Dish's Dieting Tips

I have no wedding, guy or celebrity event to diet for. My high school reunion is in a few months, but that's not enough to get me pencil thin. Dish diets tend to last six hours. Good for breakfast, then chocolate craving in afternoon. I tried fruit instead and a teaspoon of honey and a nice cup of herbal tea. It all tastes like dogcrap. So, I look to the stars for guidance.

I read the latest US Weekly where very skinny Bethenny Frankel discusses dieting tips. Stars tend to say they once had food issues but eat healthy now: lots of salmon, "veggies," and the occasional splurge on five almonds--everything in moderation. I don't buy it. The stars look like big lollipops, including Frankel. Either that or there's a ton of lipo going on. The only/believable thing I've ever read about the diets of stars was that Lara Flynn Boyle ate three bites of a normal meal and that's it. That was my diet in 1991-1992 and I lost 30 pounds (but looked frightening). Then there was the time Kate Winslet post-Titanic said she scarfed down a scone as often as she could. She looked healthy, too. Now, she's shrunk a bit (to be naked in The Reader?). Hell, she still looks beautiful and not so lollipoppy as the American actresses. Can you smell a little desperation and envy? Dish's Hillary pantsuit bought in 2002 is a little snug. No more bite-size RitterSport chocolates for me. Maybe Dish should adhere to Julia-wisdom via Eat Pray Love: Buy bigger pants.

It's official that Duran Duran has driven me to get DVR. I absolutely can't miss their stint on The Tonight Show on March 22nd. I love DD more than I hate Jay!