Today a woman ran away from me, ostensibly to get to her destination faster but I know she didn't want to endure the drudgery of small talk with Dish. My first thought was, "I'll show you." If I were on Housewives, I'd call her and make a lunch date, then throw a big public hissy. Then I realized, I'm 43. Aren't I above these bitchy revenge schemes? Think again!
I could see Dishshrink's brow furrowing when I told her revenge made me stronger, not weaker. It motivated me to break boards with my hands, eat a whole tin of Altoids and do jumping jacks in my office. I looked off to the side as memories of persecution and retribution filled my soul. The person who said, "The best revenge is living well" needs to cuddle his stuffed ducky!
My enemy list is rife with jackasses on whom I wish a thousand ills. But I would never act on my malice because my pathetic rivals tend to hurt themselves. The key to revenge is patience and Dish has this in abundance.
Yes, I watched 10 episodes of ABC's Revenge starring Pointy-Nosed Actress all in one weekend. After learning that MLK plagiarized his dissertation, I had to take a hiatus from peace, love, and understanding. Revenge inspired me to be cold, calculating and smarter than everyone. Like PNA, I'll go to Japan where I'll receive my special Karate Kid training.
In addition, all you Dish subjects, I shall perfect a monotone, like PNA, as I wreak havoc on my foes. Right now, I sound like Selma from The Simpsons thanks to twenty years of puffing Parliaments/Merits/Marlboros/Gaulois/Cafe Creme/Vagina Slimes/Anything that smokes. All that will change.
I will be bland. I will be blonde. I will get my revenge!
2 comments:
I'm delighted that Dish has finally discovered Revenge! Daniel Grayson is my #2 in case Darren doesn't pan out. But he will.
On a different note, Anderson will be at Hershey U on Friday. Something about a primary. Sidekick and I are determined to ask about the fate of the dishisode. We shall prevail.
Daniel is hunkalicious and Emily seems to really love him. Though, for Dish, there is no one truly hunky on the show. I just love the all-around bitchiness!
Don't worry about Anderson. We might be on another show with someone much cuter!
Post a Comment