No Interesting Title Thoughts

It amazes me how easily famous/wannabe famous people air their crazy. This radio guy has deep psychological problems, which will make him famous for a day or two. Maybe he should run for office. I for one wouldn't cry if someone stabbed him repeatedly in his special place.

TG and I watched American Pie tonight. Someone got weepy over the romance between Chris Klein and Mena Suvari, but I won't say who.

Prayers for George Michael

The poor 80s pop icon was in a car crash and is now in hospital--details sketchy. He can't catch a break! I just want to throw all my favorite rock idols into a bus and take them on tour. Boy George, Elton, Billy, GM, DD, Bananarama, Human League and Spandau Ballet. It would be a gas. We could gather around the campfire and watch this bit of hilariousness.

Another icon who's still got it, David Bowie with this new video, which TG and I enjoyed with breakfast. This proves what I've always known--mostly as it relates to pop culture: old people are sexy.

Then, as I often do, I checked out the Jersey Boys blog and saw that Frankie Valli had been on American Idol last night, doing a medley. But the camera is so far away from that precious septuagenarian face. Dish wondered, pondered, then realized: it must be bad lip-syncing! I can sort of see it from miles away. Who can keep up with all those lyrics? He probably just wants to sit on his couch with some ginger ale (oh wait, that's me). The songs still give me the shivers.

Beyonce is reportedly preggo.

The Office finale was one of the better endings to a series. One moment made me gasp, then cry. It got overly sappy, draggy at the end, but this crew deserved it.

Lastly, I'm trying to bulk up my Bucket List. I realize there are a few things I'd like beyond "Meet Duran Duran." So here goes:

1. Meet Duran Duran
2. Fly first class (I've never done this)
3. Wear a sequined dress to an appropriate event
4. Be in the first row of a concert, as long as it's not too claustrophobic
5. Get a nicer couch


That's all for now.

Not Much to Report

I confess, today was doozy-ish, but not so bad. Maybe I'm losing interest in celebrities (what is wrong with you, Dish?). I find myself not caring that David Beckham is retiring from soccer or that Aniston is postponing her wedding because of fertility treatments (smells like zygot BS to me).


I'm still all about Equal Justice, not American Idol or the hideous clothes Kim is fitting herself into and how Kanye doesn't see himself as a star. I'm wondering if these two even did it. Maybe I am still star-fixed.

Orange County: I'm not liking the separate Alexis storyline because she and her husband are not that interesting without the conflict of the other housewives. Loving Lydia, even though I want to feed her many hamburgers.

This Will Come as a Shock...

... but I haven't been scouring tabloids as much today. I've been...reading this awesome book. It was a case of had-to-put-everything-down-to-finish. I even missed Criminal Minds and Modern Family.

If this weren't bad enough, I took a stroll through memory lane, remembering one bright light during my dark Cleveland days (memory lane strolls are mandatory when you're writing a memoir, FYI): the show Equal Justice, starring a brilliant cast of Jane Kaczmarek, Cotter Smith, Joe Morton, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jon Tenney, among many. So I've watched 8 episodes in 12 hours. Totally embarrassing. The show lasted one year, like my time in that hell.

But I did manage some snooping and am appalled for Kim K.-- that her babydaddy might be canoodling with a man. I didn't see any of this coming. Oh what the heck, isn't life a soap opera?

Angelina Jolie Leaves Me Speechless

Okay, now I'm on Team Jolie (and Team Aniston). Today, it's all Jolie. You go, girl!

Baba Is Retiring

It's hard to believe that Barbara Walters is retiring. Maybe she and Oprah can sit by the pool and get sloshed on mojitos and do a new show together, Boprah. I want to hear drunken lady talk about who they've slept with, certainly not interesting people they've interviewed or charitable causes they've supported.

Speaking of ladies, one of my girl crushes, Jane Lynch, is on Broadway as Miss Hannigan in Annie. I had no intention of seeing this one, but now, I must. I just hope the tickets don't cut into my Jersey Boys budget.

A fond farewell to Dr. Joyce Brothers, who I always mixed up with Dinah Shore. They've got that same blond wave.


Smash (spoiler): I'm sort of waiting for the unthinkable to happen, like maybe Debra Messing makes out with the last person she should be with, the Simon Cowell guy. Don't think the chemistry's working with Jessie Martin (though I adore him). He and Ivy are so over even though she's preggers.

TG and I are going to France...

Happy Mother's Day!!!

A special Mother's Day greeting to my mother, who is my sunshine. Other than that unconditional love thing, here are some valuable lessons I've learned from my mom:

Mayonnaise is important.

Putting butter on bacon is delicious but make sure no one sees you doing it!

It's possible to give up an addiction without telling everyone about it.*

Work hard, even if you have pneumonia. Okay, maybe not if you have pneumonia.

Laugh at funny men. (Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, everyone in The 40-Year-Old Virgin)

Get manicures/pedicures often and tell your manicurist how the reason why your nails look bad is because you work so much in the garden.

When in doubt, soak all food in butter.

If too much Chardonnay makes you vomit, blame it on the grapes and switch to Pinot Grigio.

Wearing black is always a Martha Stewart good thing.

Mayonnaise, yogurt, and mustard make a scrumptious topping for any casserole (oh, wait, that's just me)

Get the hell off your couch and go for a walk.

When your child seems a little anorexic, order something for yourself and then shovel most of it onto her plate.

Try to see the good in people, or appear to, and let your children learn from their own mistakes.

If you have the chance for someone to play you in a movie, choose Meryl Streep--I mean, Demi Moore.

Support women, unless they're jerks.

Ignore jerks as they are usually inconsequential.


Throw parties. Lots of them.

People can surprise you. Don't abandon your faith in them.

You can be quiet about some things, but fight to the death for worthy causes.

5 minutes of calisthenics is just fine.

Visit people.

Fried oysters are the best thing on the menu.

And most importantly, always look on the bright side of your life.

Thanks, Mamala!!!

*Mom quit butts through acupuncture and didn't whine about how hard it was. I quit butts cold turkey and whined about it for a year. Another lesson: Don't be such a whiner.

Even Stars Bonk Their Heads

Did you read the headlines? Kanye bumped his head on a sign, you know, the way real people do. Then he threw a hissy at the paps, probably for distracting him. I am going to do the same thing the next time I fall up a flight of stairs. It's not me so much as other people making me klutzy, sort of like when I try to psych TG out while he's trying to do yoga (he can't do it).

Other than this, the only other news aside from global conflict, climate change, and the economy is that Lindsay's Adderall is being taken away at Betty Ford. I'm not sure if it's true. Aren't you supposed to go cold turkey on everything? Poor girl. She should probably be there for a year. It's not as if the world is missing great work by her being on the inside.

Still watching Army Wives--thinking that Kim Delaney has to be the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember when she played Jenny on All My Children and how wounded I felt when she died. It was as if someone I loved had been taken from me.

Sam is watching Arrested Development and now wants Will Arnett to play him in the movie version of my book.