Friday, November 30, 2012

Hey, Anne--Wanna Go to Anthropologie Tomorrow?

Here are Dish's Reasons for Seeing Les Miserables:

The story: A man steals bread and goes to jail. His jailer gets a big boner for him and makes him carry a long flag pole. After his release, the bread-stealer decides to keep stealing but the priest is nice to him (not in that way). BS becomes mayor and befriends a prostitute with short hair who has a cute blond jonbenet daughter who doesn't brush her hair. BS watches the whore-mother die and carries jonbenet off into the night. Meanwhile, the Oz Jailer chases BS and whips out his sword. BS keeps showing Oz mercy (but not his wang). Jonbenet grows up beautiful and falls for a soldier, the one who spent the week with Marilyn Monroe. It's love at first sight and BS is not-miserable anymore since he can marry the girl off so he can join the whore in heaven. Oz Jailer is so upset in general that he jumps off a bridge. Somewhere there is fighting. Vive la France!

Anne Hathaway blows away Oscar competition for Best Supporting Actress with just one song. The weight loss and short hair were worth it! In the star-studded Q&A after the screening, I realized with a start that Anne and I are now imaginary best friends! Julia and I have drifted apart since Larry Crowne--plus, with how Anne sat, with the voices inside her head still speaking, I can tell she's got a touch of the crazy--like Dish!

Hugh Jackman is just as Hugh-ey as you could imagine, and cute as a bug's ear. Criticism: He gets hammy in parts and he's not PRETTY enough in this movie. The hair alone made me shudder with revulsion. If he'd only pulled a Wolverine, it might have been sexy. Remember: acting is attracting.

Russell Crowe acts with just an eye twitch. I've forgiven him now for the phone-throwing. His performance is astonishing and effortless--his singing, well, I would have trained a bit more for those notes. It seemed out of his comfort zone. And yet, next to Anne, he is my favorite in the movie.

Amanda Seyfried: Lovely. Looked hungry on stage.

Eddie Redmayne: Adorable and lovely voice. Nicely done Marius.

Samantha Banks: Winning. Fabulous debut. Though look at her skinny bitch waist. I hate her!

Helena Bonham Carter: As Dishbrother says, "Where was her costume?" Easy transition from Tim Burton to 19th Century Paris.

Sacha Baron Cohen: You should have seen TG's glow during his scenes. Sacha is a scene-stealer.

The biggest star of all: sound and set design. I'd never seen Les Miz before because the soundtrack didn't float my sails. I cried like a baby most of the way through this version. It's a tad boring in spots. Some camera work could have been done on my iPad, but overall, a triumph. Hard to say if it's going to be this year's Titanic (long, sappy movie that touches everyone's hearts). I'm mostly blown away by the work involved in creating this movie and the fabulous performances.

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