Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Prayers for the Health of King Funkalicious

Dish follows many stars, and lately has become concerned over Chic god and Duran Duran savior (among many legendary projects) Nile Rodgers. He has an "aggressive cancer" which he details on Let's send good vibes out to the universe that he continues to rock into infinity and beyond. Love Nile! See the awesomeness for yourself:

There's always something new for the Kardashians: Kourtney is reproducing again. I've never watched the show, never intend to (sort of want to) but from trailers, she seems like the least offensive. Am I wrong?

Just saw that Gale Harold will get back to sexing up the place on The Secret Circle, which is when I'll start watching again. But I'll try to substitute Justin instead of the girl he's supposed to bed. Will I ever get over Queer As Folk?

Stalin's daughter died. RIP?

Mindy McCready and son reported missing in Florida but she says they're fine. National Enquirer alleges she's 5 months preggo with twins. Wouldn't it be great if she gave birth to baby kittens? That would up the drama.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Phase 1: Steal Underpants

If anyone knows where this headline comes from (and you're not TG), you win an autographed dish from Dish!

Daniel Craig allegedly called the Kardashians "f*cking idiots" in January's issue of GQ. This James Bond rules. Waiting patiently for him to send Rachel 'round for tea and girl-talk on newlywed bliss, my treat. Ever since The Constant Gardener, I've imagined we're best friends.

Marie Osmond has had some scary facial work done. I love my Marie. She's a faintin' Jenny Craigin' re-marryin'-first-husband Mormon masterpiece goddess. She had me at "Which Way You Goin', Billy" way back in the 70s. I even had the doll with the leafy purple dress. But I hate it when my icons' faces are smoother than mine.

Quickies that are so disturbing I can't delve too deep: Conrad Murray sentenced to four years which is not a lot, the Norway massacre-er deemed insane like what was your first clue, Alexis from RHoOC got a nose job and looks just like everyone else thank jebus, Britney Spears is reading a book and it's a funny thing that deals with things about love, Herman Cain rethinking his campaign after another woman comes forward about wayward wang tendencies--which makes the Republicans an even more fun bunch, Miranda Kerr on Dish-Sh*t-List for ALSO claiming she was ugly growing up. Boo!

RIP, Patrice O'Neal, leaving this earth too soon at 41.

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Good Day for Preggos, Stoners and Fiancees!

First the good news: Anne Hathaway got engaged to some guy after three years of dating. Remember her awful swindling ex who might still be in jail? It takes a while to get over that. Maggie Gyllenhaal is knocked up big-time, like about six months gone. Cheers to her and Peter Skarsgaard. Oh wait. Not sure that's his last name but we all know who we're talking about.

I'll address the elephant in the room. Eva Mendes + Ryan Gosling canoodling all over Paris. What the hell? Maybe it's just nookie because I just don't feel the love here. Eva needs older businessman whereas Ryan, well, I want him back with Sandy Bullock. Hot stuff!

Spiderman's Tobey Maguire aka Squeaky McGee is paying up in the poker suit. Whatever that means! Dish doesn't understand the obsession with this game. It's a lose lose. Look what it did to Omar Shariff in Funny Girl.

Miley Cyrus admitted she's a stoner. Dude!

The Post's Andrea Peyser wrote a blood-boiling piece about Natalie Wood: I don't always agree with Peyser but this time, I'm right behind her. Free Natalie's spirit!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Waiting for The Fame...

Dish and TG have two big press items about to appear. An article in a big newspaper and our appearance on a talk show. For now, we have to make do with being one of the Little People. C'mon, guys. We need to be out there. We're open to reality show offers. It will help finance our chicken/coffee farm overseas.

The news today is for the birds: Jen Aniston and Brad almost ran into each other at a movie theater. Sounds like a pile of BS to me. I'm sure these two pay people a lot of money not to casually run into each other. Charlize Theron was teased in high school. I'm putting a moratorium on beautiful actresses/models claiming they were hideous in childhood and bullied. There are pics everywhere of topless Michael Lohan in his hospital bed. He's having trouble speaking and breathing! If I were really sick, the first thing I'd do is get my pecs in the tabs.

We bagged The Artist as we were too lazy to go all the way to the Angelika. Caught up on our Andersons.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Star Sighting--Wallace Shawn!!!

12:15pm, suspiciously close to Barney's Co-op. I was so starstruck I had to look away. People reference him from The Princess Bride, but Dish never saw it. Every ex of mine had it in his collection. With each beau, I'd see The Princess Bride and think, Not this again. My recent-ish fave: Vanya on 42nd Street.

So, photos surfaced of J.Lo cuddling with a much younger, far less accomplished back-up dancer. Madonna-Britney much? Then again, Marilyn falls for youngster Colin in My Week with Marilyn, which I just saw. It's above average movie-wise and Michelle Williams is stunning as Marilyn, aka the hardest role in the world to play. For a few seconds, I forgot that it wasn't Marilyn, especially from the side. Kenneth Branagh and Judy Dench remain brilliant.

The trailer for War Horse made me giggle. Dishbrother was touched by the play, but the overly-sentimental Spielbergesque trailer induced laughter. I expected the boy and the horse to make out.

This is what we're seeing tomorrow. Jean Dujardin's time has come. He is what happens when Gene Kelly and Sacha Baron Cohen have sex. TG turned me on to Jean at the beginning of our courtship:

Friday, November 25, 2011

Kim does not look good crying...

Not many celebs do, except for Demi Moore, Julia Roberts, Keanu Reeves, Harrison Ford, and Barbra Streisand. Watch here the raw emotion Kim expresses over her changed feelings for her husband: I have too many TV commitments on Sunday to watch. But I probably will. Not.

Michael Lohan was rushed to the hospital to have emergency heart surgery. Just when you think he got off scot free. A bad ticker is a great equalizer especially if you're violent and awful. Cheers to his health.

Piers Morgan's wife gave birth to a girl named Elise. I was horrified to see that Piers is close to my age, which means I better kick some ass to be as accomplished as he is. Damn!

Another movie is causing convulsions! Breaking Dawn's birth scene is said to make you sick. Maybe because it hurts like hell to give birth?

Dish's new 2012 Duran Duran calendar is here. First off, Dr. Nick Rhodes is wearing a cross broach. Has he found Jesus? If so, why not make the leap to quitting smoking and exercising? Dish doesn't keep up, maybe he's done both. I worry about his health more than the others. Don't know why.

Selena Gomez's mother is preggo. Is she as old as Piers?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Everyone Is Eating...

...and no one is being a crazy trainwreck. Dish and Chandler Bing share very similar feelings re: Thanksgiving, though today, on this day of delicious turkey slaughter when I mostly care about the stuffing, I feel lucky for having such a wonderful family, especially the Dishmama who cooked us a fabulous meal. She is a goddess.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dish Is Thankful...

*for amazing powers of prediction with the marriages of Kim Kardashian, J.Lo, Demi & Ashton, Christopher Knight, Olivia Wilde and the frequent jailings in the Lohan family.

*that J.R. Martinez won Dancing with the Stars, though I knew he would from Day #1. I'm thankful not because of his service to our country, but his service to All My Children, which went off the air, for which I'm *not* thankful. The last show was an epic WTF.

*that there's a light at the end of the dark Julia tunnel that was Larry Crowne.

*that Gale Harold is employed on The Secret Circle, though the show doesn't compel me.

*that I have such a wonderful husband who married me on 1/16/11 and I'm thankful I didn't faint at the altar and only needed 1/2 of 1/2 of a tranquilizer.

*that I got to hug Anderson Cooper this year.

*that with minimal effort, I can bring back a flat stomach.

*for Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall.

*that Hillary Clinton isn't vilified as much and she's being recognized.

*for my Tom Ford glasses. Not sure if they'll be cool in six months.

*for the extra space in my accidental purchase of men's jeans a size too big.

*for my family, friends, and health.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Oh What a Night!

It's official: Dish's previous life occurred sometimes during the peak of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons (must be before 7/15/68). I know this because the instant the music started, sweet tears gathered in my eyes. I thought I would die if I had to stay in my seat and not dance and sing. Well, I had to stay in my seat because I was crushed against a fleet of conservative Christians (southern accents, I'm thinking Texas due to hair). They tsked every time a Jersey boy dropped an F bomb, which was often. The tsk-ing row behind me left after twenty minutes. What did they think they were seeing? Jersey Boys was enjoyable, especially since it played my wedding dance song ( and my favorite song of all time: Fret not: Duran Duran's Girls on Film is #2.

Speaking of Jersey, Bruce Springsteen has a new tour, new album. That piercing siren you hear in upper Manhattan is J.J. squealing with delight.

Angelina Jolie is getting so much flack for being skeletal. I say hurray! If you can live on 600 calories a day, you're my hero. I tried it when I was 15 but almost fainted. Granted, a skinny Jolie is not so jolie but it's all for art, right, Ange? The experts are telling her to eat salmon, fresh veggies, freaking edamame, leans meats and 5 raw almonds per day. Screw that!!! Diet Coke, water vapors and protein shakes all the way!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Julia Doesn't Go Full-British, Thank Zeus!

Nervous breakdown averted. At the bar last night, Dishbrother broke the news that Julia sports a British accent in Mirror, Mirror. After Mary Reilly, the idea gave me the shakes. I needed a Chivas, pronto! Then I saw this: It's not British--or at least it starts out British then goes back to clipped American. Phew...She'll be perfect as always. Crisis no longer. We don't like the accents, Jules. And what did I say about Armie Hammer becoming a star? Here's proof. His voice is much like that of Brendan Fraser (where is he?).

Bee Gee Robin Gibb is suffering from liver cancer. He and Barry are the last Gibbs left. Hold on, fella! We like our music icons healthy and amongst us.

Desperate Housewives tonight. Here's what will happen: the girls agonize about the murder. Jonathan Cake torments Bree. Wasted because she's back to guzzling her Pinot like most Housewives, real or otherwise, Bree rallies the girls to continue charade. Vanessa Williams is slutty and sassy. Gabby has to break Carlos out of rehab because of some lame crisis. Tom starts to miss Felicity. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'll be watching Dexter instead (but will catch up via Hulu).

Saturday, November 19, 2011

J. Edgar...

...could have been 45 minutes shorter. It's ponderous, acty and pacing-challenged. The content intrigued me but I wanted it to be over after the first half-hour. For me, Naomi Watts and Armie Hammer stole the film right out from under DiCaprio. I want Leo to succeed, I really do. He works very hard in this movie and it shows. He's like an angry little baby bulldog fighting for America. I'm not sure what I would have done differently. It just sounded like two hours of nagging and speechifying. There were many compelling moments. Watts just inhabited her part, as did Hammer who made me believe that he came of age in the 1930s and not the 2000s.

I could never watch it again, I'm a little over Eastwood's gloomy hues--adore him much more as an actor--though I will predict that Hammer will be a huge star and Leo will find the perfect part someday. Naomi had me at the film about cholera.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Do You Think Natalie Wood Slipped and Fell?

Her death has plagued me for thirty years though I hate to think that Robert Wagner had anything to do with it. I mean, he was 1/2 responsible for this masterpiece: Dish thinks this was a drunken brawl gone bad and swept under the carpet. The sheriff said there were several sources with new information. Maybe TG and I should take our iPads to the boat and do some ghost-tracking ourselves. At the very least, I'll rewatch West Side Story, Splendour in the Grass and Rebel Without a Cause and honor the goddess that was Natalie. I'll cast Christina Ricci or Mila Kunis in the movie of her life.

The rumor is that Demi and Ashton had an open marriage and she was into women also. Also threesomes. And orgies while bathing in Philly cheese steaks. Please. Tell me she stuck Buzz Lightyear up his rectum and then I'll be impressed.

Here's the whitest/sickest thing I've ever seen. Scientology needs to get with the times. Their new rap song is beyond dated and Wonder Bread lame. Diversity should be celebrated in all cults.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Paging Dr. Nick Rhodes

Oh. Not that kind of doctor, eh? Whatever! The University of Bedfordshire has upgraded Duran Duran keyboardist Nick Rhodes's title with an honorary doctorate. He is easily due for a degree as his deft use of the English language and fabulous spin have done the band proud for 30+ years. Even more admirable is his devotion/contribution to the art world. Dish is holding up her copy of Interference and yelling to Occupy Wall Street Protesters who are so close,"All hail Dr. Rhodes!"

Some incriminating texts have surfaced where Maria Yeater asks a friend to erase texts referring to her baby's real father (who is not Justin Bieber). JACKASS! If you're going to be a gold-digging liar, at least be smart about it. Dr. Rhodes would no doubt suggest a trip to the Whitney as repentance.

Thank goodness for attention-getters and social media addicts because when you're feeling blue, you feel compelled to share with the world. Medics can be at your house within seconds of your suicidal postings. Kim K's former PR person who went on record calling her marriage a sham got the gag order from Kim's lawyers and then had a mournful, self-flagellating hissy. He's getting medical attention, Thank Jesus. Dr. Rhodes would find such public suffering wasteful of a person's shining potential.

JJ just texted Dish: What do we need? A cure for turrets. When do we need it? C*nt! Dr. Rhodes would never use this vocabulary. He would gel with J.J. like cats in a bag.

Almost forgot: Demi is divorcing Ashton. I'm sure it's irreconcilable differences and they'll remain best friends.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Really, People Magazine?

Bradley Cooper is People's Sexiest Man Alive. They get it wrong every year (except for Mark Harmon and JFK jr) but at least it's someone who's reached his prime within a couple years of this issue--and not 10 years prior. I see his eyes and think Serial Killer Who Must Kill Cat Downstairs. Well, he speaks better French than I do and that makes me mad.

I'm starting a new franchise: Hottest Person Who's Six Feet Under. This year, my vote is for Copernicus because he said Earth revolved around the sun, which is HOT.

Alleged With-Bieber-out-of-wedlock-procreator Maria Yeater dropped her paternity suit against the little tyke. Maybe she found a better babydaddy. Like Jesus?

I've relearned a lesson thanks to the most recent Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Women who starve themselves are more likely to have a crazy meltdown. Witness Taylor going off on the Vanderpump. A normal person with normal blood sugar would accept an apology and explanation and move on. This was truly the precipice of hell itself and, gosh, I hope she's doing better now. I like Taylor, weird party for her child and all.

This pains me: The Iron Lady trailer looks positively wretched. I love Meryl to pieces, but this is a stinker. Or at least the trailer captures the corniest moments with Meryl needing to scale back. Not the Iron Lady but Julia Child--UK!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Another Reason I Should Have Been a Kardashian...

...if I'd gotten a 90K Range Rover at a young age, I might not have confused our family's Volvo with the female vulva. I learned both words around the same time and I can't hear one without the other--those dirty, dirty Swedes. Then again, the Saturn Spenis is suggestive.

You need to live on more than Melrose Place. Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner called off their engagement. I'm devastated except maybe Hez can set her cap for Kris Humphries, up her profile. Do Not Return to David Spade. Unless he's nice.

I saw my first lesbian KY commercial. PROGRESS!

The police/the mayor evicted the OWS protesters and hosed down Zucotti (?) Park. I just pray the protesters don't get near my daily environs. I believe in the cause but not really this particular physical protest itself.

I didn't think it was possible but The A List: Dallas contains more vile morons than New York. The cast is incredibly affected, playing diva-moviestars and it's a given that everyone is a lush. And the drama: OMG, he pushed me in a pool. OMG, he's drunk. OMG, how will I throw this party when I'm so drunk? I can't come to your party because I have business. Eyerolls. A loser-fest. I thought it might be interesting to give gay Christian Republicans a voice on TV but they are as awful as the liberal Dems. It's the poorest, most insulting representation of the gay community that I've ever seen--aside from the usual cliches. The Real L Word was more interesting with some complex people and relationships.

Hasselbeck vs. Maher on The View. Good for her for having the confidence to pick a fight with someone who's way smarter than she is. She needs a martini and a Xanax.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sweet Forty-Three

I have so little to report. I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm trying not to watch TV. Cheated a little with Dexter, but that's like literary, right? Back to reading, and I tend to read three books at a time. Right now it's women's fiction's Rachel Gibson Not Another Bad Date (fun!), Tony Robbins's Unlimited Power (two typos within first twenty pages but I want to see what fuss is about) and Zola's L'Assommoir (dark as f*ck but love the downward spiral).

In Starland, Brad Pitt announced that he'll quit acting in three years. THANK GOD! No seriously. He should never make those Cher/Barbra/Barry-esque comments. Loved him in Moneyball! Needs to get Oscar before he quits. Kim K is hostessing New Year's Eve in Vegas. I'm so glad she's picked herself up after the divorce stuff. Her sister Kendall got a 90K Range Rover for her sweet 16. I got a turquoise necklace!!! What gives, Dishmama? Oh wait...I just had a wedding...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Star Sighting--Rebecca Romijn

1pm, 18th and 7th: Gym-bound Dish spotted a tall gorgeous blonde walking with a little girl. The woman wore sunglasses but the face was unmistakable, especially when she smiled at her little girl and said, "Okay, you can keep your eyes closed, but you have to hold my hand." So funny because I say that to TG all the time.

Wow, just read this cheating exposay by Kat Von D. Felt so sad last year when I read she'd started dating Jesse James but thought eventually she'd find her way. A talented and unique individual, she will always land on her feet. I don't recommend trashing an ex on the internets, though this must have felt REAL good. Go, KVD!

Justin Timberlake did attend that Marine Corps Ball with that soldier, after all! Wish Youtube had existed in the 80s. I would have asked Duran Duran to prom!!!

Between you and me, I was friends with Frank Miller a few years ago. We had a blast. The only way friendship could happen was that I met him before I knew who he was. So, no hyperventilating and overly-eager questions about his marvelous life. To me, he was just a chatty geezer with old-fashioned charm and values. We talked about movies, politics, celebrities. Now I read this polarizing tidbit about his views about Occupy Wall Street. I can't say it surprises me. I don't totally agree with him, but I still consider him a friend and great conversationalist.

Can you hear my screeching laughter? Fox's Torquemada Bill O'Reilly wrote a book about Abe Lincoln and made several factual errors. What an idiot! A bully, bad to women, not a scholar. Where's the trapdoor, America?

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Dieting Tip from Victoria's Secret Model

I'm not sure this is true. Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima explained her pre-show crash diet. For nine days before a show, she has an all-protein shake liquid diet. I've heard liquid diets make you ill. But then, how do babies do it? Mothers tell me diaper changing only gets nasty when solids are involved. So maybe Adriana Lima's doody is much more manageable. It all comes down to sh*t. I'm very sleep deprived.

Best news ever: Rookie catcher for the Washington Nationals Wilson Ramos was rescued in Venezuela. Thank Cher he's back! I imagine he'll need a lot of TLC before he gets back to training. Welcome back!

Kinda funny, Liam Neeson being funny while serious.

J.Lo allegedly dating a back-up dancer. Why, girl? Been there, married that (though second hubby did seem like a sweetheart). Maybe, like Madonna, men are intimidated by her. Today was J.Lo movie day on some channel but I couldn't bring myself to watch Monster-in-Law. The Wedding Planner is no longer watchable. Offended by McConaughey's strange hair. We watched Shallow Hal. It was terrible!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Did You Get Your 11-11-11 On?

It was okay, this day, wasn't it? I mean Kim Zolciak from Atlanta Housewives got hitched. Everyone and their mother had the same 11-11-11 status update. Demi Moore turned 49 and is better than ever (though too skinny!). Kris Humphries has lawyered up to face the truth and dodge a massive bullet. Charmed witch Holly Marie Combs filed for divorce herself.

Dish tried to watch Boss but it looked bad. I'm not sure Kelsey Grammer can really act. Only got through two minutes. Did catch up on my Glees and see what Hershey was so a-twitter about. Agree now that Darren Criss is a god. My favorite moment was seeing the Warblers singing "Uptown Girl": Reminds me to get a ticket to "Jersey Boys." Here's another one:

Beyond exhausted. As we were watching Law & Order, TG informed me that he met Jerry Orbach and Benjamin Bratt--that Bratt was especially nice. The two stars were so enthralled with TG that they invited him back "to the trailer for coffee." Probably a huge lie but you gotta give TG props for trying.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Host with The Most Is Back...

Ladies and Gentlemen, you can all breathe a sigh of relief. The paler than Dish host you want has materialized, just in time to retrieve the wreckage from the bottom of the barrel. Richard Simmons's Billy Crystal's mighty pecs quiver with manliness as he stares down at the pitiful, unfunny, waste of time the Oscars have been in recent years with much funnier yet less-magic-touch-possessing hosts. BC nestles the limp phallus that was the mighty Oscars in his loving, ripped arms. Will Oscar live again? (wish Ricky could have done 2 shows...)

Just caught up on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Did Kelsey Grammer *really* cross-dress? No biggie, I mean, I learned on Divorce Court that this *is* a hetero thing. No judgment here just gossipy. Many pot-shots taken on his masculinity this season. Don't blame the wives one bit. Imagining him in red satin teddy.

Dominating the news is the fired Penn State football coach and ongoing rape cover-up. Nothing beats the vileness of the abuse itself but outraged crowds supporting those who covered it up belong in landfill.

Dish being very castrating.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Oscar Hissies

The big news is that Brett Ratner resigned/was fired from producing the Oscars after many offensive comments. Was it the fag remark rather than his usual--often violent--misogyny that did him in? He always struck me as a Gigantic Tool, but the world is so politically correct. No one can say anything. Worst of all, Eddie is gone, too! He would have been an interesting host. Make no mistake, I find Ratner to be a vile creature but I still hate that this happened.

Herman Cain: More sexual harassment charges. He says he'd take a lie detector test. Oh really? Speaking of pizza, Mariah has lost her baby weight. Wonder when it'll come back on because she yoyos--which I'm all for because that's reality. I'm told Glee was positively gorgeous last night. Was sex and Darren Criss involved?

Dish is going to read Sartre's Les Mots, about some chick who becomes crazy when she hangs out with someone crazy. I will read in the original French because It's French Existentialist Wednesday!

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

I'm Gonna Make This Quick...

...because I am Ryan Seacrest this week, as in the hardest working man in show business. We'll tawk when Friday clears and I'm getting used to knitting mohair with toddler sized needles.

Very sad: Joe Frazier died. May he rest in peace and I hope his family is hanging in there. Liver cancer sucks!

Vienna and Kasey from Bachelor Pad might have broken up. I didn't see that coming. I mean, two unappealing reality stars deciding to part ways--it hurts right here.

I wouldn't be a good Duran Duran fanatic if I didn't show their recent movie/music video for "Girl Panic" where they do what they do best: worship models. It's very glitzy and suggestive, but I've grown weary of the models in leather panties. Expected more and, please don't hate me. We've been getting the babes with the long legs and champagne since 1983. The good: Naomi Campbell excels as Simon Le Bon. Cindy Crawford reeks of iconic beauty and sex. Yasmin and Eva, awesome! When it comes to DD, I can't be a Yes Man. On second look realized: It's beautifully shot, but the editing makes it hard to watch. Doesn't make good enough use of the glamorous forty-something people. Before you have time to register an image, it cuts away, which did cause me to panic (same as with the second Jason Bourne movie). I could re-edit it on my iPad2. I know exactly how to fix this stinker. Did I mention that I say this with the deepest love?

Monday, November 07, 2011

Conrad Murray Is Guilty

This verdict wasn't rocket science. Dishfamilymember says propofol is awesome. Not to be used at home. Not to administer and then you leave the room. My melancholy over the verdict exists because this case had so many layers. Michael Jackson was abused/abused himself for decades and now only one person is going to jail. There are many other guilty parties. As in Thackeray's Vanity Fair, there are no heroes here.

Allegedy: Matthew Fox is suing the Cleveland woman who said he punched her in the vadge when she wouldn't let him get on her party bus. That's a country song! Justin Bieber will submit to DNA test to prove he's not the babydaddy and then he's gonna sue the nonbabymama. Herman Cain has a fourth woman, beckybeckybeckystan (I don't know the name, do you?), coming forward to say he did some sexual harassing. Is his campaign over?

Taking the high road: The Kardashians loved the SNL spoof on Kim's marriage. I love that.

Lindsay Lohan served 4.5 hours in jail. Lame! Back to the clubs.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Dumper's Remorse?

So, The Curvy Divorcee flew to Minnesota to meet with her soon-to-be ex. It reminds me of stinktastic New in Town, when high-wheeling Renee Zellwagon flies to the same place, meets Harry Connick, Jr. and learns to love country folk. Do you think Kim could learn to love Minnesota? I think America's fascination with the family is based solely on the fact that it's fun to say: Kardashian. Here's SNL's take on the next phase:

In sad news: Heavyweight legend Joe Frazier, who fought Ali oh so many years ago when Dish was barely a toddler, seems to be in the last stages of liver cancer. How heartbreaking. Puts a lot of merde into proper perspective.

Marathon day! Dish ran on the treadmill and gloried in seeing exhausted runners such as Apolo Anton Ohno and Christie Turlington Burns huffing and puffing to the finish line. And this week, will try my hand at barefoot running: I can already hear J.J. and HersheyKiss saying, "What the F do you wanna do that for?"

Tomorrow is the premiere of Duran Duran's supermodel-icious video for "Girl Panic," which will star all the greats from the 80s and 90s: Cindy, Naomi, Helena, Yasmin, Eva. Can't wait.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Andy--not Mickey--Rooney Dies...

TG made a fatal reporting error this morning and killed off Mickey instead of Andy. He was America's favorite old fart. Most of all, I will remember Andy Rooney as the man DishGramma loved to watch every week on 60 Minutes. He made her giggle.

Tomorrow is the NYC marathon and I'm so glad not to live on the Upper East Side anymore. Now, I get to just nestle in the coziness of Chelsea knowing supermodel Christie Turlington is running her brains out. Oooh, which means other celebs must be around. Last time I watched, I saw the villain from One Life to Live heaving and wheezing to the end. Oh, the joys of seeing P. Diddy get a leg cramp. Maybe I'll hit the treadmill while it's happening.

For your entertainment, here is Triumph the insult comedy dog on the Occupy Protests. Highly offensive but loved every second:

Friday, November 04, 2011

Star Sighting--Hugh Dancy!!!

Texted by DishfriendMel at 3:18pm to say she saw this gem on 41st and 8th Avenue. And Dish was just mentioning Billy Crudup, who is sperm brothers with Hugh who is married to Claire Danes. I first saw Hugh in Evening, one of the crappiest on record with an all-star cast of Claire, Meryl, Vanessa Redgrave and others. It couldn't have sucked more. He was a delight in The Big C. He and Billy C. resemble each other so I can see how Claire Danes got confused in the dark and bonked Hugh by accident while she was with Billy, though I'm just making that up, I don't think it's true.

No Peanuts = Preggo? You learn something new every day! Dish knows nothing about pregnancy other than you can get knocked up sitting on the toilet, you yakk every morning and go through excruciating pain unless you get a scheduled C-section like the stars do. So, Kate Middleton refused something peanut related which the paps took to mean she's got a royal bun in the oven. Really? I thought it was just blue cheese and tunafish you couldn't have. My woman's intuition says Kate isn't pregs yet. Maybe next year.

Courtney Stodden got tit-tested, going on national television to prove her gigantic melons are real. People are starving, celebs are divorcing, the economy is in a tail spin. We worry about this?

Even more important is the trouble Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are having. Their love must survive. Someone wants to kill adorable Selena and another person claims pre-pubescent Bieber fathered her child. Has the world gone crazy?

Just saw amazingly talented Dishniece in Sweeney Todd, a darling production put on by some crazy college kids. Moved to tears during a couple songs. Dishniece will be famous someday. But will she introduce me to Julia?

Thursday, November 03, 2011

You are NOT Joyce DeWitt!

As I write this, KK must be flying back to the US to face her subjects. Dish watched the interviews and she did look a little shell-shocked--but fabulous skin and gloss! What's making bigger news is Kris Jenner's utterly awful "Indian Giver" comment on The Today Show. Along with the Native Americans, we Little People are offended that she would scoff at someone wanting a 2 million dollar ring back. Does she have any idea how wretched her comment was on many levels? The best managerial advice Dish could give is to go away for a while and then come back. Britney did it. Lindsay's gotta do it too.

Rumor has it Billy Crudup and Grace Gummer, both in Tom Stoppard's Acadia, are an item. A powerful coupling that brings him ever so close to Claire Danes, who's acted in a few films with Grace's moms Meryl. For me, it's a fairly worthy alliance as Billy C. stole Eat Pray Love.

Porky's actor Wyatt Knight was found dead of an apparent suicide. Blessings on his coming and going.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

What are YOU looking at?

Signora Brunetta Largia Buttica gave an interview in Australia about her newly ended marriage and I couldn't tell if she was really upset, in shock or just playing--the face is that frozen. She did say "you know" repeatedly which demonstrates to me a high level of brainlessness. Dish says "you know" a lot too. I think it started with Gen X. More reading needed.

Today's Star: Ethan Zohn who found out a couple months ago that his Hodgin's Lymphoma had returned. But he is in treatment and we can pray that he sails right through this! He is one of the first celebs I spotted in the city (Grammercy area) so I have a soft spot even though I've never watched Survivor.

The big news is Justin Bieber and his paternity suit. I'm sorry. I didn't realize he'd even gotten his pubes. It seems so verbotten that he's having sex at his age.

This just in: Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 30 days in jail. Which means three hours. Toxicology reports that Bubba Smith died from an overdose of diet pills. Wrong on so many levels. Dish used to take "diet chocolates" at age 12. My grandmother, with whom I was staying, had no idea. The chocolates were so delicious--I kept eating them! Jittery pre-pubescent Dish = scary. I wound up fatter than ever. Diets don't work too well for me. I find if you move your tukkus a little each day, you don't need to diet.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Boycott the Kardashians While You Occupy Wall Street

It's the only way to get these boring people off your screens. As Al Pacino might say, they are "a waste of my mother-f*cking time." I sort of feel that when you start your career on your back, you die there. During intense discussions, Dishmama alleges that Kris Humphries was used. Kim has fled to Australia. Maybe she'll meet someone there.

So many juicy tidbits, the mind is a-whirl! Hugh Grant is a new dad. Never thought he'd reproduce though it was an accident. Denise Richards and Richie Sambora dating again. Makes me feel better about him and Heather breaking up. Zooey Deschanel and her hubs split.

The saddest news for our dear Hillary. Her mother Dorothy Rodham dies at 92. A great lady birthed a great lady.

Amy Winehouse has a new album coming out on December 5. Janis Joplin has brand new material coming around Christmas.

This is enough news for me. I'm sentencing myself to one more chapter of Dangerous Liaisons. I'm furious at TG (and writing this will infuriate him) because he's mean to me when he's sick. For some reason, my being mad makes him giddy. Maybe this will boost his immune system.