Saturday, December 31, 2011

Dish's 2012 Wishes and Predictions

1. Julia Roberts will make a romantic comedy -- something light and fluffy where she will laugh uproariously and spout repeatable lines. Please, Julia! (Sean Penn should do one too because he's still kind of hot--well, he reminds me a lot of TG--and you two would be great)
2. Sofia Vergara will win SOMETHING. She is amazing and needs recognition pronto. Don't judge her because her melones fairly pop out of her dresses.
3. Annoyances will fade from our psychic landscape: the Kardashians (still like Kris Jenner, though), the Lohans
4. Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani will run for President which will make us laugh even harder at the parade of fools in this campaign.
5. Mad Men, Dexter, The Closer, and Breaking Bad will shock our faces off with amazing new seasons.
6. Please God, let me not even turn on The Bachelor which premieres January 16th. I got so screwed last year with Brad and Emily.
7. I will meet a huge celebrity (2011 brought Anderson Cooper but we can aim higher--especially since HE NEVER AIRED OUR SHOW).
8. Queer As Folk will return. Please? Even if Gale and Hal don't mesh.
9. A tabloid, production company, star will hire me as a consultant and overall delight. I am an expert.
10. An A-lister will fart on The View and it won't be Whoopi.
11. Demi will find true love again before Ashton and she'll stick with the kids.
12. Demi and Courtney Cox will look even more alike in 2012 thanks to a new treatment developed in Switzerland.
13. Derek Jeter will finally get married.
14. Hillary Clinton and her ever-growing blond locks will find even more success as she rises higher. More streakers will parade through official events and she will laugh like a bar floozy, which we love.
15. An A-list divorce will shock the hell out of everyone.
16. January Jones reveals the Lord as the father of her child.
17. Britney gets pregnant and married.
18. Olivia Wilde will leave Jason Sudeikis in the dust for someone more famous...and off limits.
19. Jane Lynch will do a dramatic role that has us gasping in wonder. Okay, I'm projecting here. I basically want people I like to rule the world. Is there anything wrong with that?
20. Getting back to Julia, she and I will embark on a lacy-beaded shawl knitting pattern this year. Race ya.
21. Bryan Cranston will be declared God.
22. I'm going to have a beer.

Happiness is when his flight is delayed one day!

Not many people were flying 5,000 miles away last night, including TG. He leaves in a couple hours for his destination, but it was a happy surprise that he came home last night (though he did interrupt my Kardashian catch-up).

While perusing my latest catalog, I realized a fabulous fertility tip: become a Victoria's Secret model. Half of them are pregnant or just had babies. I'll start my liquid diet right now. Where's my whey milkshake, TG?

TG and I saw The Artist yesterday. Totally charming and brings back the luster of a bygone era. Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo are brilliant together. Dish blubbered over that damn dog, who should win an Oscar or at least be nominated. I would cast him instead of humans in a whole host of movies.

Beyonce may have had her baby. Wasn't her pregnancy a strange one? It seemed just yesterday she announced it and her bump kept changing. But then she and Jay-Z were always secretive about their relaysh.

There were rumors of Chris Brown and Rihanna reuniting. Dear Lord in Heaven, let this not happen. Don't they each have enough people to prevent this? Once you get a smack, don't go back!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Dear God, Not the Brand-Perrys!

It's official that Russell Brand has filed for divorce with the usual irreconcilable differences. The clue came when they spent Christmas apart. Don't worry, folks. Just because TG and I are spending New Year's apart, doesn't mean we're not happy kids. In fact, I'm near tears that he's leaving for a week. Ah well, it just means a Breaking Bad marathon will happen tonight in the nation of Chelsea.

Tabloids report that Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana are canoodling on the Sunset strip. I kinda hoped he'd get back with our skinny-as-string Renee, but then one can't place money on Hollywood romance.

So Dish slugged through a face/hair ruining rainstorm to attend a party thrown by glamorous people on the inside. Big news: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a great guy. Super nice (no, he wasn't there). Dish caught some major bombshells about who's gay and who's not. Mostly what we already know but details. I'll take them to my grave.

Here's a travesty of justice: Khloe Kardashian wants to go blond but her mother Kris Jenner won't let her. This is a national crisis, especially since Khloe is hotter as a blond. Please God, send in Sean Penn and George Clooney and a telethon.

Stephanie Kramer of Hunter fame is joining The Secret Circle (as Gale's mamala) and she is AWESOME. Gale Harold fans, did I stop watching too soon?

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Holiday Season = More Engagements and Pregnations!

Wynonna Judd engaged to musician Cactus Moses. Congrats, you two! She only has to water him once a month. Michael Jordan is also engaged. Which rock has he been living under these days? If I were like Mike--and who wouldn't want to be--I'd liquify any money that looks especially crisp and then bathe in it. I hear the vapors eliminate toxins and lift the skin.

Kings of Leon member Caleb Followill will be a dad (which one dated Amber Le Bon--that's all Dish cares about. Don't start a family too soon, Amber! We want to see what you can do).

American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul. Dish loves Ron's crochety old fart ways, and his resemblance to Frasier's dad makes him cute as a button. Sadly for Ron, I will probably vote for the least evil candidate.

I love Mama Gena--just in small doses or else this cynic get an ice cream headache. She has a way of perking a girl up and nudging her in a sexy direction. Here's what this motivating goddess of sensuality has to say about resolutions: http://mamagenas.com/blog/whats-better-than-a-resolution. Dish will make two sets of "desires" -- one for self, one for the stars. Stay tuned.

Divorcing with the Stars!

There had to be a part II in the Debra Messing divorce bombshell. She's supposedly dating her Smash co-star Will Chase! TG and I watched the preview for this flickipoo and it looks a little like Burlesque/A Chorus Line/You Light Up My Life/Fame-ish. Might have to see it anyway since I love Debra. She looks so happy in this pic, like the glow that comes from new romance. Or in my case, I get that glow when I see a bacon cheeseburger with fries.

Hollywood's favorite psychopath Mike Lohan collapsed in his AA meeting and the docs found a new blood clot in his lungs. I don't wish him ill but Karma is a bitch. As my doctor says, the bad stuff has to come out somehow (I won't elaborate on how this relates to me except baked goods every day for a month + no vegetables = you do the math).

According to TMZ, an ex-Kardashian nanny is shopping a book in which she trashes the kids. Speaking from someone in that publishing industry (as you can tell), I don't see a huge market for this. By the time it comes out the K empire won't be so hot. This book would send more bad energy out into the universe. And we already can guess how spoiled the girls might have been. Now if the nanny were a caretaker by day, dominatrix to the stars by night...

Cattiness ensues between Deion Sanders's soon-to-be ex and her stepdaughter, who began a Twitter war claiming Pilar (Deion's wife) was an unfaithful gold-digger. Everyone looks ugly in this. Best to be quiet.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Preggo Means No More Tiger Stigma!

Rachel Uchitel ups her game by Tweeting her preggo bod. The world is right again for her now that she's shed her Tiger-mistress skin. It's amazing the many layers of existence.

Speaking of, Anthony Weiner allegedly wanted to have a threesome with another man, according to the woman who came forward about his wang-Tweeting. So this means he's a little gay too? Maybe just gay-adjacent and not ashamed to be naked in a sexual way with another man. I dig that. I wonder what it's gonna take for the wife to leave. Not recycling?

Still-kinda-cool rock star Steven Tyler proposed to his somewhat age-appropriate and pretty GF but family is supposedly not happy. They've been together five years so Dish is fine with it. Not everyone has to love each other. It only matters that Steven is happy and keeps creating weirdisms on American Idol. He rocks!

Not-funny Russell Brand and awesome songstress Katy Perry spent Christmas apart and the splitsville rumors abound! Guys, you cannot divorce after having a lavish wedding. Oh wait...yes you can (KK)!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

More Proof that Celebrity Heteros Shouldn't Marry!

Golden voiced Sinead O'Connor ended her marriage after 18 days. I couldn't understand her reasoning but here's the gist: Husband freaked out, wedding night search for maryjane wound up hurting them deeply, people around them were haters, they rushed into marriage and are now rushing out of it. Kim is off the hook! To be fair, Sinead is truly ill upstairs--and she knows it--and at least has the wherewithall not to screw her public into watching a televised marriage. At least Sinead didn't marry every five minutes either. She spaced them out within 10 years of each other (except for these last two).

The most exciting part of this Christmas was discovering that Nora Walker and Dishmama live practically next-door to each other, which means Dish could *easily* run into her in the elevator. I will make it so. I need a cup of sugar from the Flying Nun.

Sad condolences to friends, fans and family of Clare Veronica Walsh, a goddess spin instructor, who died at the far-too-young age of 22 and SNL writer Joe Bodolai, who left this earth by his own design. Blessings on their coming and going.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Happy Boxing Day!

Some quick news since Dish has two parties to attend:

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves are engaged! After two kids, it seems rather sudden. This means Camila will be legally bound to make sure he showers. Just kidding! With the baldiness, that's one place he doesn't need to worry about. There are many others.

Just saw a pic of Kat Von D spilling out of her jeans and it made me feel good. She's a normal sized woman!

Reality show drama queen Vienna Girardi stormed off Relationship Rehab because they brought her face-to-face with an ex. She's so good at the fake crisis!

Arnold and Maria might be having second thoughts. It runs in the family to stay by your man even if he sticks it where it doesn't belong. Change is difficult.

Off to party.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Oops! Almost forgot to post, LOLZ

Dish is all snug as a bug when I realize my forgetfulness. An important discussion of Dishbrother's bday: a worthy costar for Julia Roberts. we went through countless male actors and only found one: Sean Penn. we love him because he would help draw out her best work as he did with Naomi Watts in Fair Game. That is all. Smut returns tomorrow!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A New Low...

By accident the channel was on E and so were the Kardashians. I am hooked and hate myself.

What would Julia think of this?

Sigh, Happy Holidays.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Geezer News

Robert De Niro and his wife Grace Hightower gave birth to a divine girl (via surrogate). Let this latest De Niro be intense and ever mindful of making as many pictures as possible, some good, some bad. Mazel Tov, you crazy kids!

Ladies and Sugar T*ts, let the matrimonial race begin. Mel Gibson is official single again. Hubba, hiccup, hubba! I just can't help remembering the precious voicemail he left for his last babymama, "I want you to get over here and BLOW ME NOWWWWW!!!!" Who says romance is dead?

Prince Phillip underwent emergency heart surgery. For the sake of the monarchy, let's hope he recovers soon. Stiff upper lip!

The holiday season means more Jacquie Lawson ecards. They're sort of like The Highline to Dish--don't get the appeal but lots of my friends/colleague think they're fabulous. In our age of immediate gratification, I can't sit still long enough to see the bird create a centerpiece for the Christmas table, then light a crappy candle in the window. Am I on crack?

Long live someecards.com.

Speaking of crack, I'm thoroughly hooked on Breaking Bad. The acting is just ... I have no words. It brings back my years in New Mexico, when in 3/4 neighborhoods, you could count on a someone breaking into your house and stealing all your jewelry. The good old days! Despite this, I'd go back in a heartbeat for the desert beauty. The series doesn't capture the lusciousness of NM, just the seedy part.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Weiner Is Born...

Congratulations to Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin for their latest addition, Jordan Zane Weiner. I'm too sophisticated to put forth alternative baby names for their little tyke (Ima, Don Tuchmie, Ura Bigue). He'll already get a lot of sh*t.

Glam-popster Adam Lambert was arrested for brawling with his boyfriend in Finland. Sounds like Adam has a case of the boozies, which might prove detrimental to his career. I lost interest after American Idol but had great hopes he'd join Queen. Dish will put on her serious hat with this message: Once your lover hits you or Tweets his wang, pack those bags and get out.

Just saw the teaser for Game Change starring Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4YlDkCIoIs. I love Julianne mostly because she's a gingie and I saw her in person and she was this bubbly chatty cathy when she seems all acty on film. It's one dinky line, but she gave me chills. Is Ed Harris even trying? Haven't forgiven him for not crying during Stepmom, yet his performance in Milk Money is unmatched.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

My Resolutions for the Stars

1. Kate Middleton gains weight. She's been gaunt since her engagement to Wills. Is it stress?

2. The Kardashians fade out and a new family emerges: the Franzens. Imagine if Jonathan Franzen and his family had a reality show. They'd discuss literature, agonize over words (lots of them) and wonder where to get a shitty black turtleneck so they can hide away from this feckless universe. For now, let's rant and rave about the Ks manufacturing overseas and potential use of slave labor. This flock of brunettes has become the symbol of all things bad. Greed, vanity, recklessness and possessing stultifying speech patterns.

3. Kris Humphries thrives as a NJ Net. Not sure I see him as a victim but the best revenge is living well.

4. Julia Roberts makes a romantic comedy with ... I can't believe I'm saying this ... Tom Cruise. The most expensive movie in history but it needs to happen. He would wear major pumps to meet her chin. Okay, too much. Maybe I'd go for Hugh Jackman if he weren't so ... maybe Liev Schreiber. Okay, no one. No one matches Julia.

Dish reached rock bottom of the holiday blues, arranged herself artfully on the muddy earth, and looked up through tears to see a light in the distance. Maybe it's the "grow light" for TG's terrarium and I'm soaking up the photosynthesis. I'll take it and my Vitamin D. Just enough time to enjoy the holidays now. Oh wait ... they haven't even started.

Today's topic: Is Daniel Craig worn out looking, as Dishbrother maintains? He does have the appearance of being run over by a truck and was too skinny in Cowboys and Aliens. Looking forward to James Bond. Watching moviestars run makes me happy.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Happy Anniversary, TG, + 3 Days!

Dish hasn't been in much of a party mood and, truth be told, I'm so ready for this year to end, as wonderful as it was. What made it wonderful? Well, obviously, I married a gem. He puts up with a lot of BS from me, and with good humor. For the two-year anniversary of when he flew here from Switzerland to live with me immediately after not seeing me for 26 years (look at post from 12/17/09), he got me gems! Gorgeous blue topaz earrings with little diamonds. I've never been that into jewelry but this is changing FAST. Having such a great guy fall so unexpectedly into my life makes me endlessly lucky.

Because I'm twisted and it's the only news of the day, two couples who didn't end up so lucky but had a good run: Sam Shepherd and Jessica Lange -- together since 1982 -- split. This doesn't surprise me. Debra Messing and her husband split as well after, if I do the math, what could be 18 years together. A college try.

Just finished Jane Lynch's auto-bio and am sad that it ended. I see that she sponsors B&N's Nook. Must change over immediately!

Monday, December 19, 2011

I'm Not Sure What I'm Doing Here

Four cookies later, I read that Jennifer Beals is a runner. Dishbrother was an extra in a movie of hers and says she is gorge-tastic in person: http://www.runnersworld.com/articlehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif/0,7120,s6-243-544--13135-F,00.html?cm_mmc=Facebook-_-RunnersWorld-_-Content-Motivation-_-JenniferBealsImARunner. To Dish, she will always be the Alpha-goddess Bette from The L Word. Which reminds me, Jane Lynch was in that. Definitely need a mood booster tonight.

That North Korean dictator died of a heart attack--go figure, natural causes, I guess it could happen to anyone. In the same breath, Judy Greer, i.e. the bridesmaid but never a bride in romantic comedies, got married over the weekend. In The Wedding Planner, there's a scene where, I swear, unwashed Matthew McConaughey seems turned on by Greer and I love that.

NYU professor Jose Angel Santana claims that he got fired for giving James Franco a bad grade. I used to love Franco but he's saturated the market with his Renaissance Man ways. His crappy Oscar hosting proved he's spread too thin. I could have done a better job hosting.

Chaz Bono and Jennifer Elia are over. They seemed like a mess of a couple but--sheesh--dealing with some major shizzola. I'd probably throw in the towel in favor of less baggage. If only that existed. Everyone always packs too much. Speaking of which, I have to get on an aluminum tube soon wherein my claws will embed themselves in the ceiling as it hurls through space. Lately my head doesn't seem attached to my body so what does it matter?

Are the holidays over yet?

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Happy Birthday, Katie Holmes!

It's nice that there's been mellowing over Katie Holmes allegedly held prisoner by Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology. If you hang in, the story eventually dies. Dish only cares about her movie roles, which got a boost with The Kennedys. I can't forget her performance in The Gift and Pieces of April. I know she can succeed, with or without a mans.

Speaking of mans, A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys got hitched! He was the troubled one.

Two elevator deaths besieged NYC in one week: Ad exec Suzanne Hart died horrifically in a freak accident that could happen in any of these death machines in the city. Another woman was lit on fire by a fiend, who has been arrested.

Angry Birds masters were featured in The Post. Being great at Angry Birds seems like an Al Pacino "m... f... waste of my time." I love Angry Birds because it's the only thing -- aside from TG's soft-spoken observations of the ridiculous -- that distracts me on the subway, no small feat since I battle claustrophobia almost daily.

Trying to keep myself from watching the finale of Dexter. I won't sleep...

Why I love Michael Buble and Jimmy Fallon: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/buble-duets/1374390, especially the dead-on Sting imitation!

Friday, December 16, 2011

End of the Year Divorces!

Just in time for New Years: Kobe Bryant's wife filed for divorce, allegedly fed up with his cheating. No prenup. I hope she gets gazillions and keeps the consensual-sex-with-someone-else-apology ring. Deion Sanders is also getting divorced. What's the basic rule of life again? Never marry an athlete. At least Derek Jeter doesn't wed his babes but gives them an autographed baseball, according to The Post.

Sandra Bullock is back in a movie I have no desire to see, a first since The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Extremely Close and Insufferably Far or something like that seems to be about a kid with his deceased father's key who goes looking for a lock and meets colorful people along the way. Sandra cries. In this interview, she looks very beautiful...but the face is frozen: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/16/sandra-bullock-on-extremely-loud-incredibly-close_n_1153872.html?ref=entertainment. Is this sleep deprivation from getting Louis down for his nap or Botox? Tried to sneak in a viewing of Two Weeks Notice tonight but TG wasn't having it. He loathes Hugh Grant.

Tonight I learned from an informed source that Robert Urich was a super-nice guy. He and Michael Landon WERE the 80s. Back to watching The Help, which is really slow with some touching moments. Mostly slow. Bryce Dallas Howard and Viola Davis are brilliant.

Jon Tenney is 50!!!

And a new resident of Old Fartington. Dishbrother, who just texted him, will be turning 50 next year. I shouldn't gloat because in woman years I'm already 50. We live longer but it all evens out. In the Facebook true age test, I'm 19 -- which is a gleaming pile considering my aches and pains when I get up after sitting too long. If Tom Cruise can scale the world's tallest building and not lose his cookies, we can get through just about anything, even old age.

Some sad news: Famous writer Christopher Hitchens has passed away after a battle with cancer. Indeed sad to lose any person who can be so cantankerous, intelligent, expressive and articulate. Condolences to his family.

Latest holiday depression cure: Whoopi farting on The View: video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player
Made even better by Claire Danes being on the show. (Thanks, TMZ!)

Then Britney got engaged to that sketchy guy with the facial hair. I guess okay. Also, I think TG is getting me jewelry. He's been dropping major hints and I accidentally saw an email exchange between him and the jewelry person. This was exactly how the engagement ring hijinx went down.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Loving Happy Accidents by Jane Lynch...

Dish has been in a deep pit of despair. The holidays and I don't get along. Plus, I've received more reminders that I'm old. Life has passed me by. I have nothing to look forward to. In fact, I have awful things to look forward to. These thoughts come despite knowing that I'm lucky as sh*t. I have health, great husband, family, friends, roof over head.

So, I go for a sure-thing when it comes to depression cure-all and instantaneous happiness. Jane Lynch. Her book Happy Accidents is a hoot. I can hear her voice narrating in my head and that makes things better. That and Angry Birds. My editor hat feels there's a lot of "tell, tell, tell" in the book but I like reading about a celebrity who isn't a complete freak, who doesn't live life in a toilet, doesn't rage and ruin hotel rooms and has read a book if not several. I love Jane even more now that I know her life story.

Another sure-thing: Alan Rickman. So I went and booked myself a seat to see him in Seminar during my solo holiday week. See's Candy helps but I overdosed last night and woke up with severe sugar withdrawal.

And now, back to work...

Testing

The blog is messed up. We shall see.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Life Is...

...all about exchanging money, pleasing others and running errands.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Cougar Cubs Dropping Like Flies!

Finally am watching Burlesque. Aguilera leaves her crappy job, has big boobs, wants to make it in a big city where Cher works. Oh no, you can't work here, Cher says. Who do you think you are, talented? I'm somebody, Agui says, now watch me work it by grinding against this chair. She does and they all stop rolling their eyes. Stanley Tucci is slack-jawed with amazement. Girl, you're hired! Jealousy, cat fight, romance, etc... My fave is Julianne Hough. She's the only one who looks as if she's having fun. Alan Cumming's gift is wasted though I do have an hour left.

Here's Julianne in another movie. Cannot wait to see Tom Cruise rock, a little reminiscent of Magnolia and Tropic Thunder:

Monday, December 12, 2011

She's Gotta Go to Rehab, She Said Maybe, Maybe, Maybe But Only as Outpatient

Like that works for someone who keeps crawling back into the bottle/pipe! Addiction is scary so let's send Brooke Mueller healing vibes. She seems to have a serious, serious problem. Those two boys are cute, she's pretty so why can't everything be perfect? Who knew chaos would ensue all those years ago when she swooshed into Sheen's life moments after Denise left him. Those kids need non-dysfunctional nannies to raise them. As I write this frantic post, Fantasia herself is in labor.

Ah, women in transition. Creating and destroying. Dish spent the evening checking out stars in unflattering bikinis on radaronline.com. It made me feel so much better to see Cindy Crawford's normal lady gut. Another piece of banana bread for me. If they can jiggle, so can I!

Lindsay got her purse stolen in Hawaii. Didn't this happen when she went to Cannes and had to face the judge but couldn't get back because she had no ID? She is like a modern-day Job this one.

Just caught up with Dexter. The show seems to want Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall to make out and this must be *so* uncomfortable for them. Jen has looked haggard this season and I wonder, how is she coping? He seems to have moved on quickly. The finale looks fantastic. Even TG, who says Dexter is "stupid", gazed fixedly at the preview. Collin Hanks wasn't as frightening as Trinity, but he's better than last season.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Khloe and Lamar Will Do Dallas!

I've never watched their show but I know they are going to Dallas. They're allegedly getting fertility treatments and they have sex...a lot. Every clip I turn on (not often, I swear) that Khloe is talking about banging. Good for her but you have to do something else. When he retires, I worry about all that time together. Well, I really don't. Who knew these kids would make it!?

This weekend, I needed a mood-boost so I started reading Jane Lynch's Happy Accidents. So far, nice parents, gawky childhood, big lesbian secret, drinking at an early age. In my gaggle of imaginary best friends, you need one crowd-pleaser and Jane is it for me. Every time she's on screen, I can't help but smile. In fact, let's watch this (warning--contains the F word a few times): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vV_drM1jW58&list=HL1323643214&feature=mh_lolz.

New Year's Eve is #1 at the B.O. So many stars in one movie. It's bound to be bad (Evening, Valentine's Day), but juicy. Must see!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Lindsay Lohan's Leaked Playboy Pics...

...are not wildly amazing, though her body is celebrity-tastic with her "blond" hair, huge gazongas and skinny legs. She is artfully arranged on a bed like Marilyn. Zzzzz.

Though not a fan of J. Edgar, I loved Hereafter. My friends didn't. Then again, I love woo-woo material as long as it seems realistic (i.e. not Harry Potter but big yes for The Gift) and this one explores life after death with three stories. Matt Damon plays a John Edward psychic character, though much poorer and more temperate. At one point the French subtitles disappeared, which caused me panic until I remembered I'm fluent so I just sat back and enjoyed the music of the frogs. A little cheesy at the end, but enjoyed. Nicely done, Clint.

Thanks to the artistry of JJ, I am very Annette Bening these days with short hair. Someone said that I was more Meg Ryan from City of Angels. I'll take it!

Friday, December 09, 2011

Star Sighting--Richie Rich!!!

7:10pm at a restaurant on Seventh Avenue: TG and I went in to crash DM's girl party downstairs when I spotted fashion designer/celebutante Richie Rich avidly listening to a friend at the bar. He stood out like a sparkling star against a dreary black night. I tried not to stare and just followed TG to see the other shining beacon of light, Mama-la. Seeing RR was so exciting and a nice boost since my cat had just pissed on the couch.

Today's Question: Did my mother play Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons while I was in the womb? It is the *only* explanation for why I get goosebumps and teary every time I hear their songs. I might have to see Jersey Boys again and drag her with me so that I can solve the mystery. Either that or a Shirley MacLaine past-life regression, STAT!

TV catchup: The Office, I'm over Robert California and the whole show. Only Dwight and Jim sparring rocks my world. Elisabeth Shue is replacing Marg Helgenberger on CSI starting in February, which is brilliance! Remember The Saint (All roads lead back to Duran Duran--and if you know how, please say so!)?

Failed diet: On the subway, I skimmed through more Tony Robbins and discovered he even has dieting advice. Eat water-based foods, no dairy, try to avoid meat, protein not THAT great for you, etc... Just today, Dish tried to obey but then dessert arrived. A parfait. I can't say no to parfait, which led to chocolate. Then gnocchi later and then peanut brittle (damn you, TG, for enabling). My season is screwed.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Banning Sexy Video = Success for Duran Duran!

They've done it again! A Duran Duran video (the modelicious "Girl Panic") has been banned, which means eventual global domination. I couldn't be prouder of my boys! A little tear rolls down Dish's cheek, though this could be sleep deprivation and overwork. Is it Friday yet? Please, let the lambs stop screaming. If if they're screaming, let them scream "The Reflex" i.e. the happiest song on Earth.

I love it when celebs over-explain their rudeness and don't show remorse for the ill treatment of the little people. Alec Baldwin goes on an articulate tirade on Huffpo: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/american-airlines-service-_b_1135201.html, sticking his cankle further into buffalo poop by dissing Greyhound. I dig that flying sucks these days (though I love you, JetBlue and Air Canada--except when flying back to the States since you ALWAYS delay but you're so nice about it). Travel is stressful. Why can't every traveler just shut the f*ck up for a few hours until back on solid ground? Alec is a brilliant actor for all his anger tissues.

In love news, Survivor host Jeff Probst married Lisa Ann Russell. Congrats, you two!

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Harry Morgan from M*A*S*H Dies...

He coined the term, "holy horse puckies." I think anyway. This is sad, to be taken so young at 96. But seriously, a legend gone.

What's in the news: Alec Baldwin being angry again, this time at American Airlines for kicking him off for not turning off his phone and he was douchey about it. I love his talent and politics but as a person, so ick.

It's all depressing.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Star Sighting--Edie Falco!!!

6pm, Greenwich St. in Tribeca: Dish was waiting for a screening when our favorite Nurse Jackie bounded by in hoodie, jeans, those bright blue eyes giving her away. She had an impish expression on her face, like, "Whatever this life is, I'm game." My feeling: Great talent sometimes comes in a little package and I could have easily thrown her over my shoulder to rescue her from a burning building. When is the next season of my favorite pill popper???

Rita Hayworth's grandson Andrew Embiricos, who lived very close to Dish, committed suicide. I hate this kind of news and he seemed a tortured soul. Rest in peace, sad boy.

Page Six can't get enough of the Bushnell/Askegard split. Now it alleges that Bushnell alleges that Askegard had an affair with ballerina Georgina Pazcoguin. This makes the divorce seem so mundane, doesn't it?

TG is watching Full Metal Jacket. I've already seen the hilariousness. Wonder what Matthew Modine is working on now. Is it as awesome as his role in Notting Hill? "Smile...in about 10 seconds, I'm going to ask you to marry me..."

Monday, December 05, 2011

Dish Finally Has Ugly Feet

It's from all the running I've done of late. J.J. once saw a famous dancer's feet in the subway and he said they looked like penises sticking out of her shoes. Wear and tear. But who wants to talk about this?

Madonna is to perform at the Superbowl halftime show. They just keep bringing out the classics. At least we know she'll put on a good show. She demands nothing less than 110%. It would be very sexy if she came out in a football uniform then stripped down to a bikini in winter. This is the Madonna way.

E-hostess Giuliana Rancic announced that early treatments for her breast cancer were not so successful and she is undergoing a double mastectomy. This kind of in-the-thick-of-it revelation strikes me as brave and especially validating for those undergoing similar treatment. I'd be shivering under the covers. Best wishes that this surgery works. Giuliana needs a better year in 2012, STAT.

Dish's doppleganger Shaun White was caught bare-assed in racy photos. Do not pose nude if you're a celebrity. And especially not if you're a red-head and a celebrity. The jokes last forever.

Rosie O'Donnell is engaged but Karina Smirnoff is no longer. RHoBH Kim Richards has entered rehab. For what, Dish asks? I thought she was just a drunk, but on a recent episode she revealed she was a pill-popper. All those meds seemed valid to me. Trazodone, Lexipro and Topamax = depression, anxiety, seizure, those are the essentials. If sobriety means her no longer jerking and slurring and wearing those neck-hiding blouses with the 80s tie, I'm against it!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Big Divorce in the City

This is another sign of the apocalypse, though not totally unexpected. Upon hearing about writer Candace Bushnell's marriage to ballet dancer Charles Askegard, I did a happy dance. When the unlikeliest people get hitched, it makes one feel that love can happen at any time anywhere with anyone. They had a great run and now they've parted ways in rousing pirouettes off stage left. A Dishfriend once saw them together at an event and he was quite the adoring husband and she loved it. RIP to their union. Her novels are like candy to me.

Have you been checking out the scandal over socialite/magazine goddess Devorah Rose getting dissed by Salman Rushdie? It seems very high school, especially since they didn't even boink. She's hurt by his nice-knowing-you-but-I-gotta-jet email, though didn't want to get in his pants anyway, and he's mortified to be associated with her in the first place and said so publicly and she gave a big interview about it in The Post and now it's The Diss that Won't Die. As Simon Le Bone so aptly sings in Arcadia's "Meet El Presidente" Hell hath no fury like a young girl's ego. I always agree with Simon.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

It's a Wonderful Life

Brooke Mueller arrested for cocaine possession. Herman Cain is kaput with the campaign. Dish is sick, watching an old classic and remembering meeting Jimmy Stewart.

Forgive the lack of rambling. Ginger Ale and vitamin c awaits.

Friday, December 02, 2011

Happy Birthday, Britney!

You're really old when Britney Spears hits 30. I remember when she was a provocative teenager! She seems so Stepford now with her craggy old-as-hell BF and father conservatorship. I guess it's better than Batshit Britney.

Have you seen the pics of Daniel Day Lewis as Gaybraham Lincoln? I wonder if he'll be good since he tends to over-act. I've abandoned by child! I've abandoned my boy! Well, missy, why don't you stick a cork in it and brush that hair.

Of course, Taylor Armstrong doing a book. Couldn't you smell that coming? The trailer for next week's RHoBH make her look like a screaming banshee. Epic madness and I think she's just too nuts.

Dish is chilled to the bone and might have caught a bug. Hoping to spend the night under the covers.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

A Little Gossip ...

Finally, Dish and TG were in the Boston Globe. I would put the link but my husband likes to remain anonymous (i.e. not linked to this celebrity drivel) But if you Google Boston Globe and "Falling in love with the boy next door" ...you'll find us!

So the big ado is that singing superstar Adele only got 6 Grammy nominations. What a stinking whore of a singer she must be with only 6! Gaga got 3, which means her career is over. Still can't believe Kanye got nominated for anything other than being atonal, fashionable and angry ...

Here's why Mitt Romney and the Republicans are tools, preaching fear and loathing: http://technorati.com/politics/article/mitt-romney-signs-anti-gay-pledge/. So behind the times. I'm not interested in Obama but this leaves me with no choice, other than not voting.

Let's end on a happy note with The Promulgation of Julia. Click on this link to see her even lovelier than she's ever been. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/01/julia_n_1122836.html?ref=entertainment. I am not a lesbian.

World AIDS Day

My friend Lawrence died of AIDS in 1994, when treatment was still fairly rudimentary. We were exercise friends and watching him weaken and die so quickly was heartbreaking. He was alone, still living in a mostly intolerant, frightened world that thought he deserved this illness. At his funeral, we released balloons and then partied--because he hated the idea of mourning over him. We sang this song, which he loved: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-7yjMLNops. This disease has caused many such stories. Here's hope that in another ten years, no one will die or be afflicted by it.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Prayers for the Health of King Funkalicious

Dish follows many stars, and lately has become concerned over Chic god and Duran Duran savior (among many legendary projects) Nile Rodgers. He has an "aggressive cancer" which he details on http://nilerodgers.com/. Let's send good vibes out to the universe that he continues to rock into infinity and beyond. Love Nile! See the awesomeness for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsKPPL-j6kE.

There's always something new for the Kardashians: Kourtney is reproducing again. I've never watched the show, never intend to (sort of want to) but from trailers, she seems like the least offensive. Am I wrong?

Just saw that Gale Harold will get back to sexing up the place on The Secret Circle, which is when I'll start watching again. But I'll try to substitute Justin instead of the girl he's supposed to bed. Will I ever get over Queer As Folk?

Stalin's daughter died. RIP?

Mindy McCready and son reported missing in Florida but she says they're fine. National Enquirer alleges she's 5 months preggo with twins. Wouldn't it be great if she gave birth to baby kittens? That would up the drama.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Phase 1: Steal Underpants

If anyone knows where this headline comes from (and you're not TG), you win an autographed dish from Dish!

Daniel Craig allegedly called the Kardashians "f*cking idiots" in January's issue of GQ. This James Bond rules. Waiting patiently for him to send Rachel 'round for tea and girl-talk on newlywed bliss, my treat. Ever since The Constant Gardener, I've imagined we're best friends.

Marie Osmond has had some scary facial work done. I love my Marie. She's a faintin' Jenny Craigin' re-marryin'-first-husband Mormon masterpiece goddess. She had me at "Which Way You Goin', Billy" way back in the 70s. I even had the doll with the leafy purple dress. But I hate it when my icons' faces are smoother than mine.

Quickies that are so disturbing I can't delve too deep: Conrad Murray sentenced to four years which is not a lot, the Norway massacre-er deemed insane like what was your first clue, Alexis from RHoOC got a nose job and looks just like everyone else thank jebus, Britney Spears is reading a book and it's a funny thing that deals with things about love, Herman Cain rethinking his campaign after another woman comes forward about wayward wang tendencies--which makes the Republicans an even more fun bunch, Miranda Kerr on Dish-Sh*t-List for ALSO claiming she was ugly growing up. Boo!

RIP, Patrice O'Neal, leaving this earth too soon at 41.

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Good Day for Preggos, Stoners and Fiancees!

First the good news: Anne Hathaway got engaged to some guy after three years of dating. Remember her awful swindling ex who might still be in jail? It takes a while to get over that. Maggie Gyllenhaal is knocked up big-time, like about six months gone. Cheers to her and Peter Skarsgaard. Oh wait. Not sure that's his last name but we all know who we're talking about.

I'll address the elephant in the room. Eva Mendes + Ryan Gosling canoodling all over Paris. What the hell? Maybe it's just nookie because I just don't feel the love here. Eva needs older businessman whereas Ryan, well, I want him back with Sandy Bullock. Hot stuff!

Spiderman's Tobey Maguire aka Squeaky McGee is paying up in the poker suit. Whatever that means! Dish doesn't understand the obsession with this game. It's a lose lose. Look what it did to Omar Shariff in Funny Girl.

Miley Cyrus admitted she's a stoner. Dude!

The Post's Andrea Peyser wrote a blood-boiling piece about Natalie Wood: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/starlight_blinded_justice_MnE19Wywfd6GrilUR4LopJ. I don't always agree with Peyser but this time, I'm right behind her. Free Natalie's spirit!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Waiting for The Fame...

Dish and TG have two big press items about to appear. An article in a big newspaper and our appearance on a talk show. For now, we have to make do with being one of the Little People. C'mon, guys. We need to be out there. We're open to reality show offers. It will help finance our chicken/coffee farm overseas.

The news today is for the birds: Jen Aniston and Brad almost ran into each other at a movie theater. Sounds like a pile of BS to me. I'm sure these two pay people a lot of money not to casually run into each other. Charlize Theron was teased in high school. I'm putting a moratorium on beautiful actresses/models claiming they were hideous in childhood and bullied. There are pics everywhere of topless Michael Lohan in his hospital bed. He's having trouble speaking and breathing! If I were really sick, the first thing I'd do is get my pecs in the tabs.

We bagged The Artist as we were too lazy to go all the way to the Angelika. Caught up on our Andersons.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Star Sighting--Wallace Shawn!!!

12:15pm, suspiciously close to Barney's Co-op. I was so starstruck I had to look away. People reference him from The Princess Bride, but Dish never saw it. Every ex of mine had it in his collection. With each beau, I'd see The Princess Bride and think, Not this again. My recent-ish fave: Vanya on 42nd Street.

So, photos surfaced of J.Lo cuddling with a much younger, far less accomplished back-up dancer. Madonna-Britney much? Then again, Marilyn falls for youngster Colin in My Week with Marilyn, which I just saw. It's above average movie-wise and Michelle Williams is stunning as Marilyn, aka the hardest role in the world to play. For a few seconds, I forgot that it wasn't Marilyn, especially from the side. Kenneth Branagh and Judy Dench remain brilliant.

The trailer for War Horse made me giggle. Dishbrother was touched by the play, but the overly-sentimental Spielbergesque trailer induced laughter. I expected the boy and the horse to make out.

This is what we're seeing tomorrow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDY8dfwGQNU&feature=fvst. Jean Dujardin's time has come. He is what happens when Gene Kelly and Sacha Baron Cohen have sex. TG turned me on to Jean at the beginning of our courtship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYxPpx1yCY4.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Kim does not look good crying...

Not many celebs do, except for Demi Moore, Julia Roberts, Keanu Reeves, Harrison Ford, and Barbra Streisand. Watch here the raw emotion Kim expresses over her changed feelings for her husband: http://www.eonline.com/videos/kourtney-and-kim-take-new-york-season-4/174759. I have too many TV commitments on Sunday to watch. But I probably will. Not.

Michael Lohan was rushed to the hospital to have emergency heart surgery. Just when you think he got off scot free. A bad ticker is a great equalizer especially if you're violent and awful. Cheers to his health.

Piers Morgan's wife gave birth to a girl named Elise. I was horrified to see that Piers is close to my age, which means I better kick some ass to be as accomplished as he is. Damn!

Another movie is causing convulsions! Breaking Dawn's birth scene is said to make you sick. Maybe because it hurts like hell to give birth?

Dish's new 2012 Duran Duran calendar is here. First off, Dr. Nick Rhodes is wearing a cross broach. Has he found Jesus? If so, why not make the leap to quitting smoking and exercising? Dish doesn't keep up, maybe he's done both. I worry about his health more than the others. Don't know why.

Selena Gomez's mother is preggo. Is she as old as Piers?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Everyone Is Eating...

...and no one is being a crazy trainwreck. Dish and Chandler Bing share very similar feelings re: Thanksgiving, though today, on this day of delicious turkey slaughter when I mostly care about the stuffing, I feel lucky for having such a wonderful family, especially the Dishmama who cooked us a fabulous meal. She is a goddess.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dish Is Thankful...

*for amazing powers of prediction with the marriages of Kim Kardashian, J.Lo, Demi & Ashton, Christopher Knight, Olivia Wilde and the frequent jailings in the Lohan family.

*that J.R. Martinez won Dancing with the Stars, though I knew he would from Day #1. I'm thankful not because of his service to our country, but his service to All My Children, which went off the air, for which I'm *not* thankful. The last show was an epic WTF.

*that there's a light at the end of the dark Julia tunnel that was Larry Crowne.

*that Gale Harold is employed on The Secret Circle, though the show doesn't compel me.

*that I have such a wonderful husband who married me on 1/16/11 and I'm thankful I didn't faint at the altar and only needed 1/2 of 1/2 of a tranquilizer.

*that I got to hug Anderson Cooper this year.

*that with minimal effort, I can bring back a flat stomach.

*for Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall.

*that Hillary Clinton isn't vilified as much and she's being recognized.

*for my Tom Ford glasses. Not sure if they'll be cool in six months.

*for the extra space in my accidental purchase of men's jeans a size too big.

*for my family, friends, and health.

Vavavavoom!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Oh What a Night!

It's official: Dish's previous life occurred sometimes during the peak of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons (must be before 7/15/68). I know this because the instant the music started, sweet tears gathered in my eyes. I thought I would die if I had to stay in my seat and not dance and sing. Well, I had to stay in my seat because I was crushed against a fleet of conservative Christians (southern accents, I'm thinking Texas due to hair). They tsked every time a Jersey boy dropped an F bomb, which was often. The tsk-ing row behind me left after twenty minutes. What did they think they were seeing? Jersey Boys was enjoyable, especially since it played my wedding dance song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HJ7w9MTCqs) and my favorite song of all time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4Y9JwY8pEk. Fret not: Duran Duran's Girls on Film is #2.

Speaking of Jersey, Bruce Springsteen has a new tour, new album. That piercing siren you hear in upper Manhattan is J.J. squealing with delight.

Angelina Jolie is getting so much flack for being skeletal. I say hurray! If you can live on 600 calories a day, you're my hero. I tried it when I was 15 but almost fainted. Granted, a skinny Jolie is not so jolie but it's all for art, right, Ange? The experts are telling her to eat salmon, fresh veggies, freaking edamame, leans meats and 5 raw almonds per day. Screw that!!! Diet Coke, water vapors and protein shakes all the way!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Julia Doesn't Go Full-British, Thank Zeus!

Nervous breakdown averted. At the bar last night, Dishbrother broke the news that Julia sports a British accent in Mirror, Mirror. After Mary Reilly, the idea gave me the shakes. I needed a Chivas, pronto! Then I saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpLVO396eHs. It's not British--or at least it starts out British then goes back to clipped American. Phew...She'll be perfect as always. Crisis no longer. We don't like the accents, Jules. And what did I say about Armie Hammer becoming a star? Here's proof. His voice is much like that of Brendan Fraser (where is he?).

Bee Gee Robin Gibb is suffering from liver cancer. He and Barry are the last Gibbs left. Hold on, fella! We like our music icons healthy and amongst us.

Desperate Housewives tonight. Here's what will happen: the girls agonize about the murder. Jonathan Cake torments Bree. Wasted because she's back to guzzling her Pinot like most Housewives, real or otherwise, Bree rallies the girls to continue charade. Vanessa Williams is slutty and sassy. Gabby has to break Carlos out of rehab because of some lame crisis. Tom starts to miss Felicity. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'll be watching Dexter instead (but will catch up via Hulu).

Saturday, November 19, 2011

J. Edgar...

...could have been 45 minutes shorter. It's ponderous, acty and pacing-challenged. The content intrigued me but I wanted it to be over after the first half-hour. For me, Naomi Watts and Armie Hammer stole the film right out from under DiCaprio. I want Leo to succeed, I really do. He works very hard in this movie and it shows. He's like an angry little baby bulldog fighting for America. I'm not sure what I would have done differently. It just sounded like two hours of nagging and speechifying. There were many compelling moments. Watts just inhabited her part, as did Hammer who made me believe that he came of age in the 1930s and not the 2000s.

I could never watch it again, I'm a little over Eastwood's gloomy hues--adore him much more as an actor--though I will predict that Hammer will be a huge star and Leo will find the perfect part someday. Naomi had me at the film about cholera.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Do You Think Natalie Wood Slipped and Fell?

Her death has plagued me for thirty years though I hate to think that Robert Wagner had anything to do with it. I mean, he was 1/2 responsible for this masterpiece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBzcrAcOBHI. Dish thinks this was a drunken brawl gone bad and swept under the carpet. The sheriff said there were several sources with new information. Maybe TG and I should take our iPads to the boat and do some ghost-tracking ourselves. At the very least, I'll rewatch West Side Story, Splendour in the Grass and Rebel Without a Cause and honor the goddess that was Natalie. I'll cast Christina Ricci or Mila Kunis in the movie of her life.

The rumor is that Demi and Ashton had an open marriage and she was into women also. Also threesomes. And orgies while bathing in Philly cheese steaks. Please. Tell me she stuck Buzz Lightyear up his rectum and then I'll be impressed.

Here's the whitest/sickest thing I've ever seen. Scientology needs to get with the times. Their new rap song is beyond dated and Wonder Bread lame. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_K_QLUWM3X4. Diversity should be celebrated in all cults.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Paging Dr. Nick Rhodes

Oh. Not that kind of doctor, eh? Whatever! The University of Bedfordshire has upgraded Duran Duran keyboardist Nick Rhodes's title with an honorary doctorate. He is easily due for a degree as his deft use of the English language and fabulous spin have done the band proud for 30+ years. Even more admirable is his devotion/contribution to the art world. Dish is holding up her copy of Interference and yelling to Occupy Wall Street Protesters who are so close,"All hail Dr. Rhodes!"

Some incriminating texts have surfaced where Maria Yeater asks a friend to erase texts referring to her baby's real father (who is not Justin Bieber). JACKASS! If you're going to be a gold-digging liar, at least be smart about it. Dr. Rhodes would no doubt suggest a trip to the Whitney as repentance.

Thank goodness for attention-getters and social media addicts because when you're feeling blue, you feel compelled to share with the world. Medics can be at your house within seconds of your suicidal postings. Kim K's former PR person who went on record calling her marriage a sham got the gag order from Kim's lawyers and then had a mournful, self-flagellating hissy. He's getting medical attention, Thank Jesus. Dr. Rhodes would find such public suffering wasteful of a person's shining potential.

JJ just texted Dish: What do we need? A cure for turrets. When do we need it? C*nt! Dr. Rhodes would never use this vocabulary. He would gel with J.J. like cats in a bag.

Almost forgot: Demi is divorcing Ashton. I'm sure it's irreconcilable differences and they'll remain best friends.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Really, People Magazine?

Bradley Cooper is People's Sexiest Man Alive. They get it wrong every year (except for Mark Harmon and JFK jr) but at least it's someone who's reached his prime within a couple years of this issue--and not 10 years prior. I see his eyes and think Serial Killer Who Must Kill Cat Downstairs. Well, he speaks better French than I do and that makes me mad.

I'm starting a new franchise: Hottest Person Who's Six Feet Under. This year, my vote is for Copernicus because he said Earth revolved around the sun, which is HOT.

Alleged With-Bieber-out-of-wedlock-procreator Maria Yeater dropped her paternity suit against the little tyke. Maybe she found a better babydaddy. Like Jesus?

I've relearned a lesson thanks to the most recent Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Women who starve themselves are more likely to have a crazy meltdown. Witness Taylor going off on the Vanderpump. A normal person with normal blood sugar would accept an apology and explanation and move on. This was truly the precipice of hell itself and, gosh, I hope she's doing better now. I like Taylor, weird party for her child and all.

This pains me: The Iron Lady trailer looks positively wretched. I love Meryl to pieces, but this is a stinker. Or at least the trailer captures the corniest moments with Meryl needing to scale back. Not the Iron Lady but Julia Child--UK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDiCFY2zsfc.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Another Reason I Should Have Been a Kardashian...

...if I'd gotten a 90K Range Rover at a young age, I might not have confused our family's Volvo with the female vulva. I learned both words around the same time and I can't hear one without the other--those dirty, dirty Swedes. Then again, the Saturn Spenis is suggestive.

You need to live on more than Melrose Place. Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner called off their engagement. I'm devastated except maybe Hez can set her cap for Kris Humphries, up her profile. Do Not Return to David Spade. Unless he's nice.

I saw my first lesbian KY commercial. PROGRESS!

The police/the mayor evicted the OWS protesters and hosed down Zucotti (?) Park. I just pray the protesters don't get near my daily environs. I believe in the cause but not really this particular physical protest itself.

I didn't think it was possible but The A List: Dallas contains more vile morons than New York. The cast is incredibly affected, playing diva-moviestars and it's a given that everyone is a lush. And the drama: OMG, he pushed me in a pool. OMG, he's drunk. OMG, how will I throw this party when I'm so drunk? I can't come to your party because I have business. Eyerolls. A loser-fest. I thought it might be interesting to give gay Christian Republicans a voice on TV but they are as awful as the liberal Dems. It's the poorest, most insulting representation of the gay community that I've ever seen--aside from the usual cliches. The Real L Word was more interesting with some complex people and relationships.

Hasselbeck vs. Maher on The View. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kBHy2HiWjc. Good for her for having the confidence to pick a fight with someone who's way smarter than she is. She needs a martini and a Xanax.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sweet Forty-Three

I have so little to report. I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm trying not to watch TV. Cheated a little with Dexter, but that's like literary, right? Back to reading, and I tend to read three books at a time. Right now it's women's fiction's Rachel Gibson Not Another Bad Date (fun!), Tony Robbins's Unlimited Power (two typos within first twenty pages but I want to see what fuss is about) and Zola's L'Assommoir (dark as f*ck but love the downward spiral).

In Starland, Brad Pitt announced that he'll quit acting in three years. THANK GOD! No seriously. He should never make those Cher/Barbra/Barry-esque comments. Loved him in Moneyball! Needs to get Oscar before he quits. Kim K is hostessing New Year's Eve in Vegas. I'm so glad she's picked herself up after the divorce stuff. Her sister Kendall got a 90K Range Rover for her sweet 16. I got a turquoise necklace!!! What gives, Dishmama? Oh wait...I just had a wedding...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Star Sighting--Rebecca Romijn

1pm, 18th and 7th: Gym-bound Dish spotted a tall gorgeous blonde walking with a little girl. The woman wore sunglasses but the face was unmistakable, especially when she smiled at her little girl and said, "Okay, you can keep your eyes closed, but you have to hold my hand." So funny because I say that to TG all the time.

Wow, just read this cheating exposay by Kat Von D. http://on.fb.me/tTFBAP. Felt so sad last year when I read she'd started dating Jesse James but thought eventually she'd find her way. A talented and unique individual, she will always land on her feet. I don't recommend trashing an ex on the internets, though this must have felt REAL good. Go, KVD!

Justin Timberlake did attend that Marine Corps Ball with that soldier, after all! Wish Youtube had existed in the 80s. I would have asked Duran Duran to prom!!!

Between you and me, I was friends with Frank Miller a few years ago. We had a blast. The only way friendship could happen was that I met him before I knew who he was. So, no hyperventilating and overly-eager questions about his marvelous life. To me, he was just a chatty geezer with old-fashioned charm and values. We talked about movies, politics, celebrities. Now I read this polarizing tidbit about his views about Occupy Wall Street. I can't say it surprises me. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/frank-miller-occupy-wall-street_n_1090790.html?ref=entertainment. I don't totally agree with him, but I still consider him a friend and great conversationalist.

Can you hear my screeching laughter? Fox's Torquemada Bill O'Reilly wrote a book about Abe Lincoln and made several factual errors. What an idiot! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/bill-oreilly-killing-lincoln-errors_n_1091168.html?ref=homepage. A bully, bad to women, not a scholar. Where's the trapdoor, America?

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Dieting Tip from Victoria's Secret Model

I'm not sure this is true. Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima explained her pre-show crash diet. For nine days before a show, she has an all-protein shake liquid diet. I've heard liquid diets make you ill. But then, how do babies do it? Mothers tell me diaper changing only gets nasty when solids are involved. So maybe Adriana Lima's doody is much more manageable. It all comes down to sh*t. I'm very sleep deprived.

Best news ever: Rookie catcher for the Washington Nationals Wilson Ramos was rescued in Venezuela. Thank Cher he's back! I imagine he'll need a lot of TLC before he gets back to training. Welcome back!

Kinda funny, Liam Neeson being funny while serious. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/11/ricky-gervais-and-liam-ne_n_1089087.html.

J.Lo allegedly dating a back-up dancer. Why, girl? Been there, married that (though second hubby did seem like a sweetheart). Maybe, like Madonna, men are intimidated by her. Today was J.Lo movie day on some channel but I couldn't bring myself to watch Monster-in-Law. The Wedding Planner is no longer watchable. Offended by McConaughey's strange hair. We watched Shallow Hal. It was terrible!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Did You Get Your 11-11-11 On?

It was okay, this day, wasn't it? I mean Kim Zolciak from Atlanta Housewives got hitched. Everyone and their mother had the same 11-11-11 status update. Demi Moore turned 49 and is better than ever (though too skinny!). Kris Humphries has lawyered up to face the truth and dodge a massive bullet. Charmed witch Holly Marie Combs filed for divorce herself.

Dish tried to watch Boss but it looked bad. I'm not sure Kelsey Grammer can really act. Only got through two minutes. Did catch up on my Glees and see what Hershey was so a-twitter about. Agree now that Darren Criss is a god. My favorite moment was seeing the Warblers singing "Uptown Girl": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSDqzbN2-zo. Reminds me to get a ticket to "Jersey Boys." Here's another one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB1cx16TEfk&feature=related.

Beyond exhausted. As we were watching Law & Order, TG informed me that he met Jerry Orbach and Benjamin Bratt--that Bratt was especially nice. The two stars were so enthralled with TG that they invited him back "to the trailer for coffee." Probably a huge lie but you gotta give TG props for trying.