Trick or Treat: Kim Kardashian Filing for Divorce

OMG--and they said it wouldn't last. Can you see how this will prolong the reality show? Jackasses! How casually these brainless boobs treat the sanctity of marriage, though I feel bad for Kris Humphries. He's looked like a deer in headlights from Day 1. So many questions: Will she give back the ring? What about the gifts? Will Kim wind up doing a tearful interview with Baba Wawa? Poor Kim totally upstaged Jessica Simpson who was upstaged 15 years ago by Britney who announced she was preggo.

Even sicker is this picture of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison dressed as her. They must have the freakiest sex life. This is a Lifetime movie about to erupt. I fear someone will die.

DishFriendwithConnections just showed me recent pics of her with Duran Duran after a concert. I've seen many of these over the years. My future is clear: One day, Dishmama will come home, "Oh I just met this lovely Nick Rhodes at Bergdorf's and we marveled at an emerald tulle cape." Or Dishbrother, "Roger Taylor came in to have his forearms massaged." or DishMatronofHonor: "I met Simon at a drumming ceremony last week. That boy can howl at the moon." Dish will die with Bucket List unresolved. There was an episode of South Park that dealt with this issue but I won't go that far.

Dish Can See Tom Brady Crying

TG is watching the game, which is a manly Sunday thing to do. Football is full of stars, like Gisele who's married to the currently losing quarterback, Tom Brady. The two are both so pretty I hate them. No really, I'm not that petty. TG and I always get this reaction when people see us. I may not look like Gisele in Victoria's Secret, but I can relate to her travails. Beauty X 2 is a curse.

Heidi Klum wins Halloween yet again. She scares me with her Auf Wiederzein, her perfect delivery and those Stepford eyes. Fear of her keeps me from Project Runway and worship of Tim Gunn. Her body costume makes her even more scary to Dish.

Herman Cain: His new campaign ad, showing his campaign manager smoking, has gone viral. Genius! When you don't have money for bloated, corny TV ads, go bananas and outrage the PC police. It's sad we live in a world where a smoker shocks people. Twenty years ago, everyone smoked in movies. Be who you are was the message of the ad and my friends who smoke would love this. Dish smoked for 20 years and even though I can't stand the smell, people DO smoke. I don't care as long as it's not around me. The damage is done and more folks could ride bikes instead of fart around in their cars. Face the Nation's Bob Schieffer got all pissy at Cain for having this smoking in the ad, as if sex and violence on TV weren't as toxic in the media. Cain amuses me. I would never vote for him. His abortion beliefs alone turn me off, but he's fun.

Lindsay finally got her teeth done. And her nose looks different too. It's the Irish nose TG threatens come home with after a two-week trip overseas this coming January.

Fresh from her Leonardo DiCaprio breakup, Blake Lively has allegedly introduced Ryan Reynolds to her family. Ry probably makes her laugh. He does have more star-power now that Leo has gone the Serious Movie route. Wouldn't it be nice if Leo did ONE romantic comedy? J. Edgar looks like a big bore called The Aviator.

Let's Get Hitched!

Mario Cantone, our favorite wedding planner from Sex & the City, married long-time love. Did Liza sing "All the Single Ladies?" Eva Amurri also tied the knot! Congratulations to hilarious Mario and Susan Sarandon's daughter, who is a good actress on her own.

I'm still living off the high of Duran Duran who play Atlantic City in this nasty weather--a nice send-off before going home. http://s1089.photobucket.com/albums/i359/dg11469/October 24 2011 - October 30 2011/?action=view¤t=duranduranfergusonn.mp4. I'm about to watch their interview on Piers, though it will send TG out of the room.

My Week with Marilyn: I can't wait to see this. First, I love seeing Kenneth Branagh and you know playing Olivier must have given him wet dreams. No one has fully captured Marilyn but Michelle Williams, if you believe the hype, comes close--at least in this movie poster! This clip gave me chills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPMMup-ZrY4, though this trailer is a little underwhelming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-b48Aj8zkg.

Dish spent a week eating massive carbs, no vegetables or protein and didn't exercise. Lost 3 pounds.

Happy Birthday, Julia Roberts!

Haiku for Julia:

Brown with blond highlights
Pretty pretty hair. I brush?
(Creepy poem, huh)

Winning smile, strong voice
Why did she make Larry Crowne?
Oh, those three kids to feed

Oprah's tall sweetheart
Remember "they're called boobs, Ed"?
For she's just a girl...

Rom Com, no dramas
Hyena laugh, shake Oscar
brightness in bleakness.

Happy Birthday, Jules!!!

Happy Birthday, Simon Le Bon!!!

And he was in Page Six today, rocking his Kenneth-Branagh-Much-Ado beard. Dish had to Google the Standard Hotel, shameful given close residency to this fine establishment. Dishcolleague, who also went to the MSG concert on Tuesday, sat five feet in front of the Le Bons and Taylors. She confirmed a well-known fact: That Yasmin Le Bon is still the most beautiful woman on Earth.

Another talented beauty and Renaissance woman Rita Wilson not only produces films but will be releasing an album in February 2012. Let's hope this Hollywood housewife (though she's way more than that) CAN sing. I will get it the minute it comes out because I've liked her since Bonfire of the Vanities, one of the world's suckiest movies that I still love to watch. Because it's all cyclical: one of its stars Bruce Willis and his wife Emma Heming have a baby on the way.

Eternal jackass and no shining example of fatherhood Michael Lohan was released from jail only to harass his ex again and get busted fleeing from police. Some people just belong behind bars. Landfill.

So Close to the Stage!

This is what happens when old cell phones take pictures. We were very close to the Almighty Simon. I didn't hyperventilate once and the key is Don't Look Back (because All You Need Is Now) at the crush of people. Indeed, we were in embedded in Duranmania but I kept breathing and singing and dancing. DishfellowDuraniefriend accompanied me, which made all the difference. There's nothing like sharing an obsession with someone who understands. Mark Ronson and Ana Matronic (goddess) guest-starred. A heavenly two hours overall. I went into the concert sick as a dog and emerged cured. Simon's sparkly pants were out of this world, as was Nick's bejeweled brooch.

First Steven Tyler fell in the shower and knocked out his front teeth. I dig. Showers are slippery when wet. That's why Dish puts down a mat for traction. But Steven's story didn't end there. In an update, the slip in the shower was blamed on food poisoning. This qualifier makes me suspicious. If you have food poisoning, why go in the shower since the heat can make you wither further? If you want to hose down a shit-puke perfect storm, I suggest a cold shower administered by a caring assistant. I tend to stay in bed for 7 days before trying to move. I anticipate the next plot point in this story will be: Slipped in the shower because of food poisoning due to exhaustion.

Amy Winehouse's official cause of death: too much booze.

Duran Duran at MSG Tonight!

I'm revving up the 80s pop engine and getting ready to hit MSG. I will breeze in as the opening band plays because I don't do General Admission even though I have a GA ticket. Cannot wait to see the boys again! Surely, the sight of Simon, Roger, John and Nick will cure my ailments. Dish is back to wearing eyeliner again, thank heavens.

New candidate for celebrity landfill: Michael Lohan was arrested for domestic violence, i.e beating the crap out of Kate Major, his ex-fiancee. At least he keeps himself in the news. And his sweet daughter is allegedly posing for Playboy. Great! Because she's such a sex symbol...

Darrell Hammond comes clean about all his drug abuse. Dish has a friend who spent a lot of time with him before SNL. Boy do I have stories. They will go to my grave.

The Beaver starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster: Touching in areas, really ridiculous, absolutely NO vagina innuendo.

Shutter Island starring Leonardo DiCaprio: Unwatchable even as live streaming.

Happy Birthday, J.J.!!!!!

Why I love J.J. (who is freakishly old today):

He's very good-looking and resembles Hugh Jackman, but with an edge.

He's one of the few who can handle my huge red hair, but he curses all the way through the appointment.

He calls me a c*nt, which no one has ever done and he seems to appreciate the irony.

His hyperbole is not to be missed: "_____ was the best film in cinema." "Her feet were so deformed, they looked like penises!"

He is always himself. Nothing more, nothing less. And you always want more.


In more unimportant news: Madonna's brother living under a bridge. It's still bigger than my apartment. Walking home today, I could feel that special Duran Duran magic under the cement. I know exactly where they are, but I am civilized...and I am sick so I went directly home. The sad thing is that I am very under the weather and I will be inconsolable if I can't rally for tomorrow's concert. TG might have to go in my place.

You know Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi are going to get their own reality show. Jail-bait Courtney and Doug were kicked out of the pumpkin patch for being inappropriate.

Desperate Housewives: Lynette and Tom belong together. All the housewives are going to jail, just like in Seinfeld.

The Good Wife: Julianna's maroon suit was to die for. The evil wife-killer reminds me of an ex. Feel that Alan Cummings should be my new best friend.

That is all.