Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Gwen and Blake Are Better Than Reality

When Blake and Gwen became a couple, I threw down my book on Seneca, famous ancient Roman philosopher, and rushed to get the dirt. No need for stoicism when you have Gwen's outrageous outfits, Blake's gut-tickling humor, and three hours a week of sizzling chemistry on The Voice.

The pain I feel over next week's finale cuts deep, and I am hoping tabloids will keep me stocked with pics of their canoodling until next fall. Forget Kim and Kanye's baby deity or Trump's Hitleresque rantings (yes, I said that). You're okay if you focus on Gwake.

With constant Youtubing and TMZing and Googling--sending links to TG, friends and relatives--call me grateful that they've pulled me back into celebrity obsessiveness. Duran Duran just wasn't cutting it even with their excellent new album. After thirty-plus years, there is no hope beyond my usual nosebleed seats, which doesn't appeal to my almost-fifty lazy ass. Screw Seneca and delayed and expensive gratification.

Gwake is free*, immediate and middle-age sassy.

*Not free if you buy Gwen's collaboration with Urban Decay. It's 58$. Yes, I did.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Politicians Are Celebrities, Too

Now that the presidential campaign is in full circus, I'm putting forth ways to survive the next fifteen months.

1. Unfollow Facebook friends who post more than three times about their candidate. It's sort of like those Jenny Craig commercials. Sure, I want to lose weight, sure I wanna eat right. Don't tell me how you did it. Dish discovered that the most annoying are those within her own party. The other side of the aisle friends post far less because they just know.

2. Enjoy the crazy. Really, The Ginger Snap is hilarious, so offensive that I've stopped being offended because my skin is thicker than his (notice how I'm bragging--so like Ginger). We've had insane Presidents before. There are plenty out there ruling other lands. I don't take hyperbolist-misogynists seriously because ...

3. It's going to get a lot worse in a year. Patience is important for any campaign. I got plenty riled up in 2007 but come 2008, my vision of Utopia vanished, for many reasons. I don't believe in Utopia this time and just want someone who can navigate A-hole Waters and won't let my retirement fund go to hell.

4. If you're going to argue about politics, don't do it on social media. Remember the days of arguing over the dinner table? Sadly, my kind-hearted and knowledgeable husband "lost" a Facebook friend because of a political disagreement. In a rash of temper, that friend publicly ended their decades-old friendship, which prompted me to unfriend and permanently ban that person from our lives. It's all really, really stupid.

5. Though odious, put yourself in the shoes of someone whose beliefs are not yours. Isn't that American? I forget to do this, especially when I see posts that are anti-women, anti-LBGT, anti-choice, anti-religious freedom, just anti-everything and nasty. I stew, I rage, and then, after taking it out on my husband, I let the anger pass. Luckily, I live with/have lived with/am related to/love people who think differently. Isn't that nice? Maybe not, but whaddya gonna do, send non-Dish-thinkers to a slaughterhouse?

6.  Know that, the one who spouts fewer clichés will win. In this era of crap, a lot of crap just won't fly. Making America Great Again will sink like a wet cat fart. As will building the middle class and finally making Wall Street pay. I leave those promises to Wonder Woman -- maybe Batman if he runs as an Independent and shows us his breasts. Call me optimistic, but even a Prez needs an X factor these days. Rick Perry should have thought beyond the new glasses--though Dish likes the look.

7. Now is not the time to binge-watch news shows and browse Twitter feeds. Ginger Snap's nightly Town Halls and declarative Tweets have become a snore. Now if Jeb Bush posts swim-trunk shots on his Intagram, I'm there.