Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscar Hangover

So, I enjoyed Seth MacFarlane though I have the feeling everyone else hated him. I can't bear to read the reviews. Dish fell asleep artificially toward the end, but managed to form some opinions:

Ugliest dress: Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston--and boring!
Most ridiculous hair: Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Kristen Stewart. They didn't even try.
Best breasts: Brandi Glanville
Healthiest looking: Jessica Chastain--because she looks so much like me; Jane F*cking Fonda
Most boring speech: Chris Wa.... from the Tarentino movie. Mostly because I felt the others were robbed. He already got one!
Most awkward presenter banter: Paul Rudd/Melissa McCarthy
Biggest upset: Chris Wa...., Anne Hathaway's nipples
Plastic surgery award: Jennifer Garner's lips
Drunkest: Ben Affleck, though I think he was stoned. Or just sweaty due to hideous facial hair.
Most embarrassing speech: Kind of the long opening--which could have been shaved down to 10 minutes.
Best speech: Daniel Day Lewis
The hottest mess: The bloated atonal muppet that is Russell Crowe, Amy Adams--her hair was f*cked, but loved her dress and that she admitted her nervousness. Of course, J-Lawr tripping on the stairs wasn't a new ballet step, but if anyone can deal with it, she can. As always, William Shatner is a hot mess.
Who was robbed: I'm told Tommy Lee Jones.
Just plain sad: George Clooney's ugly, ugly beard (the one on his face)
Most touching moment: Ben Affleck winning for Argo
Sublime: Charlize dancing with Channing Tatum

The Bachelor just sent sad-sack home, though she handled it well. No ugly limo crying. Now he has to choose between Airhead and Sex-kitten.

FYI--TG is being a gigantic, flaming pustule producing asshole. Yup.


DM said...

No one who knows TG will believe that last remark. Is it just Dish exercising her potty mouth?

Slam said...

Thank you, DM. I'm just hoping that TG's sterling reputation will survive such slander...that Dish's blog doesn't become the mirror of history!

Dish said...

I rest my case.