Thursday, April 12, 2018

The Clouds Part and a Kardashian Emerges

Someone who used to resemble Khloe Kardashian (my fave of the clan) got contractions in Cleveland, aka the last place a girl should walk the streets, and gave birth to a girl. Surgeons found a way to give the baby butt implants and waist cinching in utero so thank Jebus she is perfect. Her name is Cumulus--and will love playing with her cousin Stormi.

Small potatoes to child-bearing, Babydaddy I guess was caught cheating, but Dish finds this insignificant since Someone Who Used to Resemble Khloe knows that athletes tend to run toward the "massage" van.


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Star-spotted: Katie Finneran, Broadway Show Thief

3:12 pm: As I carried my groceries from Pamper Ur Pets, I passed Katie Finneran, aka great actress of stage, screen, and Netflix.

Katie and I go way back. We admired her first as the lesbian nanny who steals the wife from Dabney Coleman who is Tom Hanks's father in You've Got Mail. Nanny Maureen! The one who says All Men Lie, wisdom x infinity.

The Groom and I then went to see Sean Hayes and "Chenoweth" (as TG calls her) in Promises, Promises on Broadway. Katie stole the show even though we are drooling fans of SH and C. Katie just made a small scene huge.

Then came Bloodline, which Dish discovered during her Blue Period, plus I wanted to keep my bond with Friday Night Lights. Katie plays a long-suffering ex-wife.

Around this time, TG went to a funeral where he talked to this nice woman who seemed familiar. He said her name and I reminded him of our long history with her and how much we love her.

Isn't this, like, a novel? And it doesn't end there.

We went to see an Edward Albee play, in which she starred with Robert Sean Leonard (a godlike creature). I won't reveal the median age of the audience (83) or the Miss Havisham perfume wafting every which way. Long story long, despite being sophisticated and loving both actors, the play was just too depressing for us and we left at intermission. We figured that Katie and Sean unraveled their messed up marriage, went to places that seemed unfixable, but then made each other breakfast like always. Right?

And today I saw her again, looking like a well-put-together person and remarked on my own disheveled self. It's okay since we are best friends now and I'm a good enough person to let her be the glamorous one.

Moral of the story: Always go see her if she's in a play or movie. Worth it.

Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Crazy Dish Crush

I will only confess it here, because out loud, it sounds crazy. Dish is having transference issues! Remember Freud and how all his patients were in love with him because of his mastery over their sexual problems? It's not that Freud was sexy himself (he so was. I mean LOOK). Dish is having similar transference issues over...

SPECIAL COUNSEL ROBERT MUELLER!

It makes no sense. You'd think I'd be gaga over the politician we see every day. Who's in your face, speaking to the 5th grade educated masses, measuring his buttons (his is bigger), squeezing his hand-enhancers, smearing that Neutrogena tanner all over his delectable McDonald's body*.

No, I'm pining over the one behind closed doors, he with the long jaw and solemn look of my grandfather (also supergorgeous). Does he pose for the cameras as he walks from the car to the building? No, torturous no! Does he show us how to do better--by actually working hard? A thousand times yes!

Me miseram, RM! You keep your perfect nose to the grindstone, down your Metamucil (fiber is important when you get to a certain age), indict the bad guys, and tacitly make the Orange Slob inhale his Happy Meals and shart in his golf shorts. Who does that more effectively than the real Most Powerful Man on Earth? RM, I was never a Marine. I can barely do a lady push-up. But I salute you. Please save us, you shiver-inducing animus of love!

*threw up a little