Monday, September 27, 2010

Open Letter to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

Dear Demi and Ashton,

Open letters to the stars are the thing these days, so here goes: I was born in Ohio during a time that could only be described as volatile. LBJ might have been in office, but I'd have to Wikipedia that. The riots in Paris turned students into warriors. On the blessed day of my birth, my mother cried because I was so ugly, though I would turn into a beauty weeks later when my head regained a normal shape. Ever since, I've given my family such joy--Oh wait, this is not about me. Demi and Ashton, I don't care about the cheating rumors or the media's promise of more scandals. Please stop making sh*tty movies! I lost ninety minutes from The Joneses and, Ashton, following you on Twitter has made my life hell. Katharine Hepburn vomited from her grave over Guess Who, as did Sidney Poitier even though he's still alive. I enjoy you both and have seen potential come to life. Demi, your movies have been iconic--from your overalls in Ghost to your sexually harassing Michael Douglas in Disclosure. Your voice and inky black hair are the stuff of legend. And Ashton, Punk'd is beyond brilliant (waiting for you to land a great role in a movie). I hope you work out your problems since you're a nice couple. Do better projects so that I can praise you.

Unblemished,
Dish

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dish needs to write more open letters to the stars (and all of us). We learned a great deal from your obvious wisdom and obvious you-ness.

J.J. said...

I agree! Who cares who's fucking who??? Americas attitude towards sex & infidelity is shocking when you consider the divorce rate, re-marriages & stepfamilies that permeate or society!
As for Demi & Aston, well she's like a fine wine without a distributor, waiting- collecting dust and waiting to be discovered by the currently misguided public... And Ashton, He's a real beauty with real talent that has been misused by "of the moment" films & filmmakers...

It's Tough For The Moore-Kutchers! I feel for them...