Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Downton Abbey--Spoilers and Thoughts

Finally--I am all caught up and saw the juiciness of Season 3's premiere. Overall, it's moving along nicely. Boring and Boring got married and are now boring in bed. Shirl, all trussed up in her 1920 old-lady finery, played Cora's mamala in a more understated way, which was sheer brilliance. Why? Because she can't out-do Maggie nor should she try. Of course, they made her sing. Wish only she'd hiked up her skirt and showed off her showgirl legs, given us some jazz hands. Edith still needs a good lay. The mystery for me is why Dishbrother hates Bates. I finally figured it out: because Bates is earnest, portly and crippled. It's like hating puppies and kittens!!! No but seriously, Dish sort of sees it now. Bates is kind of a sad sack, one of those people that always attracts trouble. The romantic fire between him and Anna is gone. So who am I rooting for? As always, Elizabeth McGovern because she's the most beautiful woman ever and the most tolerant wife. Imagine, she's supportive of her husband (i.e. the finance person in Notting Hill, as in he got to meet JULIA!) after he pisses away her millions. I'd kick him unconscious and then make him pay for dinner. No, I'd probably do what EM did, too, since I don't care about $$$.

Review of Vanderpump Rules: Don't even bother. Lisa Vanderpump is intriguing, like candy to watch but this show sucks major donkey dong. The setting is a nice restaurant, lots of hot waitresses and bartenders and their hotness. The plot: mostly Shasta and Fresca fighting, putting on superior waitress airs. Everyone hates Shasta because she slept with a married celebrity, like they wouldn't have done the same thing. It's a giant pile of the green stuff that came out of a donkey's ass on my white shoes when I was five and living in Paris. We were at the park. 

Review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Abe's mom gets murdered and he's PISST. He goes after the vampire killer but his weenie human powers are no match for the undead! Somehow, Abe escapes, revenge burning hot in his loins. The boyfriend from Mamma Mia witnesses Abe's impotence from afar and decides to help him trash vampires. He montage-trains Abe to fight, lots of thrusting and ax-play -- because that's how you kill the undead. Then Abe meets Mary Todd, a sweet young thing. I'm sure he marries her and whatever. I stopped watching.

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