What Are You Doing in this God-Forsaken Heat?

It is so hot out. I'm home with a gassy cat, a stack of Julia movies I could never sit through, and a "cat" puzzle. Isn't this the saddest thing? To me, it's ecstasy except for the gassy cat.

As predicted, Kris Humphries's ex's pregnatiousness could upset his divorce battle, proving that he wasn't so heartbroken that he couldn't bang a chick. Though, I'm sorry, judge, he banged a chick who looked like Kim. And sometimes when you feel like crap, you have to bang someone. The real crime is that they might not have used a condom ... and that the chick herself felt so little self-esteem that she had carnal relations with an athlete, which leads to doom.

Who knew Arafat could be such a soap opera post-demise! TG was telling me all about his possibly being poisoned, the mysterious disappearance of 200M dollars, and a suspicious widow, among other rumors. I need to turn my gossip radar to the Middle East.

Dish is gearing up for campaign season. I can't wait for the debates and real CNN/MSNBC punditing.