Just Going With It Wednesday

A very low key day in celebrity haps. Mel Gibson had a large victory in court. He only has to pay his babymama 750K. And he's worth gazillions. They both seem bananas. Another victory, some mysterious buyer (hmmmm) wants to take Kim Kardashian's sex tape off the market. Now that she's married, it doesn't seem right to watch it incessantly as one is wont to do.

So, Dish got around to watching Just Go With It because Aniston can't be missed. The story is highly predictable and The Wedding Singer is miles better as far as Sandler flicks go (yes, I saw Punch Drunk Love). Brooklyn Deckler has huge melon-breasts and she's perfect. But so is JA. Older + not-so perfect (since it's Aniston, not-so = perfect) - stable family/good income = funnier + more attractive. Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews are fantastic, bright spots in this dull as dirt movie. Nicole and Jennifer have amazing chemistry and I wondered, WHY? Wouldn't they be competing? This is not the case. They complement each other beautifully--one sunny, funny honey-brown-blonde and one frosty crazy redhead. Then I realized they have one big thing in common: They both got ROYALLY screwed by their A-List exes. Can you imagine being a fly on the wall? Would love to see Aniston and Kidman star in their own movie.

Sheer Genius Casting

Nancy Grace's scenery-chewing and unmoving chin-length blond hair enraged me a little during the Casey Anthony case, but I think her appearance on Dancing With the Stars will be Must-See-TV. I bet she'll be great. Redemption song! Controversy over Chaz Bono's casting and being paired with a woman. I just want to say to those who might be appalled by Chaz dancing with a woman when there are so many other issues that are *actually* appalling: Get a life.

Fans worldwide gasped collectively over news that Justin Bieber was in a car accident. But he's fine! And so is LeAnn Rimes's ex-husband who just got married, thank goodness--it's so face-saving. To keep things narcissistic, Dish noticed his new wife wears heavy black glasses, just like Dish's new Tom Ford's. And now, here's something that will make you laugh and cry.


Confession: I watched Bachelor Pad again. The show has slid into Totally Boring now that they've sent off a pivotal trainwreck. Maybe I'll go back to Proust. Talk about boring....What's not boring: Dish is seeing Duran Duran TWICE within 9 days in October. I accidentally bought seats that are VERY close for one show (too much awesomeness for me). The big question is: Will I have a myocardial infarction?

Did You Watch the VMAs?

The big news was that Beyonce is preggo. The baby is due in February (which in celeb-speak means January). Dish thinks she looks a little further along than 3 or 4 months. I'm thinking Beyonce is America's sweetheart and has been for a very long time. And preggo or not, she danced her face off on last night's show. So, the VMAs were just okay. Nothing too drastic other than Gaga's being in drag, her monologue and flirting with Britney. I would have loved to see a makeout session but Brit has become very Stepford of late. I guess she doesn't want to shock her "babies." Actually, it would have been funner to see Kanye and Jay Z make out. The VMAs reminded me of how much I love Bruno Mars.

A shocker of a twist: It seems Lost star Matthew Fox punched a woman in Cleveland after she wouldn't let him on her party bus. It's tough once you're no longer on a hit show. Also tough knowing that you're not the greatest actor but can do the good-guy thing really, really well--but so can Jon Tenney and Michael Vartan and Vartan's biggest vice seems to be online poker (which he admitted on Regis and Kelli and, yes, it's sad that I know this). Bad things (and bad TV shows) happen in Cleveland. Punching a woman in face/stomach = in need of serious therapy and, oh, I don't know...JAIL?

Crisis: How Can I Watch the VMAs in Montreal???

You'd think Canada would want to air the biggest dumb-fest of them all aside from the American Music Awards and the Grammys. The VMAs might have Nudity and Lesbian Kissing and Interrupting Atonal Singers and lots of Bleeping. Please, Lord? I want my VMAs. Oh wait, there's Hulu. I can watch it later.

Back to really serious news: The second in command of that terrorist group I won't name because I don't want to be on anyone's radar has been killed...again. We are just THAT good at killin'. This brings me to news coverage. We've seen so much Anderson Cooper on the news and it struck me, he could have taken his inheritance and blown spit bubbles for the rest of his life. Instead, he goes into hurricanes and earthquake devastation and gets the job done. A big hats off to all journalists who regularly display big hairy ones when the going gets tough.

Chaz Bono is going to be on Dancing with the Stars.

That is all. Pray that by tomorrow, I will be home.

Nothing Against Irene...

...but reaction to her has already annoyed me. I know, catastrophes make you reach out to others. Though with 9/11, Facebook hadn't been an issue. You were out of touch, but you called and emailed people. Now it's the FB status updates that are setting off my stereotypical red-headed temper: "Light rain so far..." "Oh...it's looking gloomy." "OMG, so bored." So am I. Maybe it's that everyone has become a broadcaster (including me), maybe it's because even the broadcasters are melodramatic. Maybe it's because I'm in Canada and can't experience the anxiety firsthand. People are vulnerable so one should be compassionate. Right now I'm Irened out and she hasn't really hit NYC. Though...I will admit FB did prove useful with getting married and knowing that I lived through an earthquake that I didn't feel. Never mind my bad mood.

So enough kvetching, Dish, what's new in celebrity land? There's some news that Ricky Gervais might host the Golden Globes again. I say, Halleluliah! He's one of the few hosts who isn't politically correct and kissing an audience's ass. I hope, hope, hope Jane Lynch is the same for the Emmys. But, yes, please bring on Ricky to make stars remember how privileged they are to wear beautiful clothes and be in movies/television and make...um...art.

I had the fortune of seeing the trailer for Fireflies in the Garden where Julia plays a MOTHER to Ryan Reynolds. I can't tell if it's good, but we do know it's another Serious Julia Movie, where in the crux of the turmoil, she will cry beautifully and at some point, flash her brilliant smile: http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=81556.

Rock You Like a Hurricane

This is probably the weirdest thing I've witnessed in a star, and don't you get the feeling that Jim Carrey is doing something else while he's recording this? http://www.jimcarreytrulife.com/video-post/jim-carreys-message-to-emma-stone. I do like Kathy Griffin's answering creepy video: http://www.gossipcop.com/kathy-griffin-video-justin-bieber-love-message-youtube/.

The greatest victory is that reality stars won't get stars on the Walk of Fame. Because they're not doing anything that requires TALENT.

Meanwhile Dish is very tired of the fear-inducing media on Irene. We won't be returning to NYC until Monday though Dish doesn't want to get penalized in other areas so we might drive back early. I hope our cat survives!!! And to all of you affected, my warmest wishes for your safety. Who needs the stars when you have potential catastrophe? Dish is hoping the hurricane is as impactful as Y2K.

Le Bonjour from Montreal!

So le big news est que Steve Jobs a resigned from Pomme. C'est the end of an era et on doit mourner le fact que Steve est tres malade. Malgre this, il a change-ay le world. May good fortune soit avec toi, SJ, et merci pour votre innovation.

Sara Gilbert et sa long-time partner ont breakee up. David Arquette va faire Dancing with the Stars. Most important est que tout le monde sur le East Coast font le hairy sh$t bubbles over Hurricane Irene. Les New Yorkers sont un peu overreacting. Easy pour moi to say since je suis au Canada. Eight hours to get to Montreal. J'ai purchased mes Duran Duran MSG tickets en route!!!

Apres un long day, TG et moi, nous regardons Scooby Doo en francais.

Al Sharpton Added to Our Monday Lineup!

It seems Monday has taken over as having the most Must-See TV. The Closer, Rizzoli and Isles, A-List: New York, Bachelor Pad and now...Al Sharpton on MSNBC's Politics Nation. Once TG finds out about this, you might hear a squeal in the Chelsea area of Manhattan. He loves Al and especially commends him on his weight loss. He's so cuddly now.

In--ahem--sadder news, Paris Hilton's reality show The World According to Paris has been canceled. Face it, Kim K. has taken over.

The Will Smith/Jada drama continues with who-knows-what gossip. TMZ reports that the marriage is in trouble. That Will allegedly walked in on Jada and Hawthorne co-star Marc Anthony and left in tears. I hope this is false but thirteen years is a great run in Hollywood! Drama aside: I do think Marc Anthony is a good actor, judging from the Hawthorne promos. Such interesting timing with his split with J.Lo. But would you choose Marc over Will?

Watching The Kennedys, the one with Katie Holmes and Greg Kinnear. It is intensely boring. Don't go beyond the first episode. No wonder why no big network wanted it.

Ben Flajnik is the new Bachelor. Bleh. He seems too normal. Will skip.

Dish is getting tickets to Duran Duran at MSG tomorrow and also sent mortifying high school term paper to their management company. All in a day's work. So embarrassing. We are off to Montreal tomorrow for Honeymoon Part Deux. Let's hope Irene doesn't screw it all up.

Were You Shaken Up?

A light has gone off in the music world. This one hit hard since Ashford & Simpson were a staple of my formative years. Motown God Nick Ashford died far too soon at the oh-so young age of 70. Please take a moment to enjoy and cry your eyes out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6DMMjUYvsU&feature=fvst.

Dish was peacefully checking FB when news of the earthquake appeared in status updates. I didn't even feel it! Went out to run an errand and the streets were packed with evacuees. I tried to muster panic, but didn't have one iota of adrenaline. Discussed with therapist my feelings of numbness over the latest earthquake drama and how does this related to my tormented animus. She laughed and said she didn't feel the earthquake either and that there's Nothing Wrong With Me and I Don't Need a Ticket to Shutter Island.

Rumor of the day: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith split. I didn't believe it when I saw it and, apparently, it's pure bs. Talk about earth-shattering... If you didn't believe in marriage before, here's one that will kill all your innocence. Shocking to think that Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden are shopping around a reality show. It really is all about the pathetic train wrecks: http://www.gossipcop.com/courtney-stodden-australian-tv-video-youtube-51-plus-16-sexy-love-years-old-teen-bride-doug-hutchison-dogs-pink-hair-reality-show/.

That said, I'm ashamed that I still can't quit Bachelor Pad.

More Preggo News!

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affect are having #3. It seems Hillary Duff can't do Bonnie and Clyde because she's pregs. I was waiting for her to blow away Faye Dunaway's performance. Kim Stewart and Benicio Del Toro are now the parents of a baby girl.

The most important was The Glee Project last night. This was TG's favorite show of the season and it's the happiest I've seen him since he discovered livestreaming episodes of The Munsters on Netflix. The person I wanted to win didn't. Well, she sort of did. Ugh... This was why I left teaching.

Just saw some pics of Kim Kardashian in wedding regalia: love the dress, makeup, veil--but the hair is severely boring. If only JJ had been there to help her.

For now Dish is partaking in the deliciously bad Lifetime or Hallmark Honeymoon for One starring vixen Nicollette Sheridan (the funnest Desperate Housewife of them all) and Sense and Sensibility hunk Greg Wise. The flick is a step down for both of them, but it's $$$ and a girl's gotta make a buck and there are mush brains like Dish who will appreciate watching the contrived cute-meet as Greg smacks into Nicollette and they hate each other for no reason. She's on her honeymoon after her boring fiancé cheats on her. So cute and not cliche at all is when she wears her Loboutins around the Irish countryside, doing some adorable teetering before falling in the creek. Wonder if she'll realize the truth of life, slow down and enjoy the scenery with Irish Spring Greg.

What To Do With a Purple Wig?

Now that Kim's wedding is over, what is there? Dish moped the streets, pondered still which Duran Duran concerts to see since NYC hasn't been booked yet. I've read all the self-help, run my 18 miles, worked like a dog, and balanced my checkbook. And I got a purple wig.

So, to deal with my come-down, I plopped in Country Strong. Ya know, it ain't no Coal Miner's Daughter or Sweet Dreams, but it's got some kick. I thought I was dung twanged out--no such luck. As fun as it might be to hate Gwyneth Paltrow with her skinny, blonde natural beauty dating the best and brightest of Hollywood and showing off all her oddamn accents, Dish is going on record to say: I love her. She has a hypnotic singing voice. She's not a bad actress at all. And she sure can wear a sparkly gown. B*TCH!!! I will also put forth Tim McGraw as a double threat with his acting and singing. Love him! Here's a Dish favorite, which was *almost* my wedding song until TG vetoed it for excessive sappiness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyidx_U9k6E&list=FLgKF76xPBOTIX6LFpyz2cwA&index=40. Instead TG and I chose: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGa6fRQCfAc&feature=related.

Dish is considering video broadcasts. Thus, the purple wig. What do you think?

Not Even the Promise of Rochester Could Keep Us Interested...

TG and I spent good money to watch the latest critically acclaimed Jane Eyre, the one with Michael Fussbender and Mia W****???. We were so bored by it that we couldn't even wait to see Rochester. $4.99 down the drain. Beautiful scenery and gripping backstory just doesn't cut it. Give Jane an AK47 and we might have stuck with it.

So...Dish snuck in Something Borrowed, which was a mindless delight starring the perky Ginnifer Goodwin and awesome Kate Hudson. It's pure fun and faithful to the book by Emily Giffin, which you will lose sleep over because it's that engrossing. I recommend the flick but it's no Citizen Kane. Now, if only they would do Something Blue with Kate Hudson and John Krakisinski (spelling?).

Kim Kardashian married the tall dude and Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb are engaged. Whoopdidoo!

Bill Clinton No Longer Eats the Meat

Why does this make me think of Brian Kinney from QAF? Because that the slogan for one of his ad campaigns (Eat the Meat--oh so Brian!). Anysnooches, the big news is that Bill Clinton has gone vegan. How does he do this? Well, Dish has tired of that heavy-meat-eating feeling but a good steak now and then hits the spot. Then again...Madonna is macrobiotic, Nick Rhodes is vegetarian. I'm cracking under the pressure!

There really is no other news (okay, West Memphis 3 released and had huge celeb support in Eddie Vedder and Natalie Maines but Dish hasn't caught up on this case) except that Kim Kardashian is about to take the plunge in the most over-hyped wedding of the year--yes, even more than Wills and Kate. There is no reason for the hype, is there?

So...Duran Duran possibly in Atlantic City. The Boston one might be tough since it's on a weekday. But who knows, maybe I'll go bananas this fall! You only live once and I have held back for too long.

Star Sighting--Elizabeth Gilbert!!!

9:45pm, Eighth Avenue b/w 18th and 17th: TG and I went for a long walk, looked for stars at Dos Caminos but struck out. Turns out we found one close to home. Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert (Go back to bed, Liz) was walking arm-in-arm with a shorter, older man wearing a hat. Her hair was thrown haphazardly in a scrappy bun and she wore a reddish sundress. Nice picture overall. They chatted like long lost girlfriends and Dish overheard EG say, "...and she never had sex with the man."

I'm *that* much closer to Julia now...

Ps. Dilemma, should Dish go to Duran Duran concert in Boston, mere days after another one of their concerts? Is that too insane?

Star Sighting--Paz De La Huerta!!!

5:07pm, Le Pain Quotien, Chelsea: This is the first time I got a "crazy" vibe from a star. So many of them hide it well. But not Boardwalk Empire's Paz de la Huerta. Maybe I'm too sensitive. She lingered at the counter, ordering something and wanting it delivered to her table outside. After her order was settled, a pause ensued, interrupted when she burst out with a frightening, "Brrrrr, it's cold inside!" maybe to Dish but possibly to the Universe. I'm sure she's an excellent actress, just not too polite. She didn't move aside for Dish to place her order. So I leaned my sweating self over and called out my latte to Counterboy. Crazy peered at me now and then before continuing to scroll away on her iPhone. I ran out as soon as I could. Crazy is beautiful in person, a little odd in the face, as if the wiring got crossed, but she is fabulously curvaceous and well dressed in black dotted blouse and form-fitting black skirt.

Jesse James and Kat Von D back together. Dish might need a scotch.

Psssssssssssssssssssssssss, Mon Bladder Is, How You Say, Overflowing...

When the flight attendant told him to wait to use the loo, Gerard Depardieu peed in the aisle. They had to clean for 2 hours after. Il make le powerful Whizz. Witnesses said he was tanked. His camp said he tried to peed in a bottle but spilled some on the carpet. "What a foul man," TG said, strong words since we are both Francophiles.

Still sad about Russell Armstrong's suicide. I watched RHoBH, therefore, I knew him personally. No really, it's the kind of news that makes you remember how much -- Julia says it best -- nonsense it all is. Love is the answer.

You know, I've been reading Gossipcop.com for a while and it's harshing my mellow. All these outlandish--obviously untrue--headlines are soundly rejected as false. How sassy of them to go against the fun lies? Though their writers are quite engaging.

The news today hasn't been good so I consoled myself with the latest Bachelor Pad (I know, I said I wouldn't) and wound up in tears at the end over a touching gesture of love between two contestants. If you watch, you know what I'm talking about. There *are* some normal people on these shows. Everyone else is barking crazy.

Reality Suicide

Holy freaking crapwagons: Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Taylor Armstrong's husband Russell committed suicide, found dead last night. It seems severe financial problems and recent divorce filing pushed him over the edge. Yish. I'm sure having your entire life scrutinized on reality TV didn't help! Poor bastard. It's just awful that his three kids will have to live with this. There's a ton of blame going around, but Dish feels that suicide is one person's fault. Some people have a breaking point when it comes to dealing with hellish circumstances.

In lighter news: Jessica Simpson is not preggo most likely because she was seen staggering drunk recently. So, the bottom line is that she's just F*A*T, as in a normal weight by most of our standards. Enjoy it, girl!

I'm just happy that Sean Hayes is back on TV soon with a new series where he plays a gay dad raising a child with his partner. On NBC! Can life get better? Yes! Jennifer Aniston will appear on Days of Our Lives as her real-life father's wedding planner. I'm set.

There Is Balance in the Universe

Kate Plus 8 has been cancelled. Let's hope this is a trend in reality shows. Ruth Madoff has divorced her atrocious husband, though I'm not sure there was much choice. The Office has the foresight not to replace Steve Carrell, knowing they have an excellent ensemble. Then...Billy Crystal allegedly wants to host the Oscars, though Dish is not of the opinion that he's the ONLY one who can host. Heidi Klum went topless in Sardinia. Don't you feel better?

Dish will try to refrain from watching Bachelor Pad, but not much hope for resisting on The Closer and Rizzoli & Isles.

Star Sighting--Rhea Perlman!!!

3:15 pm, between 18th and 19th on Seventh Avenue. I crawled my way home after a run and saw Carla from Cheers, pulling her hood over her face to deflect the rain. Love her! Would she have cared if I'd told her how much Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall was inspiring me? Maybe not.

Lots o' procreatin' and recreatin': Can you believe Hillary Duff is preggo? I'm shocked they'd let a sixteen-year-old have sex. Oh wait...maybe she's aged since The Perfect Man starring her and Heather Locklear (who got engaged this weekend). Partying aficionado Tara Reid got married hours after being engaged to Zack Kehayov. Efficient! Jessica Alba popped out a girl.

Today's Douchefest: Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry are thoroughly running for Prez. Bachmann is way smarter than Palin but, yish, she answered very few of David Gregory's questions on Meet The Press. Does she not realize how antiquated her views are? And Rick Perry's syrup fulfilled my sugar quota for the day. Americans must be smart enough to see through both of them. I don't see a single viable candidate anywhere (Hillary?).

Indiana State Fair stage collapsed, killing five and injuring countless others. Too sad for words.

Marriage and Bebes and Whizzing

Stupid News: I've witnessed drunk people doing stupid things (like one famous, respected person vomiting all over walls of our house) but US Ski Team member Robert Vietze drunkenly peed on a girl during a JetBlue flight. This would be giggleworthy in a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton.

Great News: Tina Fey popped and named her daughter Penelope Athena. AWESOME! Un peu Greek maybe? Joy Behar married her BF of 29 years. Jeez, you think they'd wait to get to know each other a little. David Charvet and Brooke Burke are married, so is Sherri Shepherd. Next week, Kim Kardashian will be sealing herself to that tall boy--who looks like he's 12--forever.

Okay News: Chaz Bono has grown a beard. So have I. I mean, no I haven't. Women never have hairs in places where they don't belong. Daniel Baldwin took back his unruly ex and dropped the divorce. Makeup sex can be very powerful but the afterglow doesn't last forever. You know this, don't you, Daniel?

Another missing woman in Aruba. Poor Robyn Gardner. Creepy story.

Ghosts in the Machine

TG discovered a ghost tracker app on iPad and last night we communicated with ghosts in our apartment. I was ready to bake cookies for the ghost(s) until today when TG recanted his belief in the presence, claiming, "That app will say anything." Maybe we've watched too many A Haunting in...

Lovely article on the plight of redheads by Katherine Bindley: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katherine-bindley/redheads_b_921627.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009. She nails it.

Say a prayer for Jani Lane, former lead singer of Warrant, who died at 47. So many celebrity deaths related to substance abuse.

This will cheer you up: Heather Locklear is engaged to Jack Wagner and Snooki is signed up for Dancing With the Stars. Feel better now?

Patti Stanger has weighed in on Jennifer Aniston's relationship with Justin Theroux--thank gawd--and so has everyone else and so will I. Tabloids are saying Jen is desperate for a baby. She'll mount any geyser of swimmers. Then she'll latch onto him with powerful invisible handcuffs and shriek at him that he must never leave her. Like the primal she-monkey, if she doesn't have her mans, she'll cry bitter tears to the four corners of the Earth. My feeling is: Why would Jennifer Aniston ever be desperate? She has dough, friends, can sign on to do just about any movie she wants, could date anyone she wants. Justin's not that hot, but Tropic Thunder was awesome. As long as they're having fun. That what it's all about, right?

I Wish I Could Quit You!

I lasted 24 hours without a blog. The second I determined to end, the news just kept pouring into my brain. I tried to read. I took a walk. I read a couple pages of a Latin textbook to refresh my talent. Crocheted a row of a baby blanket. Watched two episodes of Snapped and flashed my husband a gleaming smile. It's too late for me to shut off the noise.

Yesterday, I might have seen Rupert Everett circa 1pm on 18th and 7th. The Rupert I saw had super-Gingie hair, like Dish's. He might have gotten into a strange fight with a bottle of bleach/henna. If it wasn't Rupert, it was the product of a night of passion between Rupert and Prince Harry. That's twisted, even for me.

TMZ reports that Camille Grammer hints that Kelsey's wiener is small. Very tacky and even tackier that I would repeat this news. Camille was one of the housewives I liked, after all. Millions of dollars must have helped make the medicine go down for thirteen years of marriage with Kelsey. It's funny these things come out after the fact.

A fun entity to follow on Twitter: @condeelevator. The anonymous person in charge would so get fired if caught. Which makes the stakes higher. I see a movie deal.

Former teen idol (I have no idea why, David Cassidy way cuter) Leif Garrett was in a serious motorcycle accident. He has whizzed his life away. Uck, the news is so depressing: Rick Perry is running for President, though this helps Obama's chances, doesn't it? My sister-in-law, who lives in Texas, says not to predict any campaign. Still want Hillary....

Still feeling unclean after watching Bachelor Pad.

Duran Duran Appreciation Day

I'm not sure why this is Duran Duran Appreciation Day. As far as I'm concerned, that should be every day.

Dish woke up at 5am to watch the truly atrocious Bachelor Pad--mostly to see the Vienna and Jake nonsense. They could all be used as landfill (something TG might say).

Dish might be taking a break from Dish. It seems futile to dish when there is so much other dish for others to read. I love reading tabloids but I loved more writing for a celebrity-adoring audience. After five years, what is the point dishing to my inner circle? I could just talk to them directly about my feelings regarding Jennifer Aniston's sex life, Ashton's taking over for feckless Sheen, or Lady GaGa's latest baloney sandwich costume.

What is the point of a blog, aside from being watered down celebrity theory? Perhaps it's time to infiltrate. Deep cover Dish. And as always, Duran Duran forever. And Julia.

Positively Swimming With Star News. I Think.

Ugliness: Singer Gavin DeGraw got the crap beaten out of him, then hit by a cab in NYC on Sunday night. He's recovering at some hospital that starts with a B. I fear an awfuller story is behind this, but no details.

Kanye had the audacity to put himself in the league of Michael Jordan and Adolph Hitler. Hmmmmm. At least he covered both ends of the spectrum--good and evil. What would Ayn Rand say about Kanye? To be a true artist, wouldn't he have to choose one side?* I know where I'd put him--in the category labeled: Atonal Scenery-Chewer. I've tried to stay on board the Kanye train but I keep throwing myself back off.

Has the truth about the Brad and Jen split come to light? According to Mr. and Mrs. Smith producer Arnon Milchan, Brad fessed his love for Ange and Jen threw him out. I would believe this over the "nothing happened during filming" nonsense. It's been 7 years. Who cares?

TG and I put on our serious faces to watch The Next Three Days, a film by Paul Haggis. I had misgivings since I hated Crash (TG liked it) but Haggis's New Yorker confessional on Scientology wooed me back. In the end, we loved this movie! Lots of suspense, good performances, especially Trudie Styler's delightful cameo (nice facelift), wonderful Aisha Hinds in a too-small part, Liam Neesom's interesting hybrid Irish-Brooklyn accent and fabulous showcasing of Elizabeth Banks's range as an actress. It was fun to revisit Russell Crowe's serious-concerned facial expressions as he went from being a teacher to a badass. He excels at the badass. Worth a rent.

Lastly, recent discovery: my sister-in-law knows The Monkees. Davy Jones made her tea. I am closer to greatness.

*I sided with Howard Roark when I was 22, then realized he was a dick. And a rapist.

Director Madonna for a Day

I did a lot of filming today, only this time I was behind the camera. I have new respect for anyone involved in movie production. It is grueling work that kills your feet and saps all energy. Then there's editing, which I will have to learn licketty split. Prayers that the outcome is a good one. I went beyond my limit just a bit and did not do half-assed work. All while nursing a cold.

Regarding celebrities, I know nothing today, other than Desperate Housewives fallout. Something about a recession, plunging stock market, financial disaster, shows canceled right and left, and Ashton holds up the rear. It's good that TV is being ruthless about programming, though it hasn't stopped hasbeen reality shows from spreading like baby spiders.

Sigh...There is a rift between me and TG over Cowboys & Aliens, which he loved. I'm pretty sure it's not a guy movie since I have some sh$teous action movies in my collection. Maybe he's upset I made him watch Notting Hill. And now I shall retire. Tomorrow I'll be back with dirt.

Cowboys & Indians & Aliens

The Native Americans always get the shaft even though they played an integral part in Cowboys & Aliens, Dish's mild disappointment of the summer. It was a little slow and in love with itself. The clichés were beyond predictable (boy, dead chick, dog, knife, who's an alien, key deaths), though I realize cowboys and alien movies are all about the clichés, plot contrivances and sllllooooowwww pacing. So how did I amuse myself? By wondering about Daniel Craig's diet: turkey, egg whites, water, lettuce, cigarettes. In this movie, he is pure hat-wearing lollipop--big head, little body. I wanted to give him a sandwich while also vowing to go on the same diet immediately. How Dish would love to have twig legs and no ass in chaps just for one day. Olivia Wilde, also a skinny bitch who eats nothing, is luminous on screen with those wide set eyes, flowing hair and Terminator-fashioned square jaw. Harrison Ford kvetched and scowled throughout, getting in one half smile toward the end. The most entertaining parts were whenever Daniel Craig landed a punch. He is a master of action.

What's new this Sunday? By now you must have heard how Charlie Sheen dies on Two and a Half Men. If Pam Ewing could dream an entire season of Dallas, they could always bring him back. Some telling photos of Jessica Simpson's alleged baby bump. She does look preggo though this is just another pebble in the Land of Who Cares. Forgive Dish's negativity--sinus issues.

Post-Wedding Lounging

Congratulations to Dishbrother who married his love Dishbrotherpartner! It was very moving. How else to recover from a great wedding than to watch the catty Part 2 of The Real Housewives of New York City? Even TG had a hard time breaking away. Speaking of housewives, Desperate Housewives's last season is ending a year shorter than planned. Maybe because it's been blowing lately? Maybe the fast-forward five years wasn't brilliant, though it did give Gale Harold more work.

Why I love Kathy Griffin:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZFlHALukD4 My favorite incorrigible whore.

I'm reading things about The Normal Heart, to be directed by Ryan Murphy and possibly starring Julia and Mark Ruffalo. Cut to Dish running toward Julia yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The play has had a huge resurgence but I just don't see it as a movie and after Eat Pray Love, well, I can't say it because Julia is Love itself. What about Notting Hill 2 instead?

A tidbit that seems like bs: Ryan Reynolds ended things with Charlize Theron b/c she was getting too serious. Women are such wily creatures. All we do is get too serious. One look at a man and we *have* to nail him down. After 10 years with a steady beau (whom she never married), I can't really see this as true.

So, Janet Jackson was vindicated when Nicki Minaj slipped her nip GMA. And it was a huge slip with a bulging boob popping out of her spandex. WHY DIDN'T SHE WEAR A BRA??? When you have large gozongas, you keep them from popping out.

Allegedly, Daniel Craig's ex charged a million $ on his credit card when he dismissed her for Rachel Weisz and wouldn't return her phone calls. That's hard core but I get it.

Dishbrother Is Getting Married Today!

It's so exciting. I wish I could care about celebrities, but it's impossible right now. I'm getting a new brother-in-law and he's adorable. And thank the Cosmic Goddess for legalizing gay marriage in New York!

But if I have to report about celebrities, here goes. Please enjoy this fun video where Anderson Cooper goes off on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/04/anderson-cooper-montag-demon-spawn_n_918192.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
I love it when Andy gets pissy.

TG's hero, Sacha Baron Cohen, has moved to Battery Park City. Watch out, Sacha. If you see a gorgeous, affable man in khakis quietly admiring you from afar, it's my husband. He's harmless and super-brilliant himself.

Rest in peace Annette Charles aka Cha Cha from Grease and NFL great Bubba Smith.

My last item: Don't do it, Kat Von D. Don't go back.

Star Sighting--Mickey Rourke!!!

7:55 pm, while walking along the water on the west side, Dish caught sight of a hulk in spandex and a rubber face. He looked as if he'd finished a workout on a patch of grass with a trainer. Big and built like a brick sh*thouse, Mickey ambled away, so enigmatic that Mr. Rourke. It took all my strength to keep TG from running after him. Mickey is one of those cool actors you run after, especially if you're a guy and you just saw The Wrestler. Gotta respect Mickey's workout, I said.

And now, to sleep because tomorrow Dishbrother is getting married to adorable, lovable, and fun Dishsidekick. It's party-time!!!

Remember The Main Event?

It was one of my favorite movies growing up. Ah, remember when Barbra Streisand leans over in bed to get a glass of water, pushing her bosoms up again Ryan O'Neal? I got goosebumps! I watched it recently and...it's goddawful. Why didn't anyone tell me?

The O'Neals are having a terrible time. First Redmond gets caught with drugs. Then Griffin drives into another car and police find drugs and a weapon in his vehicle. Losing Farrah, Tatum going bananas but re-emerging triumphantly, then Ryan's fight with illness. It's all just too much. They all need to go to Canyon Ranch.

The Bachelor pick Vienna Girardi had a gorgeous honker but just got it trimmed down. My husband threatens to fly overseas to get himself a nice, new Irish nose. I would die.

Casey Anthony was spotted in Ohio and she's being ordered back to Orlando. Frankly, this doesn't surprise me. She has relatives there. Anthony's lawyers maintain she won't be safe in Orlando. If I had half a brain and were the most sought-after person of the day, I would disappear. CA obviously wants people to see her.

Grant Show's wife filed for divorce. Now maybe he'll have time to mount a campaign to bring back that excellent show Swingtown. I'm waiting for season 2!

Watching Live Aid 4-Disc set. I remember exactly where I was on July 13, 1985. Chill-inducing to see Phil Collins singing with Sting, Bryan Ferry, Sade, Adam Ant, Alison Moyet. Though most of them seem baked. It was beyond eerie to see Princess Diana, smiling and hiding in her hell. Saving Duran Duran for last.

Busted, Booked, and Back to Normal!

What is up with the ne'er-do-wells? Samantha Ronson arrested for DUI (Doesn't she look happy?). Redmond O'Neal arrested for heroin and pot possession. I should be arrested for the number of nail polishes I own and never use. I wonder what Lindsay Lohan thinks about all this...

The most important news yet is that 80s supermodel Linda Evangelista--known mostly to Dish for dating Kyle MacLaughlin who looks exactly like her--wants 46G a month in child support from Salma Hayek's Gingie Husband Babydaddy. What would I do with that kind of money? I'D GO SEE DURAN DURAN ON TOUR THIS FALL! Trying to decide if I should go to multiple dates: Philly, Atlantic City, D.C. and NYC. Have never done that. Voice of reason: I have other responsibilities. But is it every day that my heroes tour? And how could I deprive TG of the joy of seeing them live? Will Simon's voice last?

Oh yeah, and Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (not Kathy Griffin, TG) cast her vote in the whole debt wall-to-wall glass houses ceiling bill. This, in fact, is the best feat of all. Bravo, Gabs!

The Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert (castoff dental student from The Bachelor) has waded through her issues and decided she wasn't too career focused and has chosen her man: http://abc.go.com/watch/the-bachelorette/SH5556990/VD55137383/week-10-part-1. See the episode because I sure won't. After The Bachelor heartbreak, I can invest in another couple.

Star Sighting --Emily Bergl!!!

I crashed into the Chelsea Le Pain Quotidien at 5:10pm. I instantly got a whiff of Celebrity. But where was he/she? As I stood in line, I noticed the man in front of me looked an awful lot like Billy Crudup. Then I saw the wedding ring and thought, No, Billy's a serial monogamist, he wouldn't dare marry, not even if she were pregs. My radar turned to the side where I saw a statuesque, smiling blonde doctoring her drink. Of course, it was the lovely pointy-nosed Emily Bergl, who did us all a disservice by donating her kidney to Teri Hatcher on Desperate Housewives!!! How could she? And yet, her pleasant demeanor no doubt fueled by her imminent joy at drinking an organic LPQ beverage--how could I be mad at that?

The vomit story has legs. Kings of Leon now canceled their entire U.S. tour. I guess Gatorade isn't working for Caleb Followill. The baby epidemic is growing as Fantasia reveals she is pregs! No, not the Disney movie that has all that classical music but the American Idol winner who had her own reality show. Cowboys and Smurfs tie for 1st place in the B.O. I'm sure this should be a porn flick. On the same Disney, looney toons vein, Casey Anthony has been ordered back to Orlando.

TG informed me about something related to a debt ceiling.