Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Which Sandra Bullock Character Are You?

If you want to take this important quiz, click here. Being slightly witchy (in an uptight, constipated way), Dish is Sally Owens from Practical Magic. Can I stir my coffee without using my hand? Only if you assume I put anything in it.

Joaquin Phoenix stunned us all--and by all, I mean me--by announcing his engagement here. My first thought was--and I'm ashamed because I should talk--who would marry this hot mess? TG is the answer.

Today's confession is that I've stopped running. I've stopped exercising and can say now with scientific certainty that not exercising has a terrible effect on the body. The only positive is that I'm very thin, but after reading this Post by Elizabeth Gilbert, I got back on the treadmill today without feeling the urge to flee. Tonight, I will eat carrot cake and every other fattening thing I can find.

Monday, December 08, 2014

Is Amal Pregnant?

After careful examination, Mrs. George Clooney might just be wearing a poofy dress in today's TMZ, but then, if I thought cameras were on me, I'd mess with them big-time and stick out my gut. I hope they keep everyone guessing.
I won't fall for pregnancy rumors since Julia came out in this a few years ago and Dishbrother told me she was preggo with amateur confirmation by Dishbrotherhusband. As it turns out, Julia had had a big lunch and maybe a soy vanilla protein smoothie (this gives Dish major saddlebags).

Still gaga over The Affair. I don't get it since the show is about a  seemingly mundane fling gone awry. Or is it just the godliness trifecta of Dominic West/Ruth Wilson/Pacey that keeps Dish enthralled?

There's nothing else. Except for True Tori (please get those implants taken out. No one cares about your t*ts. It's all about the butt now). Oh, and the Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce, which is surprisingly entertaining. There is much girly whininess, but Lisa Edelstein can make any shit-show shine.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

Catching Up on Reality

18 months ago, I updated this blog every day. What's happened? Though some may beg to differ (*cough*Mom, *cough* TG) am starting to believe that obsessing about the stars might be the key to my mental health.

So for starters, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Asslips is on fire, my new favorite character. Her hair is the same, lips the same as the last 25 years. Why mess with what works? She's bubbly, perky and I would like a Lisa Rinna IV in my veins.

Vanderpump Rules: Not so trashy as last season but Kristin is the train wreck that I need. I learned so much from Jax's nose job and Tom, as in how to hide bad-ish skin. Plus, I'm fascinated by how Stassi infiltrates despite having no purpose on the show. Goat cheese balls indeed.

Madam Secretary: Tea Leoni can do no wrong. The implausibility alone makes me bubble over with happiness, like she has time to spend so much time with her family, chat adorably with hubby and look unmussed yet mussed. As I avoid looking at Bebe Newirth's 90s frizz, I focus on Joan from Mad Men's husband who is carving out his own identity.

The Good Wife: Jumped the shark by killing Will. I continue watching because of David Hyde Pierce.

Grey's Anatomy: The show is dying, so returning to the original Meredith/McDreamy conflict. Karev is the only one I'd let operate on me. Praying Geena Davis lives through her brain tumor.

Nashville: Though I wish I were her, Rayna makes one stupid mistake after another--and looks amazing at the same time. Why would you ever choose Luke over Deacon (the alcoholism would be a deal-breaker for Dish)? I live for the ecstatic romantic reunion between either: Juliette and Avery and/or Gunther and the Airhead Who Gets Panic Attacks on Stage.

Because I've binged on every TV show imaginable, I'm rewatching Queer As Folk and understanding once again that in most crises, one must ask: What would Brian Kinney do?

Can't bring myself to discuss Bill Cosby.