The Emmys...

...sucked giant hairy moose testes. There, I said it (sorry, Aunt Rachel and Mom). The opening from the five lame hosts was painful to watch, especially with the ripping off of mute Heidi Klum's suit. You know when a row of not-so appealing over the hill hosts surround a supermodel, the hetero-male bodice-ripping fantasy is soon to follow (cue: Eva Longoria surrounded by the cast of Entourage earlier this year). By 10 pm, when Don Rickles came out a second time, I turned it off. A special kudos to Christina Applegate, who was lovely and handled her moment with grace and humor. My secret crush Ricky Gervais did a fun bit. Last note: cannot wait for this election to be over since every award show in the last year has made nauseating political statements (mostly pro-Obama) that ignore the Republicans (who deserve a voice even though they're wrong) in the audience. We claim to be the land of the free? Mostly the land of You Should Think Exactly As I Think (insert stash of Forwards from former Palin classmate and bikini/gun photo).

But let's not quibble. Dish wants lightness. While I despise reality TV (except for Work Out and Kathy Griffin), I will watch Dancing with the Stars tonight. We may be a divided country, but please join me to celebrate a lady we should all get behind (if she can dance). She is a goddess in the flesh: SUSAN LUCCI!!!! I love her since I'm 10, mostly because she reminds me of my mom. Replete with brains and a statuesque gait, Mama Dish boasts gorgeous brown eyes, dark hair, and an infectious joie de vivre like La Lucci. They are both devilish and serious, glamorous and personable, your best friend and the last person you should ever cross. Fierce beyotches, these two. Oops, I said a bad word again. Go Susan (Love you, Mom)!