Did John Touch the Wrong Throbbing Member*

That woke you up, didn't it? You're wondering, which John? I know a John. Uh oh. Don't worry, it's John Travolta who's now being picked apart for allegedly grabbing a massage therapist's appendage. If it's true, ewwwww. His camp claims he wasn't there to grab anything. Poor guy tends to attract scandalous gay headlines. He's married to Kelly Preston (I love her) so I'm sure he did nothing wrong, but J-Trav is so guilty of wearing those bad, bad wigs and some stinker films.

Woody Allen went to Phillipe with Lindsay Lohan 24 hours after I was there. If it had been the same night, I would have choked on my Peking duck. Then, after criticizing Woody for years over his personal life and film failures, I would have magically transformed into his biggest fan, perhaps even crying a little over such an epic sighting. "At least he married the girl," TG says.

Lost star Matthew Fox is lost after getting busted for DUI. He previously was in the news for drunkenness and punching a lady in the crotch in Cleveland (this should be a country western song).

Today's question: How long before Tanning Mom gets her own TV show? How did owners of Meow allow this kitty to get so fat and die?

Rest in peace, George Lindsey, Goober Pyle from The Andy Griffith Show. This show bored me. I will do the whistle in Goober's honor.

Allegedly, angry Tweeters are seething over the choice of Duran Duran to play for the Olympics. Ha. The people who can afford to attend would mostly be above 30, which would make Duran Duran a semi-logical choice. It's not as if The Beatles could play. The Rolling Stones, maybe? Elton's done just about every venue. Paul McCartney just played the Superbowl. I dunno, why not Duran Duran?

I'm not at all biased.

*Apologies to my relatives.