Vomit = Exciting Celebrity News

You know you're kewl when u hurl offstage during a concert. Kings of Leon singer, Jared Followill, went barfy barf during a very hot concert in Dallas. He even announced it aheadoftime. I pheel 4 u, bro. Sometimes the heat makes me want 2 yakk 2. Lukkily they reskeded during a kewler time.

More essentials: Ashton Kutcher has a *big* trailer (wink, wink) on the set of 2 and 1/2 Men.

Today's alleged big lie: that Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting 10-year-old girl from St. Lucia before her death. I'm having myself cloned so that I can be two places at once. My silicone self will have big hairy monkeys flying out of its butt.

Speaking of hair, Dish viewed Rabbit Hole. Nicole Kidman's tresses looked fabulous, and she is her usual statuesque and striking self. Yes, I spent a lot of time examining her face and how it's changed since Birth. Her brow had normal wrinkles, which I found refreshing. The lips have been altered, but not so ass-lips as when she was pregs with Sundae-Brunch. Film is v. sad, as you might predict. Great performances by everyone, including Jon Tenney who had the courage to go shirtless at 50. Overall, a touching "it never goes away but you gotta move on" film about death.

Alexander McQueen at The Met

So worth the wait in line. Though if you're Dish-like, you *hate* crowds. Only McQueen's recognizable brilliance made me withstand the stop-start of shuffling gawkers like myself. I'll be dreaming about the red dresses, straight shoulders and S&M touches. Just get a membership to The Metropolitan Museum of Art and you can skip those lines. Yipee!

In high school, Katherine Heigl was the girl who found me useless. She was popular but had vicious habits behind closed doors (in-your-face flatulence, bulimia). Josh Duhamel was the hunk who paid no attention to me and was kind of a dick. He'd talk to me but have an eye for whoever was behind me. It was with some trepidation that I plopped in Life As We Know It. Verdict: Kind of cute, but Dish had a hard time getting past these two. They could be terrific in real life--except for the bad theater manners and nastiness to flight attendants. The material is average, perfect if you don't want a challenge.

According to Fitperez.com, Kathy Griffin maintains that diet and exercise are responsible for her skinniness at 50. She says she replaced unhealthy snacks with "fruits and veggies." On Broadway this spring, she was super-twiggy, a little strung-out looking. I'm sure this assessment would make her day. I love her!

Butt...Butt...

Cowboys and Aliens has been getting decent reviews. I would love to see it except cowboys and aliens don't do it for me. Not even for the nostalgic appeal of Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, locking horns, sweating and acting all pissy...on horses.

So, maybe I spoke too soon. It seems the whole engagement proposal between Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed happened months ago and ever since their relationship has hit the skids. C'mon, kids, 28 years is a long time. Though, I'm not sure I could take GS in large doses either...

Because I can't help myself, I watched the premiere for the second season of The A List: New York. Same group of unpleasant characters (though Mike seems nice and educated). The rest just hiss and scratch like well-groomed, faux-hawk kitties. I was hoping for a new cast. Oh wait, they've added an angry rich hag, who is even more asinine than the boys. Will I watch the next episode, dear god, I just might.

Meatloaf passed out during a concert. NJ Governor Christie felt woozy on his way to sign a bill. To keep rocking and ruining NJ respectively, both might consider hitting a treadmill, STAT.

Good Times

What sordid lives these people lead. Ex-Hef-fiansay told Howard Stern that sex with Hef lasted a few seconds. Ewww and can you BLAME HIM? He's a thousand years old and if I were surrounded by boobies all day, I'd grow tired and uninterested in flesh. Now people are defending Hef, testifying to his long-lasting libido. Ew.

More ew: A giant uproar about Katherine Heigl's being 20 minutes late to The Book of Mormon, disrupting viewers with these antics and then smoking an electric cigarette during the show. No manners. If I were rich, I'd still get to the show on time.

A special shout-out to John Amos, one of Dish's favorite actors. He's just so cuddly and magnetic on screen. At this moment, TG is immersed in an episode of Good Times, which, to Dish, is way better than The Munsters, his last obsession. I can tell how happy TG is by how often he wiggles his toes. Good Times = mega wiggle.

Pics of Rachel Weizs's wedding band have surfaced and she and I are kindred spirits. We have the same simple band.

Just when I was praising her business savvy, Kat Von D left two interviews and canceled the promotion for her new season of L.A. Ink, no doubt due to press over her recent breakup with Jesse James. This lady needs to have a serious talk with Shirley MacLaine, who performs even when she's yakking her brains out. Stiff upper lip. Do the job.

Who In Hades' Blazes Is This Stepford Creature?

A slow news day: Julia Roberts ad for L'Oreal by Lancome (chapeau over the "o") was pulled in UK for excessive airbrushing. I agree. She looks like a Disney princess and not the Julia we've grown old with over the last 20 years. Shame on Lancome! And besides, wouldn't you want to buy the awesome ALL-NATURAL AND EFFECTIVE skin care products that Dishbrother makes? Yes, yes and yes.

Alex Skarsgard and Kate Bosworth have split. Dishfriend will be VERY happy about this. She's been jonesing for this blond Adonis for ages. And she's not even into blonds! Such is Alex's allure.

Selma Blair finally popped. A boy. Yay! She'd been pregnant for at least 15 months.

There is talk that another woman--not just Lady Long Distance--may have come between Kat Von D and Jesse James. But then, talk is cheap. I would believe just about anything because that's how I roll my dough. The problem is that KVD just got JJ tattooed on her fine self, which leads me to think she angled for permanence with him and... well...something significant *must* have caused this split. That's their business. Let's talk more about me...

I Love Kat Von D!

I'm not sure what pheromone made Kat Von D hitch a wagon to the outlaw Jesse James two minutes after his split with Sandra Bullock, but she announced via Twitter that they are no longer together. After learning of their engagement and getting one of her fabulous lipsticks, Dish researched this tattooed vixen, followed her Tweets and grew to admire her as an artist, free spirit and businesswoman. She may not have made a brilliant decision to marry that person but who hasn't made questionable choices? She will continue to rock.

In great news, KISS's Gene Simmons and his long-time girlfriend Shannon Tweed are engaged. After 28 years, 2 kids. Loved Tweed's stint on Frasier as Honey Snow. They are, actually, an interesting family with some brains. Mazel!

I Was on TV, AGAIN!

Yes, Dish has extended her fifteen minutes of fame. It all has to do with my phenomenal love story and wedding to TG. I'd give you the link, but then I wouldn't be so anonymous (wink, wink).

Also in the news: J.Lo celebrating her 42 years on Earth, gracing us with some very spontaneous killer ab shots. Thanks, Jennifer! Dish would do the same but you'd need sunglasses with how snowy white my belly is.

Amy Winehouse autopsy inconclusive, funeral tomorrow. Her song sales have skyrocketed. Can you just imagine the Amy memorabilia and imitators that will surface?

Right now, TG and I are catching up on our The Closer. He just claimed to have met Alan and Adam Arkin at a party in Bel Air (lie). Now he's yelling at me that I'm not paying attention to Jon Tenney, a fond love of Dish's since he was on Equal Justice. What will we do when we go to Montreal on vacation? We might have to do touristy things and grace the world with our fluent French...

Chasing Amy

Shocking celebrity death makes for endless tabloid coverage of her demise. I hate that I crave new information. Maybe the constant updates help her fans cope. I wonder, if she'd lived, would she have still been such a legend or just a sad addict? Her death propels her into that dead troubled icon stratosphere, where we now can look at her talent and focus less on her downward spiral. We can remember her as amazing in those early years, which are still very recent. Here's probably my favorite song by Amy Winehouse, when she was great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojdbDYahiCQ.

Are Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux moving in together? Why is this a bad idea? TG and I moved in together instantly. When you're our age, why wait? Plus, they have tons of $$$ to get new apartments in case it's a disaster. Go Jennifer!

Spike from Notting Hill was arrested at Comic-Con after shoving a female security guard. Brilliant actor but this sounds really dicky.

Kim Kardashian crashed her man's bachelor party. This might be a regular thing in their marriage. (Dish advice: Never date an athlete. Never ever.) With such a high profile wife, though, maybe her husband will be angelic. Everyone will be watching.

Rest in Peace, Amy Winehouse

My stomach just went cold reading that once-glorious singer Amy Winehouse was found dead today in her London apartment. Not totally surprising, but still...very upsetting and shocking.

Though the death remains unexplained, it seems another passing of a-great-but- substance-abusing talent. So sad. What could have been.

Dish is BFFs with Kim Kardashian!

At least that's how my subconscious saw it in last night's dream. Kim and I were in a car, driving in a horrible neighborhood. Well, Kim was at the wheel. Her crazy ass got us in the bad place.

"I *love* your show. Your mom is awesome!" I gushed in typical Dish fashion. In waking life, I don't watch her show and find the mother to be pleasant on camera but a little fame-hoggy to undergo public face-lift for Kim's wedding. Oh yeah, me too.

Kim and I sat around while we texted. Two thugs approached the car and harassed us because we're so beautiful. Kim got scared, I threatened the police and Kim pressed on the gas. We sailed through the city streets together. She was shaken, but I remained cool as a cucumber. "You got through it," I said. "And you're getting married! Think of that. Not this."

This seemed to make her feel better. Aren't I nice? This morning, I feel the glow of friendship for Kim and wish her the best in her upcoming marriage.

Melting in NYC

When I got home this afternoon, I felt dizzy. I checked the weather and it was 104 and humid as *%&$. Reminded me of my days in the Southwest, where it reached 107 in July and all you did was stay indoors. So that's what TG and I did. We watched 2 episodes of Real Housewives of New York City [Ramona pregnant? That much Pinot can make anyone feel pregnant]. Even TG got into the cat-fighting. His favorite housewife was "the blond with the gay Australian husband." We tried to figure out what LuAnn's song "Chic, c'est la vie" really meant since we are both fluent in French. Is there subtext? A Haunting... came next, where the actual devil, Mr. Satan, haunted a family in Connecticut. A few episodes of The Office, Scary Movie 4 and now we're at The Blues Brothers, though I never cared for John Belushi. I know, blasphemy. The Beatles aren't my favorite either. I don't really like apple pie and don't get why everyone thinks the High Line in Chelsea is so great. There, I said it.

TG made two types of pasta and I broke my sugar fast with a Reese's Peanut Butter cup. Desperate times. It was too hot to feel anything for the stars. Wanted to see Horrible Bosses but did not want to hike over to a theater.

Pickin' and Passin'

Dishbrother, wish granted. New dirt on Britney Spears, and I mean, dirt. It may not be true, probably isn't, but here goes! Her former bodyguard Fernando Flores is suing her, I guess, for like sexual harassment (did not read article thoroughly b/c attention span at 0). He says her personal hygiene is not so great. She picks her nose and passes gas (which a real person would never do). Despite all the advances she made, he wouldn't succumb cause she stank. I'm sorry, Dish finds this hard to believe. Britney must smell like orchids and bubble gum. And if you love the stars, you put on that gas mask, look the other way and please the Queen Bee. Oh well, I wasn't there.

Other than TG cooking a great dinner, my big excitement today was seeing the trailer for Dream Home, starring newly married in real life, Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIeMYPfnST0. First priority: see if they have on-screen chemistry. I couldn't see it. Maybe they were being cautious. My second observation: I do not like Daniel when his hair gets too long. Third: This flick looks scary as sh*t which means I have to see it!

Kim Kardashian has psoriasis.

The British Are Coming!

I go through phases of loving the Brits and loathing them. Oh you think you sound so posh because you have an accent! Dennis Quaid over Hugh Grant! Maybe not. Dishreader, in the end, I adore the Brits -- the history, literature, the royal scandals, Bridget Jones. I have a British man lulling me to sleep via hypnosis from my iPod (Thanks, Paul McKenna!) every night. I might just name my first-born after Judi Dench, Daniel Craig and all of the Durans. When I saw the commercial for the fall Maury-Povich-esque talk show featuring a Brit, I thought: I'm there. Jeremy Kyle's show seems tawdry and awesome. Simon Cowell was awesome. Yes, I want drama and I want a Brit doling out in-your-face advice. Just Youtubed the show and it got old fast. Never mind!!!

Congratulations to Mamie Gummer (Meryl Streep's daughter) and Benjamin Walker who just got hitched! Now that's a lovely young theater couple.

In quick hits: McDreamy Eric Dane has entered rehab--sounds good, all going according to plan. I love the new poster for 2 and 1/2 Men featuring Ashton.

And finally, GMA's Dan Harris is my new hero for his interview with Paris Hilton. Just watch and be amazed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ik4QFzQm46U

How Many Celebs Are Going to the Marine Corps Ball in November?

What brilliance, these soldiers. How better to meet a celeb than to fight for your country? First Mila Kunis, now Justin. Next, Linda Hamilton? It's great press. A warped person would fake terminal cancer to meet a celeb (this might have been an episode of South Park). I love the cojones of these brave soldiers. I hope this Marine Corps Ball is a lot of fun! Why did I not enlist?

Can we stop with all the Casey Anthony sightings? She's been spotted all over the country.

James Franco split up with the woman he'd been quietly dating these last 5 years. Tee hee. I don't know what to say to this, but it made me laugh for the first time this week.

Meanwhile, Dish runs in zig zag fashion, hoping no one gets a good shot.

Are You Rizzoli or Isles?

Dish wants to be Rizzoli but is very firmly in the Isles camp. I can't help it! J.J. is Rizzoli x 10. Hershey Kiss is Isles, as is Dishmama. I've been very empowered by all the female-focused shows. All you need is a strong babe (or two) at the helm, give her sass and surround her with intriguing characters. It hasn't been working as well with guy focused shows: Men of a Certain Age, the new Saved by the Bell actor law show (Bash & Turner?), Big Shots, The Defendants, etc...Even in Mad Men, you need some vixens in great clothes.

Today in gossip: Rumors of J.Lo cheating with the Brad Pitt of Cuba who is now accused of something like sexual battery? Not appealing or resembling the truth. Whispers of impending split between Russell Brand and Katy Perry. I'm so very bored. Perhaps I'm developing standards. Say it ain't so. Looking furiously for episode of Real Housewives of New York City.

How Could It Be Sunday Already?

A newsy weekend with Casey Anthony released and Harry Potter's blowout record-breaking weekend. I missed the Harry Potter phenomenon but Hershey Kiss might have convinced me to do the Orlando theme park thing. Why not dive into the magical world of J.K. Rowling, head first?

Dish tends to live on the darker side and delved into Season 3 of Damages where the excellent Patty Hewes kicks butt every day. I've been feeling powerless of late and am looking to those strong powerful role models for strength. I might even take karate where I can kick real butt to build my strength. As is, I feel sapped. Karate school suggestions are welcome.

These scenes will have to sustain me for now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjJC7c-qyfw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zicgut4gpwU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ep59YP_rqQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6XQHYC_d_k&feature=related

The Elephant in the Room

For a few years now I've wondered when Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony would divorce, which is cruel of me. They announced their split yesterday. I remember when they got married. June 5, 2004, the day Ronald Reagan died (I think). What a sweet couple, though it seemed like a rebound marriage. She'd been engaged to Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony had only recently divorced from his wife. Jennifer is larger than life, a burst of sunshine on the screen. Every time she appeared with MA, she seemed bigger--though I have a large faction of Marc Anthony fans who felt she tainted him and his career. He's looked terrible of late, withering to nothing and hiding behind sunglasses. I won't speculate any more. I just hope the split is amicable for them both.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wife Taylor is divorcing Russell, who seemed like a total jackass. Maybe he volunteered for a shelter in his spare time. Benefit of the doubt?

In happier news, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manillo finally got married in a private ceremony away from the hullabaloo. Yeah, I'm sure their nuptials would have been flooded with paps. Forgive the snarkiness. TG has strep throat. Today is our six-month anniversary but he is on the couch, healing. Even sick, he is a joy to be with.

I am 43. (%&$*%&!!!!)

Whatcha gonna do?

Sleep through it. Or...
Show your butt cheeks.

Happy Birthday, France and Jane Lynch!

Emmy awards were announced and here's the list: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/14/2011-emmy-nominations-63r_n_898094.html Who are you rooting for? To be honest, Dish has been so busy, there's no time to scrutinize the nominees. All I cared about was The Killing.

Apparently, Chris Colfer, Corey Montheim and Lea Michele won't return after next season for Glee. Room for other stars? What about Dish and TG? We just discovered new singing software on our iPads and had a song-fest last night. I'm told I can't sing...

Daniel Baldwin seems to have married a drunken, violence wackadoo. Divorce filed and I hope he gets out before an episode of Snapped airs. That family has the worst luck with their relationships. Just discovered Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? Love it!

Update on Brooke Mueller's photograph with what looked like smoking paraphernalia. She alleges she wasn't smoking crack, just pot which was prescribed for anxiety. Hey, I have anxiety too.

It's official: Kim Kardashian is getting married August 20th. Another ass off the market.

Most of all, Happy Birthday to the great Jane Lynch, who keeps Dish in stitches every time she's on a screen. Though she did some wonderful dramatic work on Criminal Minds, as well.

I Love/Hate Netflix

Netflix prices are going up significantly. Those f*ckers. Hitting Dish where she lives. They know they've got a good product. I love hate them!

Today was a day for grim news. Say a prayer for the family of Leibby Kletzky, a nine-year-old Brooklyn boy who went missing yesterday and whose body was found today, victim of a grizzly murder. This is one of the few times when I wish New York had the death penalty.

RIP to Sherwood Schwartz--genius creator of The Brady Bunch.

We need a little cheering up, don't we? Ted Danson has been cast to take over the lead in CSI. I'm a huge Marg Helgenberger fan but I need more than one awesome star to get me to watch a show. This might do it. I heart Ted, especially since he's been playing these creepy roles (Damages).

Rodney King was busted again. He is still one handsome son of a gun. Even though he's a screwup, he will always have one good sentence (Can't we all just get along?). Isn't that what Hemingway tried to achieve?

Rumor has it Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron are dating exclusively. Huh? I can see it sort of. Her star power has faded in the last few years so it's a strategic choice on her part. Though, Green Lantern. Hmmmm.

Oh, Michele Bachmann has blown any chance she might have had to be President. You just don't go against the gays. They are too powerful and awesome.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGIkAglJMjQ

TG's quote of the day: "Men are from gin, women are from Diet Sprite."

Today in Non Sequiturs

Such intrigue over the Beckhams' choice of name for their little girl: Harper Seven. This is one of the few names that I get. Harper, nothing wrong with that. And Seven had a lot of significance for the family. TG and I will name our future child Preston Altoid. In more baby news: Jewel gave birth to a boy entitled Kase. Hmmmm.

Weird news: Brooke Mueller seems to have been photographed carrying a crack pipe. It was a strange, strange potentially damning photo. Particularly distressing were the sweatpants combined with high heels. I feel bad for those kids.

Random: Where will you be on Dish's birthday this Friday? Waiting in line for the new Harry Potter? I've totally avoided this phenomenon. In case you read today's Post, go to Page Six to see some weird cryptic typos. Someone needs a good editor! I saw the back of Ken Pave's head today. Preview for the new Dallas is awesome. I got chills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1mJAwoV22Q.

I don't know if you're aware of the b*tchy piece against Zooey Deschanel by "journalist" Patt Morrison where he (she) called ZD a "snobby cow." http://opinion.latimes.com/opinionla/2011/07/downtown-la-good-enough-for-the-royals-but-not-for-zooey-deschanel.html. It's pretty awful and someone was definitely on his period. Zooey responded most excellently: http://hellogiggles.com/an-open-letter-to-los-angeles-times-writer-patt-morrisson.

Only 50% Less Sugar

So, Dishdoctor says I don't need to go cold turkey on the sugar. I should only inhale chocolate ever OTHER day. It's a good habit to break since sugar addiction is a slippery slope. I'll be like Brenda on The Closer and look longingly at a Mr. Goodbar. And Snickers and Reeses.

I am an easy target. I read in People about Russell Crowe Tweeting about his weight loss. Now I'm following Russell so that I can keep up to date with his progress. Like Dish, he gets fat easily so compassion is there. This is a Before picture, BTW. Though, like all celebs who get bloated, he still shimmers with beer sweat like Gerard Butler the celebrity aura.

She was wonderful in Black Swan and Milan Kunis shows a sense of fun by saying yes to a Sgt. Scott Moore's request that she be his date at a ball in November. Adorable! How excellent of her.

Did you see the pictures of Will and Kate in Hollywood? Breathtaking. They belong there!
TG is counting the seconds until Rizzoli & Isles premieres tonight.

Star Sighting--Joan from Say Yes to the Dress!!!

9:01 am, a deli right near Kleinfeld's. Yes, Dish's star-sighting senses are set to 11 even this early!!! And yes, I recognize stars from reality shows I don't really watch. By "really" I mean I don't watch them all the time--just most of the time. This morning I spotted a bright-eyed Joan from Say Yes to the Dress, clad in black, getting her coffee. A portly husband recognized her and said something like, "Oh my wife watches your show..." I think. I might have imagined that but Joan clearly had the look of "I'm getting attention." The man asked if she had a busy day ahead and she said yes. I did all I could not to spill my coffee from the shock and joy of seeing her. I loves my celebs!!!

A big shout out to Gale Harold, who is Dish's age (for the next 5 days) today. Happy birthday, GH! Both Kate Hudson and Posh Spice gave birth today, which means their wee bairns also share Gale's birthday. How can you beat that?

Wish I'd Loved Larry Crowne

But even Julia couldn't save the flick, especially since there wasn't *enough* Julia. It was a me-me-me-fest for Tom Hanks (I do love him, tho) who co-wrote and directed this stinker. The performances were good--the script, super-bad and no burning chemistry between Tom and Julia. With cutesy cameos as filler and characters just farting around, the plot didn't go anywhere. Hero-transformation (but not much changes really--he's cool from start to finish), heavy drinking heroine pitches husband, cleans up her act and falls for hero, going over to his place to sample his "French toast." Two embarrassing make-out sessions between T & J, super-ewwww. I wanted to love it, but I wouldn't even save this for an alone-party full of facials, cake, and pedicures. If you have to see it, I suggest getting very intoxicated on whatever you can find. Sober, you'll enjoy Lt. Ahura (sp.) from Star Trek (he's awesome) and how beautifully Julia walks down halls in heels and cute dresses.

Tears of joy for Dish: It's a boy--Julian Roger Taylor--for Duran Duran drummer Roger Taylor and his wife Gisella Taylor. Congratulations to the family!

Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes confirmed for Bond #23. I am already standing in the ticket line. Officially Dish's favorite Bond, Daniel Craig has breathed new life into this franchise. Having Javier in the film just makes me want to cry with happiness. Remember how amazing he was in No Country for Old Men...and EVERYTHING ELSE?

In sad news, Betty Ford has passed away. What a legend. Blessings on her coming and going.

We Duranies Will Still Be Here When Duran Duran Is Ready To Tour!

I'm a little blue with TG out of town and me not supposed to gorge on those chocolate covered graham crackers from Starbucks. At the supermarket, I wandered past the cupcakes and thought, I'll grab a quick one. Not this time, Dish. More somber thoughts ensued...until the supermarket radio announcer said, "Duran Duran has canceled their summer tour because of lead singer Simon Le Bon's ongoing vocal problems..." Dammit, it was the Universe telling me other people--Simon--are suffering way more. Their album just came out. International dates were set. How frustrating for them and FOR THE WORLD that they can't tour. Dish can refuse the brownie with ice cream, hot fudge and almond slivers. I'll eat heinous celery in solidarity. Or maybe fried chicken.

Something else important happened today. Atlantis went up in space. I don't understand why it's The Final Journey. Is there new space technology that doesn't require a rocket?

I treadmilled a little longer to witness the landing of Will and Kate in California. The plane approached, stopped, blocks put under wheels, steps came down...and then that Damn John King interrupted with a real news show.

Last item: Rebecca Gayheart--PREGS! Last I saw her, she was on Vanished with Gale Harold (whose birthday is Sunday). Today, eat some heinous celery to honor Anjelica Huston's day of birth!

My HS Term Paper on Duran Duran--Cover Page

Be afraid.

I Want Your D.O.R., Mayo!

Louis Gossett, Jr. is one of my favorite actors. He chomps scenery like crazy, especially in An Officer and a Gentleman, earning him an Oscar. When I saw my beloved Louis on an episode of Little House on the Prairie, I couldn't believe my eyes. Black people on Little House? How fabulous of Michael Landon to promote this. During the ep, of course Pa Ingalls took a stand on racism, which was awesome. Since Pa, Mr. Edwards, a bigot and Louis were transporting dynamite, I figured Louis would get his ass blown to Kingdom Come--a sacrificial lamb to teach us about treating everyone with dignity. I was wrong. Louis survived, which made me think LHOTP was ahead of its time.

Ah, sweet respite. Elliot Spitzer's CNN show canceled, replaced by Anderson Cooper. There is a goddess.

Felicity is pregnant. Can't stop these celebs from reproducing. They're like rabbits. Emily Maynard is being courted as the new Bachelorette, which makes my head spin. This means I have to accept that she and Brad Womack are done. Tears just keep flowing. Of course, I will watch.

Click on an enjoyable rant against Nancy Grace made by Harvey Levin: http://www.tmz.com/2011/07/06/tmz-live-casey-anthony-not-guilty-verdict-nancy-grace-joan-rivers-susan-moss-phone-interview/. It's a little laughable that Nancy Grace would make such a wild statement about "knowing" someone is guilty. It stirs everyone up in a destructive way. Was she there? Harvey cracks me up even when he's dead serious. He has to be on something to keep up his momentum: cocaine, caffeine, or just scary healthy Type A person?

Do I dare state the obvious: There is no objectivity in the U.S. media.

Celebrity Break Up and Make Up!

I pray that this is only a rumor (to hype a movie/TV show), though I smelled this separation when Peter Facinelli's star rose in Twilight, then Nurse Jackie. He and Jennie Garth are beyond adorable but when there's celebrity inequality, marriage suffers. They are allegedly on a break. I know, pass the Kleenex. Cute-central, both of them. I wish them well and pray for a miracle--or that it's total BS!

Okay, Hershey Kiss, be prepared to cry that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel might be back together. This doesn't excite me, but I'm all for making love work. See above.

If you can believe, Nic Cage's freaky, mentally-disturbed-and-I-wonder-if-it-runs-in-the-family son Weston Cage has flooded TMZ with his craziness about marriage and getting divorced after two minutes from his hot, pregnant and equally crazy wife. I'm a little fascinated but more evidence of celebrity spawn going off the deep end.

My schadenfreude is at an all-time high as Jay Leno is not funny with a Casey Anthony joke that also disses Obama. My couch is way funnier.

In happy news: James Spader has joined the cast of The Office. I loathed JS as an actor starting in the 80s but he's grown on me. Think he gets better and better and he rocked The Office this past season. Triumphant casting.

Highlight of the month: Shark Week on the Discovery Channel starts 7/31.

So, I've been eating a hot fudge sundae every day since I'm like 5. Then there's the tin of Altoids. The afternoon brownie and mashed potato baths. I'm thin and exercise, but the doctor put a damper on my perfection by saying I need to cut my sugar intake. Kumquat did he say? Dish cannot be on the high end of the "normal" curve! Eat (tree bark and celery) Pray Suffer!

WTF about Casey Anthony Verdict!?

By now, you must be sick of the outrage. What can one do? I'm so jaded after O.J. Simpson's acquittal, this was almost to be expected. Even Kim Kardashian predicted this shocking outcome. If Kim says it, must be true: Anything can happen. For those who feel injustice has been done, remember that Casey Anthony's life is over...until she joins the cast of Celebrity Rehab, followed by Dancing with the Stars. Not that this is related but Dina Lohan is allegedly in talks for DWTS. American pop culture since Titanic is mostly a joke! (Or maybe Dish is just getting old).

Onward: While treadmilling, I caught up on my Celebrity Rehab, in which Amy Fisher cried about being a porn star who'd been ruthlessly stalked as a teen because she shot a wife in the head. Some people have REAL problems. Now, close to my heart is the sad prospect of RHofNYC Sonja Morgan losing her 6M home on the Upper East Side. That wasn't sarcastic. I do love my Sonja as she's always cheerful, consults psychics and boffs artists. Seems she got royally screwed by her ex-husband, who could afford to keep her afloat. Stay strong, Sonja! I'll do your cards for free!,

What's a Cougar Starlet to Do?

First of all, rent All About Eve and savor Celeste Holm, who is now 94. Then, read this article in the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/nyregion/love-and-inheritance-celeste-holms-family-feud.html. In a nutshell, Celeste married a stud half her age, her sons put her gazillions in a trust that they managed--so far, I understand, only protecting Mama's money. Celeste gets a little dementia, her husband cares for her, sons are bitter they never had a real mommy, yadayadayada, her millions are now gone. Who's to blame?

How could I miss my fair Julia on Letterman the other night? Well, now you can see her, too: http://www.cbs.com/late_night/late_show/video/?vs=Big%20Show%20Highlights. Wish she wouldn't hide behind her hair so much! Verdict: She and Tom Hanks are too adorable. Though I doubt this'll save the movie, which I'll see next weekend...

Quick Reviews:

Fair Game: Must watch if you know nothing of the Valerie Plame, Joseph Wilson incident where Scooter Libby spilled the beans. Great performances by Sean Penn and Naomi Watts.

Client-9: The Rise and Fall of Elliot Spitzer. Basically makes a douchebag into a tragic hero of mythology. He's not mythical; he's just another douche who loves himself. This documentary seems to diminish the very dark decisions he's made. Could only get through ten minutes. Stopped at the point where he's playing vigorous, sweaty tennis.

My Goodness! A Dream About Simon Le Bon!

I sifted through boxes of items in a scary basement. I was on a mission. The area had some flooding and some of my things have merged with the ground. But lo, there was my fifty-page term paper on Duran Duran: "From New Romantic Fame to Worldwide Acclaim." I wrote it when I was fifteen and scrounging for inspiration aside from where my next cigarette was coming from. No worries, Dishreaders, I will be posting some gems from this academic feat. It is ripe with embarrassing soundbites. Should I also mention that I found the brilliant romance novel that my BFF and matron of honor wrote involving me, her and members of the band?

As a foreshadowing to finding the term paper, I dreamed about Simon. I sat in a club, bereft over a broken engagement (metaphorical). The lights dimmed and the band came out to set up. But they couldn't play since Simon has been having trouble with his voice. So he was silent. He motioned for me to come over, some nice music started and we danced. It was a nice little boost and I led.

Happy Long Weekend!

So, Dish is reading more into the Linda Evangelista revelation that Francois Henri-Pinault is her babydaddy. It seems her baby and Salma's are the same age. Can you imagine what Francois was thinking--that two women were carrying his child. Maybe it made him feel powerful and masculine. Is he so gorgeous/wonderful that two beauties would want his seed? Dish is learning more and more from The Tao of TG that "It's all about the monnnnnneeeeeeeyyyyy." And big jugs.

Some sad news for me--Simon Le Bon continues to have vocal problems and more Duran Duran dates canceled. I'm devastated as this means less likely that they'll come to New York in a timely manner. Let's pray for a miracle.

And now, Dish is off to DM's place in the country. My mission for the weekend: To find my 50-page term paper on Duran Duran, which I wrote when I was 15. I'll post a page at a time. Small recompense for my not being able to see the new Julia Roberts movie immediately. Has anyone seen it?

ANOTHER SHORT ONE!!!

No time to waste but will take this moment to share that randy Prince Albert has tied the knot, as has Kate Moss!! Then it seems that DSK might be innocent in the sex crime. Oooh and Linda Evangelista fessed up that her babydaddy is Salma Hayek's Gingie husband!! but looking to see if timeline coincides with the marriage... no time right now but even as Dish works her tail off, she keeps the affairs of the stars in mind. Have not even checked who won Wimbledon which is akin to blasphemy!!