Possible But Maybe Not Star Sighting--William Fichtner!!!

9:18 pm, 8th and 17th: Having recently watched Prison Break and discussed Contact with Dishbrother, I could have sworn I saw William Fichtner in profile, so much so that I rushed TG across the street so that we could follow and confirm the sighting*. Then I worried because of the Hank Azaria And Will Arnett incidents where TG made contact and I hid behind shrubbery. My husband may be responsible for my meeting a star, though his methods are radical and sweetly aggressive. It may not have been William Fichtner at all.

Today I confronted a demon. I have an on-sight, irrational loathing of several stars. I can't explain it. Gavin DeGraw, Carol Channing, Brian Dennehey, Nannette Fabray and Michael Chiklis. I'm sure they are nice people and I would love them in person. Today I forced myself to watch The Shield, which people had been recommending. The show doesn't change my loathing but I heart Catherine Dent and Cch Pounder. TG is now hooked, which means a whole lotta Chiklis...

*Eye exam this morning, doctor says Dish-vision is tres stinky.

Mirror Mirror Duran Duran?

Maybe Julia's new movie Mirror Mirror needs a little Simon Le Bon to jazz it up and divert attention away from Snow White's distracting eyebrows. Dishbrother said it was "eh" but that Julia was the sun. I see lots of bad reviews, even some "zero" stars. Do I love Julia enough to spend 13$? Do I love Duran Duran enough to spend 100$+ on a ticket and 200$ on transportation (doubled if TG comes though he'd rather be tied up and listening to a Sex and the City marathon with Kathy Griffin guest-starring) for their foray back through the US? How much did Dish spend on DD in 2011 (well past 1K)?

This is just the kind of crap Dish would run to see: Triplets starring Arnold, Danny Devito and freaking Eddie Murphy. Ivan Reitman attached. I'm sorry. I can smell all the jokes about race and size but I still love Eddie.

Tonight, TG and I embarked on more clever fare: Tinker, tailor, Soldier, Spy. Lovely cinematography, fine acting, a little boring. Gary Oldman is especially turtle-esque, showing us that to be a serious actor, you have to lose your hotness a little.

Two people who are now older than I am: Celine Dion and Donna D'Erico.

Say a prayer for Dishmama who is sick as a dog. The poor girl runs herself ragged and gets ill once a year. Her generation is so old school!! Dish works half as hard and gets ill at least once a week!

You'd think celebrities would watch what they say...

...but often they just spout nonsense and cliches. Every now and then you'll get an articulate jewel like George Clooney, Meryl, Julia, and--yes, I'm biased--every member of Duran Duran (the British sound smarter). Sadly, some stars have no control. They go with the moment and forget to think. Then it's too late and every group is demanding an apology. Relevant talk show host ten years ago Carson Daly made a string of offensive gay jokes that coincided with the airplane pilot meltdown. I read what he said and cringed. He's apologized but it seems so canned. Maybe it helps ratings as Piers might do by dissing Madonna.
Martina Navratilova was voted off DWTS, which is sad because athletically she's the most qualified and she looked great all glammed up. Of course, she got the boot since she's accomplished so much but doesn't attract the drama of other contestants. I would take getting voted off as a reward.

Dishfriend and I went out to Chelsea Market to ravage Anthropologie. Alas, no dress for Dish but we had a Fat Witch Brownie (one of Oprah's favorite things though Dishbrownies are even better) and discussed the pros and cons of Bethenney Frankel. Yes, she's scary and, like Madonna, she's probably too potent to be around 24/7. I can't see anyone as a match for her. I mean this as a compliment. Maybe when she's 55, she'll meet a James Brolin. Dishfriend might have convinced me to watch her show. We both agreed Real Housewives of Orange County had only one viably interesting character, Vicki's daughter--though I tried to convince Dishfriend that Alexis might be fun without the group pressure.

Why Did Piers Ban Madonna?

Piers Morgan has banned Madonna from his flailing CNN show...and every other show he does. Not only that, I've fallen into his trap! I'm writing about him. Ergo, more print about him, which might make me watch his show! Damn you, Piers. But what could be the cause of this bad blood between Piers and Madge? Dish smells a scenario involving sex gone bad. Or resentment over no sex. Oh well, I'm sure Madonna isn't crying and I'll still enjoy his shows even though he strikes me as oily.

Fame-whoring parents: Divorce sucks. Multiply this by ten when both parents go to the press to whine about the divorce. Add in some kids and you have a big mess caused by adults. Christie Brinkley cried on TV about having her character assassinated (try being a Kardashian!). Peter Cook accused her of being a liar and a bad mother. If you do decades of math, they both seem pretty awful and old news.

The self-proclaimed first supermodel (It certainly wasn't Cheryl Tiegs or Twiggy) Janice Dickinson has come out viciously against Kim Kardashian and the whole-lotta-nothing flour incident. Public catfight! I sort of feel as if divorcing Kris was a terrible idea for KK. It's been downhill ever since for the entire family.

To the Gen-Y-failed-model-turned-aspiring-screenwriter (one of the many that occupies bohemian coffeehouse The Commons with its delicious grilled cheese): I hope ten years from now--when not everything gets handed to you on a silver platter--that someone doesn't offer you a seat as you're juggling four bags, keys and an espresso. This is the same guy who takes up three seats on the subway because his legs are spread wide, his junk allegedly that enormous.

How Do The Stars Cope With Stress?

If only I knew how Julia or Sandra or Nicole dealt with stress, maybe it would help me. Dish tends to stop eating and sleeping at the merest twitch in the universe. I haven't eaten a full meal in four days. No pills help during agita (though my agita tends to be small potatoes). The whole Rx-booze way of coping seems so mundane and TMZ--though I am guilty of the easy way out sometimes. So what do celebrities do when they really lose their sh*t and need some courage?

I hear Jennifer Aniston hates to fly, and yet she does. How does she get herself on the plane? Adele has terrible anxiety before her performances--so how does she do it? I don't have challenges nearly as big and yet such little things make me crumble. The big things, well, I tend to breeze through them (i.e. public speaking, dentistry, death). All stress-relieving anecdotes and suggestions welcome--as long as not the usual "lots of exercise and fresh veggies." I already do this. And the fish oil, magnesium, manicures, meditation. Maybe a lot of $$$ and vacation would help.

My go-to cure for stress is to watch the stars in action. When I befriended Frank Miller many years ago, he seemed a reclusive type but lots of fun out on the town. I asked him, "How do you go out and appear in public at events?" He responded that he had to invent a new personality for himself.

Ergo, to alleviate stress, one needs to act, i.e. be a celebrity. Problem solved.

Oh...and Duran Duran relieves my stress almost instantly. Their songs will be covered on Glee April 10th, which is also Steven Seagal's birthday, in case you were wondering.

Happy Birthday, Steven Tyler!

With this headline, other news makes me yawn--such as:

Dish-birthday-sharer Brian Austin Green might be sued for allegedly being mean to a pap, Rob Kardashian arrested for a joke gone bad with a pap. Maybe the moral of the story is: Stay away, Paps! Take pictures of me instead. I may be old and not as thin as the celebs but I promise I'm infinitely more interesting. And I will answer all your questions IN LURID DETAIL! The camera loves me and the feeling is mutual.

The Hunger Games had a record breaking weekend.

Bobby Brown was arrested for DUI. Tra la la la!

What did you think of last night's Mad Men? Dish almost fell asleep at the wheel after twenty minutes but powered through to the bitter end. With so much television to choose from, should I let go of this stylish yet slow-paced show?

I Know Where Snooki Is Right Now!

Dishbrotherhusband will be in her midst very soon, but I'm discreet. I'll stay mum until I get some down and dirty details about the girl TG wishes were his daughter. Is she drinking? How big is the bump? What will her stomach contents be?

I could make jokes about Dick Cheney getting a heart transplant but I won't. I just feel bad for the person who contributed the organ. Dish doesn't want bad karma! Maybe a new heart will lessen Dick's d*ckiness.

Right now the perfect storm has blown out my DVR: The Good Wife, Desperate Housewives, Mad Men, and Snapped. I will watch them all.

I think I need to go on a TV fast. I can't form a coherent sentence.

Not Much for a Saturday...

...except that Dish has procured a celebrity LETTER, handwritten (probably by an assistant) but it's mine, mine, mine. It's not addressed to me, but I have it. Will spend all day tomorrow analyzing handwriting.

Camille Grammer is not returning to RHoBH which makes me respect her even more. What a sane decision, though it'll be sad not to see her.

The rumor mill has Ashton and Rihanna dating. This smells like fabrication to revive their reps. Now that he's Demi-less, people don't see him as so interesting and with all the Chris Brown flack, Rihanna seems emotionally crippled. Why not put them together?

KK might be pressing charges against the woman who threw flour at her. Really? I'd be pissed in case it was anthrax, but following through on this seems like a big nothing.