Dieting Tip from Victoria's Secret Model

I'm not sure this is true. Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima explained her pre-show crash diet. For nine days before a show, she has an all-protein shake liquid diet. I've heard liquid diets make you ill. But then, how do babies do it? Mothers tell me diaper changing only gets nasty when solids are involved. So maybe Adriana Lima's doody is much more manageable. It all comes down to sh*t. I'm very sleep deprived.

Best news ever: Rookie catcher for the Washington Nationals Wilson Ramos was rescued in Venezuela. Thank Cher he's back! I imagine he'll need a lot of TLC before he gets back to training. Welcome back!

Kinda funny, Liam Neeson being funny while serious. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/11/ricky-gervais-and-liam-ne_n_1089087.html.

J.Lo allegedly dating a back-up dancer. Why, girl? Been there, married that (though second hubby did seem like a sweetheart). Maybe, like Madonna, men are intimidated by her. Today was J.Lo movie day on some channel but I couldn't bring myself to watch Monster-in-Law. The Wedding Planner is no longer watchable. Offended by McConaughey's strange hair. We watched Shallow Hal. It was terrible!

Did You Get Your 11-11-11 On?

It was okay, this day, wasn't it? I mean Kim Zolciak from Atlanta Housewives got hitched. Everyone and their mother had the same 11-11-11 status update. Demi Moore turned 49 and is better than ever (though too skinny!). Kris Humphries has lawyered up to face the truth and dodge a massive bullet. Charmed witch Holly Marie Combs filed for divorce herself.

Dish tried to watch Boss but it looked bad. I'm not sure Kelsey Grammer can really act. Only got through two minutes. Did catch up on my Glees and see what Hershey was so a-twitter about. Agree now that Darren Criss is a god. My favorite moment was seeing the Warblers singing "Uptown Girl": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSDqzbN2-zo. Reminds me to get a ticket to "Jersey Boys." Here's another one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB1cx16TEfk&feature=related.

Beyond exhausted. As we were watching Law & Order, TG informed me that he met Jerry Orbach and Benjamin Bratt--that Bratt was especially nice. The two stars were so enthralled with TG that they invited him back "to the trailer for coffee." Probably a huge lie but you gotta give TG props for trying.

The Host with The Most Is Back...

Ladies and Gentlemen, you can all breathe a sigh of relief. The paler than Dish host you want has materialized, just in time to retrieve the wreckage from the bottom of the barrel. Richard Simmons's Billy Crystal's mighty pecs quiver with manliness as he stares down at the pitiful, unfunny, waste of time the Oscars have been in recent years with much funnier yet less-magic-touch-possessing hosts. BC nestles the limp phallus that was the mighty Oscars in his loving, ripped arms. Will Oscar live again? (wish Ricky could have done 2 shows...)

Just caught up on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Did Kelsey Grammer *really* cross-dress? No biggie, I mean, I learned on Divorce Court that this *is* a hetero thing. No judgment here just gossipy. Many pot-shots taken on his masculinity this season. Don't blame the wives one bit. Imagining him in red satin teddy.

Dominating the news is the fired Penn State football coach and ongoing rape cover-up. Nothing beats the vileness of the abuse itself but outraged crowds supporting those who covered it up belong in landfill.

Dish being very castrating.

Oscar Hissies

The big news is that Brett Ratner resigned/was fired from producing the Oscars after many offensive comments. Was it the fag remark rather than his usual--often violent--misogyny that did him in? He always struck me as a Gigantic Tool, but the world is so politically correct. No one can say anything. Worst of all, Eddie is gone, too! He would have been an interesting host. Make no mistake, I find Ratner to be a vile creature but I still hate that this happened.

Herman Cain: More sexual harassment charges. He says he'd take a lie detector test. Oh really? Speaking of pizza, Mariah has lost her baby weight. Wonder when it'll come back on because she yoyos--which I'm all for because that's reality. I'm told Glee was positively gorgeous last night. Was sex and Darren Criss involved?

Dish is going to read Sartre's Les Mots, about some chick who becomes crazy when she hangs out with someone crazy. I will read in the original French because It's French Existentialist Wednesday!

I'm Gonna Make This Quick...

...because I am Ryan Seacrest this week, as in the hardest working man in show business. We'll tawk when Friday clears and I'm getting used to knitting mohair with toddler sized needles.

Very sad: Joe Frazier died. May he rest in peace and I hope his family is hanging in there. Liver cancer sucks!

Vienna and Kasey from Bachelor Pad might have broken up. I didn't see that coming. I mean, two unappealing reality stars deciding to part ways--it hurts right here.

I wouldn't be a good Duran Duran fanatic if I didn't show their recent movie/music video for "Girl Panic" where they do what they do best: worship models. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMbOuNBV0s&feature=feedu. It's very glitzy and suggestive, but I've grown weary of the models in leather panties. Expected more and, please don't hate me. We've been getting the babes with the long legs and champagne since 1983. The good: Naomi Campbell excels as Simon Le Bon. Cindy Crawford reeks of iconic beauty and sex. Yasmin and Eva, awesome! When it comes to DD, I can't be a Yes Man. On second look realized: It's beautifully shot, but the editing makes it hard to watch. Doesn't make good enough use of the glamorous forty-something people. Before you have time to register an image, it cuts away, which did cause me to panic (same as with the second Jason Bourne movie). I could re-edit it on my iPad2. I know exactly how to fix this stinker. Did I mention that I say this with the deepest love?

Conrad Murray Is Guilty

This verdict wasn't rocket science. Dishfamilymember says propofol is awesome. Not to be used at home. Not to administer and then you leave the room. My melancholy over the verdict exists because this case had so many layers. Michael Jackson was abused/abused himself for decades and now only one person is going to jail. There are many other guilty parties. As in Thackeray's Vanity Fair, there are no heroes here.

Allegedy: Matthew Fox is suing the Cleveland woman who said he punched her in the vadge when she wouldn't let him get on her party bus. That's a country song! Justin Bieber will submit to DNA test to prove he's not the babydaddy and then he's gonna sue the nonbabymama. Herman Cain has a fourth woman, beckybeckybeckystan (I don't know the name, do you?), coming forward to say he did some sexual harassing. Is his campaign over?

Taking the high road: The Kardashians loved the SNL spoof on Kim's marriage. I love that.

Lindsay Lohan served 4.5 hours in jail. Lame! Back to the clubs.

Dumper's Remorse?

So, The Curvy Divorcee flew to Minnesota to meet with her soon-to-be ex. It reminds me of stinktastic New in Town, when high-wheeling Renee Zellwagon flies to the same place, meets Harry Connick, Jr. and learns to love country folk. Do you think Kim could learn to love Minnesota? I think America's fascination with the family is based solely on the fact that it's fun to say: Kardashian. Here's SNL's take on the next phase: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/Kardashian-Divorce-Special/1366614.

In sad news: Heavyweight legend Joe Frazier, who fought Ali oh so many years ago when Dish was barely a toddler, seems to be in the last stages of liver cancer. How heartbreaking. Puts a lot of merde into proper perspective.

Marathon day! Dish ran on the treadmill and gloried in seeing exhausted runners such as Apolo Anton Ohno and Christie Turlington Burns huffing and puffing to the finish line. And this week, will try my hand at barefoot running: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/magazine/running-christopher-mcdougall.html?pagewanted=5&_r=1. I can already hear J.J. and HersheyKiss saying, "What the F do you wanna do that for?"

Tomorrow is the premiere of Duran Duran's supermodel-icious video for "Girl Panic," which will star all the greats from the 80s and 90s: Cindy, Naomi, Helena, Yasmin, Eva. Can't wait.

Andy--not Mickey--Rooney Dies...

TG made a fatal reporting error this morning and killed off Mickey instead of Andy. He was America's favorite old fart. Most of all, I will remember Andy Rooney as the man DishGramma loved to watch every week on 60 Minutes. He made her giggle.

Tomorrow is the NYC marathon and I'm so glad not to live on the Upper East Side anymore. Now, I get to just nestle in the coziness of Chelsea knowing supermodel Christie Turlington is running her brains out. Oooh, which means other celebs must be around. Last time I watched, I saw the villain from One Life to Live heaving and wheezing to the end. Oh, the joys of seeing P. Diddy get a leg cramp. Maybe I'll hit the treadmill while it's happening.

For your entertainment, here is Triumph the insult comedy dog on the Occupy Protests. Highly offensive but loved every second: http://teamcoco.com/video/triumph-occupy-wall-st.