Mainlining Twix

My engagement ring is too lose on my finger so I'm storing it away until I get some bacon fat under my belt. F*kk my Anne Hathaway diet or any diet. TG was, like, what the hell, why did you lose weight? I did--but just in my forearms and my fingers. The rest of me is the same. Okay, so maybe I'm a little after-school special with my too-baggy pants and spine coming out of my back. I've been buried in work in a way I haven't experienced since 1997. But, no more. I want to look pudgy on TV again so I rushed to the deli and got a gigantic sandwich, a candy bar, some soda and I'm guzzling like there's no tomorrow. The ring comes back pronto!

When you don't eat, your blood sugar takes a dive. Then you do weird things, like look up music obsessions from the past. For me, that was Vanity. I loved Ms. Denise Matthews and her songs got me through some rough times. This one especially--which is cool since it's very close to TG's name. Oh, and this one is legendary. Now, this talented singer has found Jesus! Hey, whatever gets you through...

I thought I'd want to learn about celebrities' crushes but this is incredibly boring. Some of them go on and on...like they love the attention. Kind of wondering what Julia Roberts thinks of Jessica Chastain, a younger replica who is getting all those serious acty roles Julia didn't get till later (sort of). Is Julia pisssst? That would only make me work harder. And then I'd go up to Jessica and snap her bra. Ooops, need more candy--and protein!

So no big surprise, Liberty Ross is divorcing her two-timing director husband, Rupert Sanders--you know, the one who threatened the all-mighty love of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. I don't care.