Jacqueline Dishett

Dish's brain is teeming with stars. I've decided to model my new middle-aged life after Jacqueline Bissett's. She never married or reproduced. She and I have the same measurements--except I am way fatter. I'm fluent in French and could play British if I worked with my dialect coach friend (who coached Ralph Fiennes recently in Bernard and Doris). I've got the big blue eyes and now all I need is hot mojo, clothes, and the haircut JB has had since the 1983 classic Class with Rob Lowe. Done!

Great news: My marriage to my hot rocker first cousin has been approved by his parents--as long as we don't reproduce. At 2 years old, he proposed to me and today, I demanded he make good. So Dish is marrying Paul Mercurio (see photo), who is on his way to fame and fortune as the Best Guitarist in the World. Ideally, I would push my husband to play for Duran Duran. He recently played on Bob Schneider's tour and dazzled everyone. Because I am a starwhore, I will ride on his coattails--though his girlfriend is soon to be famous too and I'm sure she and I will get along great, especially since she's a knitter.

It's been a fabulous day. Matrimony, Rich and Famous, and dark chocolate to end the night.