24 Hours Until Duran Duran Mash-Up on "Glee"

Are you hungry?

I'll admit, I snuck a listening of the music and it's missing the epic huskiness of Le Bon vocals, but I'm so freaking excited anyway! I'm sure I'll be squealing quivering hormonal girl-flesh!

Don't Ever Doubt Me Again

The Shows (mild spoiler alerts):

Nurse Jackie: My politically correct self is happy she's in rehab. Devilish Dish wants her to keep taking pills because she's so good at it. Those furtive snorts are genius.

The Killing: The most exciting thing was the nurse putting in Billy Campbell's catheter (you know where).

The Big C: Kinda lame after the AMAZING finale from last season. She gets drunk.

Mad Men: Joan is *back*. Would love her to do a book on how to be a productive vixen.

Lamar Odom leaves the Mavericks, which means he and Khloe are destitute. You gotta wonder if Kardashianism has become cursed, or at least for the boys. One could discuss how emasculating female archetypes (yes, I'm talking to you, Helen and Clytemnestra) are thriving. I like strong women. Just wish these K. powerhouses were more articulate and cracked books. Celebrity Book Club with Dish? I'm about to read House of the Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Squeee!

Today I had to watch Anderson to see my second favorite hypnotist (first is Dishfriendsincediapers) Dr. Paul McKenna put guests into trances and AC's scornful reaction. I will attest to McKenna's awesomeness. He puts me to sleep every night. If you're an insomniac, BUY HIS BOOK, then download accompanying CD onto your iPod.

Look Who Stalked Dish in Salem?

I swear, Anderson is so obsessed with us, he follows us to the ends of the earth. Dish is back from vacation--and what fun we had: investigating witchipoos, visiting with vivacious and lovely Dishcousin, and soaring over the well-worn route between New York and Boston.

It was difficult to keep from stargazing. Somehow, the alleged Kim K. and Kanye romance penetrated the deep layers of my vacation. My first, last and only comment on their relationship: It's bullsh*t unless ...*. How do I confirm this? The showing of the hickey. Anyone can give anyone a hickey. How high school and tacky is that? Most people over the age of 16 hide their hickeys because hickeys are lame. So why wouldn't Kim hide hers? Because she wants us to see it, and their relationship is BS. No wonder why Kris Humphries is unaffected by the coupling. It's a lie.

More importantly, Mike Wallace, a crabby yet significant figure in the news world died at 93. I'll never forget, about 8 years ago, I was walking to get my head shrunk, probably to agonize over ways that I could steal Russell Crowe (gag!) away from Danielle, when I passed Mike Wallace on East 86th Street, talking on his cell phone. I figured I needed to push myself to do better things with my life. Look at all that he did. Blessings on his coming and going.

*See JJ's comment on previous post.

Kim K and Kanye Dating?

Can you hear me laughing in Salem?

Good Things Happen When You Talk about Suzy Orman!

Dishbrother and I were having a heart to heart about our love for Suzy Orman, whether we had our 8 month emergency fund (I only have 3) and disclosing money to spouses*. Because my feelings about money are complicated, I did my usual browsing of Duran Duran's Facebook page, which I knew would clarify things. To my shock, I saw my link about the Rio boat on their page. This means...this means...the celebrities I love most...or at least their people know I exist. Just as I was debating whether or not to see them in concert again this summer (make that a 2 month emergency fund). Suzy may deny me, but Duran Duran CANNOT be denied.

Celebs: Sarah Palin's getting revenge against Katie Couric by pushing her way onto the Today Show couch. I digs my Katie, don't begrudge Sarah her TV time. More airtime for foxy ladies over 40.

Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama are canoodling so soon after her lovefest with Derek Jeter in Paris. I don't really know who these people are or why they're taking up so much of my rags. Johnny Depp + Ashley Olsen? Oh God. Downhill from here: Adam Samberg, Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis leaving SNL. Now there really is no show left. Maybe brave new talent will emerge. Dishcat is pissing on the floor in celebration.

So, I'm off to Salem, Massachusetts then Boston for a nice little vacay. Dishmama, a renowned scholar, says I should investigate Salem's trade relationship with China. Like that's going to happen. My brain doesn't visit such levels anymore since Gayatri Spivak and Michel Foucault literally sh*t in my cerebellum. I just want the witch tchatchkas and maybe to get a tour from actual nature-worshiping pagans. If you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm under a divine spell. And your little dog too!

*TG, I just spent 10$ on green nailpolish.

166 Hours Until the Duran Duran Mash-up on Glee!

Young triple threats Darren Criss and Matt Bomer will sing Duran Duran on Glee next Tuesday. Can you think of anything better? My hope is that their song doesn't leak. Dish is having too much fun imagining what they'll sing. Is anyone Hungry to go to Rio?

So, Sarah Palin is on TV, Levi Johnson knocked up his girlfriend, Obama is campaigning. It must be 2008. It isn't? Oh, thank GOD!!!! What a difference four years can make, n'est-ce pas?

Where were you when you heard that Ashton Kutcher would play Steve Jobs? I read the news and promptly forgot it...until now. My reaction is mixed: I want Ashton to grow into a fine actor and hope this role does it. He looks the part, but can he pull it off? He'll need to go on a diet...which could win him an Oscar.

Titanic 3-D. I'm ashamed that when I saw the trailer, I had tears running down my cheeks. TG never noticed. It's such a crappy movie, yet moved the world. Do I dare break my revolt against 3-D and see it?

Last night's Smash: Who got goosebumps over the trailer for next week's Uma Thurman appearance? Cannot wait! I wish I weren't so hooked on the show. It's a mistake.

I am officially ending the reign of the Housewives. They've all gotten to be so very boring. Erasing DVR after the millionth staged ladies lunch and mud run...

Fess Up, Your Majesty! You're Totally in Love with James Bond!!!

There was an urgency in Dishmama's voice when she called me. The woman's been scouring online rags, no doubt dying of boredom in her sickbed (she's recovering, FYI). Go to Paris Match's website STAT, she ordered. See? It's James Bond and the Queen. Do you think she dyed her hair to meet him? It looks so silvery. Doesn't she look happy? He's the best James Bond ever, I said knowing it was blasphemy but still how I feel. Interesting, she responded noncommittally, shutting down the notion of Dishmama and Dish having a girls' night watching Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace. Bottom line, she said: Bond might be opening the Olympic games this summer. Methinks Dishmama Queen Elizabeth has un petit crush on Monsieur Craig!

Good news all around today for the OMPs: Bruce Willis's wife gave birth to his fourth girl. Congratulations on a super-estrogen family! Our favorite comedic actor with anger management issues just got engaged! Think back to last summer when Alec Guinness Baldwin was Twitter-flirting with his then cutie-patootie yoga instructor. Now she's got a rock. Who says helping a celeb exercise doesn't pay off?

The Killing: Nice twists, still too slow. Linden is such a bad mother.

The Killing is Back!!!

Tonight, The Killing returns. I've waited for this all year, way more than Mad Men, which sent me to Lily White's Party*. My favorite red-haired detective, played by Mireille Enos, is an inspiration. She runs like a gazelle, doesn't eat or sleep or marry her weird fiancé until she finds out who killed Rosie (much like Who Killed Laura Palmer but without the freakiness).

There are public figures one can't help but watch. Keith Olbermann seems a vile creature (based mostly on Dish's psychic thoughts and Page Six) and yet I adore watching him. It didn't surprise me that he was fired by Al Gore's Current TV or that he was replaced by vile-scenery-hogging Elliot Spitzer. The yicky boys stick together, sort of like chunked noodles when one forgets to put oil in the boiling water and then stir. Taking this metaphor further, Keith has popped open the lid, strayed from the clump and jumped, sauceless, onto the white stainless steel stovetop where he will stick forever more. Deep Dish Lesson: Slather yourself in olive oil, separate from the pack while remaining in the pot.

Once Mary Ann's was demoted to a B-rating in my neighborhood, my husband and I raced to eat dinner there. We felt that the potential for vermin scurrying through the kitchen and pooping in corners and other unsafe cooking practices made for more exciting meals. Our expectations were met. The table was sticky and my fork had not been washed. The bus-bathroom deodorizer permeated the main room, reminding me of when TG popped the question over chips and salsa. My cheese quesadillas were delicious, as were the frozen margaritas and pork enchiladas. This place will always be special to me.

*My parents' bald-faced lie to get me to sleep