There's No Room at the In-and-Out Burger

I've been hearing that Jessica Simpson can't sell the news of her impending baby or its pics. Remember when you could just announce your pregnancy without expecting money? I only care about Papa Simpson's reaction to her burgeoning womanliness. Has he noticed that her melons are ripe with milk? Or offered to help the nurse deliver the child unto grampappy's hands? What about the fact that Jessica is knocked up and not married? What would Jesus say about that?

Devastating article about Bethenny Frankel in The Post today. Granted this rag is no bastion of literary truth, but it made me even more frightened of this former Housewife, for no reason other than she screeches.

During a song about love, J. Lo broke down crying. Damn, girl, I would have to. She's been through so many phases of Amore. It must have overwhelmed her. Meanwhile, my ducts are still clogged and I haven't even gotten into my Qasimodo costume yet. Toodles.