Dish's 2012 Wishes and Predictions

1. Julia Roberts will make a romantic comedy -- something light and fluffy where she will laugh uproariously and spout repeatable lines. Please, Julia! (Sean Penn should do one too because he's still kind of hot--well, he reminds me a lot of TG--and you two would be great)
2. Sofia Vergara will win SOMETHING. She is amazing and needs recognition pronto. Don't judge her because her melones fairly pop out of her dresses.
3. Annoyances will fade from our psychic landscape: the Kardashians (still like Kris Jenner, though), the Lohans
4. Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani will run for President which will make us laugh even harder at the parade of fools in this campaign.
5. Mad Men, Dexter, The Closer, and Breaking Bad will shock our faces off with amazing new seasons.
6. Please God, let me not even turn on The Bachelor which premieres January 16th. I got so screwed last year with Brad and Emily.
7. I will meet a huge celebrity (2011 brought Anderson Cooper but we can aim higher--especially since HE NEVER AIRED OUR SHOW).
8. Queer As Folk will return. Please? Even if Gale and Hal don't mesh.
9. A tabloid, production company, star will hire me as a consultant and overall delight. I am an expert.
10. An A-lister will fart on The View and it won't be Whoopi.
11. Demi will find true love again before Ashton and she'll stick with the kids.
12. Demi and Courtney Cox will look even more alike in 2012 thanks to a new treatment developed in Switzerland.
13. Derek Jeter will finally get married.
14. Hillary Clinton and her ever-growing blond locks will find even more success as she rises higher. More streakers will parade through official events and she will laugh like a bar floozy, which we love.
15. An A-list divorce will shock the hell out of everyone.
16. January Jones reveals the Lord as the father of her child.
17. Britney gets pregnant and married.
18. Olivia Wilde will leave Jason Sudeikis in the dust for someone more famous...and off limits.
19. Jane Lynch will do a dramatic role that has us gasping in wonder. Okay, I'm projecting here. I basically want people I like to rule the world. Is there anything wrong with that?
20. Getting back to Julia, she and I will embark on a lacy-beaded shawl knitting pattern this year. Race ya.
21. Bryan Cranston will be declared God.
22. I'm going to have a beer.

Happiness is when his flight is delayed one day!

Not many people were flying 5,000 miles away last night, including TG. He leaves in a couple hours for his destination, but it was a happy surprise that he came home last night (though he did interrupt my Kardashian catch-up).

While perusing my latest catalog, I realized a fabulous fertility tip: become a Victoria's Secret model. Half of them are pregnant or just had babies. I'll start my liquid diet right now. Where's my whey milkshake, TG?

TG and I saw The Artist yesterday. Totally charming and brings back the luster of a bygone era. Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo are brilliant together. Dish blubbered over that damn dog, who should win an Oscar or at least be nominated. I would cast him instead of humans in a whole host of movies.

Beyonce may have had her baby. Wasn't her pregnancy a strange one? It seemed just yesterday she announced it and her bump kept changing. But then she and Jay-Z were always secretive about their relaysh.

There were rumors of Chris Brown and Rihanna reuniting. Dear Lord in Heaven, let this not happen. Don't they each have enough people to prevent this? Once you get a smack, don't go back!

Dear God, Not the Brand-Perrys!

It's official that Russell Brand has filed for divorce with the usual irreconcilable differences. The clue came when they spent Christmas apart. Don't worry, folks. Just because TG and I are spending New Year's apart, doesn't mean we're not happy kids. In fact, I'm near tears that he's leaving for a week. Ah well, it just means a Breaking Bad marathon will happen tonight in the nation of Chelsea.

Tabloids report that Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana are canoodling on the Sunset strip. I kinda hoped he'd get back with our skinny-as-string Renee, but then one can't place money on Hollywood romance.

So Dish slugged through a face/hair ruining rainstorm to attend a party thrown by glamorous people on the inside. Big news: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a great guy. Super nice (no, he wasn't there). Dish caught some major bombshells about who's gay and who's not. Mostly what we already know but details. I'll take them to my grave.

Here's a travesty of justice: Khloe Kardashian wants to go blond but her mother Kris Jenner won't let her. This is a national crisis, especially since Khloe is hotter as a blond. Please God, send in Sean Penn and George Clooney and a telethon.

Stephanie Kramer of Hunter fame is joining The Secret Circle (as Gale's mamala) and she is AWESOME. Gale Harold fans, did I stop watching too soon?

Holiday Season = More Engagements and Pregnations!

Wynonna Judd engaged to musician Cactus Moses. Congrats, you two! She only has to water him once a month. Michael Jordan is also engaged. Which rock has he been living under these days? If I were like Mike--and who wouldn't want to be--I'd liquify any money that looks especially crisp and then bathe in it. I hear the vapors eliminate toxins and lift the skin.

Kings of Leon member Caleb Followill will be a dad (which one dated Amber Le Bon--that's all Dish cares about. Don't start a family too soon, Amber! We want to see what you can do).

American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul. Dish loves Ron's crochety old fart ways, and his resemblance to Frasier's dad makes him cute as a button. Sadly for Ron, I will probably vote for the least evil candidate.

I love Mama Gena--just in small doses or else this cynic get an ice cream headache. She has a way of perking a girl up and nudging her in a sexy direction. Here's what this motivating goddess of sensuality has to say about resolutions: http://mamagenas.com/blog/whats-better-than-a-resolution. Dish will make two sets of "desires" -- one for self, one for the stars. Stay tuned.

Divorcing with the Stars!

There had to be a part II in the Debra Messing divorce bombshell. She's supposedly dating her Smash co-star Will Chase! TG and I watched the preview for this flickipoo and it looks a little like Burlesque/A Chorus Line/You Light Up My Life/Fame-ish. Might have to see it anyway since I love Debra. She looks so happy in this pic, like the glow that comes from new romance. Or in my case, I get that glow when I see a bacon cheeseburger with fries.

Hollywood's favorite psychopath Mike Lohan collapsed in his AA meeting and the docs found a new blood clot in his lungs. I don't wish him ill but Karma is a bitch. As my doctor says, the bad stuff has to come out somehow (I won't elaborate on how this relates to me except baked goods every day for a month + no vegetables = you do the math).

According to TMZ, an ex-Kardashian nanny is shopping a book in which she trashes the kids. Speaking from someone in that publishing industry (as you can tell), I don't see a huge market for this. By the time it comes out the K empire won't be so hot. This book would send more bad energy out into the universe. And we already can guess how spoiled the girls might have been. Now if the nanny were a caretaker by day, dominatrix to the stars by night...

Cattiness ensues between Deion Sanders's soon-to-be ex and her stepdaughter, who began a Twitter war claiming Pilar (Deion's wife) was an unfaithful gold-digger. Everyone looks ugly in this. Best to be quiet.

Preggo Means No More Tiger Stigma!

Rachel Uchitel ups her game by Tweeting her preggo bod. The world is right again for her now that she's shed her Tiger-mistress skin. It's amazing the many layers of existence.

Speaking of, Anthony Weiner allegedly wanted to have a threesome with another man, according to the woman who came forward about his wang-Tweeting. So this means he's a little gay too? Maybe just gay-adjacent and not ashamed to be naked in a sexual way with another man. I dig that. I wonder what it's gonna take for the wife to leave. Not recycling?

Still-kinda-cool rock star Steven Tyler proposed to his somewhat age-appropriate and pretty GF but family is supposedly not happy. They've been together five years so Dish is fine with it. Not everyone has to love each other. It only matters that Steven is happy and keeps creating weirdisms on American Idol. He rocks!

Not-funny Russell Brand and awesome songstress Katy Perry spent Christmas apart and the splitsville rumors abound! Guys, you cannot divorce after having a lavish wedding. Oh wait...yes you can (KK)!

More Proof that Celebrity Heteros Shouldn't Marry!

Golden voiced Sinead O'Connor ended her marriage after 18 days. I couldn't understand her reasoning but here's the gist: Husband freaked out, wedding night search for maryjane wound up hurting them deeply, people around them were haters, they rushed into marriage and are now rushing out of it. Kim is off the hook! To be fair, Sinead is truly ill upstairs--and she knows it--and at least has the wherewithall not to screw her public into watching a televised marriage. At least Sinead didn't marry every five minutes either. She spaced them out within 10 years of each other (except for these last two).

The most exciting part of this Christmas was discovering that Nora Walker and Dishmama live practically next-door to each other, which means Dish could *easily* run into her in the elevator. I will make it so. I need a cup of sugar from the Flying Nun.

Sad condolences to friends, fans and family of Clare Veronica Walsh, a goddess spin instructor, who died at the far-too-young age of 22 and SNL writer Joe Bodolai, who left this earth by his own design. Blessings on their coming and going.

Happy Boxing Day!

Some quick news since Dish has two parties to attend:

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves are engaged! After two kids, it seems rather sudden. This means Camila will be legally bound to make sure he showers. Just kidding! With the baldiness, that's one place he doesn't need to worry about. There are many others.

Just saw a pic of Kat Von D spilling out of her jeans and it made me feel good. She's a normal sized woman!

Reality show drama queen Vienna Girardi stormed off Relationship Rehab because they brought her face-to-face with an ex. She's so good at the fake crisis!

Arnold and Maria might be having second thoughts. It runs in the family to stay by your man even if he sticks it where it doesn't belong. Change is difficult.

Off to party.