The Stars Are Aligning

So many cosmic events:

Mel Gibson divorces.
Candy Spelling writes another attention hogging open letter to Tori in the same second that her daughter's book lands on the shelves.
Lindsay and Samantha break up.
The President acquires a new gorgeous dog (Did we ever think he'd get a scruffy mutt?).
Tori Spelling gets her photo snapped, revealing how frighteningly thin she is. I want to be her friend and give her some of my Easter candy.

The most heinous crime of all:

ASS LIPS POSES FOR PLAYBOY!!!

I would go and celebrate a forty-five-year-old woman flashing her special gifts but Ass Lips has had too much work done. On Extra, her cheek implants practically knocked out the glass in the camera.