Saturday, March 31, 2012

Possible But Maybe Not Star Sighting--William Fichtner!!!

9:18 pm, 8th and 17th: Having recently watched Prison Break and discussed Contact with Dishbrother, I could have sworn I saw William Fichtner in profile, so much so that I rushed TG across the street so that we could follow and confirm the sighting*. Then I worried because of the Hank Azaria And Will Arnett incidents where TG made contact and I hid behind shrubbery. My husband may be responsible for my meeting a star, though his methods are radical and sweetly aggressive. It may not have been William Fichtner at all.

Today I confronted a demon. I have an on-sight, irrational loathing of several stars. I can't explain it. Gavin DeGraw, Carol Channing, Brian Dennehey, Nannette Fabray and Michael Chiklis. I'm sure they are nice people and I would love them in person. Today I forced myself to watch The Shield, which people had been recommending. The show doesn't change my loathing but I heart Catherine Dent and Cch Pounder. TG is now hooked, which means a whole lotta Chiklis...

*Eye exam this morning, doctor says Dish-vision is tres stinky.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Mirror Mirror Duran Duran?

Maybe Julia's new movie Mirror Mirror needs a little Simon Le Bon to jazz it up and divert attention away from Snow White's distracting eyebrows. Dishbrother said it was "eh" but that Julia was the sun. I see lots of bad reviews, even some "zero" stars. Do I love Julia enough to spend 13$? Do I love Duran Duran enough to spend 100$+ on a ticket and 200$ on transportation (doubled if TG comes though he'd rather be tied up and listening to a Sex and the City marathon with Kathy Griffin guest-starring) for their foray back through the US? How much did Dish spend on DD in 2011 (well past 1K)?

This is just the kind of crap Dish would run to see: Triplets starring Arnold, Danny Devito and freaking Eddie Murphy. Ivan Reitman attached. I'm sorry. I can smell all the jokes about race and size but I still love Eddie.

Tonight, TG and I embarked on more clever fare: Tinker, tailor, Soldier, Spy. Lovely cinematography, fine acting, a little boring. Gary Oldman is especially turtle-esque, showing us that to be a serious actor, you have to lose your hotness a little.

Two people who are now older than I am: Celine Dion and Donna D'Erico.

Say a prayer for Dishmama who is sick as a dog. The poor girl runs herself ragged and gets ill once a year. Her generation is so old school!! Dish works half as hard and gets ill at least once a week!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

You'd think celebrities would watch what they say...

...but often they just spout nonsense and cliches. Every now and then you'll get an articulate jewel like George Clooney, Meryl, Julia, and--yes, I'm biased--every member of Duran Duran (the British sound smarter). Sadly, some stars have no control. They go with the moment and forget to think. Then it's too late and every group is demanding an apology. Relevant talk show host ten years ago Carson Daly made a string of offensive gay jokes that coincided with the airplane pilot meltdown. I read what he said and cringed. He's apologized but it seems so canned. Maybe it helps ratings as Piers might do by dissing Madonna.
Martina Navratilova was voted off DWTS, which is sad because athletically she's the most qualified and she looked great all glammed up. Of course, she got the boot since she's accomplished so much but doesn't attract the drama of other contestants. I would take getting voted off as a reward.

Dishfriend and I went out to Chelsea Market to ravage Anthropologie. Alas, no dress for Dish but we had a Fat Witch Brownie (one of Oprah's favorite things though Dishbrownies are even better) and discussed the pros and cons of Bethenney Frankel. Yes, she's scary and, like Madonna, she's probably too potent to be around 24/7. I can't see anyone as a match for her. I mean this as a compliment. Maybe when she's 55, she'll meet a James Brolin. Dishfriend might have convinced me to watch her show. We both agreed Real Housewives of Orange County had only one viably interesting character, Vicki's daughter--though I tried to convince Dishfriend that Alexis might be fun without the group pressure.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Why Did Piers Ban Madonna?

Piers Morgan has banned Madonna from his flailing CNN show...and every other show he does. Not only that, I've fallen into his trap! I'm writing about him. Ergo, more print about him, which might make me watch his show! Damn you, Piers. But what could be the cause of this bad blood between Piers and Madge? Dish smells a scenario involving sex gone bad. Or resentment over no sex. Oh well, I'm sure Madonna isn't crying and I'll still enjoy his shows even though he strikes me as oily.

Fame-whoring parents: Divorce sucks. Multiply this by ten when both parents go to the press to whine about the divorce. Add in some kids and you have a big mess caused by adults. Christie Brinkley cried on TV about having her character assassinated (try being a Kardashian!). Peter Cook accused her of being a liar and a bad mother. If you do decades of math, they both seem pretty awful and old news.

The self-proclaimed first supermodel (It certainly wasn't Cheryl Tiegs or Twiggy) Janice Dickinson has come out viciously against Kim Kardashian and the whole-lotta-nothing flour incident. Public catfight! I sort of feel as if divorcing Kris was a terrible idea for KK. It's been downhill ever since for the entire family.

To the Gen-Y-failed-model-turned-aspiring-screenwriter (one of the many that occupies bohemian coffeehouse The Commons with its delicious grilled cheese): I hope ten years from now--when not everything gets handed to you on a silver platter--that someone doesn't offer you a seat as you're juggling four bags, keys and an espresso. This is the same guy who takes up three seats on the subway because his legs are spread wide, his junk allegedly that enormous.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

How Do The Stars Cope With Stress?

If only I knew how Julia or Sandra or Nicole dealt with stress, maybe it would help me. Dish tends to stop eating and sleeping at the merest twitch in the universe. I haven't eaten a full meal in four days. No pills help during agita (though my agita tends to be small potatoes). The whole Rx-booze way of coping seems so mundane and TMZ--though I am guilty of the easy way out sometimes. So what do celebrities do when they really lose their sh*t and need some courage?

I hear Jennifer Aniston hates to fly, and yet she does. How does she get herself on the plane? Adele has terrible anxiety before her performances--so how does she do it? I don't have challenges nearly as big and yet such little things make me crumble. The big things, well, I tend to breeze through them (i.e. public speaking, dentistry, death). All stress-relieving anecdotes and suggestions welcome--as long as not the usual "lots of exercise and fresh veggies." I already do this. And the fish oil, magnesium, manicures, meditation. Maybe a lot of $$$ and vacation would help.

My go-to cure for stress is to watch the stars in action. When I befriended Frank Miller many years ago, he seemed a reclusive type but lots of fun out on the town. I asked him, "How do you go out and appear in public at events?" He responded that he had to invent a new personality for himself.

Ergo, to alleviate stress, one needs to act, i.e. be a celebrity. Problem solved.

Oh...and Duran Duran relieves my stress almost instantly. Their songs will be covered on Glee April 10th, which is also Steven Seagal's birthday, in case you were wondering.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Happy Birthday, Steven Tyler!

With this headline, other news makes me yawn--such as:

Dish-birthday-sharer Brian Austin Green might be sued for allegedly being mean to a pap, Rob Kardashian arrested for a joke gone bad with a pap. Maybe the moral of the story is: Stay away, Paps! Take pictures of me instead. I may be old and not as thin as the celebs but I promise I'm infinitely more interesting. And I will answer all your questions IN LURID DETAIL! The camera loves me and the feeling is mutual.

The Hunger Games had a record breaking weekend.

Bobby Brown was arrested for DUI. Tra la la la!

What did you think of last night's Mad Men? Dish almost fell asleep at the wheel after twenty minutes but powered through to the bitter end. With so much television to choose from, should I let go of this stylish yet slow-paced show?

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I Know Where Snooki Is Right Now!

Dishbrotherhusband will be in her midst very soon, but I'm discreet. I'll stay mum until I get some down and dirty details about the girl TG wishes were his daughter. Is she drinking? How big is the bump? What will her stomach contents be?

I could make jokes about Dick Cheney getting a heart transplant but I won't. I just feel bad for the person who contributed the organ. Dish doesn't want bad karma! Maybe a new heart will lessen Dick's d*ckiness.

Right now the perfect storm has blown out my DVR: The Good Wife, Desperate Housewives, Mad Men, and Snapped. I will watch them all.

I think I need to go on a TV fast. I can't form a coherent sentence.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Not Much for a Saturday...

...except that Dish has procured a celebrity LETTER, handwritten (probably by an assistant) but it's mine, mine, mine. It's not addressed to me, but I have it. Will spend all day tomorrow analyzing handwriting.

Camille Grammer is not returning to RHoBH which makes me respect her even more. What a sane decision, though it'll be sad not to see her.

The rumor mill has Ashton and Rihanna dating. This smells like fabrication to revive their reps. Now that he's Demi-less, people don't see him as so interesting and with all the Chris Brown flack, Rihanna seems emotionally crippled. Why not put them together?

KK might be pressing charges against the woman who threw flour at her. Really? I'd be pissed in case it was anthrax, but following through on this seems like a big nothing.

Friday, March 23, 2012

WTF Friday!

More celebs who can't keep it in their pants: Five months after giving birth, Tori and Dean announce that she's preggo again. If you do the math, they must have had one sexy candlelight dinner since she should be just about done with her first trimester. Get a room, you horny beastmasters!

I wish I had better Kardashian news. Someone threw flour at our dear KK, which she now calls bullying. If celebs use the term "bullying" it's serious. When fat little Davey taunted me every day after school, making me spend hours in my room crying, I wish I had had an outlet, could show them the barrage of stars that have come out against bullying. At least no one threw flour at me, just rocks--until puberty arrived to save the day. Flirting is more fun than throwing stones at Dish!

The verdict is back that Whitney died from accidental drowning and she had coke in her system. So, piecing this together CSI style, she must have done coke, had a cardiac event and then fallen into the tub. I haven't actually read the report because I don't care that much. I just love her music.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

You Found Me Out, New York Magazine!

And you've captured me beautifully. The glasses, the hair, the shoving a pill/Altoid in my mouth. My thanks. I'm truly blessed...and even more famous.

I don't need the tranquilizers on the subway anymore and last night marked a first as I also resisted Couples Therapy, the Ch1 special where celebrity has-beens rehash their toxic relationships. I realized, after DMX gave up his bottle to the counselor, that Vienna and Kasey now bore me to tears.

Celebrities should no longer be allowed to name their children. Jeremy Sisto and his babymama named his child Bastian Kick. It's abuse, like Dish trying to sing.

Tebow with the Jets? I'm not sure why this excites me. Maybe breathing life into this cursed franchise?

TG and I are now going to watch American Idol. We haven't followed it, but TG likes the show. I just enjoy the sunshine that is J.Lo and pretend that Steven Tyler is my secret daddy. I vote for Bar-Voice Blonde or Mr. Ponytail.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Stars Bring New Meaning to the Word "Exhaustion"

Dish has been involved in movie shoots, TV tapings, amateur iPad2 filming and such. I know how exhausting it is to be in show biz. I would crumble under the pressure. Poor Ivy on Smash is wilting, Demi is shrinking, and now The Situation is "exhausted" and seeking treatment for Rx issues. Let's say a prayer for those who have the hardest jobs on Earth, that is if you ignore farmers and laborers in Third World countries.

I am bound to be exhausted if I continue my "Mariska Watch" which will end at 8:05 am when I have to leave for my day job. Most every woman I know is deeply in love with Mariska--or at least obsessed with her--and I am no different. I saw her brilliant self once, but that's never enough. The inexhaustible cast is scheduled to film L&O: SVU on my street and I cannot wait to hear the dung-dung in the middle of the night.

Okay, so I have to reveal major heartbreak. A few weeks ago, during some super Tuesday, TG and I were watching CNN, starring Anderson and John King with his light-up board. They Skyped in Dana Bash, and I sensed a funky vibe across the airwaves. "John and Dana are married in real life," I said to TG, who acknowledged that he did enjoy John and his board. Today, I read on Page Six (their editors must be exhausted!) that they've been separated. What? How? Why? I don't like this.

In happier news, Reese Witherspoon is allegedly pregnacious for the third time. She just can't keep it in her pants.

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Thus flim z awsom. Antwon Bandarrius z amazen az Zorro th catte. Lots v cyoot kittehs evrywar, it z vry clevre nd i waz transfixed. Rint now!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Run to Angel Feet in NYC!!!

My dogs had been hurting something fierce so I took the advice of renowned massage therapist Patrick Smith, LMT and went to Angel Feet in the West Village. I thought, how could they spend a whole hour on my feet? They're just feet. Well, I ate my words within a few minutes. The staff was very friendly and soon they put me under the spell of Magic Foot Woman who honed in on my problem areas. While I yowled with delicious pain over the knots in my feet, the agony was released by Magic Foot Woman and serenity returned. I wish I could go after every run. I highly recommend Angel Feet.

Sneaking in Smash While Husband Asleep!

When I put on Fashion Police, TG went out for a walk. Then, as I geared up for Smash, he went into the bedroom with his sleeping device (thick book on France). I try to keep my guilty pleasures secret, but after my foot massage, my manicure, the pampering is seeping out.

Smash brought in Bernadette Peters, who stole the damn thing in 90 seconds. My eyes also filled during "Everything's Coming Up Roses." Then, we know how much Dish loves Geezer Sex. If we play our cards right, Anjelica Huston's going to knock knees with the bartender hunk from All My Children. Please let this happen. If it doesn't work out between them, bring in Geezer Emeritus Christopher Plummer to sex Anjelica silly.

In other news, Kim Zolciak and Adriana Lima are preggo again! Those VS models are the embodiment of Astarte, the goddess of fertility. Dr. Conrad Murray is allegedly having explosive diarrhea in jail due to prison food. Maybe they're feeding him Grape Nuts and Kale, Drano for the intestines. Kirk Cameron alleges that he loves all people. He doesn't hate anyone. What about Hitler?

Now Dish is going to get serious.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Plastic Surgery Is Out of Control!

TG and I settled in for a nice cozy viewing of Entertainment Tonight. Someone resembling Nancy O'Dell sat in the anchor seat. It sounded like her. Sort of seemed like her but no way was it my favorite blond perkfest of yore. She must have had major work done in the facial area--and she was cute as bug's ear as is. I guess it's part of the job but I'm so glad I can look like crap and remain employed.

Speaking of old fogeys, when will sports teams ever learn? So Peyton Manning, whom I adore, might be going to the Denver Broncos, which means Tebow may be traded. Does this make sense? Bring in injured, aging players to replace younger stars of tomorrow? The Yankees are doing the same thing bringing Andy Pettite back to pitch. Can't they do as Hollywood does and look for younger talent on the rise? Let's Moneyball this.

Donald Trump is dissing Rosie again. She got him good on The View oh so long ago, but his words of her not keeping a job echo in ad finitum et nauseam. When she got fired from Oprah, the first thing I thought was that Trump's prophecy seemed to be coming true. I call a major bonfire to exorcise Trump's bad juju and make Rosie a glorious being filled with light.

In happy news, Josh Lucas got hitched. My wish for him is 1. that he is blissful in his marriage. 2. that he's cast as Matthew McConaughey's brother since they are identical (though Josh looks as if he bathes).

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Fireflies in the Garden

I don't say this often but you should only see this Julia movie if you *love* her. I only got through about 40 minutes of it before realizing how charmless it was (then I switched to Gossip Girl). There was no spark beyond my frantic search for all Julia moments. Fireflies in the Garden is about messed up people, tragedy and coping with family. You know the title is probably from something poetic, said once during an intense scene. The main issue is that Daddy is a dick. Because of this, everyone suffers. Willem Dafoe is so good playing the paternal jackass but it wasn't enough for me. Ryan Reynolds shows that he can act and he delivers some effective zingers. Julia had some big smiles though I felt bad that she had to wear aging makeup since it made her slightly less beautiful. We all know that real-life Julia's gorgeousness transcends age itself--which made this movie a study in deception.

Please, Julia. A romantic comedy next, starring, beginning and ending with YOU. Co-star with someone as glittery as you--but not 20 years past his prime. Here are my suggestions for co-stars (though no one is as amazing--this comes close):

Daniel Craig
Dominic Purcell
Kiefer Sutherland (JUST KIDDING!)
Ryan Gosling (a little Mrs. Robinson)
Johnny Depp
Russell Crowe (ugh, but it could be amazing)
Jim Carrey
Robert Downey Jr.

No Appetite for The Hunger Games

I'm getting under the covers until The Hunger Games goes away. Too many colleagues are buzzing, it's on the cover of People, the costumes/makeup look weird and I cannot wait for normal movies to return. Couple this with another dark Johnny Depp movie, all the freaking Snow White flicks and I want to dive into a pool of non-3-D reality. I read the first few pages of The Hunger Games and like a fussy baby, I couldn't latch on. Is this the season's Twilight only apocalyptic? Also, the movie poster of Jennifer Lawrence about to launch an arrow, well, it brought back the trauma of Kevin Costner's Robin Hood movie. Archery should be confined to Geena Davis and action movies where the villain is particularly twisted.

Stars with Potentially Bad Personalities:

More Tiger Woods dirty laundry is being aired by his former coach Hank Haney. If you didn't think Tiger was a tool before, Hank states that Tiger devoured porn and demanded that staff follow him, even before they finished their meals. Dish sees Woods's failing as simply a lack of character.

Staffers are starting to trash Rosie over her OWN show. Who knows where the truth lies, though she really hasn't maintained anything steady since her own show in the late 90s--which everyone loved. Now she's kind of this polarizing celeb. I like her when she's *on*. Wish she were still on The View instead of Hasselbeck. I just do.

Kris Jenner Tweeted her naked pregnant self to celebrate her son's birthday, covering up her melons, of course. Oedipus lives. I'd be so mortified, but as a celebriholic, I'm thrilled.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

St. Patty's Day: A Day of Spewing Green Beer

Growing up, I faked being Irish because of my red hair. It seemed easier than saying: We have no idea where the red came from (probably Wales or Switzerland). You Irish? Sure. Now, at the ripe age of 43, I can come out and say I'm not that Irish and I really hate St. Patrick's Day with rowdy people packed into bars, drinking green alcohol, bagpipes, U2 and fake Irish accents. It's awful.

Here's what I do like about Ireland: Liam Neeson, corned beef, Guinness, Colin Farrell's gutter mouth, a pivotal location for P.S. I Love You and soda bread without raisins. Maybe I'll watch Mary Reilly to celebrate Julia doing an Irish accent. For now, I will bury myself in Fireflies in the Garden, where she plays Ryan Reynolds's mom (poor Julia). Review to come.

Friday, March 16, 2012

You Think You're So Perfect, Don't You, Brown Eyes?

George Clooney got arrested, which means some lucky police officer got to put him in handcuffs. To make it real kinky, his father got arrested too. You know Brown Eyes did this for a real cause because that's what he does. What is the cause? I don't know. Wait, I'll look. Damn you, George, for educating me, manipulating me with your celebrity voodoo. It says here, he was pissed about the Sudanese government being violent against its people. I even looked up Sudan on a map (it's under Egypt). See that, Lindsay and Russell Brand? It's a shame George and Angelina didn't hook up romantically because they'd be like the merging of Prince and Madonna. They're all in that little clique spawned by the star-tastic Ocean's 11 (You can't hide from me, Julia). The cast has done so much intermingling--sort of like in Gossip Girl.

Other Things I learned today:

Many hours spent looking at possible celebrity nosejobs--all from a surgeon who didn't do the operation. Probably no, Britney Spears. Probably yes, Beyonce.

"Flaunting her curves" means "showing her fat ass in a bikini." I always like to see curves, but I'm sure actresses hate reading this.

Tipping the radar at 3:

Kate Hudson might already be married to that musician.
Neve Campbell is preggo by JJ Feild.
Rosie O'Donnell's show got canceled on OWN.

And, finally, let the fainting begin, L&O: SVU will be filming on my block in a few days.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I Don't Care If Ashley Judd Has Gotten Plastic Surgery

Ashley Judd has been accused of having plastic surgery but her rep claims she has major sinus issues. Dish also has major sinus issues and my face has never been that swollen. She's always pretty but let's call a spade a spade. That said, I *love* her in thrillers. It's that VOICE--so calm, so take-no-prisoners. I'm ready for this Missing series. I wish she worked more.

HBO's Luck was canceled after third horse dies. The horses are like stunt people and stunt people die. No, I'm just kidding, how awful. Let's say neigh to HBO! They are majorly screwed. (Tho not sure this was a winner in the first place).

Caught up with my RHoOC and thank goodness. The hellacious fight between Vicki and Gretchen was so delicious in its violence, I will continue with this series. I felt terrible for Alexis going in to nose surgery, but at least she has the Lord. While I have nothing in common with her, I have this feeling she--and all the housewives--might be interesting one-on-one. Though Vicki seems too menstrual this season for Dish. Her ride with her sick daughter was awful to watch--though I might have done the same thing. I'm the worst person to have an emergency with because it's all about me.

Last note: Russell Brand was arrested for throwing a phone out the window. How lame is that?

Smash: Getting Under My Skin

I resisted the hype of Smash, even pooh-poohed the first few episodes and said, I've seen it before. Well, I have. And I haven't. Now I'm obsessed with the show, fully relishing the behind-the-scene antics of a musical. Maybe because Dish was in the chorus for Fiddler on the Roof way back in middle school? Or that Debra Messing is the only one over-40 who hasn't adopted the excess-filler-trout mouth. She looks so normal and beautiful, which is why I will continue to watch Smashed. Plus, the McPhee is hypnotic.

This helped me cope with the vile photos of Donald Trump's son triumphantly holding a tusk while standing next to a dead elephant. Now I *really* hate that family. Then again, as I kill a cockroach, I like watching the guts fly out. The shiny coat makes pretty earrings.

Heartwarming celebrity moment: The sight of Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes on a blanket watching a soccer game together. It brought me to tears.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Ben and Courtney: I Think They're Gonna Make It!

Last night, I asked TG if I could watch all three hours of The Bachelor. He asked if he could drink a fifth of bourbon. We cozily viewed the luscious landscapes of Switzerland, the region where TG and I first started Skype-ing. TG didn't care about Ben and Courtney (though he said Lindzi seemed nice). He was blown over by how much money the show invested...and how beautiful Zermatt is.

My feelings are thus: Lindzi Cox deserves someone just as darling as she is. Ben's sister and Khloe Kardashian need to mud-wrestle immediately. As for Ben and Courtney, I never really *got* their chemistry or that they had any. But the third "What Happened After" hour convinced me they are in love--as much as they can be for this venue. It was his sweet Bachelor tears over the negative press that won me over to their dark-haired eternal love. So, hear that, everyone? I'm betting 20$ that they will make it. If you knew how poor I am, well, I'm not that poor. The best part of this whole Bachelor experience is that I've decided to speak in sentences that end in a question mark?

Before I go, see Marillon Cotillard be hilarious.

Monday, March 12, 2012

What Did You Think of Last Night's Desperate Housewives?

I won't give away what happened, but let's just say Dish has waited for this character to get killed off for years. He or she was nice enough but who wants real life on their televisions? Now, if only a few more would die. Bring back Gale Harold and Nicollette!

It seems Halle Berry is really engaged to her Frenchie Olivier Martinez who used to date Kylie Minogue. We all remember him as the one who brought desperate housewife Diane Lane back to sexual arousal and then he got clocked with a snow globe by Richard Gere. Congrats, you crazy enfants!

So, Jon Hamm called Kim Kardashian an effing idiot and she called him "careless" for dissing her. I swear, Twitter and FB has made it impossible to talk bitchily behind someone's back.

Okay, I'm watching The Bachelor. Must watch Ben make the biggest mistake of his life.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

21 Jump Street? What's Next, Hill Street Blues?

TG and I took a walk in the sunshine, though our vision of the 21 Jump Street movie poster blocked the light. At first, I pulled my hair, beat my chest with outrage. How could Channing Tatum and Seth Rogen try remake a legendary TV show starring Johnny Depp and Peter DeLuise (who was my favorite over JD)? And by Seth Rogen, I mean Jonah Hill. No offense to Tatum and Hill, whom I like. It just looks slapped together in this age of mediocrity. Then I saw the trailer. Now I *know* it's not like the original show and it's WORSE than mediocre (and that I'll see it because maybe it's a little funny to see the goober and the stud go at it in a buddy movie since that's original).

I'm hearing rumors of a death of Desperate Housewives but I have it on pause since TG is on the phone. He likes the show, too, but feigns indifference. He just caught me with my face in a jar of peanut butter. Not my finest moment.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I Wish...

...Right now, I wish I were really, really rich. I wouldn't need to do any cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, or obsessing about paying bills. I could go on vacation and do other super-expensive things. To escape my penury, I've embarked on a Gossip Girl marathon and now see its cleverness (love Lily). Feel Chase Crawford would have been much prettier as a girl.

TG and I watched I Loved You So Long, a depressing French movie. Since I put him through Love Actually, I sat through this one where Kristin Scott Thomas stares wanly into the distance (love her, though) and speaks lovely French and looks beautiful and tortured. Dish has seen so many French movies. So many.

To cheer myself after a movie about child murder, I am cozying up with Scotty Bowers's Full Service about sexcapades in Hollywood.

Friday, March 09, 2012

Much Ado About Sue

Linda Stasi is one of my favorite show biz reviewers and I especially love what she writes about Sue Simmons. The geezer and the playboy model as anchors, way to go, Evening News:

I hope Sue Simmons is enjoying the love she's receiving from her fans.

This Photo May Be Too Provocative...

But first, let's address some whoas: One of my favorite actors, Dennis Quaid, must endure another divorce! His wife just filed. Dare I hope that he and Meg reunite? I'm just nostalgic for olden times before Russell Crowe ruined everything. He and Denny would be good in a movie together. I'm not well.

Is it my imagination of was The Office really bad last night? They need to shut that store down. After Carrell left, there's only Dwight and Jim duking it out. And that ain't enough. I will always believe that Mindy Kaling is a genius, though.

Jon Hamm joins the Daniel Craig club and calls KK and Paris effing idiots. I have a friend who lives in his building!!!

So clinical psychologist David J. Ley wrote an article arguing that sex addiction is a myth, citing that David Duchnovny's stint in sex rehab as a way to excuse cheating. Well, DD is pisssssssed and wants no association with Ley. A little funny, the name Ley. Sex addiction. I don't blame DD one bit as his proclivities are no one's business (I love Tea Leoni!), but then am mixed on the idea of sex addiction as a disorder. I've watched enough SATC and Queer As Folk known several people (Dish is too square) who've had "secret sex" but then they grew out of this. Maybe some don't. Is that a bad thing? I dunno. I'm addicted to sugar and think about cake with mounds of frosting ALL THE TIME. The pining over cake is far more delicious than when I take that bite of what is usually straight Crisco.

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Star Sighting--Matthew Rhys!!!

5:22, Times Square--Dish went on a wild goose chase that wound up at the happiest place on Earth, Sephora, only because I made it so. Before this, I was a gloomy gus. I needed to get out. So many unwashed large bodies, crammed on one street, no I don't want to see comedy. Where is the light? When I thought all hope was lost, I saw a face in the crowd, the double-threat (plays gay AND does flawless American accent even though Welsh) we all know and love from Brothers & Sisters, KEVIN WALKER! He looks exactly as he did on television, though had the misfortune of being in Times Square, which might have accounted for the lost expression on his face. The crowds in this tacky tourist spot make me want to die.

This star sighting and a free lipliner at Sephora (thanks, Awesome Cashier!) made my day.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Is Sue Simmons Being Forced Out of WNBC?

I remember sitting with my grandparents to watch what they called "The Murder Show" aka WNBC News. I remember the sassy, free-thinking anchor Sue Simmons beginning to making a name for herself as the face of New York City goings-on. Now she might be losing her job? WTF is all I have to say. They keep Old Male Farts on forever. If this news is true, I hope it's how she wants it and she will move on to bigger/better. If they put a bland little cookie in her anchor chair, I will bash my head against the wall until I bleed (not really, but remember, I just watched Prison Break and Wentworth Miller does this to get his way).

We TMZ-aholics threw up in our mouths upon reading "Hulk Hogan" and "sex tape" in the same sentence. It's so freaky, I might have to investigate further.

Last night's Republican Super Tuesday: So sad. Newt gave a really really boring speech. And you haven't lived until you've taken a dead sea salt candlelight bath while listening to the dulcet tones of Rick Santorum waxing manly in the Ohio gym. The knowledge that he probably wouldn't get elected made me relax into infinity.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

More Burgeoning Bellies in Hollywood

Elizabeth Berkley is preggo! It really makes me ralph how gorgeous celebs remain during the throes of pregnancy. There's speculation that Reese Witherspoon is also with child, though it could be the dress. Is the universe trying to tell Dish something? Gah!

Dish is going through a rough patch (too much work, not enough fun or TLC), but this kind of cheered me up:

Women on the verge: I don't begrudge a girl her Republican views but Patricia Heaton has sided with Rush on the "slut" remark, which is anti-woman and so vile from a woman.

More misogyny: Has anyone seen GCB? It looks beyond bad. I've had enough of the Mean Girls/Desperate Housewives/Sex and the City/Real Housewives tired trashy thing. Plus, it seems to denigrate an institution I hold dear, the Southern belle!

Monday, March 05, 2012

Jessica Simpson's Ex's Wife Is Also Preggooo!

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Milli Vanilli Lachey confirmed that they have a bun in the oven! This is the most exciting thing they've done since Nick and Jessica had their own reality show. Snooki too--pregnated. I'm surprised we haven't seen footage of morning sickness.

Kim Kardashian has given twice the amount of her wedding gifts to charity. Allegedly, she got 100K worth of gifts, which seems low. Wonder if return of so many gifts would be logistical nightmare and perhaps double donation to charity the best thing. Dish is such a good organizer, those gifts would have been returned within a week of last Halloween when the news broke. Lost opportunities. Let's all forgive and forget.

I'm watching Gossip Girl and am now writing in Blair Waldorf for President.

Evan Rachel Wood is out-acting everyone in Mildred Pierce. Dish started out life as the spoiled and bratty Veda, but something happened on the way to the forum. Fewer headaches for everyone.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Julia, Lindsay and Rush

I saw Julia on the cover of Vanity Fair and purchased immediately. I love this rag. It's one of those magazines that one can savor all day. As I pored over the Julia interview, I remembered why she and I should be best friends (Mike Nichols is welcome to our GF club, too). We're just so similar on the planet where all my dreams come true. Can't wait to see Mirror Mirror!

People are bashing Lindsay Lohan's SNL performance but I can't fault her. The writing has been super-stinky. I gave the show a fighting chance for 35 years. Maybe it's the format itself that should be changed.

Rush Limbaugh needs hospitalization for his outbursts, though one shouldn't be surprised. He's said ludicrous things for so long. For those who are outraged by his latest rant, just remember he's sort of stayed in the same place for the last decade. No moving up any ladder. Super-insane people tend to implode like this. Rush is very, very fat.

According to Page Six, Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray were in the same restaurant, at the same time. Martha allegedly shot daggers at Rachael and the latter got her meal to go. I wonder if this is true. Dish likes Martha and Rachael. Why pit them against each other? There's room for both.

Duran Duran's in Dubai Dubai!

Saturday, March 03, 2012

My Sunday Confessions

1. Billy Bob Thornton is one of my favorite actors/writers. I don't care how crazy he might be. Slingblade did nothing for me, but I adore everything else he's done. He's a brilliant talent. Last night, I skillfully manipulated TG into watching Love Actually. I'd tried once last year and failed, my powers of persuasion not yet strong enough. TG still loathed the movie and I wasn't so moved by it either after the 327th time. Billy Bob, though, was so wonderfully creepy. What the hell is he doing these days?

2. I am happy overall, with one cosmic worry. It comes about when I realize I'm in the same place--in some respects--as I was fifteen years ago, which means I might be a loser. This is *not* what my mother taught me and when I see others going through similar, often worse periods, it seems universal. I'm not plagued by my potential Loserdom. This condition is the failing of Generation X and Y. I'm sure my mother's generation didn't stop to consider this. They just kept going and doing.

Saturday and the Living is Uneasy

I just spent an entire afternoon doing a task that certainly won't advance any cause. It's like when I stood in line for 8 hours to get my Visa in France. By the end, I was slightly in love with the evil bureaucrat who whisked me by. I'm eying my computer monitor fondly. I hate Excel.

It seems Growing Pains's Kirk Cameron is dissing the gays. I find it sad when someone so cute could sound so hateful? But what do we care? Maybe he'll appear on The Surreal Life with Clay Aiken.

Oprah scored her first post-Whitney interview with Bobbi Kristina. I'm losing my innocence.

My last work: F*ck you, Prison Break. Sure, the last two seasons were predictable with all the last-minute saves and I applaud your final twist but movies/shows of the last 20 years have taught me to expect everything to be all nicey-nice at the end. I'm now damaged beyond recognition (though you did the right thing).

Friday, March 02, 2012

Happy Birthday to Jon Bon Jovi!

It's hard to believe he's 50! He looks so young. I wonder what his secret is. J.J., do you know? You went to school with him...

Another topic to rile my hair-guru: The Kardashian girls are getting flack for their burrito eating diet pill hawking. Don't you get the feeling the Kardashian sphere is fading? Who will be the next vapid media sensation?

The Bachelor PR machine is playing me like a Gingie marionette. I'm sorry for obsessing but the media called me and said: Hello, Dish? And I was like: Yeah? Then the media said Ben referred to this season's taping as "the worst experience of his life." I was like omygod, like worse than being rejected on TV by the dentist or a parent's death? And the media said, yeah. But the benefit of this Worst Time in His Life is that he will have ample tail forever and ever (so sad a 43 y.o. woman using the term "tail"). They really need to recast/revamp this tired franchise. Turn it around with 5 everyday Joes and maybe give the girls more power. There have been too many douchebags in a row.

You must read the spotlight on Julianne Moore in More magazine. She was one of the first celebs I saw in NYC when I moved here 15 years ago. She was very pregnant, wearing a thick down coat, and running around like a teenager being all chatty cathy at a Chinese restaurant. I'd forgotten she was on As the World Turns so I looked up her cameo back in 2010 when the show was canceled. Moved me to tears: http://w

We're watching Johnny English Reborn with that Mr. Bean guy (TG's choice). It's terrible but TG is laughing. Boys love him. Gillian Anderson is in it. Girls love her.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Desperate Measures Call For Queer As Folk

It's been an awful week. So awful that I've only scoured my tabloids once a day. I cannot wait until tomorrow around 5pm. I'll be home, snuggled up and at peace.

For now, I need a little courage, inspiration and healing. I'm summoning the strength of God himself: Brian Kinney:

Watching Season 5. Might skip to Cindy Lauper singing "Shine."

Antoine Sabitahge!!!

lissin-up, hores. i jes thru up n the cowch & now wll ruh-porte on the starzz!

The Bicherlor iz roomered 2 be sleepin w/ 3 othr feemailes. Cn ani-1 sai GONE-OREE-YA? Wll he winde up w/ Cortnee the Evel Modelle?

Revenge sukked--xcep th issey Victoreea aka Madlin Sto

on reel houssw-ives v oreng cuntry tamry & rossi bi six toys! Skindalis!!!

rikk sanitarium lkks lik a claimation ponny n i wanna hit him. h no likks th wimins bt semms obsessd w/ men havn' sixy time in the milit'ry!

julia n th covre ov Vanity Far--rowr!

Ooo, shee odored chikkin! musst go behg!