Sunday, September 02, 2012

Can We Be Quiet About Tom Cruise for Three Seconds?

Maybe not. There are new rumors about his Scientology wife recruiting so let's add more rumors to the wackadoo mill: He loves, loves marzipan and sticks it up his ass along with the dozen gerbils he borrowed from Richard Gere. Yeah, and Tom adores cooking, especially whisking up omelets for friends who drop over, which is every second because he's Tom. He's freakier than anything we could imagine. Men, women, cans of soda and CRAYONS. Tom spends his nights in a cooler, which is why he looks so fresh. They say that when he acts, he really gets into the role, like practices and works hard to memorize his lines. That's just how Tom is.

I'm so tired of rumors and speculation about Tom Cruise that I no longer care about his personal life, which is pretty hard core if you know me at all.

None of these people reveals themselves to us little people. I think the humidity is getting to me. Luckily, my afro is thoroughly gelled down with Bedhead. There is no moving these branches.

Can you tell nothing is happening? TG, Dishmama, and Dishstepfather are all snoring their faces off. It's not even 10pm. Time for Sons of Anarchy...

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