Why Did Piers Ban Madonna?

Piers Morgan has banned Madonna from his flailing CNN show...and every other show he does. Not only that, I've fallen into his trap! I'm writing about him. Ergo, more print about him, which might make me watch his show! Damn you, Piers. But what could be the cause of this bad blood between Piers and Madge? Dish smells a scenario involving sex gone bad. Or resentment over no sex. Oh well, I'm sure Madonna isn't crying and I'll still enjoy his shows even though he strikes me as oily.

Fame-whoring parents: Divorce sucks. Multiply this by ten when both parents go to the press to whine about the divorce. Add in some kids and you have a big mess caused by adults. Christie Brinkley cried on TV about having her character assassinated (try being a Kardashian!). Peter Cook accused her of being a liar and a bad mother. If you do decades of math, they both seem pretty awful and old news.

The self-proclaimed first supermodel (It certainly wasn't Cheryl Tiegs or Twiggy) Janice Dickinson has come out viciously against Kim Kardashian and the whole-lotta-nothing flour incident. Public catfight! I sort of feel as if divorcing Kris was a terrible idea for KK. It's been downhill ever since for the entire family.

To the Gen-Y-failed-model-turned-aspiring-screenwriter (one of the many that occupies bohemian coffeehouse The Commons with its delicious grilled cheese): I hope ten years from now--when not everything gets handed to you on a silver platter--that someone doesn't offer you a seat as you're juggling four bags, keys and an espresso. This is the same guy who takes up three seats on the subway because his legs are spread wide, his junk allegedly that enormous.