Dish: The Golden Age

Instead of cholera, I tuned in to Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Some drunk person once told me I had the potential to resemble Cate Blanchett if I tried really hard to lose 100 pounds, go through years of vocal training, then minor plastic surgery. Poor Virgin Queen (yeah, me too). Clive Owen always appears to eff up those celibacy vows. Elizabeth was like: Don't sail away, I forbid you. And Clive was like: I belong on the water and not untying your untried corsette (though I'll totally bonk your lady-in-waiting). Elizabeth got piiisssseeedddd and threw herself even more at Clive (who was just not that into her). That's the problem with Clive. He could have easily gotten a 2-for-1 deal, receiving even more barf-wagons for the high seas and twice the sex. Even if you are queen, you have to play by The Rules (or find someone much younger). Okay, there was a bit more to this movie, but as Virgin Queen of my universe, I fear my memory is selective.

In other news: Duran Duran had to cancel show dates because Nick Rhodes has an ear infection. Flying would rupture our little lamby's ear drum. Stars always provide good lessons for the little people. I am so developing an ear infection the next time I have to fly.