this diagnosis but it's more because I'm not really talking to him. I do have Aspergers, after all, therefore can't focus on him at all. He's a little scared when I go quiet.

So, Michele Bachmann was on the CBS news with old guy this morning. She's much smarter than Palin but exudes a lotta crazy. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this election. It might be another vote for the lesser of two evils.

In gossip: Laurel Holloman who played Tina Kennard on The L Word has filed for divorce from her husband. The usual: Irresistible Differences (doesn't that sound better?). Madonna's W.E. got bad reviews at Venice Film festival. I can't wait to see it! Must rent The Next Best Thing to prepare! Rumor of Eddie Murphy hosting the Oscars. Bring it on! We want Pluto Nash to host! At least he might be FUNNY. They need to have actual comedians do it because the actors are not cutting it.

Chelsea is crying. Cheyenne Jackson has married his long-time partner Monte Lapka in New York. Congratulations, you guys!

And now back to Biutiful, which is very sweaty so far.

Almost Forgot to Post!

Because nothing is happening. For real! Well, except Susan Lucci is speaking out against her ABC boss who effed up All My Children and made everyone lose their jobs. Though weren't soaps on the way out? AMC may be gone, but Erica Kane is forever.

Watched Natalie Portman in The Other Woman. It's not an easy movie to watch, though worth it for one crucial scene between Natalie and Lisa Kudrow. Dish has no experience with such drama but cried like a baby at these two fine actresses' performances.

And that is it. Dish almost met a star this weekend but plans fell through. No big whoop. I keep my eyes and ears open on the street.

TGI-Getting Crap Scared Out of Me Via A Haunting

Do not get addicted to this show. Real ghost stories told in dramatic fashion. TG and I are hooked, though he just revealed he doesn't believe in ghosts. This after we both download Ghosttracker on our iPads and communicate regularly with spirits (okay, maybe that's margarita and scotch). But tonight I learned how dangerous Ouija boards are and I have one unwrapped. I'm too afraid to open the gateway.

Can you believe this is more exciting than anything else in the tabloids? Well, some sad news--that HawthoRNe got canceled which means Jada and Marc Anthony are unemployed. Lindsay Lohan parked in front of a hydrant because she can't help getting into trouble. Then, remember that icky story of a billionaire's son who died, then his girlfriend was found hanging a week later? Well, the girlfriend's death was ruled a suicide and her family is pissed. Sounds suspicious to Dish, too, very Dateline.

Thanks to a comment, it hits home that all tabloid news goes to promote a show/movie or to keep a fading star current. Modern oracle of Delphi Tom Cruise was right--that it's all lies. Julia's alleged over-vodka-drinking--Eat Pray Love; Brad's wandering eye? Moneyball. Madonna's boy toy pics? W.E. And it goes on and on and on. Mel Gibson's arrests and alleged domestic abuse? Okay, maybe he is crazy. Can you tell Dish is jaded?

Why the Seagal Torment?

Painful issue to bring up. I've known about this for a few days but now it seems the story won't go away. To preface, I swallowed my dismay at the notion that Steven Seagal could bully female assistants into becoming his sex slaves. But now, it seems he might have killed a puppy--or one might have been killed on his set. Why must he be persecuted? Just because he had the audacity to wear a ponytail beyond 1995 and tries to be an action hero when he, like Alec Baldwin, has swallowed the mighty water buffalo. I'll fess up--here's the sad report: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/31/steven-seagal-sued-for-ki_n_943952.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009. Sure, Steven made me wait three hours and pay 30$ for an autograph he never bothered to show up for. His music CD was refundable at least and my Nick Toscani action doll has been an excellent talisman on flights. I have to say my goodbyes and remember fondly how good his movies were. And by good, I mean terrible. And by terrible, I mean I have several of them on my shelf.

Update: Never mind about Seagal! He says he didn't do it. Yay!

Most importantly today, Cher took to Twitter to verbally banish bigots and support her son Chaz; she invited everyone to show Chaz the love on Dancing With the Stars. Wow. Maybe I will watch this season and even vote. If Cher is involved, so must we all be....