Wednesday, December 21, 2011

My Resolutions for the Stars

1. Kate Middleton gains weight. She's been gaunt since her engagement to Wills. Is it stress?

2. The Kardashians fade out and a new family emerges: the Franzens. Imagine if Jonathan Franzen and his family had a reality show. They'd discuss literature, agonize over words (lots of them) and wonder where to get a shitty black turtleneck so they can hide away from this feckless universe. For now, let's rant and rave about the Ks manufacturing overseas and potential use of slave labor. This flock of brunettes has become the symbol of all things bad. Greed, vanity, recklessness and possessing stultifying speech patterns.

3. Kris Humphries thrives as a NJ Net. Not sure I see him as a victim but the best revenge is living well.

4. Julia Roberts makes a romantic comedy with ... I can't believe I'm saying this ... Tom Cruise. The most expensive movie in history but it needs to happen. He would wear major pumps to meet her chin. Okay, too much. Maybe I'd go for Hugh Jackman if he weren't so ... maybe Liev Schreiber. Okay, no one. No one matches Julia.

Dish reached rock bottom of the holiday blues, arranged herself artfully on the muddy earth, and looked up through tears to see a light in the distance. Maybe it's the "grow light" for TG's terrarium and I'm soaking up the photosynthesis. I'll take it and my Vitamin D. Just enough time to enjoy the holidays now. Oh wait ... they haven't even started.

Today's topic: Is Daniel Craig worn out looking, as Dishbrother maintains? He does have the appearance of being run over by a truck and was too skinny in Cowboys and Aliens. Looking forward to James Bond. Watching moviestars run makes me happy.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd love to watch Julia in a remake of The Sound of Music co-staring Ralph Fiennes.

Dish said...

Genius except she's not allowed to sing (Everyone Says I Love You proves she can't) unless auto-tuned!