Celebrating a Survivor--Elizabeth Smart

I remember an afternoon in March, 2003, running on a treadmill, probably feelin' ennui when it flashed on the TV screen that Elizabeth Smart had been found alive after a nine-month abduction. I started crying openly in the gym, in front of everyone. I had to leave and then I cried some more on the way home. Life is good! She'd gone through something so horrible. People usually don't survive this, but this brave girl survived that and all the years after. She just got married two weeks ago. Congratulations to the happy couple!

Okay, let's move on to a travesty. Lindsay Lohan allegedly was cast to play Elizabeth Taylor in a movie (Lifetime, I think, but still) about her love with Richard Burton. What do you think of that, J.J.? Are you bleeding from the eyes? Because I am! Wondering which bland TV star will be cast as Richard....

Wait. There's more. Listen to this garbage and feel inflamed (in more than the hemorrhoidal, STD way) by Rick Santorum's out of touch rantings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrZtlnsBq_Y.

And if you weren't already outraged: That cute little girl on E.T. might have a bun in the oven. Yes, Drew Barrymore was caught carrying a sonogram, coming out of a doctor's office with her beau. Guys usually don't GO to doctor appointments unless baby related, he's violently whipped, or it's serious. Shocking that Fury is even having sex at her age.

The last rumor that seems so ridiculous but time will tell: Booby Brown might be reviving his tell-all book about life with Whitney. Get a ghostwriter, STAT, because something else will take center stage.

Spoiler alert for last night's The Bachelor: I was wrong about who should win. Well, she got voted off and in the Rejection Limo proved she let out months' worth of pent-up wild sobbing. But seriously, she seemed like a nice girl. Now I put all my money on Lyndzi. Sadly, The Bachelor will most likely follow his 'nads and pick the bad girl who skinny-dipped with him. Mood-swinging naked model trumps all.