The Sixth Sign of the Apocalypse

A wave of despair hit me when I heard the news that John Forsythe died. Immediately, I reached for the table to hold myself up. Now that's a real star. No one can top the mundane but honey-voiced Blake Carrington, the original silver fox who banged Joan Collins and Linda Evans on Dynasty. He wore long cardigans like no one else. Before that, he was the voice on the intercom on Charlie's Angels. Blessings on his coming and going.

Dish finally invested in a new mattress. At 12, after reading Deenie by Judy Blume, I was delighted to learn I had scoliosis. I happily did exercises and told everyone about my ailment. Sadly, the problem went away, so I had no irregularity with which to garner sympathy (until my microscopic duodenal ulcer at age 19, which also went away). Now, decades later, I seem to have scoliosis again and a soft mattress doesn't help. I need to do yoga, like Madonna and Aniston. Pray for my curvy back!