9/17/08, 12:15 am: Heidi Klum's ex-dog lives near me. The little bitch despises me. She's adorable, like a sweet rodent covered in fur and she barks when I come home. The one time I pet her, she peed instantly. I can't count the number of times I've opened my door to find her urine on my doorstep. Yesterday, on my way to the gym, she stopped and watched me fetch my mail. Her consort-in-evil got onto the elevator but the little bitch stared. I don't blame her, I'm gorgeous in my gym clothes. But I refused to pet her or acknowledge her celebrity. Warning: For the first time in five months, Dish is going to the Upper East Side this evening. All exes (they are about 4) should stay indoors. I'm so like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally in that I ALWAYS run into the wrong people at the wrong time.
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