I'm Ready for My Botox

Dish had her first procedure yesterday, the most serious since wisdom teeth extraction 1993. Yes, my derm froze off a patch of sun-damaged skin on my cheek. I showed off the hideous scab to random neighbor in elevator and he said, "I don't know what to say." Say that it's awesome! Derm was so nice and I hinted that I might get Botox, but he didn't take up the thread of conversation. You'd think he wanted me out the door fast. Hey, buddy, it's not everyone who gets to see me in my underpants! Maybe in 1996 and 2005...

Everyone's talking about Kate's pregnancy. Because I want to give the royal couple their privacy, I won't say another word--except that I now know so much about that Hideous Gravarium condition aka Yakking- Constantly-Due-to-Bun-in-the-Oven-itis. They're even speculating about twins--Gaggus Majoris!

Rob Kardashian barely got his sh*t together to start a sock line, but he did find the time to call his ex a whore on twitter. Wasn't he supposed to go to law school?


And now I shall retire to focus on my enviable state--the need to gain 6 pounds. The sound of my bones scraping together, not cool. Thank the lords, it's raining corn muffins and vanilla lattes!!!