Saturday, January 31, 2009

Let's Get Fat

Today's Post called Jessica Simpson "portly." Funny, since she looks as if she weighs 130 pounds, which is not portly. Why isn't more attention given to portly men in Hollywood? While I adore watching all of these XYs, Alec Baldwin, James Spader, Steven Seagal have each inhaled buffalos in the last ten years. Ben Affleck and Vince Vaughn vary by season--one eats a cow, the other, a large donkey, each resulting in a six-month pregnancies and sweet man boobs. Matthew Perry swells and sweats like cheese, only jigglier. Jon Favreau's going from muscular in The Replacements to Humpty Dumpty in Something's Gotta Give, well, it raised my eyebrows because of worry over his health. The boys are still considered big hot swinging d*cks. Now we see a "normal" sized Jessica Simpson ridiculed for "bulging" out of "Mom" jeans at a local event. Last year, Jennifer Love Hewitt's big butt bikini pictures shocked Hollywood misogynists (kind of redundant, I know) and she has since slimmed back down to a proper lollipop frame. Thank goodness for Jamie Lee Curtis who finally doesn't care and lets it all hang out. Frankly, I find this new Jessica more interesting. What made her gain the weight? Was she just sitting at her TV and wanting some Ding Dongs? Was she sick of daily doses of Ex-Lax? Did she decide to eat a liverwurst/mayonnaise sandwich (Dish's fave!) instead of diced celery for dinner? Now, she just needs to ditch the losers (especially Daddy) and cultivate her own interests. Let's all be Sisters in Cellulite!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why hasn't anyone written about famous men's fat before? Thank you!