Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How Could I Forget Sean Young?

No one should! At an Oscar party, Sean got herself arrested for smacking a guard. She keeps us all entertained and never leaves a dull moment in her wake. One could see her drunkenness and downward spiral as sad, but Sean Young is Sean Young. She will show up in a catsuit to aggressively try to get cast as The Catwoman (she would have been great!). If she doesn't like something, she says so. And who are you to stand in her way? How brilliant was she in Wall Street, Bladerunner and that James Wood movie? Sure, she hasn't done much since and no one really wants to work with her. If Sean feels like smacking a guard, she won't dial it down to please the masses.

But...I wish that she could find one kernel of sanity because I miss her on screen so very much.

We Love You, Davy Jones!!!

Dish-Crush-From-Childhood Davy Jones reportedly died of a heart attack this morning. Say it ain't so! And why did that whore Marsha get to have all the fun? Rest in Peace, you adorable daydream believer who made a better world for us...

Mildred Pierce in Floral and Snooki in Maternity!

Dish finally got around to watching the updated Mildred Pierce and will risk J.J.'s wrath: It's boring as sh*t! Don't get me wrong, I adore how Kate Winslet stoops to convey a down-beat broad trying to make a buck. I do the same. The floral dresses, well, they just hit too close to home circa 1994 for me. Add my grandmother's hairdo and no makeup and Kate Winslet still cannot hide her gorgeousness. For me, Mildred demands a "handsome" actress. By this I mean someone who could pass as a man if given the right lighting. Glenn Close, Uma Thurman, Anjelica Huston, a couple of the Housewives, you know, someone a little she-he. Please don't send me hate mail. I have three more eps to go.

My husband doesn't know this yet. It will hurt him, as would news that one's little girl was deflowered by the grimy captain of the wrestling team. Snooki is knocked up! It's such a normal and expected thing to happen but still. Are you okay, honey? Baby's grown up now. Hiccup!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Jennifer Garner Has Popped!

Doesn't Jennifer make pregnancy seem so effortless? She always looks happy and enthusiastic. I saw her on Broadway in Cyrano and she was an utter delight, as sparkling on stage as on screen. The show itself was mediocre but I love her overall and wish I could summon her on occasion. Congratulations, JG, for having a boy!

Another mother but far more controversial, that Angelina has made waves for flashing her leg. Are we in the dark ages? She's being criticized for the pose but I feel brain damaged because I don't get the big deal. We saw her naked in Gia so what else could possibly shock us? I loved the flash of leg. That's what slits in dresses are for!!!

The Bachelor spoiler: Finally arrived the most offensive episode for us Dish Prudes: The F*ck Room Fantasy Suite episode where they can spend the rest of the evening boinking like rabbits who just got out of prison getting to know each other better. Do the last three contestants get tested for STDs before TFS? I knew the plumper girl (by plumper I mean the normal sized and beautiful) would get sent home. Then in a fake-surprise encounter, Kacie B. flew all the way to Switzerland only to get the door shut in her face again by Ben. Her frown lines have grown Muppet deep and I wonder if Ben sucked the happiness out of her. Poor Kacie B. She deserves so much better.

Desperate Housewives alum Nicollette Sheridan went to court against Marc Cherry who allegedly smacked her on the set then killed her off the show. They basically hired Vanessa Williams to take her place. You need a "slutty one" in every show and it's a great gig. But I'm sure Nico can do better than DH, which has gone downhill since she left.

Natalie Portman seems to have married her balletman. I'm doing deep knee bends and pirouettes in their honor. No furniture was harmed.

Monday, February 27, 2012

"I Didn't Do It on Purpose. Tee Hee."

Maybe J.Lo's nipple likes to travel. Anyway, that's what I remembered from last night's Oscars. In my haze, somewhere in the middle, my eyes alit on these globes, this sparkling dress, and the globes again. Off to the side, peeking over as if to say, "I'm here too!!" was her nipple. And now everyone's talking about it. She did it with Diddy, she did it today. Dangerous booby dress by J.Lo! Love her and good night.

Just kidding. Of course, Billy Crystal was a delight. I figured out why he's the only one who can host the Oscars. He appeals to every demographic unlike his predecessors. He is classic, often classy and rolls with the punches. Billy never really offends but tweaks you just enough and pulls away. We need nostalgia badly and he brought it back. The opening was anticlimactic for Dish only because the hosts after him did the same thing. But I'll take Billy. He should do the Oscars forever.

There were no surprises in award winners--Yay, THE ARTIST!--so I must react to the fashions:

Viola Davis needed a wig/shaping or a different dress but she is so damn pretty it doesn't matter.

Meryl finally wore something glamorous.

Angelina looked great in that black dress instead of the funeral dresses she tends to prefer. She's been gorgeous this season.

Brad Pitt and Jessica Chastain needed better hair. Hair was a big problem more than dresses this season.

Rose Byrne: gorgeous girl, bad Anna Wintour bob that is so off-putting, the kind of hair only an arch-nemesis would have.

Sandra Bullock has had something facially done but I still love her (not that blousy branch dress). Even TG noticed she didn't look like Sandra. You gotta invest in the face, especially if you're a Hollywood actress. My feeling is that when you've had face work, just hide it with some poof. I did just this when I accidentally shaved a side of my head. I cut a strand and taped it to my bald spot, a middle-schooler's weave, if you will. This was not recent.

Adored Rooney Mara's look though she seemed snarky during interviews. Like she's so over it all.

Emma Stone looked willowy and buzzed young happy. Did she have to hide her neck? Maybe Dish's swan neck makes her think everyone has one as elegant. It is just not so.

I'm not a fan of white against blond unless LOTS of shimmer so back to the drawing board Gwyneth and Cameron. J.Lo stole their thunder with those tatas wanting to burst free and see America.

Cirque du Soleil: Take that, Debbie Allen!!!

Today I went trolling for afterparty scandal and only found a picture of Jessica Chastain and our favorite newly-rehabbed lady-killer Gerard Butler. Don't do it, Jessica. Then again, redheads never have more fun (it's a myth) so have at it and continue acting your heart out, you fierce Gingie!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Gerard Butler--Out of Rehab and Ready to Rock!

Since Dracula 2000, I've wanted this dude to succeed but the rom-coms just don't do it for me (sorta loved P.S. I Love You, though!). I knew Gerard had battled the booze so when I saw him on a talk show telling of the joys of Ambien, I thought, Uh Oh, it's only a matter of time. Pills and booze, kinda intertwined. Let him romance the ladies, instead. But hurrah! Our fearless lad has sought treatment and now, may he defeat those awful Athenians and dine in hell! And by that, I mean act his butt off in the hallowed halls of Hollywood!

The Roast of William Shatner... really funny for the first ten minutes, especially thanks to the late Greg Giraldo and Artie Lang who made us pee a little. But then, as often with roasts, it became mean and unfunny, like with all the Farrah Fawcett jokes and how most of the people on stage were popular 30 years ago. The late Fawcett took the barbs well, but I felt bad for her and for some other incredibly unfunny people who tried too hard. Maybe I'm too nice. But how often can you laugh about William Shatner being fat and weird? Or about the fact that George Takei is Japanese and gay, which of course means he's a pedophile? I don't really like roasts but Giraldo was hilarious and delivered supremely un-PC jokes beautifully.

There were a few corpses and soon-to-be on the stage, which made it eerie. But TG and I were desperate for something fun to watch. We loved Lisa Lampanelli. She's funny, appreciates her colleagues, and is a good sport.

Tonight's Oskahs

Dish has been under the weather with the Celine Dion virus for several days now so I can't put in as much alcohol energy as I want into tonight's Oscars. But there are a few items that make me violent:

1. If The Help wins Best Picture, I will never ever watch the Oscars again. It was boring (but had some great performances by Viola Davis and Jessica Chastain). This would be the politically correct choice, which the Academy often goes with and it's Steel Magnolia-esque, but the pacing is WAY off. Read the book instead.

2. If The Descendants wins Best Picture, my cynicism will be unmanageable. Again, Dish had a pacing issue with this one. Performances were good, Clooney was good but Michael Clayton was his shining star, not this.

3. The Best Actor/Actress: I want Jean DuJardin to win. He did something so wonderful--and different--on screen, aside from the usual reacting to catastrophic event and picking up the pieces crap. For Best Actress, I'd be happy with any of these babes: Meryl, Michelle, Viola. They were fantastic.

4. The Tree of Life has to win something. It was the most visually stunning movie last year and would be amazing to watch while stoned.

This may be sinful but I'm going to DVR the event since I can't stay up late to watch to the end. Monday I'll take a vow of no-Internets so that I can see who wins. Do you think Billy Crystal will be amazing or anti-climactic?

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Oui, Celine Dion and I Are Prequetically za Sem Personne

Not only can she and I speak le French but she also had to cancel some Vegas shows due to a pesky throat virus. It's a sad day for Vegas and Dish--especially since it's been confirmed TG loves Sandra Bullock and not so much Julia Roberts. We watched Miss Congeniality (yes, Hershey, I noticed BB's rocket-fueled pig nipples in the pool) and TG laughed and laughed at Sandy's antics. Well, I just ordered the possibly sh*tty seemingly straight-to-DVD Fireflies in the Garden so he'll be swallowing those words pronto. Where else can we watch the agony Julia must have felt to play Ryan Reynolds's MOTHERRRRRR???

Once you have/appear on a reality show, you show the world your desperation to be rediscovered. And so, Jack Wagner, Sherri Shepard, and Melissa Gilbert have joined Dancing with the Stars. I love these three but would rather see them do a Lifetime movie and, you know, act.

I leave you with Joan Rivers dishing to Baba on vagina surgery. I'd watch either of these two jezebels on DWTS:

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dish is Infectious!

Due to some noxious germ, my doctor ordered me to stay under the covers for the next few days. What must a girl do but watch Contagion. I wanted to see it for many reasons:

1. Gwyneth Paltrow has a vomiting seizure with flapping limbs and everything. Awesomeness!
2. I won't watch a movie for Kate Winslet or Jude Law alone, but put them in the same flick (The Holiday) and I'm front-and-center for these hot Brits.
3. Sprinkle in a little Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Bryan Cranston and Lawrence Fishburn and you've got yourself an EPIDEMIC OF STARS!
4. I love disasters.

Speaking of disasters: There is so much about the potential romantic reunion of Chris Brown and Rihanna. Victims often get unnaturally attached to their attackers and when the law forbids contact, that makes it even more appealing. Sick, sick, sick. Or great publicity.

Here is enjoyable sickness in the form of genius from Sacha Baron Cohen:

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Dear Diary: Popcorn Is Evil

I love popcorn but it doesn't love me. Just thinking about the fiber-rich snack makes my insides quake with fear. Milk Duds are my drug of choice. So why oh why did I eat a bag of popcorn yesterday? Then 4 Baci chocolates after a 2-day no sugar fast? And then another bag of popcorn? I am not a sixteen-year-old girl.

Never mind that. Something adorable happened recently and all of Hollywood is abuzz. Young heartthrob Zac Efron dropped his condom on the red carpet at the premiere of The Lorax. You know what this means, don't you? He has sex. Maybe with cartoon characters or men. If you want to stay in denial, you can imagine he fills it with water and throws it at the paparazzi.

Watch what happens when Selena Gomez drops a tampon...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

My Oscar Predictions Are...

...exactly the same as those of Nick Rhodes and Katy Krassner, who do a rigorous and fascination dissection of each award, including what should win and what WILL win. I tend to side with Katy the most as Nick can be too unwavering in his delicious snootiness (I get it, I spent much of my childhood in Paris and bathed in culture but I can give Sandy an Oscar and live with myself) I love these two! (Esp. Katy. Nick, too)

So, the love story of TG and Dish has spread to other blogs. We found one accounting of our reunion (on, right around Valentine's Day) and IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS THERE. We realized this blogger was "on the inside" even though we didn't recognize her. It's official that we're famous. People just keep talking about us.

They do, don't they?

Back to the Republican Debate. It's like watching Seinfeld. Wish one of them would bump into furniture or pee on the chair cushion.

Le DSK--Tsque, Tsque, Tsque, Mon Petit Chou Chou!

Qu'est-ce que Monsieur Dominique-Strauss do this time? Le oops. Il may have etre involvay dans un ring de prostitutes. Peut-etre pourqu'il puisse smack them around et avoir le sweet non-consensualay sexes avec elles. Qui knows? Peut-etre il est just a grand teddy bear avec needs personne n'understand. On sait qu'il est smart. Il est GORGEOUS. Il live dans le land de delicieux patisseries. Alors, quel est son probleme? Beaucoup de fois, c'est le ego qui transmitte les bad message au wang de politicien. Maintenant, DSK est dans le jail. On know quoi happens aux rapists dans le jail...Pauvre DSK!!!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Eilean--The Yacht that Carried Duran Duran to Stardom and Probably Collected Their Sick on Those Rolling Waves!

Dishfriendfromhighschool, who recently laughed her ass off watching my worship at Duran Duran's MSG concert, sent me this clip about the fate of Eilean, that famous vessel from "Rio."

Oh, she was yar.

Celebrating a Survivor--Elizabeth Smart

I remember an afternoon in March, 2003, running on a treadmill, probably feelin' ennui when it flashed on the TV screen that Elizabeth Smart had been found alive after a nine-month abduction. I started crying openly in the gym, in front of everyone. I had to leave and then I cried some more on the way home. Life is good! She'd gone through something so horrible. People usually don't survive this, but this brave girl survived that and all the years after. She just got married two weeks ago. Congratulations to the happy couple!

Okay, let's move on to a travesty. Lindsay Lohan allegedly was cast to play Elizabeth Taylor in a movie (Lifetime, I think, but still) about her love with Richard Burton. What do you think of that, J.J.? Are you bleeding from the eyes? Because I am! Wondering which bland TV star will be cast as Richard....

Wait. There's more. Listen to this garbage and feel inflamed (in more than the hemorrhoidal, STD way) by Rick Santorum's out of touch rantings:

And if you weren't already outraged: That cute little girl on E.T. might have a bun in the oven. Yes, Drew Barrymore was caught carrying a sonogram, coming out of a doctor's office with her beau. Guys usually don't GO to doctor appointments unless baby related, he's violently whipped, or it's serious. Shocking that Fury is even having sex at her age.

The last rumor that seems so ridiculous but time will tell: Booby Brown might be reviving his tell-all book about life with Whitney. Get a ghostwriter, STAT, because something else will take center stage.

Spoiler alert for last night's The Bachelor: I was wrong about who should win. Well, she got voted off and in the Rejection Limo proved she let out months' worth of pent-up wild sobbing. But seriously, she seemed like a nice girl. Now I put all my money on Lyndzi. Sadly, The Bachelor will most likely follow his 'nads and pick the bad girl who skinny-dipped with him. Mood-swinging naked model trumps all.

Monday, February 20, 2012

What Celebrity Offspring Are Doing:

Converting to Islam: Son of director Oliver, Sean Stone did the deed not in a sedate Hollywood mosque but in freaking Iran where he is researching a documentary. He hopes that this opens up a dialogue between the different religions and now considers himself a Jewish Christian Muslim. Hey, whatever blows your skirt up! It's better than spending your day on Facebook.

Getting High: Bobbi Kristina was allegedly seeking a pick-me-up after her mother's funeral. Is this at all surprising? Frankly, Dish would do the same thing--only BEFORE and DURING such a traumatic funeral. But still, sounds like Whitney's girl needs help and I hope she gets it.

Getting the Crap Beaten Out of Them: I'll admit to a little snickering over Princess Caroline's son Pierre Casiraghi, Stavros Niarchos and other children of luminaries getting clocked after allegedly being drunk and obnoxious in a club. My secondary emotion is compassion. Violence is only okay on television.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A Really Long Weekend...

It's been a rough couple of days due to what I thought might be strep but what could be the common cold. Instead of getting rest, Dish hasn't been able to sleep. So what else is new?

What does one due during the ill moments? Pick up Jennifer Egan's Look at Me, love it and since it's too literary to keep my attention for more than five minutes, I turn back to TV!

What's on my mind: NJ Governor Christie just vetoed the gay marriage bill, making him incredibly behind the times. Doesn't he realize how powerful the gay community is? You don't want to mess with women either. The birth control issue is coming around at a perfect time and Obama puts himself more firmly on the side of women (though I'd still choose Hillary!) than the Republicans. This race is his to lose.

Yesterday I attended Whitney Houston's funeral via TMZ. It was lovely, both happy and somber, with a chill-inducing choir to bring her home. The big controversy occurred when Bobby Brown's entourage was turned away and he left. This is frustrating on both sides. Why can't an obviously grieving man honor his ex-wife? And on the other hand, why the hell couldn't he show up by himself?

Because illness forced me into research, I looked up the reality show Bobby and Whitney did. It was called Being Bobby Brown, when Whitney was always the bigger star. Says a lot.

Let me end on a nice note: Matthew Perry will join the cast of The Good Wife. Thank goodness. I've been very bored by this season. Will and Alicia together put me to sleep.

Friday, February 17, 2012

A Little Sleep

Dish is having star-fatigue and this weekend will be all about Whitney's funeral--who is or isn't there. She is being drawn and quartered and I can't bear to read anymore.

So I'm taking the weekend off.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

William Devane Sexes Up "Revenge"

I think he went to school with Dishbiologicalfather but despite this I was so happy to see him on Revenge where frozen-face-and-squint acting meets WASPington Mansion! It hits too close to home for me in the best way with all the air-kissing, repressed rage and sarcasm. While I was glued to the episode, I predicted it from Minute 1 when Danny was frozen-face-down in the sand. They always kill off the ugly a-hole and there had to be a twist, right? What did you think of this non-shocking episode?

Dishbrotherhusband informed me of a Queer As Folk Reunion/conference in Germany this year. Color me dizzy in all the colors of the rainbow. I'd swoon breathing the same oxygen as Sharon Gless. My lung capacity was tested when Gale Harold starred in Suddenly, Last Summer on Broadway and I survived the experience.

Rest in peace, Gary Carter--a baseball legend. Poor guy.

As I sign off, please pray for me, readers. I might have sprained my toes due to really bad sneakers that don't support the foot properly. And I just keep running.

Today's Scenery Chewer--Robert Knepper

Dish loves a scenery-chewer. Let us all bow to the Hopkins, the Maclaine, the Lucci who provide color and zest to any drab stage. When actors can inhabit a screen and eclipse all others, well, it's a god-given talent. Today, I gift The Laurel of Chewery to Robert Knepper who always seems to play that creepy evil guy who effs everything up for the powers of good. He only has to twitch an eye and I'm applauding his malice. Dish has been conscious of this actor for at least 20 years and now I'm watching him devour (and kill a hooker after getting his hand hacked off!) Prison Break like a starving orphan left in the desert for weeks. Long Live the Knepper!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Grammy's Controversy

I have to weigh in on the controversy about Chris Brown playing at The Grammy's. Rihanna may have forgiven him for beating the crap out of her, but I haven't. And neither has Miranda Lambert, whom I applaud for going public with her outrage. When he came out to perform, I was shocked by all the applause. He didn't even sing, really, mostly just gyrated, which I guess takes effort. But so does turning a person's face into a bruised pulp.

It's All Downhill From Here...

But Downhill is easier than Uphill. I'm not sure what I mean, just that I have celebrity DTs--such great heights and now, eating cheap crackers and peanut butter. Must. Get. On. TV. Again. Fast! I'm not willing to drink donkey spunk, run off with the guitarist of Journey or lie on the couch dissing people then stuffing a Kardashian-sized burrito in my face (oh wait, never mind on this last one). My "normal" life is pretty durn awesome...except no one has stopped me on the street since the airing, which distresses me.

Quick remarks because I have to watch my television clip again. TG has created loop.

1. Kobe Bryant and wife might be reconciling since a photo of their smooching has surfaced! It must be love since she would have gotten kazillions in a divorce. Vanessa obvious hasn't learned the Dishrule never to date an athlete, except if you earn a giant payoff in a divorce. Well, even then...

2. Real Housewives of Orange County: the new housewife, Heather, seems just fine, a refreshing brunette. I might be done with OC because the boredom factor is just too high. The only drama is that Peggy effed Alexis's husband years ago and never said anything. It's a rule on OC that your mate is either an emoting loser or richndorky.

3. Kourtney was asked to carry Khloe's baby. Bahahahah! This sounds like a giant load of BS. Why not ask Kim? It might take her mind off the divorce.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day from Latest Sufferer of Acquired Situational Narcissism!

It's true: Dish and TG have the syndrome suffered only by celebrities. We've spent the entire day watching ourselves on The Rachael Ray Show over and over again -- to the point where hearing Rachael Ray say our names is as normal/expected as Dishcat whizzing on the couch (a daily event). We loved our moment in the sun. Oh what's this, TG is replaying the clip again! We love Rachael.

On Whitney watch: Her broken vessel was flown to New Jersey. How gruesome and yet details I kinda wanna know. You look at the hearse and think, she's in there. The speculation and blame continues. Was it murder? Nancy Grace asks. Whitney wanted to die, Bill O'Reilly claims. CNN reported is poorly, says Jon Stewart. I'm done. Ready to celebrate the good Whitney times.

Disastrous: I just read a Radaronline spoiler for The Bachelor and am now thoroughly deflated. I also wonder if it's a lie. If not, I foresee a marital disaster! Bring on Emily Maynard STAT.

Matt Bomer: has come out, just in time to appear on Glee. Why do I have to wait until April for his Duran Duran episode? I won't make it. Darren Darren, Finn, Jane Lynch and the OCD guidance counselor are the only ones keeping me going.

I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day. For 40 years, it seemed a bizarre, often cruel holiday. Now it's bearable if you focus on loved ones and chocolate. With TG, every day is a gift.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Dish and TG on The Rachael Ray Show Tomorrow!

Don't hyperventilate too much--we're only on for about a minute, but if you recognize us, you'll witness the awesomeness of TG. When he got his makeup done, he said to the stylist, "I'm ready for my open casket." With a guy like that around, Dish laughs pretty much nonstop. I kind of am dreading seeing myself on TV, but Mama Gena would advise me to watch with pride.

The Grammy's: LL Cool J raised the energy at the beginning, inviting everyone to pray for Whitney. Dish is not into traditional organized religion (?) but Ms. Houston probably would have loved this. LL has been a Dish-fave since the 80s and one of the few that hasn't totally mucked up his life with scandal. I could only take so much, though. Like Seinfeld, I stopped at a high-point: Bruno Mars, who is possibly my favorite new artist of the last year. He rocked it, showing us what happens when James Brown, Elvis and Prince have sex and produce a love child. Total brilliance!

The latest: That Whitney might have drowned in the bathtub. In Dish's non-medical opinion, this seems impossible without A LOT of pharmaceutical help and cement blocks. How will I wait for toxicology reports?

Last night's Downton Abbey: Did I call it or did I call it. My powers of prediction make all series watching unbearable. If Anna and Bates don't do the horizontal mambo at the beginning and end of every episode, I'm ditching DA. Oh wait...Shirley.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Whitney Update

The autopsy is imminent but I'm reading that some Rx were found (Lorazepam, Xanax, Valium, sleeping agent--you know, THE USUAL!) in the room and she died in the bathtub. Not a good combo, though TG says there must have been a lot of substances for her to drown in the tub. Xanax has turned into the villain in this death and the tabloids want to put the pill on trial. Tangent: Tony Bennett said at the Clive Davis pre-Grammy show that drugs should be legalized like in Amsterdam where all is mellow and cool. Dish is mixed: Pot legal yes, but this country is so uncivilized when it comes to substances. Anyway, back to WH: So then Bobbi Kristina, Whitney's daughter, had to be rushed to the hospital due to, well, her mama died and I'd be hysterical on a stretcher too. Another one of those accidental, preventable celebrity deaths, it seems. My conundrum: Why do celebs need both Lorazepam & Xanax? They're kinda the same thing.

I hadn't intended to watch The Grammys--just because musicians give highly moronic acceptance speeches--but I do want to see any/all Whitney tributes. I can DVR Downtown Abbey and Dull Housewives. Jennifer Hudson was a great choice to honor WH.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

More Not So New Whitney Details and Movie Review

Allegedly, family members are deeply saddened and hysterical over Whitney's death, as are many celebrities. Focus intensifies on official investigation, allegations of boisterous partying and/or "she was perfectly fine" before she died. This is the point where news agencies/tabs have no news and repeat same stuff, delving into her relationship with Bobby and Ray J, who did the sex tape with Kim. Downward spiral from there.

TG made me turn off CNN and we saw The Descendants (which I'd secretly already seen and figured my punishment was watching it again). It's a little boring but good performances by all. I liked George in Michael Clayton more--just because it was an intense role and I love seeing him thoroughly disheveled and effed up. He's just great to the point where it pisses me off. But as with Brad Pitt, his gorgeousness does nothing for me so I focus on talent, which he has in spades. His sense of humor always tickles me and I wish I'd been a fly on the wall when he filmed that dining room scene with Julia in Ocean's 11. They had to do several takes because he kept making her laugh: The Descendants has a lovely Hawaiian setting and I enjoyed how cinematographer made it so drab. I still choose The Artist for Best Picture. This one wasn't so new and different. I wouldn't pay 13$ to see it, but I would put it at #5 on my Netflix queue.

Watching This Was a Mistake!

But oh so good. So what's a few tears? There are so many gems she left behind:

This wasn't the greatest movie of all but she gave it heart. I dare you NOT to get chills at the 3:10 mark.

Whitney Houston RIP

I'll spare you a Whitney retrospective and just reiterate how sad this is. I've ignored Whitney since she married Bobby Brown because it all went downhill from there. Not that I blame him because she was her own person and an adult. But tragic that such brilliance could be extinguished so suddenly.

I'll just leave remembering a night at a bar in Ohio,1988. Dish was on her second half of a beer and wasted. I was probably weeping over EXBF2 who was a drunk but so charming (and is now deceased). Then this song came on the jukebox and I was transformed: I felt happy. Thanks for that joy, Whitney!

Whitney Houston Has Died

In shock. Looking for news...

It's true. So sad.

Ricky Martin Still She-Bangs!

Dish was *this* close to giving up Glee forever (because the Michael episode was lackluster and they gave Darren Criss a pitiful eyepatch and keep him far too mute in general) when Ricky Martin appeared in the next episode--and Jane Lynch* talked about freezing her own eggs in the 70s so that she could bear a child with a student's donated spunk. Ricky's part was small but he himself was larger than life, showing viewers what Sexy looks like--even fifteen years after he was The Thing and my office mates slobbered over his Vida Loca. Okay, I'll admit, when I first saw him all those years ago, I thought, my goodness, he resembles Dish's first BF ever way back a million years ago--a big reason to sort of dislike him. But since then, Ricky has surpassed my negative nostalgia, creating his own legend in my mind. Watching him dance and sing makes me happy. He was born to entertain and be awesome. Enjoy this trip to the past and know that he just got better with age. And the frosted tips gave him away:

*I have mentionitis when it comes to Jane. The purple track suit was to die for!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Star Sighting--Celia Weston and Mama Gena!!!

2/9/12, 5:25, 59th and Park: Dish was outside a building, engaged in a passionate game of Angry Birds when blonde southern character actress Celia Weston breezed by me. She eyed me suspiciously, as if I were about to accost her for an autograph (good thinking). I do have a mildly deranged look when I'm killing pigs. Dish is happy to report: Celia is a bombshell. Soon after this sighting, I went inside and sat down. Within a few minutes, three other celebrities walked by, one of whom might have been Ginger from Gilligan's Island. This was far too much excitement for me so I stuffed three Altoids in my mouth to keep from screaming, "GINGIE!!!" in ecstasy.

The Mama Gena intro course was so interesting and thought-provoking. Dish is now a huge fan of hers and learned many things:

1. A pink boa alleviates depression, almost immediately. I slept with mine on and while I spat out feathers all night, my dreams were a glorious pink.

2. Mama Gena does positively glow with sensuality and joy, though wearing Prada does that to me, too.

3. Alleviating suffering fully may cost 5K but if you really want to be a goddess, it's worth it. Screw fiscal responsibility! I can't cough up that much but I did splurge on a new Taylor Swift "desire" journal at Papyrus ($19) and all of Mama Gena's books ($30).

4. Woman power is our most untapped resource.

5. The word P*ssy can stand for just about anything, as long as it's female oriented. On that note, my lower P*ssy is in pain from running too hard. P*ssy willing, a good walk home will stretch it out.

Thursday, February 09, 2012

What I Learned from Last Night's Criminal Minds

Dean Cain played an insane man who kills people and wins lots of money when he stops sleeping. Dish doesn't sleep either. It may turn me homicidal but at least I'll be rich! And when the stuff goes down, Joe Montegna can sweet-talk me with laughable BS--that I'm not like all the other killers, that the place is surrounded, that he'll "get me out of this." The best part is further confirmation that Garcia has the coolest array of glasses and I want to be her with her delightful pudge, boundless knowledge and zest for life. My purple turtleshell Tom Ford frames may need an upgrade to HOT PINK. Long live Kristen Vangsness!

Tonight Dish is attending Mama Gena's Radical Step Intro Course. I hope it's fun and not just three hours of encouragement to enroll in the program, which costs way too much for Dish's meager pennies. I just wanna see Mama Gena in action and I need to get my groove back. There's a pink boa and French maid's uniform with my name on it!

Divorced couple Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter caught canoodling again! They're doing Dexter-aholics a mitzvah. We love this couple.

Russell Brand is probably the coolest person ever. He wants none of Katy Perry's money from their marriage (she made 44 million). Can you hear TG crying with confused rage? He would find this deplorable but understandable on a deeper level (maybe that's my wishful thinking).

The Lindsay Lohan downward spiral continues with new pics of her looking about 45 with what appears to be botched work but then my eyes aren't so good.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Feeling a Little Bloated

Readers, I am full of a substance akin to hot air. For my February resolutions, I decided I need to release a few things so that I can glide like a ballerina again. I need to banish:

1. My hate for Peter Berg because he flicked a cigarette in Dishbrother's face in high school. Peter has done great work and I have to focus on that. (Dishbrother has aged way better)
2. My fear of Hilary Swank and Julia Stiles's wolf teeth. The nightmares won't stop but perhaps if I ask them what they want, maybe they'll go away. I do love them as actresses.
3. The fantasy that Shirley MacLaine will conjure me and we'll take long hikes through the rough terrain of New Mexico. Then, after a meal of yogurt and dried fruit (her diet on the Camino), maybe we can both talk to Heath Ledger, Marilyn, Elvis and ask WTF happened. I long for this, but Downton Abbey will take up her time.
4. My inability to remember how Anderson Cooper is awesome. It's coming back now. He's doing a great job of reporting the horror in Syria.
5. The urge to watch Fox News, just for fun. They just suck--and not in a good way.
6. The propensity to follow the wave of Stupid, like getting caught up in the Kardashians (which won't go away) or all those housewives. My brain is filled with manicures, frozen faces and expensive dresses that look cheap. A FB Friend just "liked" a literary journal. Why am I not doing the same? Tee hee.

I can't release my foraging for star-gossip:

Like that anchorman Greg Kelly was cleared of rape charges. If there is a god, I hope she/he helps his accuser, whatever happened.

The Bachelor's big crybaby Jake Pavelka has joined Chippendales in Las Vegas. Wasn't he a pilot? It's so sad when skilled professionals go into show business. Self-respect doesn't live here anymore. Poor Jake.

House is ending after eight years. The sobbing you hear is TG, though that could be because our Fios isn't working.

Gary Busey is broke. I have two words: Point Break 2.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

So Glad I Don't Work in Television!

Dish must remain cryptic about television appearance for another week--maybe another 5 days--but TG and I did our taping today. We enjoyed our one minute of air-time, though the 5 hours of waiting without adequate snacks took its toll. Don't get me wrong, we would do it again and again. Just next time, we're bringing work and a suitcase full of breakfast and lunch. The host of the show was as cute as a bug's ear. Still, we didn't get to meet her or him. We were quarantined from all celebrities--which we understood as normal (Anderson spoiled us rotten). At this taping, I *did* recognize the brother of one of my FAVORITEST moviestars and this was enough to make me hyperventilate. Proximity to a star or shared celebrity DNA is enough for Dish! Everyone associated with Adorable Host was lovely and helpful. The makeup artist was a delight and she gave me Kris Jenner eyes, which has opened new avenues for future Sephora outings. My hair turned out like crap, and I blame my overuse of Aveda's anti-humectant pommade and the sad mistake of thinking I can live without JJ for one second (I won't make that mistake again). So I look like the Human League from 30 years ago. At least I had my moment in the sun and you'll see soon how wonderful my husband is.

Other news:

1. M.I.A. split with gazillionaire beau/babydaddy. Maybe that's what the finger was for--or just to the universe itself.

2. Real Housewives of BH Reunion 2: I hated Brandi at first but now I love her, especially since she admitted to slashing her cheating ex's tires. What a complicated person you don't want to mess with. She's like the Oracle of Delphi. A truth teller, especially on taboo topics. Power to strong women!

3. Downton Abbey: I may be killed for saying this but I'm not enjoying this season as much. All the war stuff is so depressing. Wanna make a bet William's wiener will start working again, which will disrupt all of Mary's plans? Let's get back to Bates.

4. Proposition 8 ruled unconstitutional today! Wahoo!

5. Demi Moore is in rehab and apparently not allowed to look at the scale. I won't if you won't, Demi!!! I need Spanx for my Spanx!

Monday, February 06, 2012

M.I.A. is Genius!!!

As we watched the halftime show, TG asked, "Who're the other singers?" I told him about Nicki Minaj and M.I.A, a little reminiscent of Madonna's VMA appearance with Britney and Christina. Everyone talked about Madonna Frenching Britney and no one cared that she'd also kissed Aguilera. This time the lesser goddess M.I.A stole Nicki's thunder and flashed her middle finger on TV. Now everyone is talking about her! Hurray for the young who have absolutely no manners--flip off everyone, text at all times and be rude to their elders and don't care! M.I.A.'s stock just went up and I couldn't be more in awe. Dish is going to moon everyone in Chelsea and shout a hair-raising "EFF YOU" in the middle of Eighth Avenue. I'll be an overnight sensation! Moms beware!

Verdict on the halftime show: I've heard lots o' Madonna dissing, saying she's lost it (you try flipping around in stilettos at 52). Sure she lip-synched and didn't seem all that comfortable, but I bet if you were in the Superbowl itself, it was awesome. I've never seen the Material Girl smile so much. Love the gay gladiators and the Cleo reference and you gotta love a choir. One of the better halftime shows and they generally are lame anyway.

Re: Giants win. A part of me is experiencing Schadenfreude over beautiful people losing but I agree with Gisele that her husband couldn't f*cking throw and catch the ball. TG and I were saying "butterfingers!" an awful lot last night at Patriot fumbles.

In other news, Randy Travis arrested for public intoxication, caught with a bottle of wine outside a church. Poetry.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Delicious is the New Fabulous!

Since when are people "delicious?" I've been hearing this word used while gushing at others and it vexes me. Am now burying rage in the Superbowl, rooting for the Giants, scooping Cool Whip onto leftover Dulce De Leche ice cream.

Smash has been getting rave reviews so I had to watch. I'm a little song-tired but I tend to like Debra Messing and want her to succeed. Smash is Broadway focused, with dishy theater glitz and the usual pushy ahole divas running the show. Katherine McPhee is lovely and talented. I keep expecting an Ethel Merman to re-emerge. I miss the real gusto and character in a singing voice--like a Lady Gaga who really puts herself in a song, without needing to close her eyes to convey emotion. I wasn't blown away by Smash but it's okay. Then again...this is what I said about Prison Break, Glee, Queer As Folk and 24. Then I got hooked.

Who's glued to Downton Abbey tonight? And who thinks Bates is the new Darcy? DISH!

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Star Sighting--Wallace Shawn!!!

1:50pm in Chelsea, hailing a cab. It's like he's stalking me, I see him everywhere. He wore a dishy green plaid jacket. Where was he going?

As usual, Saturday is a slow newsday. Suzanne Sommers got reconstructive treatment on her tatas. The gloriously evil character actor Ben Gazzara died at 81. Long may he reign! Brian Cashman's wife filed for dee-vorce right after some chickie extorted him for something. I dunno, baseball drama does nothing for me. Dish was fixated on Prison Break, TG did useful things, and then later we had Dishbrother and Dishbrotherhusband over for Pad Thai (homemade by TG) and brownie/ice cream/Cool Whip strawberry (homemade by Dish). Then everyone helped me pick out my clothes for my upcoming taping for television. By Tuesday, I'll cough up all info.

Happy Super Bowl Eve! Giants or Pats?

Friday, February 03, 2012

Mama, Gives Me My Pills!!! I Needs Another Oscar!!!

I fantasize daily about watching bad movies and eating popcorn with Meryl and Julia but I'm not sure I want to see them in a movie together. Today I read that they're set to star in the movie version of August: Osage County, which you know will be all acty, acty, acty--like maybe Erin Brockovich was a gimme and now she wants to do a real meaty role without hiking up her boobs. I can already hear her practicing, "Mama?" Clearly, she doesn't take Dish's advice to do another ROMANTIC COMEDY. Please! And co-star with someone as hot as she is. She and Meryl already have an Oscar. Please, do it for your loyal fans, Julia! No more serious angsty flicks where you don't get EXACTLY what you want in the end and by that I mean Getting The Guy. And don't Eat Pray Love your way through it because you had Too Much candy in that movie. Oh dear, this is turning into a stalker rant. I could watch you brush your hair, Julia. In fact, can't I? I'm having a diva moment because I'm going to be on TV soon. What am I going to wear?

If only Kim Kardashian were here to style me (segue). Speaking of, she's allegedly secretly dating Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez who seems to have dipped his nib everywhere if you believe all gossip. My burning--feverish and not in an STD way--question: Is Kim's addicted to athletes? This never works out in the end.

My dreams were almost realized (no, not the major Duran Duran one) when I read that Adam Lambert was the new front man for Queen. It may not be true, but I've been wanting this since his AI season. He is the closest they'll get to Freddie magic, though I know FM can never be replaced. Adam's got golden pipes, a real glam presence and being in a band might settle him down. It would get me to one of his shows, for sure.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Matt Bomer and Darren Criss to sing Duran Duran Mashup on Glee!

My mitral valve prolapse went apemonkeys with flutters, shivers and profuse sweating. Dish knew it was only a matter of time that Ryan Murphy--who is stuck in the 80s--would use Duran Duran since they are the 80s. And what better duo to cover these geniuses? Darren and Matt will do the boys proud. Cannot wait to squeal and hyperventilate.

I'm not sure if you saw the cover of today's Post but it made Dish LOL in the crosswalk. Gisele emailed her friends to pray for Tom be in good health for the Superbowl. Please ask God for him to win! Please, Lord! I don't like to imagine two beautiful people *not* getting what they want, so a Patriots loss might be ugly. Screw that, Giants all the way!

I learned today that Mitt Romney isn't worried about the very poor. Making him even more attractive, he was endorsed by Trump. That's New England sarcasm.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Sleep Groovily, God of Soul Train!

Mr. Soul Train himself Don Cornelius died of an apparent suicide. Who didn't love that show growing up? DC had serious health problems and this was his way out. Sad for him, sadder for his mob of fans. His legend will live on!

In other tragic Nick and Aaron Carter's sister Leslie died at the too-young age of 25. Cause unknown (but I'm reading Rx might be responsible). Lots of cause unknowns out there. Pill popping is an epidemic. Is it worse now than in the Marilyn Monroe/Judy Garland days?

Blake Lively claims she's had 4 boyfriends in her whole life. WHORE!

That's all I have. Back to Prison Break, my new bitch.