Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Murder and Babies and Mugshots, Oh My!

The great news: Natalie Portman gave birth to a boy! I can see the little one in ballet tights already. Er, maybe not. Okay, not appropriate, but considering ballet runs in the family...

In freakiness, there was an alleged MURDER plot against Brit MJ-smoker/singer with awesome nose-ring Joss Stone! Can you imagine, doing dishes in your little house, or rather big huge country home, while two heathens are on the approach, intent to do you grieving harm?

The John Edwards mugshot has been revealed. Sick puppy! Can you imagine him in a cell with Gary Busey, who got kicked off a movie for behavioral problems? Why would anyone but Donald Trump hire him anyway? I need to take a shower now. Oh wait, and in the Immortal Penis Journals, the reigning champion behind Colin Farrell, Gerard Butler is now linked to Ashley Greene, now that he's done with Jessica Biel. I really need to shower in Purrell right this second.

In the last few days, I've pondered why I carry so much resentment toward Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Why can't I let it go? Yes, there's the money and luxury, but that's obvious. Then the light hit me hard: neither of them has a personality. They are bland, Stepford youth with some prettiness. Lacking is the fun spark beyond the flowing hair and bulging body parts. This is why education is essential. I released my rage and have replaced it with a Lulu Cake Boutique "snowball" much like the ones enjoyed by Barbra Streisand in The Mirror Has Two Faces.

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