Trick or Treat: Kim Kardashian Filing for Divorce

OMG--and they said it wouldn't last. Can you see how this will prolong the reality show? Jackasses! How casually these brainless boobs treat the sanctity of marriage, though I feel bad for Kris Humphries. He's looked like a deer in headlights from Day 1. So many questions: Will she give back the ring? What about the gifts? Will Kim wind up doing a tearful interview with Baba Wawa? Poor Kim totally upstaged Jessica Simpson who was upstaged 15 years ago by Britney who announced she was preggo.

Even sicker is this picture of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison dressed as her. They must have the freakiest sex life. This is a Lifetime movie about to erupt. I fear someone will die.

DishFriendwithConnections just showed me recent pics of her with Duran Duran after a concert. I've seen many of these over the years. My future is clear: One day, Dishmama will come home, "Oh I just met this lovely Nick Rhodes at Bergdorf's and we marveled at an emerald tulle cape." Or Dishbrother, "Roger Taylor came in to have his forearms massaged." or DishMatronofHonor: "I met Simon at a drumming ceremony last week. That boy can howl at the moon." Dish will die with Bucket List unresolved. There was an episode of South Park that dealt with this issue but I won't go that far.

Dish Can See Tom Brady Crying

TG is watching the game, which is a manly Sunday thing to do. Football is full of stars, like Gisele who's married to the currently losing quarterback, Tom Brady. The two are both so pretty I hate them. No really, I'm not that petty. TG and I always get this reaction when people see us. I may not look like Gisele in Victoria's Secret, but I can relate to her travails. Beauty X 2 is a curse.

Heidi Klum wins Halloween yet again. She scares me with her Auf Wiederzein, her perfect delivery and those Stepford eyes. Fear of her keeps me from Project Runway and worship of Tim Gunn. Her body costume makes her even more scary to Dish.

Herman Cain: His new campaign ad, showing his campaign manager smoking, has gone viral. Genius! When you don't have money for bloated, corny TV ads, go bananas and outrage the PC police. It's sad we live in a world where a smoker shocks people. Twenty years ago, everyone smoked in movies. Be who you are was the message of the ad and my friends who smoke would love this. Dish smoked for 20 years and even though I can't stand the smell, people DO smoke. I don't care as long as it's not around me. The damage is done and more folks could ride bikes instead of fart around in their cars. Face the Nation's Bob Schieffer got all pissy at Cain for having this smoking in the ad, as if sex and violence on TV weren't as toxic in the media. Cain amuses me. I would never vote for him. His abortion beliefs alone turn me off, but he's fun.

Lindsay finally got her teeth done. And her nose looks different too. It's the Irish nose TG threatens come home with after a two-week trip overseas this coming January.

Fresh from her Leonardo DiCaprio breakup, Blake Lively has allegedly introduced Ryan Reynolds to her family. Ry probably makes her laugh. He does have more star-power now that Leo has gone the Serious Movie route. Wouldn't it be nice if Leo did ONE romantic comedy? J. Edgar looks like a big bore called The Aviator.

Let's Get Hitched!

Mario Cantone, our favorite wedding planner from Sex & the City, married long-time love. Did Liza sing "All the Single Ladies?" Eva Amurri also tied the knot! Congratulations to hilarious Mario and Susan Sarandon's daughter, who is a good actress on her own.

I'm still living off the high of Duran Duran who play Atlantic City in this nasty weather--a nice send-off before going home. http://s1089.photobucket.com/albums/i359/dg11469/October 24 2011 - October 30 2011/?action=view¤t=duranduranfergusonn.mp4. I'm about to watch their interview on Piers, though it will send TG out of the room.

My Week with Marilyn: I can't wait to see this. First, I love seeing Kenneth Branagh and you know playing Olivier must have given him wet dreams. No one has fully captured Marilyn but Michelle Williams, if you believe the hype, comes close--at least in this movie poster! This clip gave me chills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPMMup-ZrY4, though this trailer is a little underwhelming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-b48Aj8zkg.

Dish spent a week eating massive carbs, no vegetables or protein and didn't exercise. Lost 3 pounds.

Happy Birthday, Julia Roberts!

Haiku for Julia:

Brown with blond highlights
Pretty pretty hair. I brush?
(Creepy poem, huh)

Winning smile, strong voice
Why did she make Larry Crowne?
Oh, those three kids to feed

Oprah's tall sweetheart
Remember "they're called boobs, Ed"?
For she's just a girl...

Rom Com, no dramas
Hyena laugh, shake Oscar
brightness in bleakness.

Happy Birthday, Jules!!!

Happy Birthday, Simon Le Bon!!!

And he was in Page Six today, rocking his Kenneth-Branagh-Much-Ado beard. Dish had to Google the Standard Hotel, shameful given close residency to this fine establishment. Dishcolleague, who also went to the MSG concert on Tuesday, sat five feet in front of the Le Bons and Taylors. She confirmed a well-known fact: That Yasmin Le Bon is still the most beautiful woman on Earth.

Another talented beauty and Renaissance woman Rita Wilson not only produces films but will be releasing an album in February 2012. Let's hope this Hollywood housewife (though she's way more than that) CAN sing. I will get it the minute it comes out because I've liked her since Bonfire of the Vanities, one of the world's suckiest movies that I still love to watch. Because it's all cyclical: one of its stars Bruce Willis and his wife Emma Heming have a baby on the way.

Eternal jackass and no shining example of fatherhood Michael Lohan was released from jail only to harass his ex again and get busted fleeing from police. Some people just belong behind bars. Landfill.

So Close to the Stage!

This is what happens when old cell phones take pictures. We were very close to the Almighty Simon. I didn't hyperventilate once and the key is Don't Look Back (because All You Need Is Now) at the crush of people. Indeed, we were in embedded in Duranmania but I kept breathing and singing and dancing. DishfellowDuraniefriend accompanied me, which made all the difference. There's nothing like sharing an obsession with someone who understands. Mark Ronson and Ana Matronic (goddess) guest-starred. A heavenly two hours overall. I went into the concert sick as a dog and emerged cured. Simon's sparkly pants were out of this world, as was Nick's bejeweled brooch.

First Steven Tyler fell in the shower and knocked out his front teeth. I dig. Showers are slippery when wet. That's why Dish puts down a mat for traction. But Steven's story didn't end there. In an update, the slip in the shower was blamed on food poisoning. This qualifier makes me suspicious. If you have food poisoning, why go in the shower since the heat can make you wither further? If you want to hose down a shit-puke perfect storm, I suggest a cold shower administered by a caring assistant. I tend to stay in bed for 7 days before trying to move. I anticipate the next plot point in this story will be: Slipped in the shower because of food poisoning due to exhaustion.

Amy Winehouse's official cause of death: too much booze.

Duran Duran at MSG Tonight!

I'm revving up the 80s pop engine and getting ready to hit MSG. I will breeze in as the opening band plays because I don't do General Admission even though I have a GA ticket. Cannot wait to see the boys again! Surely, the sight of Simon, Roger, John and Nick will cure my ailments. Dish is back to wearing eyeliner again, thank heavens.

New candidate for celebrity landfill: Michael Lohan was arrested for domestic violence, i.e beating the crap out of Kate Major, his ex-fiancee. At least he keeps himself in the news. And his sweet daughter is allegedly posing for Playboy. Great! Because she's such a sex symbol...

Darrell Hammond comes clean about all his drug abuse. Dish has a friend who spent a lot of time with him before SNL. Boy do I have stories. They will go to my grave.

The Beaver starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster: Touching in areas, really ridiculous, absolutely NO vagina innuendo.

Shutter Island starring Leonardo DiCaprio: Unwatchable even as live streaming.

Happy Birthday, J.J.!!!!!

Why I love J.J. (who is freakishly old today):

He's very good-looking and resembles Hugh Jackman, but with an edge.

He's one of the few who can handle my huge red hair, but he curses all the way through the appointment.

He calls me a c*nt, which no one has ever done and he seems to appreciate the irony.

His hyperbole is not to be missed: "_____ was the best film in cinema." "Her feet were so deformed, they looked like penises!"

He is always himself. Nothing more, nothing less. And you always want more.


In more unimportant news: Madonna's brother living under a bridge. It's still bigger than my apartment. Walking home today, I could feel that special Duran Duran magic under the cement. I know exactly where they are, but I am civilized...and I am sick so I went directly home. The sad thing is that I am very under the weather and I will be inconsolable if I can't rally for tomorrow's concert. TG might have to go in my place.

You know Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi are going to get their own reality show. Jail-bait Courtney and Doug were kicked out of the pumpkin patch for being inappropriate.

Desperate Housewives: Lynette and Tom belong together. All the housewives are going to jail, just like in Seinfeld.

The Good Wife: Julianna's maroon suit was to die for. The evil wife-killer reminds me of an ex. Feel that Alan Cummings should be my new best friend.

That is all.

There's No Room at the In-and-Out Burger

I've been hearing that Jessica Simpson can't sell the news of her impending baby or its pics. Remember when you could just announce your pregnancy without expecting money? I only care about Papa Simpson's reaction to her burgeoning womanliness. Has he noticed that her melons are ripe with milk? Or offered to help the nurse deliver the child unto grampappy's hands? What about the fact that Jessica is knocked up and not married? What would Jesus say about that?

Devastating article about Bethenny Frankel in The Post today. Granted this rag is no bastion of literary truth, but it made me even more frightened of this former Housewife, for no reason other than she screeches.

During a song about love, J. Lo broke down crying. Damn, girl, I would have to. She's been through so many phases of Amore. It must have overwhelmed her. Meanwhile, my ducts are still clogged and I haven't even gotten into my Qasimodo costume yet. Toodles.

Glamorous Dish

As I write this, I have a hot compress under my right eye which is fostering a freakish clogged duct just in time for Halloween. The doctor says I have to just wait and heat it and the swelling will go down. I've tried to go out in public but, as Kramer says, I'm hideous. No eyeliner or mascara. I hope within a week, I can return to thick swipes of black goo on my lashes and under my eyes. Just like Cleopatra.

It's been a slow gossip day except NewDishfriend went to Duran Duran in Chicago and Simon Le Bon kissed her hand. My mind can't even grasp this but it's clear she's been blessed for life. TG and I just watched Cedar Rapids and I want to know if the fart John C. Reilly lit at the end was real. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds were seen canoodling and Sandra Bullock was in close proximity. Three-way?

This porridge is too cold!

Lindsay and her long, flowing "blonde" locks showed up at the morgue a 5:30 am then supplied the staff with cupcakes and burgers. At noontime, when the employees were happily munching on their carbohydrates and processed beef, she snuck into the embalming room. She tiptoed to the forbidden cabinet, letting her eyes sweep the room. Oh these darlings, didn't they know who they were dealing with? Actress, singer, crotch-flasher. She opened one of the white wooden cabinets and saw a large bottle filled with amber liquid. "Mmmm..." she purred and pulled it from the shelf. She took a long chug of the brew. "Just right..." she said. Just kidding! Dish would forget all misdeeds for a few cupcakes and burgers. Well done, Linz!

6 staffers from Michelle Bachmann's NH team quit. Wonder why. Maybe she forgot the burgers and cupcakes.

Ashton Kutcher has released what sounds like a lame video about the truth in media and how lies spread on the Internets. I don't feel like watching it...okay I will. I just did. The truth about media and literature. Heartfelt, earnest, flashing ringless ring finger the whole time. WE ARE BEING PLAYED. I don't think anything much is going on here.

Hershey, I hate to break it to you but it seems Jessica Biel is back with Justin Timberlake. It's a sad day.

Gaddafi Dead?

I'm having a hard time grasping that so many tyrannical leaders have been killed this year. We are free! Yay! The world is a better place, prosperity reigns and we will have no more violence or crazy a-holes rambling at the podium. Oh wait...I forgot about Congress. I suggest avoiding graphic images of the Heinous Highness dying even though it's so tempting. Read Foucault's Discipline and Punish instead.

Do I dare say it? Lindsay Lohan 40 minutes late to her community service at the morgue today. Someone needs to set her alarm clock earlier and just haul her butt where she needs to go. Or put her in jail.

JJ just texted me, asking me if I've seen Gale Harold in The Unseen. Do gay bears have anonymous sex in the woods? He's so brilliant in this, I'm scared for the people living in his brain. Or maybe it's called acting.

Should I be shunned for thinking The A List: Dallas is more civilized than New York?

Last question: Dish has seats in the General Admission section near the front at MSG for next week's Duran Duran (yes, I'm going again). I am too damn old to stand in a line to get in early to rush up to the front and hyperventilate. Will I be allowed entry if I go at the last minute? At this moment, a friend of mine is at their concert in Chicago. Envious.

Bienvenue à la Nouvelle Sarkozy Daughtaire!

It's all about les bébé as Mr. Le Short President Sarkozy and son modèle wife (qui a slept avec Mick Jagger, le ewwww) a welcomed une petite mignone little girl aujourd'hui. Son name--we ne savons pas yet, but because ce sont les célébrités, je guess ça va être something like "Runny Brie Sarkozy" or "Get-Cozy Sarkozy" Big felicitations aux parents!

In autre bébé news: Les L&O veterans Mariska Hargitay et Peter Hermann on adopté un baby boy. Maintenant, ils ont 3 bébés. Est-ce que c'est my imagination or does Mariska devient more et more belle each year?

Une tragédie: Demi Moore a dropped beaucoup de weight. Elle est officiellement une skeletrice. Je can so relate. Quand je suis stressed, je stop eating, too. Je look awesome dans les clothes quand je don't eat, mais je feel like merde. J'espère que Demi refinds son "inner-Twinkie-eater" ASAP.

La Lohan est dans la jail parce qu'elle a effed up encore!

Are Ron Paul and John Mahoney Twins?

Just watched the Republican debate and feel very warmly toward Ron Paul. But maybe it's because he reminds me of...

Star Sighting--Peter Scolari!!!

5:14pm, Trader Joes on UWS: Our favorite Bosom Buddy exited with what looked like an offspring. Peter Scolari, chewing gum, seemed confused, which is perfectly understandable considering that the TJ on Broadway and 72nd is a big mess. Don't you remember how brilliant Peter was in Bosom Buddies and Newhart? What is he doing now? Why isn't he EVERYWHERE? Maybe because he seems sane.

Speaking of sane...Shia LaBeouf got his ass kicked in a boozy brawl. I feel evil for my schadenfreude. Lindsay Lohan might be going back to jail, too, and I forget why. Does it matter? Jennifer Aniston wore a plunging neckline dress to some ass affair. The world is going to hell!

Here's proof: I just got caught up with my A-List: New York reunion and felt myself--self-loathing at 11 over this--liking Reichen, Ryan and Derek and feeling bad for Austin. What's wrong with Dish?

Go See Duran Duran, If You Can

Behold this sh*tty picture, taken by Dish. The blob in the middle is a Simon/John/Dom roast beef sandwich. We got our pic taken by DD's FB team. Then Dish's "Nice butt, Nick" tweet showed up on the Jumbotron during Tiger Tiger. Our seats faced Nick Rhodes's ass so what else could I tweet? Simon's voice has never sounded better. Whatever witch doctor he visited while resting his vocal cords cured him. It was a visual orgy of flashing lights, video clips, triumphant guitars, drums and keyboard--and my new favorite person, Chastity Ashley, on percussion. That Gingie's hair swung to and fro as she wildly got into the music. We had a blast--well, I did. TG tolerated it and admitted they were "show men." Best songs: Before the Rain, Safe, The Reflex, Blame the Machines, Leave a Light On, View to a Kill. Oh hell...it was all good. And I get to see them again in a week!

Serious News: Giuliana Rancik has announced she has early stage breast cancer. This seems too much as she and her husband have faced much heartbreak in trying to conceive a child with no luck. They need some good news.

Here's great news! Steven Seagal has been ordained as a border sheriff in Texas so he'll be pushing back those illegals--Seagal-style.

Susan Sarandon called the pope a Nazi. A gray area and a bit much as far as comments go. Can't we leave Germany alone? I'm not saying forgive/forget but just chill and stop the hyperbole.

On the Road

Zachary Quinto-gay...YAY!
J. Lo spotted out with Bradley Cooper again. not sure if I get it but Ok. it's a logical Affleckian pairing.
Poor Tone Loc collapsed during concert due to "seizure" which turned out to be extreme exhaustion. Dish tired too.

But first Duran Duran...in four hours!!!

Terse Post in DC

Dish in same city as Duran Duran. I know which hotel they're in!!! Quick news: Catherine Bell and no-name husband separate after 17 years. WTF, Catherine? You're so perfect. Why this? By contrast, Shannen Doherty married for third time. Charlie's Angels canceled. Yish. Maybe Minka should get back together with Derek. Larry Hagman has cancer but he says it's very common and treatable (prostate?).

With most excellent Dish family. Enjoying what's most important. Family, nature, then Duran Duran.

There's Really Nothing Going On...

Um, it's raining in NYC. TG is eating my lunch. Charlie Sheen keeps dissing his wives, then going out with them for dinner. Beyonce and Jessica Simpson have bumps. There's a moving van outside of Ashton and Demi's home. What are the real stories of the day?

Dish is packing, tying up loose ends before trip to D.C. TG always packs in the last thirty seconds and is loosey goosey about travel. I'm folding laundry, gathering my tickets, cleaning litter box. Frantic.

Will keep you abreast with all the news while I'm en route.

In 69 Hours, I Will Turn 14 Again...

...as long as I pack the Duran Duran tickets to DAR Constitution Hall for Sunday. TG is screaming his anxiety that I might leave them at home. Seriously, though, we're bargaining. I have to go to Duran Duran, therefore you must do dishes for a week. I am Dish, so why should I wash them? Isn't that what husbands are for? I'll take some juicy pics while I'm there and post.

Whitney Houston wouldn't buckle her seatbelt for some reason and was almost kicked off the plane. The girl was exhausted, leave her along. BobbBAY!!! The flight attendant had to buckle her in. Vile. I swear, if I meet a mean celeb, they are dead to me. In other a-hole behavior, Lindsay Lohan got booted from her community service at a women's center because she was a big old pain in the ass. Of course, she blames the center, saying they were mean. Landfill?

TG and I watch reruns of Frasier. It's the best thing Kelsey Grammer has ever done. I can't imagine how crappy Boss must be. In the previews, I keep expected him to deliver a quippy line and ask Niles to go to Le Cigale Volant. These days, Kelsey seems gross after dumping his wife so strategically and getting married five minutes later. But you have to admit, he does some things very well--like Frasier. After all his personal stuff--the yuck of which has followed him for decades, i.e. he was never a saint--sours me on continuing to follow his career. Boo. I forgave Woody Allen eventually for effing his daughter. He did marry her, as TG points out.

Celebrity vegetarians: Alec Baldwin, Carrie Underwood, Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Clinton, Anne Hathaway, Brad Pitt

Oh...

...and 4 days remain until Dish and TG see Duran Duran in concert in D.C. I can't think too much about it otherwise I'll get nervous, but I can watch videos. Here's "Lonely in Your Nightmare": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGdLNbIc2ZA&feature=relmfu. My 14 y.o. heart thought, OMG, they are so into other cultures and how sweet that Simon wants to care for a woman writhing on a bed.

Happy Birthday, Hugh Jackman!

Dishfriend Mel is in love with Hugh so am sending out big b-day wishes. I'm not sure he would return the love but that's okay. He can torture us with his sculpted abs, positive attitude and sardonic glances. Mel is also in love with Alex Skaarsbar who is newly single.

Some people are saying the Gene Simmons/Shannon Tweed marriage is a sham. Sorry but after 28 years, Shannon and Gene have earned the right to do whatever the eff they want with their marriage. They could both dress up as eggs and get their freaks on.

Ashton's alleged barfly tryst Sarah Leal allegedly alleges she and Ashton had sex for two hours. LIGHTWEIGHTS!

Just watched the Anderson episode with Carre Otis who dished on her abusive marriage to Mickey Rourke. She looked serene and fabulous with nice alleged cheek implants and those signature puffy lips. Did a quick search on IMDB to find out she is two months younger than I am--though heroin and Mickey might have aged her some, she still seems older than 43. Or maybe I am still 15. I hope I look half as good when I'm her age. Good for her to stand up against spousal abuse.

Nothing makes Dish happier than to see "Bikini Babes with Cellulite." I always wonder how the celebs stay so toned. Turns out, many are not flawless and that's just awesome (Paris, Eva, Britney, Julia). Dish will wear her bikini with pride. Can you tell Dish is suddenly obsessed with weight since being 43 means that everything STICKS TO THE A**? Three cookies later...

Thank You, Doris Belack!

Say a prayer for the life and work of actress Doris Belack who left us at age 85. Especially loved her on L&O and in Tootsie. She's one of those personalities you recognize that adds spice. Sad.

In preggo news: Jessica Simpson is most likely pregs. She's puffy, hiding her belly, wearing a lot of black, on the verge of marriage--you do the math. I wonder if Papa Simpson will film the delivery. Now everyone is talking about Beyonce's "fake" baby bump folding in on itself. It does look strange when she sits down but Beyonce is magic. The bump has changed sizes in reverse from the beginning. Of course, she can make a baby fold in on itself. And Beyonce-Z baby is gonna come out singing. Tori Spelling gave birth to Hattie Margaret McDermott yesterday. I just hope her boobs don't look so strange anymore as in last season. Aniston's looking a little preggo but more like hormone shot preggo. Ugh. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Page Six reports that Derek Jeter is pursuing Minka Kelly again. Do they ever listen? Never get back with an ex. Never. You're doing great on Charlie's Angels. Everyone knows you're gorgeous. Derek's season tanked and he's got free time. You don't. Plus, I have a friend who's in love with him so step off, b*tch. But seriously, Derek will never settle down, like George.

Review of The Town. It's like Heat only set in Boston and without the geezers and sexy robbery music. Jon Hamm plays the Al Pacino role, Ben Affleck is Robert De Niro, Rebecca Hall is Judging Amy and Jeremy Renner is Val Kilmer. Still a good movie.

Cheaterville.com offered Kat Von D $$$ to endorse their site. Dish checked it out and laughed out loud at the list of cheaters and bitter exes reporting them. It's like a database of cheaters. I wonder if they get their butts sued....

Conrad Murray trial and, ugh, showing MJ's naked body. Please. No more. Why did I look? I don't want to see naked bodies unless at the Met. Going through a prude phase otherwise known as being 43.

This Really Scares Me

I'm all for Julia playing a bad guy, but this...this is bordering on Elizabeth and we can't have that. Oh, Julia. She might have a heart of gold underneath the wickedness. After all, she's just a girl, standing in front of a princess, asking her to love her wicked stepmother.

I've reached an age where I can't stand yelling. I love my Rosie O'Donnell but am reluctant to invest in her next show (was devastated twice when she left) just because of the yelling. Bethenny Frankel was enjoyable on RHoNY, the single underdog who worked hard. Then she shot to fame and is now yelling all the time, complaining about how busy she is. And now...I guess she claims she was lost at sea. This article cracked me up. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/07/bethenny-frankel-lost-at-sea-story-scam-lies_n_1000571.html?ref=mostpopular

Al Sharpton is for Occupy Wall Street, which means that TG is now on board.

Beatle Marries

Paul McCartney got hitched to Nancy Shevell. She's hot with that awesome long, straight hair. Quick poll: How long do you take to get ready in the morning? Is under 20 minutes acceptable? Happy marriage to these two. What is Heather Mills doing to cope?

TG and high-powered lawyer brother taunted me with the following absurd lie that even more absurdly I believed for 30 seconds: that b-i-l was helping John Taylor invest in some lucrative project, that JT was the "finance brain" of Duran Duran. A-holes!

Does Simon look a little like William Shakespeare in the following well captured concert song by audience member: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WDFhlPOM0k&list=FLgKF76xPBOTIX6LFpyz2cwA&index=2. This song makes me weep. You know, if I had a beard, it would hide my donuts and fraps. I've gained a pound for every year I've been in NYC (14)--though I came to the city a stick. Frightened for my health, DM stuck burgers in my face. I started eating them.

Mikey Welsh of Weezer from 1998-2001 was found dead--another OD. :(

Let's end with something happy: Shirley MacLaine to receive AFI Lifetime Achievement Award. Way to go, Shirl! Love her madly.

Reflexive Duran Duran Nightmares

The stars I love most plagued my psyche. I dreamed that a blond Meg Ryan type was hired to sing lead (where was Simon?) for Duran Duran during their current tour. I was nice to her, helped her out with NYC info. She had a suspect older man/husband lying on the crappy hotel bed, managing her career. When she had to rehearse, I tried hard not to push my agenda. Dish has a longstanding policy of being polite to celebs in person*, listening but not asking for anything, this due in part to effort in maintaining upright stance. Sadly, as Meg was leaving, I couldn't help saying, "Please tell the band that meeting them is the only thing on my Bucket List." True, yet an embarrassing slip. These awful dreams were interspersed with real Dish waking to read The Help, which is amazing. I'm somehow feeling related to the maids not daring to ask for more and doing covert things to inch closer to success and vindication. The mind is so complicated. I'm not a black maid from the 1960s but a privileged white woman who's had everything and is lucky/happy in personal life without needing three jobs to support the family (I only have 2). Despite this, I still have mild psychological and, occasionally, circumstantial turmoil. Dish is spending the day with some nonfiction.

Inside Job: Very compelling--even if you flunked Economics 101 at Oberlin College--with excellent narration by Matt Damon. Dish learned all about derivatives and deregulation and what f*ckers the banks are. Might be switching to less corrupt institutions. Know of any?

Rumor has it the McCartney marriage is happening this weekend. And in dirt: If online rags are to be believed, Liev Schreiber was caught cheating but maybe it's all BS to promote a movie coming out. It's been a while since we've seen his brilliance. More pictures of LeAnn Rimes being superskinny surface. Dish has examined the photos, the musculature and *knows* you have to work really hard to be that thin and toned, especially when you've had some chubbage in the past. As long as she *feels* good. The body is a temple.

On that note, I'm going to take these nightmares for a walk.

*ex: I hid from Anderson Cooper, figured he was busy and didn't care, but TG chatted him up like a pro and got pictures. Then there was the time Wil Arnett walked by us in front of Whole Foods. I hid behind a nearby bush as TG screamed at him, "Hey Wil! I love your work!"

How Long Can We Debate Whether or Not Nancy Grace Farted on DWTS?

Things like this can ruin careers. Dish feels the air around Nancy Grace was sabotaged. It's hard to take her seriously anymore, especially after the Casey Anthony case, but if girls ever did fart, they would be ruthless about sphincter control in public. Someone planted the whoopee cushion while she waited for the scores. How often does someone break wind so loudly during a crucial moment on TV? Hardly ever. I'll light a match for you, Nance!

If you wanted to believe in Bachelorette/Bachelor bliss, think again. The tabs report that Ali Fedotowski and Roberto Martinez are not happy. Dish feels that the pursuit of happiness is overrated. The founding fathers were skipping too wildly through a meadow of posies when they included this in the Declaration of Independence. Ali and Roberto must stay together if they want to remain legitimate stars. Dish saw the signs with the wedding delay. Happiness can't be sustained, Ali and Rob, unless with pharmaceuticals. Make it work!

Sharon Osbourne took our her fake tatas when one leaked into her belly. I could never get implants. What happens when you go for a five-mile run? How could you sleep on your stomach without popping one?

The Yankees lost--again. They need to ditch some expensive, ineffective players and Moneyball it.

Congratulations to Kristin Davis who adopted a little girl. Wahoo for Charlotte.

Star Sighting--Justine Bateman!!!

11:34 am, Barclay and Broadway: Headed to the gym, Dish spotted a normal looking woman in her forties who'd been through some sh*t. Why it's Family Ties actress Justine Bateman! She wore sunglasses and dark jeans, walking with someone else and saying, "...wild animal..." The mind could go places but I thought of only the miles I had to run.

And not to be repetitive, blessings on the life and work of Steve Jobs who, if you've been living under a rock, passed away. He was definitely one of those Howard Roarks--a creator beyond our wildest dreams. Jobs helped me see a giant red flag in one of my exes who chose iPhone over Dish, Jobs made music more accessible and, lastly, he has allowed me to travel without hauling a gigantic, heavy laptop. I have thirteen more years to change the world. At least Jesus did this in only 33 years.

Speaking of blessings: Sarah Palin is not running for president. The women have been blasted out of the presidential race. Thank goodness, right?

10 days until: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8xxmNHYdsU.

Star Sighting--Anna Deavere Smith!!!

2:35pm, 18th and 7th: In that second, I resolved to make an effort to look better when I go out in public. Since moving to NYC, I've dressed like an Olsen twin--hair everywhere, no makeup and tent-like clothing. I just haven't given a f*ck. As I resolved to up my game, I spotted a disheveled-looking woman talking loudly into her cell while carrying her bags. Could it be? Why, yes! Anna Deavere Smith of The American President and, holy hell, Nurse Jackie (so close to the divinity that is Edie Falco!!!)! As I got closer I realized her dress was a rather gorgeous black, her bags not so tattered, her hair joyfully unkempt. And that voice, so distinctive to this goddess of film, stage and muse to movies set in the White House! An inspirational sighting.

Johnny Depp apologized to RAINN for his insensitive comments about photo shoots being like rape. Dish accepts and will move on. There is freedom of speech and thank goodness we don't jail people for their words, but no need for hurtful hyperbole.

TG complained that I hadn't written much about him. I try to protect his privacy because he is that awesome. Just wait until you see how he steals the show on Anderson. We still don't know when our show will air--let's hope next week.

Rumor has it (not the film) Eddie Murphy will cameo on SNL. I'm rooting for you, Eddie.

Why, John Taylor, Why?

Oh, Johns:

It has come to my attention through the press and my posse that John Taylor's autobiography will be published in 2012 by a company other than Dish-Mania, Incorporated, Limited. I want to know, which lucky bitch gets to edit the thing and why wasn't I called first??? I can be a professional and an obsessed fan of 30 years! I would have helped spice up the boring parts--the Metamucil moments--with sordid party tales and outright lies! Because All You Need Is Now.

This made me spit my coffee: Johnny Depp compares photo shoots to being raped. REALLY, Johnny? Do you know what the hell you're talking about? DO YOU??? I respect most of his movie choices but there's a wall now.

Harmony and Disarray: Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel married her boyfriend in Vegas--yay. Leonardo DiCaprio and his gossip girl, Blake Lively, split. They looked fetching together but I didn't see them fitting personality-wise. Because Dish knows them, right? I wonder which beautiful blonde he'll date next.

Hank Williams Jr. football intro pulled after he compares Obama to Hitler. Really, Hank Williams Jr.? Hitler, who killed 6 million Jews, really??? Such idiocy today.

Finally some good news: Chris Christie allegedly not running for president.

Amanda Knox Conviction Overturned!

This was an awful case, with strange evidence, freaky reactions, and bizarre people involved every which way. Dish watched several Dateline/20/20 type shows about this case and I'm not sure what to believe. Have this icky feeling there will be lots of press about her return home, if not a made for TV movie.

Now here's real justice: An order of protection was granted for uber fame-whore Kate Major and her doubly fame-whoring ex-fiance Michael Lohan who allegedly slugged her while blasted out his mind--allegedly. Landfill, anyone?

Arrested Development is coming back for one season. Boycotting quirky family shows, Dish never watched it but sends a blanket support clause for all projects featuring Jason Bateman and Portia.

Happy news: Seth Rogen weds Lauren Miller and Pam from The Office gave birth to a boy. The greatest of Mazels. Madonna to perform at Superbowl halftime? I'm a little intrigued. The Black Eyed Peas sucked. We know Dish's ultimate choice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzxPpXfQ8qU&feature=fvsr.

Tupac lives. A sex tape has allegedly surfaced. I heard Marilyn Monroe also has a film coming out where she pleasures Carmen Electra.

Pigs are flying!

Gene Simmons married Shannon Tweed after twenty-eight years. If this can happen, what are the chances George Clooney will also get married again, after being so adamantly against it. Though Dish feels there are those who are perfectly happy not getting married (hello, Goldie and Kurt/Brangelina!). Nothing wrong with that! Mazel to Mr. and Mrs. KISS.

Tonight is the premiere of Dexter. Dish wonders what the big deal will be. How will they top their game? Edward James Olmos joined the cast. He can be really good or really acty so we'll see. Also, I'm eager to see if the divorce has any impact on the relationship between Dex and his "sister." Must be awkward. And The Good Wife. I still think the sexual chemistry between Noth and Margulies is more powerful but will suspend disbelief that she and Josh Charles are hot and heavy. Christine Baranski rules.

Today's Duran Duran video, I think made by a fan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpoyLxWyOqQ. This one makes Dish cry.