Cheri = Ambien

While TG went uptown to schmooze, Dish watched Cheri, that flick starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Rupert Friend (who's banging Keira Knightley), and the incomparable Kathy Bates. Talk about a snoozefest, I nearly fell asleep in my latte. I always like the idea of Michelle Pfeiffer but didn't buy her as a French whore. Kathy Bates is another story as she can do anything. Why does Kathy take on stinky movies like this? The love between Rupert and Michelle was so dreary and sad-cougarish, I thank my lucky stars I wasn't a prostitute in early 20th century France. Unless you enjoy falling asleep to unromantic movies with bad acting, skip this one.

In celeb news: that talented Carrie Underwood--who seems to have always had love troubles--got engaged to a hockey player. I give it two years. To sing country, you must know heartache. And to marry a sportsfigure, you must be brain damaged.

Stop the Madness!

I guess it was too good to be true that celebs would stop dying, but Brittany Murphy? We loved her as the fat, gawky girl in Clueless and then as the beaten-down girlfriend in Sin City. She'd been fired recently from a movie under fishy circumstances (with an even fishier husband) and now her mother finds her dead in the shower in full cardiac arrest at age 32? I wonder if drugs were involved....

Blessings on her coming and going.

TG is making Dish dinner.

A Break

TG is doing is crunches on the new exercise mat we bought so I have a little time to tell you about my Duran Duran dream from last night. I was invited to a party because Duran Duran wanted to say they appreciated the cartoon drawings I did of them twenty years ago. Of course, the party was crowded. One of the guests, a Duran assistant, said they'd laughed until they cried at my drawings and the band had always wanted to thank me. How nice. As I walked around, I saw Roger Taylor but he was surrounded.

How's that for wish fulfillment dream? I did a 50-page term paper on them but no drawings. Who am I kidding? Of course, I drew pictures of them.

Dish is in BLISSLAND!

Home Stretch!

Four more hours. At 9:30, Dishbrother is taking time out of his opening doors for stars at Starbucks by taking me to JFK. Dishmama and I just had a mani/pedi. Thanks, Dishfamily and Dishfriends for your support! While beautifying, I'm watching The Lake House (thanks, Nici!). Here, a depressed and potentially Botoxed Sandra Bullock falls for a depressed blue-collar Keanu Reeves (he looks amazing in work boots). What keeps them apart? Time. They write long meaningful letters--no Skype in time warp--and get through the long two-year wait to merge souls. At the end, they run at each other and make out in a yellow field of dead grass. It's so close to what I'm going through I could die.

Well, anything starring Keanu and Sandy is fun for Dish.

Happy Belated Birthday To Jon Tenney!

With my romantic drama unfolding, I forgot to wish Jon Tenney a Happy Late Forties Birthday--it was yesterday. He's so close to 50, it's hard for me even to mention this fact, BUT I WILL! Jon Tenney is closer to 50 than Dishbrother. Dish wishes Jon a healthy and happy year of Almost Fifty with many years of career success, which benefits everyone. (secretly wish we get to see real bed scene between him and Sally Field)

En Route

According to Flighttracker, TG is flying from the land of Lederhosen to the home of Duran Duran. He is 1/2 hour in the air. Last night, we had our last Skype session--a little sad but exciting. "See you in the flesh," he said.

Dish is surprisingly calm, wearing a sportscoat, straightened hair, eating properly. No wheezing yet.

Comfort Television

TG and I are both flipping out and breathing into paper bags. I got three Netflix DVDs:

Star Trek, Cheri (Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates play French whores) and The Love Boat: Season 2.

Guess which one TG considers his comfort TV? We are two hearts beating as one (aside: conjoined twins freak me out). Yes, in 25 hours, I will be headed to JFK. Will we be over our hissy fits by then? Sorry, Dish readers, but the gossip seems so meaningless right now. I am the star of my own movie today and tomorrow.

48 Hours--Not the Movie

On Thursday, Dish will be sitting on a bench in JFK waiting for TG to get through customs with all his possessions. Apartment is ready. Nerves under control. Work done ahead of time. I'm properly beautified to face the greatest love story of our time.

I'm ready to continue in person what has been an old-fashioned courtship. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sh*tting bricks. I'm so excited and happy. Wish Dish luck.

(If it's a disaster, Morgan Freeman in Nurse Betty would tell me to "Forget the guys. You've got yourself.")

Let's Hope He's Not As Big An Asswipe as Russell

Red Alert: James Cameron has a new superhyped movie with even bigger special effects. I haven't heard as much about Avatar. It could be huge. Times have changed and it might flop, making Cameron spew hot lava from the Kingdom of Superior Mortals. We've seen tons of special effects to the point where movies have lost heart. The popularity of Titanic came from the forbidden love story and the tragedy of the sinking ship. Can he top that?

Cameron is a successful risk-taker and he banks a lot on symbolic no-name Sam Worthington, who is the new Russell Crowe. Yeah, I liked Russell at first. He seemed nice until he went to the Golden Globes with Jodie Foster and they pretended to flirt (as if!). He became super-famous, defiant, sweaty and just plain dicky. I thought Russell should have won for The Insider because it's been downhill ever since with the SAME performance. Let's hope Avatar is just the beginning for Sam's rise to the A-List with no throwing telephones at underlings, or singing in a band. You can leave the singing to fabulous fellow Aussie Hugh Jackman.

When Did This Happen?

Illegibly: A-Rod and Kate Hudson broke up. I thought they were going to be 2gether 4ever! Just when she helped him win the World Series, the media asserts she wanted to "fast-track" their relationship and nail down this philandering catch. As if she doesn't have her own excellent career. Perfect timing: she and her abs are photographed. When I try to live a private life, I bare my midriff, too! Can't wait to see her in Nine as I do enjoy my Kate. Even more now that she'd Rodless.

Watch Now!

Beau Bridges in drag on The Closer!!! A+!

I'm Willing to Give The Tramp a Chance

It's a brilliant way to turn lemons into lemonade: Make Ashley Dupre into an advice columnist for the Post. Wouldn't you want relationship advice from someone who's been there and gotten paid for it? I read her first column and she's no dummy. Evident are the fierce street smarts acquired when you spend a lot of time on your back. I wish I had her knowledge even five years ago. She's known a world (beyond NJ) most of us would want to visit for a day. Well, maybe not but I support her making money in new ways.

Heidi, Why Do You Scare Me So?

Dish has a big reveal: Heidi Klum scares the bejebus out of us. Maybe it's the stony black stare, the rampant baby-making and fitting into underwear a month after childbirth, the runaway smash hit Project Runway, the placid chair-sitting, the talk of eating regular foods and her chilling "auf wiedersehn." Even her ex-dog (who lives next to me and pees on my doorstep) gives me the willies. Look closely into her eyes and try not to imagine her stabbing you in your sleep. If you peel back her skin, you'll find reptilian scales.

Interrupting Cow

David Gregory, will you stop interrupting your female guests? Today he kept talking over Dr. Christina Romer and the Governor of Michigan but wouldn't dare stop Alan Greenspan in his tracks. I've noticed this Interrupting Cow Syndrome from Day #1. I switch to CNN but inevitably return because I like the idea of Meet The Press and thrive on the guests themselves. Would rather John King, George Stephanopolous or someone less egotistical host. DG, I'm sorry if your mother was mean to you, your high school girlfriend was smarter, your French teacher wouldn't boink you, your wife is more productive and dazzling--LET THEM SPEAK!

(I hate that he's younger than Dish. But I LOOK younger)