The Feds Looking Askance at Lance!

There are new/old doping allegations against athlete Lance Armstrong. Dish is too close to this issue--one degree of separation. They'll throw me in the slammer over what I think I know. Okay, maybe that's overstating. Lance told my friend her legs were fat and then she made him an egg-white omelet. This was years ago, before he was LANCE. First of all, Dishfriend's body is HOT and cycle-toned for life so we kinda hate him. Second, as a former cycle widow* I learned that doping is everywhere in the cycling world. How else to get through races? How else to deal with nine-hour rides except with a little herbal infusion? Thankfully, my ex-cycle-BFs* were fairly clean in races and had moral codes with respect to the sport (but were dirty dogs in other respects). This new Lance bombshell doesn't surprise me.

Yay: Emily Maynard is reportedly engaged to one of her bachelors! Can't wait to hear which one. Blah: Chris Brown and Drake's entourage allegedly brawled in a NYC nightclub. I've had enough of this dirtbag.

Dish is bitter. Screw SJP and Obama and their fundraiser dinner. 100$ down the toilet. If they don't want me in their home, I don't want their duck confit salad and quinoa tartlettes either!!! (Just kidding. I'd kill for some quinoa and O face time)


*Never date an athlete.
**Yes, more than one. More than two. It was a dark period in Dishlore.

Did You Get Chills Seeing the Trailer for "Dallas"?

I sure did! I cannot wait to get my fill of the dastardly JR and angelic Bobby. Those fierce Texans knocked my socks off when I was 10, they'll do it again when I'm...um... younger than all the members of Duran Duran! This show lassoed my heart and I dreamt of becoming a drunken housewife like the breathy Sue Ellen. Finally, let there be geezer sex...with a Stetson!

I'm catching up on my stories:

The Bachelorette: I don't know how Emily is going to pick from all the guys. I really don't. My money is still on Arie but Jef is kinda cool despite his zygote-ish looks. Still seems mid-pube.

Just saw finale: Screw you, Mad Men!

The Tonys: Have loved Judith Light since One Life to Live. She can do no wrong and she scares me. Matthew Broderick--what was he DOING? Why does everyone sound British? NPH awesome as always. It's true, the real talents are in the theater. Sorry, Dishbrothersidekick, no way are you right about Hugh.

Redheads Don't Have More Fun, But The Victory Is Greater When We Do Have a Little Fun!

I often get mistaken for the Flying Tomato himself, Shaun White, gingie supreme. We redheads fight the crippling stigma of being whorish, ill-tempered, Irish, weird and Satanic. So when I hear the news that Shaun White is dating DiCaprio's castaway Bar Rafaeli*, I must stand and do the slow clap. Way to go, Paula. Way to go.

Continuing in my Love to Hate James Franco series, look at what the mother-fella wrote for Huffpo.Could he name-drop more excellent movies and if he loves Sean Penn so much, why doesn't he marry him? Wasn't making out with him in Milk enough? Just kidding. The boy is immersed in books and films, has the name to get published on HuffPo and by Amazon's publishing arm, even if a mite choppy. I'm sure he could re-tile my bathroom, the learned Renaissance bastard!

Katie Couric has a new talk show and new boyfriend. SCORE! I don't care if she shrieks at her makeup people. I love this woman. I watched Bethenny's new show and wasn't thoroughly wowed. I mean, she's hilarious and overpowers mere mortals. And don't we have enough talk shows? Shouldn't say that since she *could* discover the story of Dish and TG and FLY US OUT AND HAVE US APPEAR. Bethenny's show is awesome. Love her! Really, I do.

*Though Bar should remember Dish's maxim: Never date an athlete. Never ever.

The Bitter with the Sweet

On the heels of rejoicing over the news that my favorite shirtless pothead, Matthew McConaughey, tied the knot, one of my favorite anchor/hosts Robin Roberts revealed she had a kind of bone marrow blood disease. It doesn't sound good but she's such a tough broad. Dish might just start praying again. Heal, Robin, heal!

It's not even worth mentioning that Lindsay lied to the cops about her accident, which could mean jail. Sabotage.

The universe smiled on me today. I'm going to see Duran Duran play SOONER THAN I THOUGHT. Maybe this summer won't suck stinky rotten eggs.

Happy Birthday to My Gorgeous, Funny, Overall Awesome Husband!!! And Dr. Oz!

I love you, baby!

Two Star Sightings in Five Minutes: Sally Field and Nicholas Feitel!!!

Fresh from the gym, I went to my supermarket, heading toward the produce section. Dish is trying to turn over a new leaf. After procuring two Fuji apples, I passed the nut section where an adorable Sally Field was exploring the shelves of almonds, quinoa and M&Ms. She looked back at me as if I'd sprouted horns. Naughty Sally! My shirt was a mite see-through. Or maybe it was the rash delivery boy plowing by us in rough buffalo fashion. As I passed by Sally's cart, I tried to memorize her products. All that stuck was: Smuckers!!!

I left the supermarket and walked up toward 15th and 7th. Within seconds I passed Nicholas Feitel (Bethenny's food blogger), checking his phone while dragging a suitcase. He was lost in a land of words, oblivious to the fellow Gingie that is Dish. AND I'M A FAN!

A good day.

There Are No Words...

A picture is worth a thousand chuckles. You don't even need comics. I learned today that that Kim K bought Kanye a Lamborghini for his birthday. TG totally married the wrong woman!

In MeLand: While I love stars, I tend to be disappointed when I meet them in person. There are so many a-holes. To date, the super-non-a-hole exceptions, discovered over several encounters, have been Jon Tenney and Frank Miller who are very friendly in real life. Dish recently encountered a celestial being who seems winning on screen but luckily Dish's age and wisdom helped see the a-hole within. The only time I'd forgive a-hole-itis would be with Julia and DD. Overall, I haven't got time for the pain. Adoration from afar is so much easier on the fragile fan's psyche.

Will This Slow Down Dick and Liz?

Lindsay Lohan was just in a horrific car crash with totaled car. She allegedly went to the emergency room and claimed the truck cut her off. Hope Lifetime can pay the insurance!

Oh God, I'm too depressed even to give this one iota of my time. Miracle/windfall needed. I'm tired of putting forth effort. Can't move my neck.