Happy 50th Birthday, Tom Cruise!!!

Isn't it sad that I remember his birthdays every year? Do I get anything from him? No! Speaking of Tommy-Tomkins, he's spending his 50th in Iceland and wearing an aluminum suit. Is there anything sadder? Let's hope he breaks out the vitamins and sparkling cider and cuts a rug in his underpants. No one's watching.

There were allegations that Scientology was tailing Katie in their big creepy Escalades. So, TMZ called Scientology and was like, are you following her? And Scientology was like, no we're so not. TMZ was like, were you going to ship Suri into Sea Org, and Scientology was like, she's too young for our gleaming ocean program where we might search for alien treasure. Thusly, Scientology cleared of all suspicions! Dish read the Scientology textbook and can assure everyone that Suri is indeed too young for Sea Org. But then I also read the Paul Haggis article and Andrew Morton bio, which cast doubt on Scientology's assertions. How could a religion lie??? Especially if it prettifies so many celebrities: Jenna Elfman, Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Tom.

Just saw this: Rest in Peace, Andy Griffith [cue whistling]. A pleasure to behold.